# Do moms still give the "men are only after one thing" talk? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 17, 2018, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-moms-still-give-the-men-are-only-after-one-thing-talk/818099 "2018-07-17T18:00:22Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Bullitt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bullitt/32/5725_2.png) [@Bullitt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bullitt)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2018, 10:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-moms-still-give-the-men-are-only-after-one-thing-talk/818099/61 "2018-07-20T10:32:58Z")
> [@Slash1972](#): > > I’m sure she’ll be fine knowing that her boyfriend is scared to cross any lines because her father has warned him what will happen if he does. And I’m cool with that. > [@Slash1972](#): > > I don’t care what foot it starts out on. I’m not her friend, I’m her father. And I’m not her boyfriend’s friend either. I’m his girlfriend’s father. I’m with you too. My daughter is now 30, and she is confident, self-assured, and independent. She is a strong and caring person. And she never dealt with unwanted or teenaged pregnancy — although some of her friends did. When a teenager and becoming interested in boys, sure I provided some coaching. Often, young boys and their hormones are after “that one thing”. It is, frequently, a primal urge. And it’s different from the primal urges of women. I coached her accordingly. Back when she was a teen — I wasn’t her friend, I’m her father. And you can bet I met her boyfriends. Not to read them the riot act or even intimidate them at all, but to establish my presence in their mind, and to let them know that they better treat my daughter well. I gave them rides to some of their dates and parties. He knew I was there. He knew she wasn’t just a girl, but she was **my** girl, and she had family who loved her. I wasn’t his friend. I was friendly, but first and foremost I was his girlfriend’s father. Well said, manson. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2018, 12:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-moms-still-give-the-men-are-only-after-one-thing-talk/818099/62 "2018-07-20T12:38:54Z")
> [@Slash1972](#): > > Sorry, but I’m going to stop responding to your increasingly hostile hypotheticals. If you have a real question, then by all means ask it. I already did. ---
**Author:** ![epbrown01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7ba0ec/32.png) [@epbrown01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/epbrown01)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2018, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-moms-still-give-the-men-are-only-after-one-thing-talk/818099/63 "2018-07-20T14:07:52Z")
> [@Nava](#): > > For starters, it’s an insult to my brain, my taste and my ability to defend myself; to continue, it’s an insult to the boy and to his own parents. I’d say it’s an acknowledgement of the fact that you weren’t as formidable a 13-year old as you thought, nor as good a judge of character. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2018, 2:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-moms-still-give-the-men-are-only-after-one-thing-talk/818099/64 "2018-07-20T14:15:03Z")
And I’d say that my father was a better judge of my character and intelligence than you are, and of the boys I hung out with. Any father who thinks that a boy “sniffing around my daughter” must be met with threats is treating her as a possession, as well as implying that every male (including himself) cannot be trusted. Is that really the message those of you who defend that stereotype want to give? ---
**Author:** ![Bullitt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bullitt/32/5725_2.png) [@Bullitt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bullitt)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2018, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-moms-still-give-the-men-are-only-after-one-thing-talk/818099/65 "2018-07-20T14:38:09Z")
That position is a bit extreme. Young boys typically have strong hormonal urges coupled with not fully developed brains to fully understand the consequences of their decisions. It would behoove fathers of young girls to coach their daughters, and to form a rapport with their boyfriends. My daughter is not my possession. I am a steward of her, temporarily interacting with her on a daily basis during her formative years while she grows and matures, to help her be ready for her adulthood. ---
**Author:** ![Pantastic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3bc359/32.png) [@Pantastic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pantastic)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2018, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-moms-still-give-the-men-are-only-after-one-thing-talk/818099/66 "2018-07-20T14:54:55Z")
> [@Slash1972](#): > > Sorry, but I’m going to stop responding to your increasingly hostile hypotheticals. If you have a real question, then by all means ask it. There’s something deliciously ironic when a guy who treats his daughter as property and makes violent threats to people interacting with her complains that objections to his threats of violence are too ‘hostile’. ---
**Author:** ![DesertDog](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/desertdog/32/11503_2.png) [@DesertDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DesertDog)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2018, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-moms-still-give-the-men-are-only-after-one-thing-talk/818099/67 "2018-07-20T16:27:32Z")
> [@China\_Guy](#): > > Teach your daughter about boundaries, how to handle herself, when to reach out to you for help, etc. I read an anecdote from the early sixties about how a father told his daughters to always carry a dime with them and if they were being pressured by their date into doing something further they were prepared to go (not very far in those days), hand the dime to the date and say, “I’m not sure; why don’t you call my father and ask _him_ if it’s a good idea?” No calls were made. Then when his eldest daughter was married, about 10pm on their wedding night he got a call from her. “Say, I’m going to put Larry on; he’s got this interesting proposition for me.” ---
**Author:** ![Bullitt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bullitt/32/5725_2.png) [@Bullitt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bullitt)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2018, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-moms-still-give-the-men-are-only-after-one-thing-talk/818099/68 "2018-07-20T20:33:23Z")
> [@DesertDog](#): > > I read an anecdote from the early sixties about how a father told his daughters to always carry a dime with them and if they were being pressured by their date into doing something further they were prepared to go (not very far in those days), hand the dime to the date and say, “I’m not sure; why don’t you call my father and ask _him_ if it’s a good idea?” No calls were made. > > Then when his eldest daughter was married, about 10pm on their wedding night he got a call from her. “Say, I’m going to put Larry on; he’s got this interesting proposition for me.” She has just become Larry’s property, so he doesn’t really have to ask does he? ---
**Author:** ![Pantastic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3bc359/32.png) [@Pantastic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pantastic)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2018, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-moms-still-give-the-men-are-only-after-one-thing-talk/818099/69 "2018-07-20T22:51:33Z")
> [@DesertDog](#): > > I read an anecdote from the early sixties about how a father told his daughters to always carry a dime with them and if they were being pressured by their date into doing something further they were prepared to go (not very far in those days) “Not very far” is an often believed myth, but it’s clearly a myth. If teen sex in the 1960s was so rare, why was the teen pregnancy rate double what it is now back in the pure, clean days of 1960 when allegedly none of this sex was going on? > **[Teen Pregnancy: Trends And Lessons Learned](https://www.guttmacher.org/gpr/2002/02/teen-pregnancy-trends-and-lessons-learned)** > > During the 1990s, teenage pregnancy rates and birthrates declined to record low levels. Even with this progress, however, the U.S. teen birthrate is one of the highest in the developed world. Research on what is behind the U.S. declines and why rates... [http://shawneehistory.tripod.com/12.pdf](http://shawneehistory.tripod.com/12.pdf) ---
**Author:** ![Weedy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/weedy/32/301_2.png) [@Weedy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Weedy)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2018, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-moms-still-give-the-men-are-only-after-one-thing-talk/818099/70 "2018-07-21T00:55:23Z")
> [@Pantastic](#): > > “Not very far” is an often believed myth, but it’s clearly a myth. If teen sex in the 1960s was so rare, why was the teen pregnancy rate double what it is now back in the pure, clean days of 1960 when allegedly none of this sex was going on? > > [Teen Pregnancy: Trends And Lessons Learned | Guttmacher Institute](https://www.guttmacher.org/gpr/2002/02/teen-pregnancy-trends-and-lessons-learned) > [http://shawneehistory.tripod.com/12.pdf](http://shawneehistory.tripod.com/12.pdf) That was just trashy, low-class girls who got pregnant; they don’t count. Not nice girls with good fathers. /s ---
**Author:** ![EinsteinsHund](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/einsteinshund/32/8400_2.png) [@EinsteinsHund](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EinsteinsHund)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2018, 2:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-moms-still-give-the-men-are-only-after-one-thing-talk/818099/71 "2018-07-21T02:01:48Z")
> [@Nava](#): > > And I’d say that my father was a better judge of my character and intelligence than you are, and of the boys I hung out with. > > Any father who thinks that a boy “sniffing around my daughter” must be met with threats is treating her as a possession, as well as implying that every male (including himself) cannot be trusted. Is that really the message those of you who defend that stereotype want to give? Just a thumbs up for this post. Well said, **Nava**. I knew girls, now strong, independent women, who would have kicked their father’s butts if they had an attitude like **manson1972’s**. And rightly so, for all the reasons you mention. Gawd, I hate this stereotyping shit. ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2018, 2:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-moms-still-give-the-men-are-only-after-one-thing-talk/818099/72 "2018-07-21T02:42:36Z")
> [@Hypno-Toad](#): > > My mom never missed an opportunity to remind her children that men were scumbags who thought of nothing else. It was from her that I learned terms like, “Bicycle seat sniffer.” And I mean it when I say she NEVER missed an opportunity. Think how many times on TV or in movies a man shows interest in a female. In my house, it would always be followed by the muttered word, “pig” from mom. > > So yeah, we got that message pretty clearly in my family. Shall I hazard a guess that your mother went through a very ugly divorce, or was abused, or was actually a lesbian, or any combination of the above? That reminds me of the women who view every man they see as a potential rapist. What a sad way to live your life. ETA: I then read the rest of the thread; you answered those questions. ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2018, 2:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-moms-still-give-the-men-are-only-after-one-thing-talk/818099/73 "2018-07-21T02:48:58Z")
> [@Weedy](#): > > That was just trashy, low-class girls who got pregnant; they don’t count. Not nice girls with good fathers. > /s The “nice girls” were often sent away to have their babies and have them forcibly removed from them at birth and placed for adoption, or managed to get an abortion (also often not their decision either). ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2018, 5:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-moms-still-give-the-men-are-only-after-one-thing-talk/818099/74 "2018-07-21T05:16:05Z")
> [@Slash1972](#): > > I don’t care what foot it starts out on. I’m not her friend, I’m her father. And I’m not her boyfriend’s friend either. I’m his girlfriend’s father. There is a big difference from being a friend and being someone who makes it clear that you think his sole goal in taking your daughter out is to rape her. Word gets around, you know. ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2018, 5:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-moms-still-give-the-men-are-only-after-one-thing-talk/818099/75 "2018-07-21T05:18:58Z")
> [@Slash1972](#): > > I’m curious how you think a 13 year-old girl is letting a guy get to “second base” without sneaking around. You think they are just going to do it on the couch in the living room while we are watching Master Chef?? 13 year old girls shouldn’t be really dating period. Going to a movie with a guy and getting picked up - by you - works. And 13 year old boys for the most part really don’t need to be accused of nefarious intent. I was thinking more 16 or so, when the guy has a car. ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2018, 5:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-moms-still-give-the-men-are-only-after-one-thing-talk/818099/76 "2018-07-21T05:24:01Z")
> [@Bullitt](#): > > Back when she was a teen — I wasn’t her friend, I’m her father. And you can bet I met her boyfriends. Not to read them the riot act or even intimidate them at all, but to establish my presence in their mind, and to let them know that they better treat my daughter well. I gave them rides to some of their dates and parties. He knew I was there. He knew she wasn’t just a girl, but she was **my** girl, and she had family who loved her. > > I wasn’t his friend. I was friendly, but first and foremost I was his girlfriend’s father. > > Well said, manson. I agree with this. That does not seem to be what Manson is advocating. Being a friend to your daughter’s boyfriend is dumb in any case, since chances are he is not going to last long. ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2018, 5:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-moms-still-give-the-men-are-only-after-one-thing-talk/818099/77 "2018-07-21T05:29:40Z")
> [@Pantastic](#): > > “Not very far” is an often believed myth, but it’s clearly a myth. If teen sex in the 1960s was so rare, why was the teen pregnancy rate double what it is now back in the pure, clean days of 1960 when allegedly none of this sex was going on? > > [Teen Pregnancy: Trends And Lessons Learned | Guttmacher Institute](https://www.guttmacher.org/gpr/2002/02/teen-pregnancy-trends-and-lessons-learned) > [http://shawneehistory.tripod.com/12.pdf](http://shawneehistory.tripod.com/12.pdf) I’m guessing that story came from a church bulletin or something. Now, giving the girl a dime with the understanding that she can call you if she needs you no matter what works a lot better. ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2018, 5:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-moms-still-give-the-men-are-only-after-one-thing-talk/818099/78 "2018-07-21T05:33:41Z")
> [@nearwildheaven](#): > > The “nice girls” were often sent away to have their babies and have them forcibly removed from them at birth and placed for adoption, or managed to get an abortion (also often not their decision either). ☹ Which is an excellent reason why birth control should be available before needed. Pretending that a girl who is not protected is going to wait for a doctor’s visit before succumbing to passion yields to exactly the things you mention. ---
**Author:** ![epbrown01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7ba0ec/32.png) [@epbrown01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/epbrown01)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2018, 8:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-moms-still-give-the-men-are-only-after-one-thing-talk/818099/79 "2018-07-21T08:57:32Z")
> [@Nava](#): > > Any father who thinks that a boy “sniffing around my daughter” must be met with threats is treating her as a possession, as well as implying that every male (including himself) cannot be trusted. Is that really the message those of you who defend that stereotype want to give? Though I don’t get the “including himself” part, the core of my attitude on this (and I suspect manson1972’s and many other men) is a bedrock certainty that women, particularly young women, don’t know what the fuck they’re talking about in this area. From this side of the discussion you all sound like some man talking expertly about childbirth or menstruation. You don’t know. You **can’t** know. And what you _think_ you know is almost laughable. And here’s the bottom line: unlike the above analogy, wherein you’d expect the man to accept that something is outside his experience, you (the general female “you,” but maybe you specifically) will never accept that this is outside yours just because you don’t have testicles. So this will never be resolved. How about we leave it there? -epbrown ---
**Author:** ![DesertDog](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/desertdog/32/11503_2.png) [@DesertDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DesertDog)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2018, 1:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-moms-still-give-the-men-are-only-after-one-thing-talk/818099/80 "2018-07-21T13:45:24Z")
> [@Bullitt](#): > > She has just become Larry’s property, so he doesn’t really have to ask does he? I’m not seeing how any of the story involved the bride becoming Larry’s property. > [@Pantastic](#): > > “Not very far” is an often believed myth, but it’s clearly a myth. If teen sex in the 1960s was so rare, why was the teen pregnancy rate double what it is now back in the pure, clean days of 1960 when allegedly none of this sex was going on? Perhaps not but certainly the father telling the story\* believed – truthfully or not – his daughter would have limits that her date would try to talk himself past. Really, as **Voyager** said, it’s really about letting your daughter know the lines of communication are open with an amusing coda on the girl’s wedding night. \*More like parable, I think. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-moms-still-give-the-men-are-only-after-one-thing-talk/818099.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-moms-still-give-the-men-are-only-after-one-thing-talk/818099.md?page=5)