# Do moms still give the "men are only after one thing" talk? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 17, 2018, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-moms-still-give-the-men-are-only-after-one-thing-talk/818099 "2018-07-17T18:00:22Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![Pantastic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3bc359/32.png) [@Pantastic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pantastic)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2018, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-moms-still-give-the-men-are-only-after-one-thing-talk/818099/101 "2018-07-23T14:39:30Z")
> [@Bullitt](#): > > There are certainly exceptions, but usually, many young boys (and into college years) are horny and want to score. And amazingly, there are many young girls (and into college years) that are horny and want to score, Tinder would be pretty quiet if there weren’t, and of course lesbians hooking up wouldn’t ever happen. That doesn’t mean that women are only after one thing, and no one promotes that as a myth. And as you admitted there are lots of exceptions to guys looking to score. Gay men will have little interest in scoring with women, asexual or demi-sexual guys aren’t usually out to score, and rape victims often have trauma that hinders hooking up, but guys in all of these categories will go on dates with women because of social pressure. There are guys who are horny, want to score, AND ALSO want a relationship, which means they’re not actually after only one thing like the myth says. The myth falls apart on a lot of levels, and “men only want one thing” is a massively different statement than “there are a lot of guys who are horny and want to hook up” > [@Shodan](#): > > Your cite answers the question - And the idea that teenage girls did not have intercourse in the 1960s isn’t a myth ([cite](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1802108/)). Seriously dude **your own cite** shows quite clearly that it is a baseless myth. According to the link you just posted 48% of the women who turned 15 from 1954-1963 and 65% of the women who turned 15 from 1964-1973 had premarital sex by age 20. If just barely below half to basically two thirds of the population did something, it’s that’s not a myth that it happened. And that’s not even getting into the issue of the reliability of self-reported statistics about socially unacceptable activity. > [@The cite Shodan himself linked](#): > > Figure 2 and the Table show premarital sex proportions using data from all four surveys (for women only) by 10-year cohort. The figure and table show a trend from the 1950s through the 1990s toward a higher proportion experiencing premarital sex: 48% of the cohort who turned 15 from 1954 to 1963 had done so by exact age 20, while 65% of the 1964–73 cohort, 72% of the 1974–83 cohort, and 76% of the 1984–93 cohort had done so. For the 1994–2003 cohort, 74% had had premarital sex by exact age 20, a figure between that of the 1974–83 and 1984–93 cohorts. The difference between the first cohort and subsequent ones was larger than later differences. ---
**Author:** ![Bullitt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bullitt/32/5725_2.png) [@Bullitt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bullitt)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2018, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-moms-still-give-the-men-are-only-after-one-thing-talk/818099/102 "2018-07-23T15:10:07Z")
> [@Pantastic](#): > > And amazingly, there are many young girls (and into college years) that are horny and want to score… College was a great experience. ---
**Author:** ![Maastricht](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e57/32.png) [@Maastricht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maastricht)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2018, 10:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-moms-still-give-the-men-are-only-after-one-thing-talk/818099/103 "2018-07-23T22:33:55Z")
My son is 10. We already had the talk about what to do if you stumble on 18+ stuff on the 'Net. Also what to do if a stranger on the net aks you to do whatever: rule is ask us his parents, first. My son got a phone this year, so I in one or two years I should have [the talk about sexting.](http://www.smarterparenting.com/blog/single/5-things-parents-should-do-if-they-find-nude-images-on-their-childs-device) He’s not in puberty yet, so when I tell him - as it comes up- about the interest other people have in sex, he mostly finds that gross and a bit weird. But he has no reason to doubt me and I hope he will come with stories to us. I already demonstrated a condom over a cucumber, as he had heard about that in a Youtube vid and wanted to know what that was about. Two months ago he asked me to invite a girl for a playdate he had a cush on; I said I would help him compose a note, but that I wouldn’t give it to the admiree, he wold have to do that himself. My son also has had girl friends since age six. For his best girl friend, he has had some romantic interest but when that was not (always) welcome he returned to a somewhat ambiguous relationship with her. Mostly they’re just friends and he handles it well when she has a crush on someone else. When hormones get raging, I will have the talk about [enthusiastic consen](https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2015/jan/29/rape-consent-sexual-partner-enthusiasm)t with him, but I doubt it will be a problem with him. Also he will get a lock on his bedroom door and instructions on where to leave certain- ehm… used… tissues. ---
**Author:** ![Bullitt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bullitt/32/5725_2.png) [@Bullitt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bullitt)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2018, 2:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-moms-still-give-the-men-are-only-after-one-thing-talk/818099/104 "2018-07-24T14:59:49Z")
Maastricht, there must be an echo in here. ---
**Author:** ![Slash1972](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slash1972/32/6461_2.png) [@Slash1972](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slash1972)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2018, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-moms-still-give-the-men-are-only-after-one-thing-talk/818099/105 "2018-07-24T15:30:32Z")
> [@puzzlegal](#): > > That being said, I told my kids that it’s illegal to have sex under age 18 in this state, and if they love someone, they will wait until both are 18 so no one risks legal trouble. Of course, it’s not illegal to make out, and my son certainly did some of that before he was 18. What state is that? ---
**Author:** ![Slash1972](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slash1972/32/6461_2.png) [@Slash1972](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slash1972)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2018, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-moms-still-give-the-men-are-only-after-one-thing-talk/818099/106 "2018-07-24T15:34:09Z")
> [@Acsenray](#): > > A woman—even a young woman—owns her own sexuality. It doesn’t belong to her father. It’s not something that he gets to control, even as a joke. Sure. And I’m sure you would say this when your 12 year old daughter is sleeping with a 42 year old man. “Welp, she owns her own sexuality, it doesn’t belong to me!” :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Bullitt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bullitt/32/5725_2.png) [@Bullitt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bullitt)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2018, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-moms-still-give-the-men-are-only-after-one-thing-talk/818099/107 "2018-07-24T16:20:50Z")
> [@Slash1972](#): > > Sure. And I’m sure you would say this when your 12 year old daughter is sleeping with a 42 year old man. > > “Welp, she owns her own sexuality, it doesn’t belong to me!” > > :rolleyes: Well… 12 years old is not quite a woman, is it? If she was 22 and he was 62, though, I’d have some gentle discussions with her, just like a good, trusted friend would. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2018, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-moms-still-give-the-men-are-only-after-one-thing-talk/818099/108 "2018-07-24T16:56:07Z")
> [@Slash1972](#): > > Sure. And I’m sure you would say this when your 12 year old daughter is sleeping with a 42 year old man. > > “Welp, she owns her own sexuality, it doesn’t belong to me!” > > :rolleyes: There’s a difference between a 12 year old and a young woman. However, in such a situation my interest in the matter would not be centered on controlling her sexuality or preserving her sexual purity or other paternalistic concerns. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2018, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-moms-still-give-the-men-are-only-after-one-thing-talk/818099/109 "2018-07-24T16:58:59Z")
> [@Slash1972](#): > > Sure. And I’m sure you would say this when your 12 year old daughter is sleeping with a 42 year old man. That’s a strange example. Why would someone focus on a 12yo girl with a 42yo man, when the immense majority of people have sex for the first time(s) with people close to them in age? Do you expect any daughters or nieces you may have to be attracted to dudes who are old enough to be their biological grandfather and stupid enough to go for kids that young? ---
**Author:** ![Pantastic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3bc359/32.png) [@Pantastic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pantastic)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2018, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-moms-still-give-the-men-are-only-after-one-thing-talk/818099/110 "2018-07-24T17:19:15Z")
> [@Slash1972](#): > > Sure. And I’m sure you would say this when your 12 year old daughter is sleeping with a 42 year old man. Interestingly, older men marrying teenage girls was much more common back in the ‘men are only after one thing’ era of the 1960s than today, where it’s generally illegal in the US. ---
**Author:** ![Slash1972](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slash1972/32/6461_2.png) [@Slash1972](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slash1972)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2018, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-moms-still-give-the-men-are-only-after-one-thing-talk/818099/111 "2018-07-24T18:02:54Z")
> [@Nava](#): > > That’s a strange example. Why would someone focus on a 12yo girl with a 42yo man, when the immense majority of people have sex for the first time(s) with people close to them in age? Do you expect any daughters or nieces you may have to be attracted to dudes who are old enough to be their biological grandfather and stupid enough to go for kids that young? I don’t. But apparently, if I did, then I have no right to police my teenager daughter’s sex partners. I must offer her friendly advice and hope she makes the right decisions on her own. Since that is what teenagers do, make correct decisions. Perhaps people should think about what they are saying when they state things like “Young women also want to have sex. What it comes down to is mutual desire and mutual consent. That and sexual health and safety. That’s all that a parent should be talking to his or her children about, children of any sex or gender” ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2018, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-moms-still-give-the-men-are-only-after-one-thing-talk/818099/112 "2018-07-24T18:51:07Z")
You know what, I was going to answer, but I just don’t believe anybody can be as articulate as you are and mean the level of stupid you’re displaying. So here, [let’s take it outside](https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=21105605&postcount=8511). ---
**Author:** ![Slash1972](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slash1972/32/6461_2.png) [@Slash1972](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slash1972)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2018, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-moms-still-give-the-men-are-only-after-one-thing-talk/818099/113 "2018-07-24T18:59:21Z")
Wow, you consider me articulate? Thanks! ---
**Author:** ![Fotheringay-Phipps](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/d9b06d/32.png) [@Fotheringay-Phipps](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fotheringay-Phipps)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2018, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-moms-still-give-the-men-are-only-after-one-thing-talk/818099/114 "2018-07-24T19:02:28Z")
I don’t agree with Manson’s overall point, as I’ve posted earlier. But I don’t think this latest round of attacks on him is justified. He’s illustrating by way of example, the general principle that minor girls can sometimes make wrong decisions about their sex lives and need their parents do override them. I assume everyone agrees with that. Myself, I think that general point is valid but not inconsistent with the notion that you still need to balance competing considerations, and that while in situations of extreme bad judgement and potential harm a parent might need to be more forceful, in general it’s something to be avoided as much as possible and in less extreme situations the balance swings the other way. But that’s as far as I would go. Accusing Manson of failing to appreciate the difference between different ages etc. is unjustified. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2018, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-moms-still-give-the-men-are-only-after-one-thing-talk/818099/115 "2018-07-24T19:05:42Z")
But he’s part of the group whose take on “protecting the girls” focuses, not on treating those girls like human beings with both brains and sexual needs, but on threatening any boys “sniffing around them”. And that is not a valid point. At all. ---
**Author:** ![Pantastic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3bc359/32.png) [@Pantastic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pantastic)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2018, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-moms-still-give-the-men-are-only-after-one-thing-talk/818099/116 "2018-07-24T19:11:10Z")
> [@Fotheringay-Phipps](#): > > I don’t agree with Manson’s overall point, as I’ve posted earlier. But I don’t think this latest round of attacks on him is justified. Again, I find it amusingly ironic that Manson is advocating literal physical attacks by an adult on a teenager (or making empty threats of such) but people’s disagreement with his fantasies of adults beating up or killing teenagers ends up classed as ‘attacks’. “I’m going to beat or kill a teenager, or at least puff myself up and make an empty threat to do so” is a position that deserves to be ‘attacked’. ---
**Author:** ![Slash1972](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slash1972/32/6461_2.png) [@Slash1972](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slash1972)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2018, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-moms-still-give-the-men-are-only-after-one-thing-talk/818099/117 "2018-07-24T19:24:15Z")
I myself find it amusing that people think 13 year old boys and girls can be trusted to do the right thing with no threats of punishment if they fail to do so. ---
**Author:** ![Pantastic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3bc359/32.png) [@Pantastic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pantastic)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2018, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-moms-still-give-the-men-are-only-after-one-thing-talk/818099/118 "2018-07-24T21:14:07Z")
> [@Slash1972](#): > > I myself find it amusing that people think 13 year old boys and girls can be trusted to do the right thing with no threats of punishment if they fail to do so. People puffing themsleves up and threatening violence that they very likely either won’t carry out or will do prison time if they carry out against teenagers who’s ability to assess risks are known to be fantastically bad. And again, grown men threatening to beat up 13 year olds is just… not a good look at all, even ignoring the futility of it. I remember from my teenage years that a shocking number of girls with violent-acting fathers did quite a bit of fooling around, and that the only guys discouraged by the posturing were not exactly the type to push anyone around anyway. The football players, future frat boys, druggies, and so on usually cracked jokes about how ineffectual they considered the threats. ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2018, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-moms-still-give-the-men-are-only-after-one-thing-talk/818099/119 "2018-07-24T21:17:27Z")
> [@Slash1972](#): > > I myself find it amusing that people think 13 year old boys and girls can be trusted to do the right thing with no threats of punishment if they fail to do so. I did. Both my kids did also. ---
**Author:** ![Bullitt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bullitt/32/5725_2.png) [@Bullitt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bullitt)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2018, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-moms-still-give-the-men-are-only-after-one-thing-talk/818099/120 "2018-07-24T21:21:54Z")
> [@Pantastic](#): > > I remember from my teenage years that a shocking number of girls with violent-acting fathers did quite a bit of fooling around, and that the only guys discouraged by the posturing were not exactly the type to push anyone around anyway. The football players, future frat boys, druggies, and so on usually cracked jokes about how ineffectual they considered the threats. I’ll back this up but from the opposite end of the spectrum. My H.S. girlfriend’s father was very friendly towards me. I was welcomed at their dinner table, we had good family conversations with my GF and her parents and her 3 younger siblings, they brought me on a family camping summer vacation trip, we played croquet in their backyard, and to baseball games both MLB and MiLB. We did a lot together and it was like being a part of the family. She and I dated for 1.5 years, so that’s a long time for H.S. And maybe it’s because it was “like family” that I treated her more with respect. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-moms-still-give-the-men-are-only-after-one-thing-talk/818099.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-moms-still-give-the-men-are-only-after-one-thing-talk/818099.md?page=7)