# Do not doubt the Penis of God **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [August 24, 2002, 12:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-not-doubt-the-penis-of-god/125314 "2002-08-24T00:07:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Skeezix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/839c29/32.png) [@Skeezix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skeezix)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2002, 3:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-not-doubt-the-penis-of-god/125314/21 "2002-08-24T03:59:09Z")
But if the watery, sword dispencing tart was instead **on top** of the water in the pond, would that work? ---
**Author:** ![Homebrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@Homebrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Homebrew)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2002, 4:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-not-doubt-the-penis-of-god/125314/22 "2002-08-24T04:08:43Z")
> [@](#): > > I can’t possibly imagine that mere mortals would be satisfying enough to a god… Worked for Zeus. To be serious for a moment, there are references to God in a feminine context in the Old Testament. At least one of the immortals of Taoism is a woman. There are female incarnations of the Supreme Being in Hindu tradition, etc. The precedent of God being female is set. ---
**Author:** ![ultrafilter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/3d9bf3/32.png) [@ultrafilter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ultrafilter)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2002, 4:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-not-doubt-the-penis-of-god/125314/23 "2002-08-24T04:10:29Z")
Biologically speaking, gender’s a relative thing. In order that an individual of a species be male, there must be a female individual of that species. So if God’s male or female, there’s another God out there. ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2002, 4:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-not-doubt-the-penis-of-god/125314/24 "2002-08-24T04:17:16Z")
…and is She pissed! ---
**Author:** ![armedmonkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@armedmonkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/armedmonkey)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2002, 4:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-not-doubt-the-penis-of-god/125314/25 "2002-08-24T04:22:04Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by monica \* > \*\*But who would he/she fuck? I can’t possibly imagine that mere mortals would be satisfying enough to a god… \*\* Have you seen Gaia? Man, she’s hot. How her hips are just a little wider around the equator than all those flashy, full of themselves, supermodel gas planets. Lord that’s sexy, the baby got back. Also, who who wouldn’t be turned on by the Himalayas. Gaia’s got a rack. If I was an all powerfull being I know I’d want a piece of her. Of course, that could be Freudian. ---
**Author:** ![armedmonkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@armedmonkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/armedmonkey)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2002, 4:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-not-doubt-the-penis-of-god/125314/26 "2002-08-24T04:23:55Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by monica \* > \*\*But who would he/she fuck? I can’t possibly imagine that mere mortals would be satisfying enough to a god… \*\* Have you seen Gaia? Man, she’s hot. How her hips are just a little wider around the equator than all those flashy, full of themselves, supermodel gas planets. Lord that’s sexy, the baby got back. Also, who who wouldn’t be turned on by the Himalayas? Gaia’s got a killer rack. If I was an all powerfull being I know I’d want a piece of her. Of course, that could be Freudian. ---
**Author:** ![Rysdad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/7cd45c/32.png) [@Rysdad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rysdad)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2002, 4:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-not-doubt-the-penis-of-god/125314/27 "2002-08-24T04:24:03Z")
Yeah, well _I’m_ God, and I got kinda sick of hearing that old canard about me making a rock so big I couldn’t move it…so I made a big rock just to find out. I mean, it’s one, big, huge motherfucking rock. And y’know what? Sure enough…I can’t move that sumbitch. The funny thing is, I made it out of dark matter, and it’s really fucking with the physicists’ heads. They can’t figure out where all the missing mass of the universe is. Hee hee. So, y’all can knock it off with the rock conundrums or I might try to, oh, see if I can fart so loud I deafen myself. Or something. ---
**Author:** ![Satyagrahi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f475e1/32.png) [@Satyagrahi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Satyagrahi)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2002, 4:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-not-doubt-the-penis-of-god/125314/28 "2002-08-24T04:35:14Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jinwicked \* > **Wouldn’t the penis of God be the same thing as the penis of Jesus?** Not exactly. You’re forgetting the concept of the Trinity: Three of similar but not identical substance. This clearly means that God has a three-pronged yang, rather like a divine pitchfork, or, if female, has a three-holer, rather like a… well, never mind. I abhor scatological references. > [@](#): > > _Originally posted by monica_ > \*\* If god had a penis (or a vagina, for that matter) he/she would probably be too busy with the truly devine activity (fucking) to have created anything else. Or, presuming that the “creation” came first (accidental pun, I assure you), he/she,having discovered the devine activity, would be far too busy pursuing that activity thereafter to be concerned at all with mere mortals.\*\* True! True! Therefore, there are two divine beings, one male and one female, each with triple genitals and, wow, can they screw! And the fundies talk about Rapture! How’s that for a mental picture? 😃 But who would he/she fuck? I can’t possibly imagine that mere mortals would be satisfying enough to a god… ---
**Author:** ![Satyagrahi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f475e1/32.png) [@Satyagrahi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Satyagrahi)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2002, 4:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-not-doubt-the-penis-of-god/125314/29 "2002-08-24T04:37:33Z")
Excise that final line in the previous post. Cut and paste runs rampant… ---
**Author:** ![Phoenix\_Dragon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/65b543/32.png) [@Phoenix\_Dragon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Phoenix_Dragon)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2002, 5:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-not-doubt-the-penis-of-god/125314/30 "2002-08-24T05:16:04Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by OpalCat \* > **Personally, I find it hilarious that they are so certain that god even HAS a gender, let alone which one it is.** I find it hilarious that someone who recently started a pit thread about religious people being offended at religious jokes, is now starting a pit thread _about_ a particular religious joke 🙂 Sorry, couldn’t help it 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![SPOOFE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2002, 5:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-not-doubt-the-penis-of-god/125314/31 "2002-08-24T05:52:19Z")
God is a man. My proof? He made the universe. It’s infinite. You don’t get much bigger than “infinite” (except for, of course, “infinity+1”). Clearly, He’s trying to compensate for something. ---
**Author:** ![DasUnterMensch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/c6cbf5/32.png) [@DasUnterMensch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DasUnterMensch)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2002, 6:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-not-doubt-the-penis-of-god/125314/32 "2002-08-24T06:54:54Z")
[QUOTE] \*Originally posted by monica \* “But who would he/she fuck?” There was that Egyptian god whatshisface who was always depicted fellating himself. IMHO mutch preferable to the more rigid and inflexible Judaic/Christian/Islamic God. Didn’t go much further than Egypt though, I understand he didn’t get out of the house much. Mensch ---
**Author:** ![Largo62](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/45deac/32.png) [@Largo62](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Largo62)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2002, 7:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-not-doubt-the-penis-of-god/125314/33 "2002-08-24T07:07:36Z")
Hey, \*\* Satyagrahi\*\*, that quote about the “devine activity” was **monica** ’s quote of me. Credit where credit is due, ya know? Although on Judgment Day (if there is one) I don’t suppose the credit thing will be an issue. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Derleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Derleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Derleth)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2002, 7:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-not-doubt-the-penis-of-god/125314/34 "2002-08-24T07:27:29Z")
You called my godly wang? 😃 (Read the sig.) ---
**Author:** ![Princhester](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3e96dc/32.png) [@Princhester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Princhester)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2002, 8:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-not-doubt-the-penis-of-god/125314/35 "2002-08-24T08:27:33Z")
If two of the trinity ganged up, could they make a rock so big that the third couldn’t move it? ---
**Author:** ![Siege](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dbc845/32.png) [@Siege](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siege)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2002, 10:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-not-doubt-the-penis-of-god/125314/36 "2002-08-24T10:44:37Z")
I’m a feminist. I’m a Christian. I have to scrape my brains off the walls of my apartment now. Sheeeesh! What gender is God? What color is love? The two are completely irrelevant to this monotheist (other religions may vary). Come to think of it, the first question could be fun over in GD. Right. An ad agency puts out a truly _dumb_ ad. :rolleyes: People point out that it’s a truly _dumb_ ad. All of a sudden radical feminists are taking over the country. Apparently the atheists needed a break. (yet another :rolleyes:). So, who’s our relief? CJ ---
**Author:** ![Siege](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dbc845/32.png) [@Siege](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siege)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2002, 10:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-not-doubt-the-penis-of-god/125314/37 "2002-08-24T10:46:35Z")
That and I need to re-take the course on taming the hamsters. ---
**Author:** ![techchick68](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ea5d25/32.png) [@techchick68](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/techchick68)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2002, 11:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-not-doubt-the-penis-of-god/125314/38 "2002-08-24T11:34:32Z")
As a friend and I discussed on Friday (I am still in Friday mode) we both agree that God is not man nor woman which makes this tongue in cheek and attacking by [onemilliondads.com](http://onemilliondads.com) even more ludicrious. To quote me after a lengthy discussion of this with my best friend she asked “why can’t people get along?” > [@](#): > > “because everyone who has an agenda is looking at everyone else thinking there’s a hidden agenda when there is none, they are so soaked with religion rather than spirituality.” Seems very appropriate given this topic. ---
**Author:** ![SPOOFE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2002, 12:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-not-doubt-the-penis-of-god/125314/39 "2002-08-24T12:09:36Z")
> [@](#): > > we both agree that God is not man nor woman Is God cotton candy? ---
**Author:** ![armedmonkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@armedmonkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/armedmonkey)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2002, 12:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-not-doubt-the-penis-of-god/125314/40 "2002-08-24T12:45:19Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by SPOOFE \* > \*\*Is God cotton candy? \*\* Yes, He is. And he is watermelon flavored. I know what you’re saying. “Cotton candy doesn’t come in watermelon”. You have to remember, He comes in any flavor he wants to. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-not-doubt-the-penis-of-god/125314.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-not-doubt-the-penis-of-god/125314.md?page=3)