# Do not Kung Fu me, please **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [February 28, 2003, 3:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-not-kung-fu-me-please/158051 "2003-02-28T03:05:41Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2003, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-not-kung-fu-me-please/158051/21 "2003-02-28T14:22:21Z")
Next time, simply say: [whiney, high-pitched and badly lip-synched voice] Ha ha! Now you die! [/whiney, high-pitched and badly lip-synched voice] Then jump thirty feet in the air and kick him eight times in the head before you land. That’s what I always do. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![Neidhart](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Neidhart](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Neidhart)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2003, 2:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-not-kung-fu-me-please/158051/22 "2003-02-28T14:24:56Z")
“Nobody bodda me!” “Nobody bodda me eeda!” ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2003, 2:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-not-kung-fu-me-please/158051/23 "2003-02-28T14:27:54Z")
> [@](#): > > SPOOFE > In the '80s… kids didn’t show off. > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by TWDuke \* > Designer labels. And hair. Don’t forget the hair. [sub]I came home last night to find my wife watching Terminator, just as Sarah and Reese are going under the freeway to hide. Her hair blotted out the sun… ---
**Author:** ![LolaCocaCola](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7cd45c/32.png) [@LolaCocaCola](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LolaCocaCola)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2003, 2:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-not-kung-fu-me-please/158051/24 "2003-02-28T14:30:09Z")
Where is **Kung Fu Lola** when you need her? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2003, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-not-kung-fu-me-please/158051/25 "2003-02-28T16:14:01Z")
Sounds like you’re working with Jean Clod Van Damme. That would be a freakingly enormous bummer. ---
**Author:** ![Abe\_Babe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3ab097/32.png) [@Abe\_Babe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Abe_Babe)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2003, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-not-kung-fu-me-please/158051/26 "2003-02-28T16:20:51Z")
That happened to me once (not as close to being clocked in the head, though). Displaying uncharacteristic wit, I went into a poorly dubbed kung fu movie speech. [move mouth] “So! You think you know kung fu. My master is Lian So, of the porcupine style. I’ll show you some _real_ kung fu.” Much hilarity ensued. ---
**Author:** ![NicePete](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ee7513/32.png) [@NicePete](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NicePete)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2003, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-not-kung-fu-me-please/158051/27 "2003-02-28T18:22:59Z")
I was just wondering if I could use the thread title as my new sig. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2003, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-not-kung-fu-me-please/158051/28 "2003-02-28T19:31:55Z")
Think that’s bad? Two of my best friends are hugely into “Ultimate Fighting.” You seen this? It’s some sort of no-holds-barred martial arts tournament. It’s _very_ Chuck Norris. The ring they fight in is even called [booming announcer voice]The Octagon![/booming announcer voice] Anyway, despite the highly apparent lameness, my friends are absolute freaks for it. They go on and on and on and on about it. “Hey, did you see that arm-bar Hoyce Gracie did to Ken Shamrock? That was totally sweet! Here, lemme show you how he did it! See, he grabbed him here, turned to the left, threw his arm around Ken’s waist, spun, tongue kissed Ken for, like, five minutes, then snapped his neck with his bare hands! It was _awesome_!” They’ll go on like this for upwards of an hour an a half at a time. At this point, getting kicked in the face would be a welcome relief. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2003, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-not-kung-fu-me-please/158051/29 "2003-02-28T19:56:39Z")
Grasshopper, when you can take the stapler from my hand, you will be ready to leave the cubicle… ---
**Author:** ![NinetyWt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/cc9497/32.png) [@NinetyWt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NinetyWt)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2003, 10:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-not-kung-fu-me-please/158051/30 "2003-02-28T22:29:35Z")
When the student is ready, the teacher will appear. :d&r: ---
**Author:** ![kung\_fu\_lola](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f4b2a3/32.png) [@kung\_fu\_lola](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kung_fu_lola)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2003, 12:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-not-kung-fu-me-please/158051/31 "2003-03-01T00:05:04Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by LolaCocaCola \* > \*\*Where is **Kung Fu Lola** when you need her? > 😃 \*\* I’m right here. **Scylla** honey, if you knew me, you wouldn’t be so ready to politely decline the kung fu. 😉 > [@](#): > > _Originally posted by SPOOFE_ > **Frankly, I’m glad to see that there are some who still prefer the kung fu.** So am I, or else I’d still be single and lonely! > [@](#): > > _Originally posted by TWDuke_ > **Could be. No one ever Kung Fus me.** Well come on over and let’s see if we can fix that… Sorry ‘bout all the flirting. My username NEVER comes up on the boards, I figured I’d enjoy it while it was still happenin’… ---
**Author:** ![capacitor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e47774/32.png) [@capacitor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/capacitor)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2003, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-not-kung-fu-me-please/158051/32 "2003-03-01T00:51:33Z")
You learned Tae kwon Do?? Well, I learned–Tae Bo, yeah! I one did a simulated uraken on a co-worker who insulted me. The other workers don’t insult me as much anymore. Thank you, Aja Kong. ---
**Author:** ![samarm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4da419/32.png) [@samarm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/samarm)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2003, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-not-kung-fu-me-please/158051/33 "2003-03-01T00:58:51Z")
[Bruce Lee] Do not look at the finger, or you will miss all the glory ou there [/Bruce Lee] ---
**Author:** ![Dragonblink](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b9bd4f/32.png) [@Dragonblink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dragonblink)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2003, 2:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-not-kung-fu-me-please/158051/34 "2003-03-01T02:23:12Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Scylla \* > **But, I do not understand what it is that drives me and other men to demonstrate Kung Fu in innapropriate circumstances.** Yet more evidence that I’ve got a Y chromosome stashed away somewhere – I do this all the freakin’ time. 'Course, having had no formal martial arts training, I refer to my style as “mojo fu” and generally make a fool of myself when I do it. I can do some great poses though … – Ninjablink (the only ninja who shuns the katana in favor of the claymore, booyah!) ---
**Author:** ![Tristan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tristan/32/18058_2.png) [@Tristan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tristan)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2003, 6:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-not-kung-fu-me-please/158051/35 "2003-03-01T06:42:39Z")
**Dragonblink** - You’re a Ninja! SWEET!!! Is it true that you guys flip out and kill people all the time. One time, I knew this Ninja, and we were at the movies and this kid wouldn’t shut up so he kicked off his head, and then killed everyone in the room, including me, and then used his Ninja Magic to bring me back to life! I shit my pants and choked on my popcorn it was so cool. ---
**Author:** ![UncleBill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/d26b3c/32.png) [@UncleBill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBill)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2003, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-not-kung-fu-me-please/158051/36 "2003-03-01T17:42:31Z")
I was recently taking karate with the wife, and the instructor, Sensei Jose (try to learn Japanese words spoken with a thick Cuban accent, go ahead, try, I dare you) was demonstrating the roundhouse kick in front of the class on his favorite demo dummy (yours truly), his foot swiped my nose enough to bend it to the right so that the wife could see it from 15 feet away. I never fliched. ---
**Author:** ![Lucki\_Chaarms](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/9de0a6/32.png) [@Lucki\_Chaarms](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lucki_Chaarms)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2003, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-not-kung-fu-me-please/158051/37 "2003-03-01T18:06:52Z")
I’m more afraid of what we in Texas refer to as “San Antonio Judo”, that is: “Judo know eef I got a knife! Judo know eef I got a gun! Judo know, man!!” LC ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2003, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-not-kung-fu-me-please/158051/38 "2003-03-01T18:21:59Z")
Do not Wang Chung me, please. ---
**Author:** ![Waverly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/57b2e6/32.png) [@Waverly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Waverly)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2003, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-not-kung-fu-me-please/158051/39 "2003-03-01T19:06:34Z")
When they come to kung fu me, I bare my forearms and reveal the dragon images seared into my flesh. ---
**Author:** ![Derleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Derleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Derleth)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2003, 10:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-not-kung-fu-me-please/158051/40 "2003-03-01T22:29:02Z")
[Bow to my Google-fu, disciples of Grand Master Cecil!](http://realultimatepower.net/) > [@](#): > > If you don’t believe that ninjas have REAL Ultimate Power you better get a life right now or they will chop your head off!!! Hilarious parody. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-not-kung-fu-me-please/158051.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-not-kung-fu-me-please/158051.md?page=3)