# Do not read! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 11, 2015, 9:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-not-read/727536 "2015-08-11T09:59:21Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![mortal\_wombat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9fc348/32.png) [@mortal\_wombat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mortal_wombat)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2015, 9:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-not-read/727536/1 "2015-08-11T09:59:21Z")
_ **Classified Information** _ Only joking, it’s Mortal Wombat - a.k.a. Lozman Pretzel, back to finish what he started a long time ago… And this time: Firstly, want to say a big shout out to Cecil and his group of minions for keeping this crazy community in check and allowing me the opportunity to pop up in the SD universe like some crazy hippy dude from the past… Rewind… Back to the future. Lozman’s back and he’s here to shoot ye. Out into cyberspace. You guy’s remember myspace? My place! Now we’re talking, now we set the rhythm at the right pace. Take a little wander - if you wonder - to a little place I like to call p0ntyp00l Baker’s been there Cunctator and minionkat too Elendil’s Heir sent em there, maybe you could come too? I’ll be there waiting, come and catch me - if you think you can! I’ll probably be there in there park, with the famalam. Or maybe (_just maybe_) I’ll be at the studio In my bedroom, home alone Sucking on a kazoo. But before I go Shameless plug is shameless! You want a little try before you buy then take this 420 Ways To Die is my song ok, gotta go - I’m almost at the boats now. Battery’s dying and I gotta meet the h… ---
**Author:** ![Kobal2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kobal2/32/20_2.png) [@Kobal2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kobal2)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2015, 10:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-not-read/727536/2 "2015-08-11T10:08:24Z")
After careful consideration, and bearing the sensitive nature of the subject in mind, I’m going to go with “the fuck ?” ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2015, 12:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-not-read/727536/3 "2015-08-11T12:59:17Z")
Like. totally, mon. If you can’t grok what the Wom-Bat-Man is arrr-tick-you-lating, you need to suck on that kazoo a bit more. Once the puppet show starts, you’ll dig it. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2015, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-not-read/727536/4 "2015-08-11T18:25:15Z")
Gosh, I’m glad I ignored the thread title. ---
**Author:** ![dracoi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/90db22/32.png) [@dracoi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dracoi)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2015, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-not-read/727536/5 "2015-08-11T18:39:38Z")
Damnit, why didn’t you warn me not to read this?! ---
**Author:** ![El\_Kabong](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/el_kabong/32/496_2.png) [@El\_Kabong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Kabong)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2015, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-not-read/727536/6 "2015-08-11T18:57:30Z")
I promise I didn’t read the OP. I did stare at it blankly for a few minutes, however. ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2015, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-not-read/727536/7 "2015-08-11T19:23:39Z")
You sure that’s a kazoo you’re sucking on? Seems more like a crack pipe… ---
**Author:** ![mortal\_wombat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9fc348/32.png) [@mortal\_wombat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mortal_wombat)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2015, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-not-read/727536/8 "2015-08-11T19:36:09Z")
**Damnit man, nobody’s good at following instructions these days** And so it begins… Welcome to what we here in the Greatest of all Britains call The Lozman Show. Kobal2 do I know you? If not then how’d you do? Digs is digging for a frigging new piece of the pie - and so am I Elendil’s Heir is right there but don’t care which is fair coz we two make a pair and we could both take you there via time travel to the beginning Dracoi don’t be coy don’t take any notice of this boy El\_kabong keep staring on this shit is too long to get in on _ **TBC** _ ---
**Author:** ![mortal\_wombat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9fc348/32.png) [@mortal\_wombat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mortal_wombat)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2015, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-not-read/727536/9 "2015-08-11T19:40:25Z")
Doctor Jackson that’s whack son it ain’t crack but weed will bring your mind back Darth Fumer sent me down here to build the death cone One of these days we’ll get the padawan Look - I am a smoker But I ain’t a joker ---
**Author:** ![El\_Kabong](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/el_kabong/32/496_2.png) [@El\_Kabong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Kabong)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2015, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-not-read/727536/10 "2015-08-11T20:33:56Z")
> [@mortal\_wombat](#): > > Doctor Jackson > that’s whack son > it ain’t crack but > weed will bring your mind back > > Darth Fumer sent me down here to build the death cone > One of these days we’ll get the padawan > Look - I am a smoker > But I ain’t a joker Are you a midnight toker? Do you get your lovin’ on the run? ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2015, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-not-read/727536/11 "2015-08-11T20:56:43Z")
> [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](#): > > Gosh, I’m glad I ignored the thread title. {SLAPS **Elendil’s Heir** WITH A WET TROUT} **How _dare you_ read this Thread!!!** I **did not** read this Thread! Reading this Thread causes the dread COMMUNISM!!! Remember, children —Better **Dead** than having **read** this **Red Thread**!! Or something. I want…cake… ---
**Author:** ![mortal\_wombat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9fc348/32.png) [@mortal\_wombat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mortal_wombat)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2015, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-not-read/727536/12 "2015-08-11T21:05:06Z")
But I just ate it all And spewed up some kind of club Turkey sandwich covered in all sorts of mustard and custard and whatnot Wait what? Oh shit I forgot Anyway, those who are here you can stay but we can’t let anyone else in, my house is full… Guess I didn’t make the title clear enough 😛 ---
**Author:** ![mortal\_wombat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9fc348/32.png) [@mortal\_wombat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mortal_wombat)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2015, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-not-read/727536/13 "2015-08-11T21:08:07Z")
> [@El\_Kabong](#): > > Are you a midnight toker? > > Do you get your lovin’ on the run? \*awesome sexy killer solo Feels like its going super slow-mo Wanna get inside it, roll one up I think I know Here we go, here we go, here we go, here we go… ---
**Author:** ![Jan\_John\_Cobham\_Salad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Jan\_John\_Cobham\_Salad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jan_John_Cobham_Salad)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2015, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-not-read/727536/14 "2015-08-11T21:38:17Z")
I clicked, but I did not inhale. ---
**Author:** ![mortal\_wombat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9fc348/32.png) [@mortal\_wombat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mortal_wombat)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2015, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-not-read/727536/15 "2015-08-11T21:50:33Z")
> [@bosda di'chi of tricor](#): > > {slaps **elendil’s heir** with a wet trout} > **how _dare you_ read this thread!!!** > > i **did not** read this thread! > > Reading this thread causes the dread communism!!! > > Remember, children —better **dead** than having **read** this **red thread**!! Or something. > > I want…cake… red threads are my kinda party can’t be tardy for this shit that some idiots gone 'head and fuckin started! I should really try to tone it down coz now i’m bouncing round and round sit here at the ebonies and ivories coz it makes me feel at ease weed’ll be the death of me, but least i still got my rhymes could be out with dope fiends but i gotta find time to right lines ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2015, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-not-read/727536/16 "2015-08-11T22:01:46Z")
_sips coffee_ Alrighty, then… ---
**Author:** ![Cabin\_Fever\_1](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cabin_fever_1/32/2908_2.png) [@Cabin\_Fever\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cabin_Fever_1)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2015, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-not-read/727536/17 "2015-08-11T22:28:25Z")
After several years of lurking, I finally realize why this forum is labeled Mundane and Pointless. I will expressly try my best to achieve those standards in any future posts. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![iiandyiiii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/iiandyiiii/32/7924_2.png) [@iiandyiiii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iiandyiiii)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2015, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-not-read/727536/18 "2015-08-11T22:43:51Z")
mortal wombat? Want some combat? Fat ozzie marsupial’s in the wrong, brat! When you step to the Dope you better bring it, Armed with my cites and my links as I sing it; But you better watch yourself, you may step in shit, And before you know it, end up in the BBQ Pit. ---
**Author:** ![kopek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kopek/32/337_2.png) [@kopek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kopek)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2015, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-not-read/727536/19 "2015-08-11T22:45:52Z")
Its like Ishtar ------ I don’t think it will be any good but I just can’t look away! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Walken\_After\_Midnight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/b487fb/32.png) [@Walken\_After\_Midnight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Walken_After_Midnight)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2015, 12:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-not-read/727536/20 "2015-08-12T00:28:31Z")
Exemplary deployment of the clickbait title gambit! That is One Weird Old Trick! [del]Dentists[/del] Other thread-starters must hate you! Here are some titles you can use for your next thread: - Why Other Dopers DON’T Want You To See This Thread! - You Won’t BELIEVE What This Poster Wrote In This Thread! - This Is Probably THE Most Important Thread You’ll Read All Day! - You Must Read This Thread Before It Gets BANNED! - This Thread Proves Scientists Are Wrong About EVERYTHING! [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-not-read/727536.md?page=2)