# Do people really die "surrounded by family" like the obit says? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 14, 2025, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-people-really-die-surrounded-by-family-like-the-obit-says/1023968 "2025-10-14T19:14:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 16\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![FloatyGimpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/floatygimpy/32/7750_2.png) [@FloatyGimpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FloatyGimpy)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2025, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-people-really-die-surrounded-by-family-like-the-obit-says/1023968/61 "2025-10-18T17:31:49Z")
I work in long term care and see this very often. The person is moved into the palliative room and family is notified that death is coming. Family often sits bedside in shifts until the person passes. If there is no family, we will try to sit with them so they don’t pass alone. ---
**Author:** ![kenobi\_65](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kenobi_65/32/13178_2.png) [@kenobi\_65](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kenobi_65)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2025, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-people-really-die-surrounded-by-family-like-the-obit-says/1023968/62 "2025-10-18T17:41:13Z")
> [@Dinsdale](#): > > Read in the paper this morning that KISS guitarist Ace Frehley died “surrounded by family.” He’d suffered a head injury after a fall in his studio a few weeks ago, [which had led to him cancelling the rest of his tour dates for 2025;](https://consequence.net/2025/10/ace-frehley-cancels-2025-tour-dates/) his health declined rapidly in the days that followed, to the point that he was on life support at the end. That’s exactly the sort of situation which gives the family time to gather for a vigil. ---
**Author:** ![muldoonthief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muldoonthief/32/3188_2.png) [@muldoonthief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/muldoonthief)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2025, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-people-really-die-surrounded-by-family-like-the-obit-says/1023968/63 "2025-10-18T17:44:08Z")
This has to be one of the most moving threads I’ve ever read on this board. My (now ex) wife and I were with her mother when she died in hospice. She had been unconscious for two days, so my wife stayed full time and I brought her meals. We were having lunch together when she passed away. My wife was convinced her mother held on until I arrived so she wouldn’t be there by herself. ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2025, 11:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-people-really-die-surrounded-by-family-like-the-obit-says/1023968/64 "2025-11-25T11:32:07Z")
> [@Moriarty](#): > > What’s odd, though, is the rebound effect that often happens shortly before they go into final shutdown mode. Yes. My husband did that about 2 days before he actually died. Fortunately, both my sister and I recognized what was happening (she was a hospice director, so very savvy about this). My sis basically told me to stay with him and she’d take care of everything else in my life so I could spend that time with him. He tried to relieve our 30 years together in one day. It was both heartbreaking and lovely. If you haven’t experienced this it’s hard to wrap your mind around something be simultaneously two such different things. I am really glad we had those hours together. ---
**Author:** ![Toxgoddess](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f08c70/32.png) [@Toxgoddess](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Toxgoddess)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2025, 1:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-people-really-die-surrounded-by-family-like-the-obit-says/1023968/65 "2025-11-25T13:16:09Z")
Yes it happens, as so many have said. My mom was in hospice at home dying of cancer. Her immediate family kept vigil all that day and night. My brothers and I were literally at her bedside when she died. Her husband and brother and sister-in-law were asleep in the bedrooms around the corner (it was after midnight). I am so grateful for those final hours together. ---
**Author:** ![Al128](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/al128/32/16541_2.png) [@Al128](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Al128)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2025, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-people-really-die-surrounded-by-family-like-the-obit-says/1023968/66 "2025-11-25T22:03:33Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > I’ve heard of professional “death doulas”, who sit the dying vigil with those who don’t have anyone else to do it for them. In LatAm you can hire - hard to describe it - **lloronas** “crying women” at the cementary whose job it is to loudly bemoan the defunct when the hearse arrives. [sup] Just make sure you have the logistics straight and they sob behind the correct vehicle [/sup] The informal cementary industry always surprises me here … ad-hoc hire women who throw rose-petals over the hearse when passing, the crying thingy … people writing messages at the rear window of the car (vuela alta, abu [fly high granny]) … needless to say there are mob-families around the cementaries here, protecting their turf … Also interesting: When I first moved here, it was really funny for me to see this sequence in a given (unknown to me) street: - funeral home A gave me the giggles … ---
**Author:** ![Al128](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/al128/32/16541_2.png) [@Al128](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Al128)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2025, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-people-really-die-surrounded-by-family-like-the-obit-says/1023968/67 "2025-11-25T22:23:28Z")
> [@LSLGuy](#): > > But when they’re down to a couple days or a few hours, there’s a very definite progression of things that tend to shut down in everyone. that! my wife is in elderly/hospice care, and pretty much can narrow it down to the calendar day. As you say, quite normally different systems shutting down and getting into a biological positive-feedback-loop scenario, spiraling out of “normal”. ---
**Author:** ![Daithi\_Lacha](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/daithi_lacha/32/5430_2.png) [@Daithi\_Lacha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daithi_Lacha)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2025, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-people-really-die-surrounded-by-family-like-the-obit-says/1023968/68 "2025-11-25T22:31:22Z")
When my father-in-law died in Hospice in Ireland, we were by his bedside as he breathed his last. When my mother-in-law died in the ICU (botched surgery) and they disconnected life support, we waited the 5 hours for her heart to eventually stop. My aunt just died on Sunday, and we had been staying with her for a week, making sure she was as comfortable as possibly and administering oral morphine ourselves as the home health aides appeared to be too skittish to do it properly. She was alive at 12:30 AM when we went to bed, and she was no longer alive at 3 AM when I got up to check on her. So I wasn’t by her bedside _per se_, but if I had known, I would have been. ---
**Author:** ![PatrickLondon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/patricklondon/32/4422_2.png) [@PatrickLondon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PatrickLondon)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2025, 12:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-people-really-die-surrounded-by-family-like-the-obit-says/1023968/69 "2025-11-26T12:25:18Z")
> [@Jackmannii](#): > > [It was true for Queen Victoria](https://www.historyextra.com/period/victorian/queen-victoria-death-funeral-mask-cause/) in 1901 And QE2. ---
**Author:** ![aceplace57](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aceplace57/32/3500_2.png) [@aceplace57](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aceplace57)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2025, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-people-really-die-surrounded-by-family-like-the-obit-says/1023968/70 "2025-11-26T17:01:12Z")
I’ve visited family that were terminally ill. But never witnessed a family members death. My dad got ill and died quickly in the hospital. There wasn’t enough time for me to drive three hours to see him. My mom was with my dad. I can understand how accident victims might have family at the hospital. They could survive a few hours after a bad car wreck. ---
**Author:** ![themapleleaf](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/themapleleaf/32/14349_2.png) [@themapleleaf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/themapleleaf)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2025, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-people-really-die-surrounded-by-family-like-the-obit-says/1023968/71 "2025-11-26T17:04:49Z")
I would be interested in whether people really die “peacefully in their sleep.” ---
**Author:** ![Al128](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/al128/32/16541_2.png) [@Al128](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Al128)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2025, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-people-really-die-surrounded-by-family-like-the-obit-says/1023968/72 "2025-11-26T17:10:28Z")
jep … there is a bit of “_does a tree falling in the deep woods make sounds when nobody is there to hear them_” in it, innit? … ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2025, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-people-really-die-surrounded-by-family-like-the-obit-says/1023968/73 "2025-11-26T17:55:37Z")
> [@themapleleaf](#): > > I would be interested in whether people really die “peacefully in their sleep.” Some do, some don’t. My mother kinda did, because she was on a lot of morphine. (She was anything but peaceful until she got the morphine, though. She was in pain and terrified. Don’t die of covid.) My cat died peacefully in her sleep after a long illness, probably a cancer. She was sitting in her favorite spot, watching the birds at the bird feeder. It was cold, and the proximate cause of her death was probably hypothermia. But we spent a lot of time sitting with her as she faded away, and she seemed pretty peaceful, dreaming about her younger days when she would have killed those birds. ---
**Author:** ![Railer13](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/railer13/32/9742_2.png) [@Railer13](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Railer13)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2025, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-people-really-die-surrounded-by-family-like-the-obit-says/1023968/74 "2025-11-26T19:32:56Z")
> [@themapleleaf](#): > > I would be interested in whether people really die “peacefully in their sleep.” My dad did. Mom and I were sitting with him during his final hours, during which he slept the entire time. I was reading a book, when Mom said “I think he quit breathing.” Very peaceful, with no pain. ---
**Author:** ![PatrickLondon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/patricklondon/32/4422_2.png) [@PatrickLondon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PatrickLondon)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2025, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-people-really-die-surrounded-by-family-like-the-obit-says/1023968/75 "2025-12-01T16:53:50Z")
I’ve just come across the tale of Nancy Astor, the sharp-tongued American who became the UK’s first woman MP. Apparently she awoke to find her family around her, and asked “Am I dying or is it my birthday?” ---
**Author:** ![Daithi\_Lacha](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/daithi_lacha/32/5430_2.png) [@Daithi\_Lacha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daithi_Lacha)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2025, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-people-really-die-surrounded-by-family-like-the-obit-says/1023968/76 "2025-12-01T17:11:37Z")
Apparently my mom did, on December 23, 2018. Late in the evening, she made herself a cup of tea and turned on a music channel (Country) on the TV, drank half her cup of tea and closed her eyes for a little nap which turned out to be a big nap – the biggest, in fact. She had no prior history of a heart problem. We should all go so peacefully! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-people-really-die-surrounded-by-family-like-the-obit-says/1023968.md?page=3)