# Do people still care about men being older than women in relationships? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 8, 2006, 11:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-people-still-care-about-men-being-older-than-women-in-relationships/383415 "2006-12-08T23:07:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2006, 11:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-people-still-care-about-men-being-older-than-women-in-relationships/383415/1 "2006-12-08T23:07:45Z")
Just curious, is all. I can think of six long-term relationships in my immediate family where the woman is older than the man (from months to years), including my own. Is this still a deal-breaker for some people, or has this societal convention pretty much gone away? ---
**Author:** ![pravnik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8edcca/32.png) [@pravnik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pravnik)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2006, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-people-still-care-about-men-being-older-than-women-in-relationships/383415/2 "2006-12-08T23:19:26Z")
I dunno. I’m seven years older than my wife, and nobody’s ever said anything. ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2006, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-people-still-care-about-men-being-older-than-women-in-relationships/383415/3 "2006-12-08T23:21:22Z")
I don’t know if it has gone away in society as a whole, but I can’t imagine anyone in my extended family caring if one of us was in a relationship or marriage where the woman was older, unless she was REALLY older, and in that case they’d probably cock an eyebrow no matter which partner was older. ---
**Author:** ![pravnik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8edcca/32.png) [@pravnik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pravnik)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2006, 11:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-people-still-care-about-men-being-older-than-women-in-relationships/383415/4 "2006-12-08T23:37:33Z")
:smack: Misread the op. ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2006, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-people-still-care-about-men-being-older-than-women-in-relationships/383415/5 "2006-12-08T23:39:19Z")
[QUOTE=OneCentStamp] I don’t know if it has gone away in society as a whole, but I can’t imagine anyone in my extended family caring if one of us was in a relationship or marriage where the woman was older, unless she was REALLY older, and in that case they’d probably cock an eyebrow no matter which partner was older. [/QUOTE] That’s the second time today I’ve gone into a thread and someone stole my comments. ---
**Author:** ![smiling\_bandit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@smiling\_bandit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smiling_bandit)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2006, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-people-still-care-about-men-being-older-than-women-in-relationships/383415/6 "2006-12-09T00:43:52Z")
I once dated an Iranian girl, not very religious or traditional. She was a bit over a year older than me. The very moment she found out, the lunch date changed from “warm feeling each other out” (not physically you nuts!) to “cold whine session.” It was not repeated. ---
**Author:** ![Stratocaster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stratocaster/32/16393_2.png) [@Stratocaster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stratocaster)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2006, 1:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-people-still-care-about-men-being-older-than-women-in-relationships/383415/7 "2006-12-09T01:39:18Z")
My wife is a bit less than two years older than I. We celebrated our 20th anniversary this year, and this horrible non sequitur was barely mentioned. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![brendon\_small](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/brendon_small/32/17101_2.png) [@brendon\_small](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brendon_small)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2006, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-people-still-care-about-men-being-older-than-women-in-relationships/383415/8 "2006-12-09T02:19:42Z")
Mrs. Small was a senior in high school when I was a freshman (since that was where we met) She is about 4 years older than me but no one has ever said anything about it other than a couple people, but they usually don’t think of it as a big deal. Brendon ---
**Author:** ![Spoons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spoons/32/3141_2.png) [@Spoons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoons)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2006, 2:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-people-still-care-about-men-being-older-than-women-in-relationships/383415/9 "2006-12-09T02:30:26Z")
I would suggest that it’s gone away. At least, in my middle age, I don’t know anybody to whom it matters. Although I must add “within reason.” An 80-year-old man will still raise eyebrows if he dates a 20-year-old girl, and vice versa. My ex is two years older than I am. A good buddy is getting married to a lady who is a year older than he is. Another good buddy is five years younger than his wife. But I’m four years older than my wife. Nobody really cares when we all get together. (Although I should say, my ex is no longer invited. 😃 ) We all have a good time together; age doesn’t enter into it. It might matter to some, but not to my friends, my wife, or me. ---
**Author:** ![dangermom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e274bd/32.png) [@dangermom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dangermom)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2006, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-people-still-care-about-men-being-older-than-women-in-relationships/383415/10 "2006-12-09T03:17:47Z")
I would say that it has mostly gone away. At least, most of the guys in my family are married to women a few years older than themselves, and several other people I know are as well, and it has never seemed to bother anyone that I know of. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2006, 3:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-people-still-care-about-men-being-older-than-women-in-relationships/383415/11 "2006-12-09T03:33:10Z")
It has not gone away completely. My family felt uncomfortable when they learned I was five months older then my SO - they believe a man should be minimum two years older than his wife. They think men don’t mature as fast, blah, blah. I have heard this occasionally from other Indians, too. ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2006, 7:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-people-still-care-about-men-being-older-than-women-in-relationships/383415/12 "2006-12-09T07:02:42Z")
[QUOTE=Anaamika] It has not gone away completely. My family felt uncomfortable when they learned **I was five months older then my SO** - they believe a man should be minimum two years older than his wife. They think men don’t mature as fast, blah, blah. [/QUOTE] (bolding mine) This may be true and valid if you’re both freaking **THIRTEEN** , but why would it make a difference in adults? I’m glad you find it silly too. ---
**Author:** ![tremorviolet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e47774/32.png) [@tremorviolet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tremorviolet)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2006, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-people-still-care-about-men-being-older-than-women-in-relationships/383415/13 "2006-12-09T17:03:19Z")
It hasn’t gone away completely. I’m 39 and, on the online personals, there are scads of guys in the 35-45 range who are only looking for women 25-35. Among the ones who will _gasp_ date a woman over 35, a lot of those guys make the upper limit exactly their age. So it still exists. Hmmm, I’ve never checked out the women-seeking-men side. I wonder if a lot women set their lower limit at their ages? ---
**Author:** ![auntie\_em](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5e9695/32.png) [@auntie\_em](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/auntie_em)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2006, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-people-still-care-about-men-being-older-than-women-in-relationships/383415/14 "2006-12-09T17:26:19Z")
I don’t think anyone knows I’m six years older than **SkipMagic**. For one thing, he’s much more mature than I am. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![zoogirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b9bd4f/32.png) [@zoogirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zoogirl)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2006, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-people-still-care-about-men-being-older-than-women-in-relationships/383415/15 "2006-12-09T17:35:23Z")
I’m very interested in someone who’s eighteen months younger and yeah, it feels weird. We’re currently forty-five and forty-six so it’s not like that year and a bit makes much difference in maturity. I usually have my age guessed as late thirties as well, so it’s not a looks thing. It just feels odd. On the other hand, my “real” SO is seven years older and it’s not strange at all. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2006, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-people-still-care-about-men-being-older-than-women-in-relationships/383415/16 "2006-12-09T18:33:22Z")
[QUOTE=tremorviolet] It hasn’t gone away completely. I’m 39 and, on the online personals, there are scads of guys in the 35-45 range who are only looking for women 25-35. Among the ones who will _gasp_ date a woman over 35, a lot of those guys make the upper limit exactly their age. So it still exists. Hmmm, I’ve never checked out the women-seeking-men side. I wonder if a lot women set their lower limit at their ages? [/QUOTE] I hadn’t thought of that, that maybe it was still somewhat of a big deal to men but not so much for women. When I was looking for that special someone about seven years ago, I think my age range was from about five years younger than me to maybe ten years older (at that point, more than five years younger than me would have put them at an age where they weren’t likely to be at the same stage in life that I was - education finished, career established, etc.). This is interesting - as a woman, I was looking for a guy who was doing something with his life, like I was. I can think of a couple reasons for guys looking for younger women, one of them being if they want kids, and another being that guys might not be as concerned with women having a good career as women might be. ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2006, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-people-still-care-about-men-being-older-than-women-in-relationships/383415/17 "2006-12-09T18:36:13Z")
I would say that compared to the _height_ thing, it’s a pale ghost of its former self if not entirely gone. I had a girlfriend who was 52 when I was 35, which is the widest gap I’ve ever done. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2006, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-people-still-care-about-men-being-older-than-women-in-relationships/383415/18 "2006-12-09T18:38:13Z")
**zoogirl** , I’m curious about why 18 months is important to you. You’re both contemporaries of each other, I assume you’re both at about the same stages in your lives - what difference does it make if he’s 18 months younger or you were? (I’m honestly asking - not trying to be snarky.) ---
**Author:** ![Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/13edae/32.png) [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stranger_On_A_Train)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2006, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-people-still-care-about-men-being-older-than-women-in-relationships/383415/19 "2006-12-09T19:16:44Z")
[QUOTE=tremorviolet] It hasn’t gone away completely. I’m 39 and, on the online personals, there are scads of guys in the 35-45 range who are only looking for women 25-35. Among the ones who will _gasp_ date a woman over 35, a lot of those guys make the upper limit exactly their age. [/QUOTE] The poor, ignorant bastards don’t know what they’re missing. 😉 Stranger ---
**Author:** ![Lizard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@Lizard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lizard)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2006, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-people-still-care-about-men-being-older-than-women-in-relationships/383415/20 "2006-12-10T00:00:09Z")
[QUOTE=tremorviolet] It hasn’t gone away completely. I’m 39 and, on the online personals, there are scads of guys in the 35-45 range who are only looking for women 25-35. Among the ones who will _gasp_ date a woman over 35, a lot of those guys make the upper limit exactly their age. So it still exists. Hmmm, I’ve never checked out the women-seeking-men side. I wonder if a lot women set their lower limit at their ages? [/QUOTE] I read somewhere there is a subconscious biological basis for this, something about women older than 35 being past their prime breeding age. As for women seeking men, I think a lot of them don’t want someone MUCH younger than them: I rarely hear of a difference of more than 3 years when the man is younger, with some exceptions. (See below.) But I’m with **Stranger On A Train** about this issue; women age like wine. (Even down to the occasionally bitter bottle). Virtually every woman I’ve dated since college has been older than me, by 4 to 10 years. Maybe I have a Mommy complex, but I just always felt like older women gave me more slack to be myself. they weren’t working off some script I had to adhere to. I’ve noticed the difference less and less as I’ve backed into my 30s. In other words, the age of women I’m interested in has converged with the age I am over the last few years. Then again, my mother is 17 years older than my stepfather, and my sister-in-law is seven years older than my brother. So maybe I just have a family disease. 😃 [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-people-still-care-about-men-being-older-than-women-in-relationships/383415.md?page=2)