# Do racist comments REALLY offend you? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 12, 2008, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-racist-comments-really-offend-you/476900 "2008-12-12T16:54:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2008, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-racist-comments-really-offend-you/476900/21 "2008-12-12T18:05:05Z")
> [@Isamu](#): > > And “attempted slurs” are different from actual “slurs” because… ? > > Let me guess. Because a slur is not really a slur when you, the white person, are the target, because you can never actually be slurred because you are so obviously so superior and white. I say “attempted slurs,” because they do no damage. Not because white people are “superior” (that’s a really offensive inference), but because they’ve never been victims of institutional racism. There aren’t any wounds to be opened. ---
**Author:** ![EpicNonsense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c37758/32.png) [@EpicNonsense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EpicNonsense)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2008, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-racist-comments-really-offend-you/476900/22 "2008-12-12T18:06:44Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > I don’t know why. It’s only a split second and then it’s gone, but it just is there. > > I don’t think you can understand, honestly, being white. I don’t say this in a mean way at all but you have always run the world. It’s different being any other color, and living here, it really is. I’m always the minority, wherever I go. And I always will be. > > And I’d like to add, also, that I am not the Indian spokesperson. This is all just my personal opinion. But I have read many great men and women also speak of the split second of shame, so I know I am not alone. The reason some people don’t take offense to it is because they understand that if you keep taking offense to it, people will continue to try and offend you. Growing up here in Hawaii I was the minority.. whites are hated here!.. We literally took this island from the Hawaiians. Anyone who is dark skinned is against whites here, for the most part. I used to be treated like shit for being white, but once they started to realize I’m some asshole out to get them they understand I am just like them, and the racism has come to a halt, with me at least… Think of it this way. If you’re the kid in school who is weak, a loner, etc, do you think the other kids would ever stop giving you shit? No.. It’s power they have over you now. It’s like mind control. And they will continue to abuse that power to get whatever they can. But once you step up you’ll earn some respect and be treated like the others. In the racial aspect, whites and asians in general consider themselves more powerful than others… why? For one, in comparison to most other races there are a lot more whites and asians, but why the does that mean you have to take offense to acts of racism? I understand being in a position of less power, being that you’re apart of a smaller group you may be afraid to step up to them, but why take offense to racial slurs? Is it because it’s been going on like this so long that it just becomes natural to take offense? Why does it offend you? ---
**Author:** ![Karyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/fbc32d/32.png) [@Karyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Karyn)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2008, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-racist-comments-really-offend-you/476900/23 "2008-12-12T18:11:12Z")
I think that for me to be offended it has to be aimed at me personally, and since I’m white that isn’t something that I have to deal with. When I hear someone else do it I feel angry and sickened and can’t resist making comments about how their lily white skin certainly hasn’t stopped them from being an ignorant asshole. I figure that if they’re trying to make someone else feel ashamed of their race then I have every right to embarrass them in front of the person that they said it to and make them feel ashamed of their bigotry. ---
**Author:** ![EpicNonsense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c37758/32.png) [@EpicNonsense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EpicNonsense)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2008, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-racist-comments-really-offend-you/476900/24 "2008-12-12T18:11:41Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > Who are you to decide whether black people “should” or “shouldn’t” use the n-word? That’s rather condescending on your part. Who asked you? Because apparently, most blacks take offense to it, and usually prohibit the word, so why even use it if you’re going to take offense to it?.. If you want people to drop the word, why continue to use it?.. I’m not trying to speak of all black people, but for those who do use the word. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2008, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-racist-comments-really-offend-you/476900/25 "2008-12-12T18:13:16Z")
> [@EpicNonsense](#): > > Because apparently, most blacks take offense to it, and usually prohibit the word, so why even use it if you’re going to take offense to it?.. If you want people to drop the word, why continue to use it?.. > > I’m not trying to speak of all black people, but for those who do use the word. A lot of white people get confused by this, so I’ll explain it to you. It’s ok for black people to say it, it’s not ok for non-black people to say it. Any questions? ---
**Author:** ![EpicNonsense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c37758/32.png) [@EpicNonsense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EpicNonsense)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2008, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-racist-comments-really-offend-you/476900/26 "2008-12-12T18:23:05Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > A lot of white people get confused by this, so I’ll explain it to you. It’s ok for black people to say it, it’s not ok for non-black people to say it. > > Any questions? Not necessarily. I have friends who commonly use the word around other ethnicity’s and both sides commonly use the word when they’re around each other. God forbid a Filipino guy using the term. Thing is, the A.M. party doesn’t take offense to it even if an unknown used the term towards him. They use the term because they are comfortable with it. Why on earth would someone use a term AND take offense to it when someone else used it?.. ---
**Author:** ![Busy\_Scissors](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/d78d45/32.png) [@Busy\_Scissors](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Busy_Scissors)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2008, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-racist-comments-really-offend-you/476900/27 "2008-12-12T18:26:24Z")
Being white and living in Scotland, I’ve never been the subject of a racist comment. I hear plenty directed towards others though. I find it offensive on a number of levels - You’ve got the fundamentally unacceptable nature of what’s being said, but also the assumption that I’m going to give it my tacit acceptance, which is in itself offensive. I’ve noticed this with racist people in the UK on a number of occasions, they crave acceptance and consensus for their opinions. If they can get a nod of legitamacy in polite society for their racist views it really makes their day. ---
**Author:** ![Monstera\_deliciosa](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/monstera_deliciosa/32/109_2.png) [@Monstera\_deliciosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monstera_deliciosa)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2008, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-racist-comments-really-offend-you/476900/28 "2008-12-12T18:29:40Z")
> [@EpicNonsense](#): > > Which is good. You shouldn’t. I don’t understand it one bit. But it’s becoming really common for a lot of blacks to use the term, as if it’s a fad or something. It’s stupid.. which is why I wanted some insight. > > I’m curious though, and I’m in no way trying to imply hypocrisy with this question, I strictly want your outlook on this issue. Should you be hosting a party, or bbq, and another A.M. come up to you, someone who frequently uses the term to address other A.M. friends or acquaintances, and he say’s “Yo, my n, can I get drink?”… Would you take offense to this? I have several friends who are fully against the term, or anything relative, but some people, even those who don’t use it, are not completely offended by it, if used in a case like this… First, I’m with **Diogenes** –in no case, racial or not, do you get to decide what should affend another person. That is strictly up to them. Second, the instance in your scenario is unlikely to happen, because I’m a woman, and the “Yo, my nigger,” form of address is generally used by males, among males. Third, what the hell is “A.M.” an abbreviation for? Finally, to actually answer your questions: I wouldn’t correct the person, because polite adults do not correct other adults in social settings. I might give them a :rolleyes: look, however. If the person was a kid, I might say, “I don’t care for the casual use of that word, so don’t use it around me.” In my personal opinion, black people starting use the word “nigger” as among themselves as a way of “owning” it, turning a negative into a positive, much like GLBT people have embraced the word “queer,” which formerly had a negative connotation. The reason I, _again personally_, do not like it, is that I don’t think we’ve been truly successful in removing the negative connotation, so in using it, black people are instead reinforcing the negativity. ---
**Author:** ![clairobscur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/839c29/32.png) [@clairobscur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clairobscur)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2008, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-racist-comments-really-offend-you/476900/29 "2008-12-12T18:36:03Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > I find racial slurs very offensive against any group but whites. The only thing lamer than attempted slurs against white people is white people who get offended by them. I disagree with that. Slurs used against white people denote a the existence of a mindset that is very unhealthy for the society at large (actually essentially the same mindset that slurs dirtected at minorities). They shouldn’t be given a pass. ---
**Author:** ![Monstera\_deliciosa](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/monstera_deliciosa/32/109_2.png) [@Monstera\_deliciosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monstera_deliciosa)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2008, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-racist-comments-really-offend-you/476900/30 "2008-12-12T18:46:52Z")
I should add, I have different levels of “offended.” If a member of another group used “nigger” or any other slur against me, I would be seriously offended. I am only mildly offended by the casual use of “nigger” by other African-Americans. I don’t like it, but it doesn’t actually make me angry. ---
**Author:** ![EpicNonsense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c37758/32.png) [@EpicNonsense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EpicNonsense)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2008, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-racist-comments-really-offend-you/476900/31 "2008-12-12T18:48:35Z")
> [@Monstera\_deliciosa](#): > > Third, what the hell is “A.M.” an abbreviation for? Afro-Merican… a.k.a. Afro American. If I use A.A. people always assume African American… I use the term Afro American because it feels less offensive, to me at least… Which do you think is more offensive? The term Afro was a hairstyle made popular by the Africans so when speaking of an African American people sometimes used Afro American… it’s more common in pop culture. History on the term [here](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Afro-American). ETA: Females use the “yo my n” or “my n” line too… Usually when addressing a guy but in rare cases to address another woman. ---
**Author:** ![mswas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e99b99/32.png) [@mswas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mswas)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2008, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-racist-comments-really-offend-you/476900/32 "2008-12-12T18:49:41Z")
> [@EpicNonsense](#): > > Afro-Merican… a.k.a. Afro American. If I use A.A. people always assume African American… I use the term Afro American because it feels less offensive, to me at least… Which do you think is more offensive? The term Afro was a hairstyle made popular by the Africans so when speaking of an African American people sometimes used Afro American… it’s more common in pop culture. History on the term [here](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Afro-American). And here I always thought AA meant Astro Argentum. ---
**Author:** ![Henrichek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/5daacb/32.png) [@Henrichek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Henrichek)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2008, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-racist-comments-really-offend-you/476900/33 "2008-12-12T18:52:17Z")
I am white and nobody has ever slurred me, but I wouldn’t be surprised if I’d be insulted. Any referring to me in a condescending manner might lead to that. Of course, if it would be presented with humorous intent I probably wouldn’t be insulted. Furthermore, I think it’s quite silly to say that white people who are offended by slurs are lame. That would be like saying black people offended by slurs are lame, or are you saying black people are special and white people are not entitled to be insulted? ---
**Author:** ![Monstera\_deliciosa](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/monstera_deliciosa/32/109_2.png) [@Monstera\_deliciosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monstera_deliciosa)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2008, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-racist-comments-really-offend-you/476900/34 "2008-12-12T19:12:23Z")
> [@EpicNonsense](#): > > Afro-Merican… a.k.a. Afro American. If I use A.A. people always assume African American… I use the term Afro American because it feels less offensive, to me at least… Which do you think is more offensive? The term Afro was a hairstyle made popular by the Africans so when speaking of an African American people sometimes used Afro American… it’s more common in pop culture. History on the term [here](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Afro-American). > > ETA: Females use the “yo my n” or “my n” line too… Usually when addressing a guy but in rare cases to address another woman. I don’t need a history of the term “Afro-American;” it was popular in my youth, way back in the 1970s. “Afro-” is a prefix meaning related to Africa or Africans; the term Afro-American did not derive from the hairstyle. Thank you for your attempts to educate me about my culture, though. I do not find either African-American or Afro-American offensive at all, so there is no more or less here. Suit yourself. ---
**Author:** ![Litoris](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/9f8e36/32.png) [@Litoris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Litoris)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2008, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-racist-comments-really-offend-you/476900/35 "2008-12-12T19:13:35Z")
> [@Atomicflea](#): > > If I am referring to myself as a bitch, does that give someone else permission to call me one as well? Think about it. Yes, because you have told us that is how you self-identify. ---
**Author:** ![capybara](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/capybara/32/202_2.png) [@capybara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/capybara)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2008, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-racist-comments-really-offend-you/476900/36 "2008-12-12T19:15:31Z")
Hmm. I grew up in Puna district on the Big Island, and from junior-high-school training, if I hear the term “fucking haole!” yelled out, I duck and wince a bit. Don’t know how it was for you in Honolulu. OTOH haole could be used completely innocuously/descriptive as well, in which cases it wasn’t offensive. “The haole girl next to the window. . .” is ok, but “You like beef, you fucking haole shit?” is not so comforting. All contextual, I guess. ---
**Author:** ![Asimovian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asimovian/32/172_2.png) [@Asimovian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asimovian)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2008, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-racist-comments-really-offend-you/476900/37 "2008-12-12T19:17:37Z")
> [@EpicNonsense](#): > > Why on earth would someone use a term AND take offense to it when someone else used it?.. You continue to ignore the obvious parallel between the example of someone using the term “bitch” or like terms on friends when clearly no offense is actually intended. You say it’s not relevant to the question you’re posing, but the issue really is the same – if you can understand one, you can understand the other. ---
**Author:** ![cher3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/da6949/32.png) [@cher3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cher3)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2008, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-racist-comments-really-offend-you/476900/38 "2008-12-12T19:19:02Z")
I’m white and, yes, the comments from Black kids back in school insulted and scared me. I mean, they didn’t even _know_ me. I was about the most mild-mannered, inoffensive person around. My only crime was being tall and white and somewhat noticeable. ---
**Author:** ![Fish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bc8723/32.png) [@Fish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fish)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2008, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-racist-comments-really-offend-you/476900/39 "2008-12-12T19:19:44Z")
Racist slurs don’t, by themselves, offend me. Hypocrisy offends me; leaping to illogical conclusions offends me; stereotyping offends me. A single racist word, not so much. ---
**Author:** ![Atomicflea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/58956e/32.png) [@Atomicflea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atomicflea)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2008, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-racist-comments-really-offend-you/476900/40 "2008-12-12T19:21:32Z")
> [@EpicNonsense](#): > > The slurs in general are similar in a sense, yes, but I’m not asking about slurs regarding religious beliefs, sexual orientation, disabilities, etc… Because those would offend you, and these wouldn’t? In my mind there is no difference. Any slur directed at you based on an assumption is ignorant and offensive. > [@Asimovian](#): > > Why do you consider this to be off-topic? Why is someone calling me a midget without knowing anything about me other than me being short any less wrong than someone calling me a nigger because they see I’m black? There you go. To echo others, you don’t get to decide what’s offensive to others. Irrespective of your tiny existence, there is a history behind certain words that evokes feelings. Those feelings are negated when the words are uttered by people percieved to be friendly. I get offended when anyone is insulted. Any man’s death diminishes me, etc. I get ticked off when I am insulted based on my race or my language, and I’m certainly not ashamed. I get ticked off when my gay friends are insulted, or my black friends, or hell, my white friends or Jewish friends or deaf friends. I get ticked. off. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-racist-comments-really-offend-you/476900.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-racist-comments-really-offend-you/476900.md?page=3)