# Do racist comments REALLY offend you? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 12, 2008, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-racist-comments-really-offend-you/476900 "2008-12-12T16:54:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Atomicflea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/58956e/32.png) [@Atomicflea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atomicflea)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2008, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-racist-comments-really-offend-you/476900/41 "2008-12-12T19:24:53Z")
> [@Busy\_Scissors](#): > > I’ve noticed this with racist people in the UK on a number of occasions, they crave acceptance and consensus for their opinions. If they can get a nod of legitamacy in polite society for their racist views it really makes their day. An excellent point. It never fails to amaze me that people that make the types of assumptions made in the OP assume their feelings are perfectly reasonable and justifiable, and don’t even consider they are being prejudiced. ---
**Author:** ![EpicNonsense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c37758/32.png) [@EpicNonsense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EpicNonsense)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2008, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-racist-comments-really-offend-you/476900/42 "2008-12-12T19:33:25Z")
> [@Monstera\_deliciosa](#): > > I don’t need a history of the term “Afro-American;” it was popular in my youth, way back in the 1970s. “Afro-” is a prefix meaning related to Africa or Africans; the term Afro-American did not derive from the hairstyle. Thank you for your attempts to educate me about my culture, though. > > I do not find either African-American or Afro-American offensive at all, so there is no more or less here. Suit yourself. Obviously not a history lesson _for you_ specifically… Added that should someone else be unfamiliar with the term, as it isn’t common for everyone. I was going to add the disclaimer at the end but didn’t think it was necessary. So okay, Afro has _another_ meaning. I wasn’t trying to add all relevant information to the term just a brief description. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2008, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-racist-comments-really-offend-you/476900/43 "2008-12-12T19:43:08Z")
The one time I experienced something like this was about three and a half years ago, while working at a high school. I walked by a group of black kids who were laughing and talking by the door, and one of the girls said to one of the guys, “You’re so white.” Then she saw me and apologized. I shook my head and laughed about it. White was obviously being used negatively, but it was a weird experience and I couldn’t get upset about it, just like I would have trouble getting worked up about someone calling me a honky or anything else. If you’re a white person in most places in America, the discrimination that lends power to racist comments does not exist. (Now I see **Monstera** made the same point. Oops.) There are exceptions for sure, but most of the time that’s how it is. **EpicNonsense** - are you saying positive or neutral use of “nigger” by black people is a fad? It’s been going on for decades. (Longer than you’ve been alive, I think.) It’s not a fad; the word’s been redefined. We’ve had this conversation on the Dope many times, and basically it comes down to this: the same word can mean different things when used in different situations by different people. That’s just context. Your OP seems to vaguely imply that black people, or at least the ones who use the word in casual conversation, aren’t actually offended if it’s used against them as a racial slur, but that’s silly. ---
**Author:** ![Nzinga\_Seated](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b5ac83/32.png) [@Nzinga\_Seated](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nzinga_Seated)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2008, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-racist-comments-really-offend-you/476900/44 "2008-12-12T19:52:24Z")
White people can use ‘nigger’ if they want to. It wouldn’t offend me, but it would shock me! I am called ‘nigger’ quite a bit in my line of work. It never fails to shock me. Me and my friends say nigga all the time. I am careful not to say it around any ol’ black grandmas that may have been sprayed with hoses in the civil rights movement, and would be the first to firmly admonish anyone who would. That said, I think it is hilarious that people think that black people should not be able to say the word unless white people can say it too. That cracks me up. We say the word, in spite of the original intention of the word, which was to wound us. I cannot for the life of me figure out why white people would want to say it. I gotta say, I am nonplussed. ---
**Author:** ![Omega\_Glory](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/7c8e57/32.png) [@Omega\_Glory](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omega_Glory)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2008, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-racist-comments-really-offend-you/476900/45 "2008-12-12T19:53:24Z")
Yes, for the reasons laid out by \*\*Monstera \*\* and **Anaamika**. I’m not December’s black spokesperson, so I can’t answer questions aimed at the whole race. > [@EpicNonsense](#): > > Why shame? Why not just laugh at their attempt… joke about it some. When someone asks for a flashlight I’m usually the first one to lift up my shirt. You know, I’m white, so I’m bright… Gets some laughs, whatever. Be PROUD of what you are, not ASHAMED… The more you take offense to it… the more people are going to discriminate against you. If it was all that simple, don’t you think people would have ended discrimination through laughter a long time ago? ---
**Author:** ![EpicNonsense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c37758/32.png) [@EpicNonsense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EpicNonsense)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2008, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-racist-comments-really-offend-you/476900/46 "2008-12-12T19:58:29Z")
> [@Marley23](#): > > Your OP seems to vaguely imply that black people, or at least the ones who use the word in casual conversation, aren’t actually offended if it’s used against them as a racial slur, but that’s silly. Regardless if one is using the word in an offensive manner or not, it’s frowned upon. For example… I was with 2 of my best friends. One of them half black half hawaiian the other asian/pacific islander mix… When I’m with my friend B… we can talk about anything and joke about anything. While I was living in Vegas I picked up the habit of using the n term around close friends.. Of course, not using them in offensive ways, but just using them to address each other like brothers, or whatever. That seems to be the redefined meaning of it. So one day after while dropping a friend off at his place, while friend A was in the front seat, I said “Peace my nigga”… Friend A wasn’t so happy… He’s still a very good friend of mine but it made him really uncomfortable that I used the term. Now, my friend A uses this term all of the time… So it baffled me as to why he’d take so much offense to the word when it wasn’t even being used in a vulgar manner. But hey… whatever. Everyone has their own way of thinking. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2008, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-racist-comments-really-offend-you/476900/47 "2008-12-12T20:00:11Z")
> [@EpicNonsense](#): > > Not necessarily. I have friends who commonly use the word around other ethnicity’s and both sides commonly use the word when they’re around each other. God forbid a Filipino guy using the term. Thing is, the A.M. party doesn’t take offense to it even if an unknown used the term towards him. They use the term because they are comfortable with it. Why on earth would someone use a term AND take offense to it when someone else used it?.. Do you have a girlfriend? 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![TroubleAgain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e480ec/32.png) [@TroubleAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TroubleAgain)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2008, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-racist-comments-really-offend-you/476900/48 "2008-12-12T20:03:27Z")
Yes, racists comments offend me, regardless of at whom they are directed, because mindless hatred, especially for something that the victim did not choose, offends me. ---
**Author:** ![EpicNonsense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c37758/32.png) [@EpicNonsense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EpicNonsense)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2008, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-racist-comments-really-offend-you/476900/49 "2008-12-12T20:12:51Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > Do you have a girlfriend? 🆒 Yes. She’s in Japan right now. Why you asking? ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2008, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-racist-comments-really-offend-you/476900/50 "2008-12-12T20:33:27Z")
> [@EpicNonsense](#): > > Yes. She’s in Japan right now. Why you asking? See post #9. ---
**Author:** ![EpicNonsense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c37758/32.png) [@EpicNonsense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EpicNonsense)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2008, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-racist-comments-really-offend-you/476900/51 "2008-12-12T20:49:13Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > See post #9. Hi I’m Chad No, not really. The only reason I began using the term around friends while in Vegas is because they were comfortable with the term. It’s not something that was over-done, but it was acceptable in the right context. Why I actually began using the word, I have no idea. Anytime I used it I wrapped sarcastic, cartoonish flare around it so it didn’t fly the way it did for others. If you’ve seen enough movies you can understand where I’m coming from. After that experience I had I don’t even feel comfortable spelling the word out anymore. It’s like heroin.. I can see all the other people abusing it and having fun with it but if I ever were to give it a shot I’d probably end up in a hospital. ---
**Author:** ![Mighty\_Mouse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mighty_mouse/32/7776_2.png) [@Mighty\_Mouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mighty_Mouse)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2008, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-racist-comments-really-offend-you/476900/52 "2008-12-12T21:08:03Z")
> [@orcenio](#): > > This reminds me of a post from a [good blog I read](http://stuffblackpeoplehate.com/2008/08/29/nigger/): > > It goes on to say A better analogy might be, if I call my girlfriend a bitch, can I still get mad if you call her a bitch. Maybe, but are now kicking while standing on one leg. ---
**Author:** ![FinnAgain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/finnagain/32/12500_2.png) [@FinnAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FinnAgain)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2008, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-racist-comments-really-offend-you/476900/53 "2008-12-12T21:20:53Z")
> [@EpicNonsense](#): > > Do racial slurs towards you really push your buttons? Yes, because it’s the thought/intent that burns me up. I find racism, bigotry and prejudice to be absolutey revolting. I recognize that, for instance, calling a black man a nigger or a gay man a faggot carries with it a much higher chance that violence will ensue than calling a white man a cracker. (Then again, it’s not like there’s never been racist violence directed at white people.) The history or overtones of violence can make a slur more biting, or set its target more on edge… but at its heart, a slur based on race/sexuality/ethnicity/etc… is disgusting to me, no matter who it’s applied to. I’d also point out that the idea that white people shouldn’t object to racism directed at them is bizarre. As if, by the alchemy of having white skin, racism is fine if it’s directed against you. I suppose we could play 20 Hypotheticals (What if it’s a white person in Nigeria? What if you’re postapocalyptica after the zombiepocalypse and white people are enslaved by Africans? What if…) but honestly, why bother? Either racism is bad, or racism _against the wrong groups is bad_, which is a very disturbing view to take. The psychobabble about how “race + power = racism, so minorities can’t be racist” simply helps perpetuate fallacious fungibility and bigotry. It doesn’t matter if you have power or not. An arthritic 90 year old white woman who calls a black man a nigger is as morally reprehensible as a 16 year old black girl who uses “stop acting so white” as an insult, _and for exactly the same reason_. Oh, and: > [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > I say “attempted slurs,” because they do no damage. [“Slur.”](http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/slur) ---
**Author:** ![Atomicflea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/58956e/32.png) [@Atomicflea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atomicflea)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2008, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-racist-comments-really-offend-you/476900/54 "2008-12-12T21:28:08Z")
> [@EpicNonsense](#): > > The only reason I began using the term around friends while in Vegas is because they were comfortable with the term. It’s not something that was over-done, but it was acceptable in the right context. Why I actually began using the word, I have no idea. Anytime I used it I wrapped sarcastic, cartoonish flare around it so it didn’t fly the way it did for others. If you’ve seen enough movies you can understand where I’m coming from. So your Vegas friends were comfortable with it, that’s great. It didn’t offend them. That doesn’t mean you get carte blanche. Someone’s going to get offended. > [@](#): > > After that experience I had I don’t even feel comfortable spelling the word out anymore. It’s like heroin.. I can see all the other people abusing it and having fun with it but if I ever were to give it a shot I’d probably end up in a hospital. Also like heroin, you need to quit cold turkey and accept that you can’t do heroin socially without wanting to do it all the time. I’m still not sure where wishing you could have “fun” with the n-word is even a huge concern for anyone, but oh well. I wish I could pee standing up. I can’t. I’ll live. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2008, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-racist-comments-really-offend-you/476900/55 "2008-12-12T22:31:03Z")
> [@FinnAgain](#): > > [“Slur.”](http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/slur) I know what the word means. I think you’re missing that I was making a specific exception for attempted slurs against _white_ people. I think words like “honky” or “cracker” are basically epic fails in comparison to the racist words that actually have some kind of historical freight to them. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2008, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-racist-comments-really-offend-you/476900/56 "2008-12-12T22:41:46Z")
Yes, because criticizing people for anything they cannot help is wrong wrong wrong. And criticizing people for what they are is wrong. People should be downgraded for what they do (that was really really stupid), not what they are (you are so stupid). There is the insider/outsider rule. It’s one thing when Kim comes in and greets me with “Hey, girl. How’s it going?” It’s another thing when the office Ron tells someone “Check with the girl over there.” ---
**Author:** ![FinnAgain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/finnagain/32/12500_2.png) [@FinnAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FinnAgain)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2008, 10:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-racist-comments-really-offend-you/476900/57 "2008-12-12T22:50:04Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > I know what the word means. Your use of it indicates otherwise, or you are simply using an idiosyncratic definition that is so subjective as to have placed your argument into [Humpty Dumpty territory.](http://www.sundials.org/about/humpty.htm) > [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > I think you’re missing that I was making a specific exception for attempted slurs against _white_ people.I think words like “honky” or “cracker” are basically epic fails in comparison to the racist words that actually have some kind of historical freight to them. And this is the problem. Whether they’re ‘epic fails’ or not, attempts to insult someone are still _slurs_. You may argue with them being _effective_ or _hurtful_ slurs, but an argument that a statement designed to insult is not a slur is, simply, false. You are confusing the intent of a statement (which is what makes it a slur or not) with the effect of a statement (which is what makes it an effective slur or not). Fundamentalist Christians who accuse atheists of “not being God-fearing men and women” are most certainly trying to be insulting, even if 99.9% of the atheists in the world would respond with “Um, yah. So?” ---
**Author:** ![Jolly\_Roger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/91b2a8/32.png) [@Jolly\_Roger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jolly_Roger)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2008, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-racist-comments-really-offend-you/476900/58 "2008-12-12T22:51:26Z")
> [@Monstera\_deliciosa](#): > > I should add, I have different levels of “offended.” If a member of another group used “nigger” or any other slur against me, I would be seriously offended. > > I am only mildly offended by the casual use of “nigger” by other African-Americans. I don’t like it, but it doesn’t actually make me angry. I don’t like it either, but as you said, it doesn’t make me angry. Though I have told old friends to try to stop referring to me as that. Having an old friend say “Whats up, my n\*\*\*\*\*?” as a form of greeting is a lot different than some other non black person I don’t know call me a “\*\*\*\*\*\*”. (I’m not going to give the word the dignity of me spelling it) ---
**Author:** ![ToeJam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/dfb087/32.png) [@ToeJam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ToeJam)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2008, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-racist-comments-really-offend-you/476900/59 "2008-12-12T23:13:26Z")
One thing that always baffles me is “Why do OTHER people CARE so much about wanting to use these slurs?” If you’re in the culture and it’s your own culture, then fine, do what you want, and I can’t really have anything to say for you “taking it back” the word. But what’s with the arguments, “well, since X Culture uses the word, why can’t I call them that?” Is that the only term you can think of to call said group? Is there some reason that word stands out as the one thing you really really really want to be able to say? It just never made sense to me. Why can’t you use another word instead- is it REALLY that enticing that you have to call your buddies “Your N----” rather than “peace out my brother” or something like that? I can understand a group taking back a word, but I just can’t understand then another group wanting to use the word as well. Is their vocabulary that incomplete that they need to also find acceptance in using a slur just because X group says it among themselves?? ---
**Author:** ![Stratocaster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stratocaster/32/16393_2.png) [@Stratocaster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stratocaster)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2008, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-racist-comments-really-offend-you/476900/60 "2008-12-12T23:27:06Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > I know what the word means. I think you’re missing that I was making a specific exception for attempted slurs against _white_ people. I think words like “honky” or “cracker” are basically epic fails in comparison to the racist words that actually have some kind of historical freight to them. Diogenes, if someone hurls a word intended and received as an insult, it’s an insult. That doesn’t mean “cracker” carries the same weight as “nigger.” But it’s still a slur. By definition, by intent, by any reasonable interpretation. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-racist-comments-really-offend-you/476900.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-racist-comments-really-offend-you/476900.md?page=4)