# Do relationships that start as cheating work out? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 24, 2015, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-relationships-that-start-as-cheating-work-out/732431 "2015-09-24T21:14:29Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![NVME702-redux](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/a183cd/32.png) [@NVME702-redux](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NVME702-redux)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2015, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-relationships-that-start-as-cheating-work-out/732431/21 "2015-09-25T16:13:30Z")
I am whore-wife #2 and he is Man-whore #3 in this marriage. We have lived in our whore marriage for 8 whore long years and its been a whore’s chore, I tell ya! Yes, there are challenges. No, we are not proud of how we came to be but we sure as hell are a lot happier (so are our exes). When its tough, its really tough and I feel like its my just punishment (residual Catholic guilt) but when its good, since it was built on the white hot heat of carnal lust, its whorishly good. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2015, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-relationships-that-start-as-cheating-work-out/732431/22 "2015-09-25T16:17:19Z")
My dad and my stepmother have been together for 40 years, and married for 37. They’ve had a really, _really_ great marriage. And yes, he was still married to my mother when they started seeing each other. My parents were really not very well matched. I’m just glad my dad got it right on the second try, even if that second try started a bit sooner than might’ve been appropriate. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2015, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-relationships-that-start-as-cheating-work-out/732431/23 "2015-09-25T16:46:18Z")
> [@LibrarySpy](#): > > My dad and his whore-wife were both married to other people when their affair started. They’ve been married for 25 years now. Why is it only the wife who is painted as a whore here? Both cheated. ---
**Author:** ![simster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/simster/32/1047_2.png) [@simster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/simster)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2015, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-relationships-that-start-as-cheating-work-out/732431/24 "2015-09-25T17:03:40Z")
simwife and I got married as soon as the ink was dry on both our divorce decrees. That was 23 years ago. Sometimes - it just happens that way. While I realize that makes both of us ‘cheaters’ - we only cheated on our exes with each other - so, there was never a valid concern over wether or not there would be additional cheating. ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2015, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-relationships-that-start-as-cheating-work-out/732431/25 "2015-09-25T20:47:00Z")
My brother and his wife were married to other people when they first started dating. They lived together for two years while negotiating their divorces. That was about 19 years ago, and they have four sons together. ---
**Author:** ![What\_Exit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/what_exit/32/10652_2.png) [@What\_Exit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_Exit)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2015, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-relationships-that-start-as-cheating-work-out/732431/26 "2015-09-25T20:52:40Z")
I think Katharine Hepburn & Spencer Tracy are probably one of the best examples of a successful relationship that started with Spencer technically cheating on his wife. They were together over 25 years. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2015, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-relationships-that-start-as-cheating-work-out/732431/27 "2015-09-25T21:20:47Z")
> [@What\_Exit](#): > > I think Katharine Hepburn & Spencer Tracy are probably one of the best examples of a successful relationship that started with Spencer technically cheating on his wife. They were together over 25 years. She was a lesbian. His true love was alcohol. A match made in heaven. ---
**Author:** ![kittenblue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ba8739/32.png) [@kittenblue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kittenblue)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2015, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-relationships-that-start-as-cheating-work-out/732431/28 "2015-09-25T21:30:03Z")
My ex has not been able to sustain a relationship with any of the nine women he cheated with. He did manage to be married to one for eight years, but there was a lot of cheating going on during that marriage too, so I don’t consider that a success… ---
**Author:** ![DummyGladHands](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/49beb7/32.png) [@DummyGladHands](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DummyGladHands)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2015, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-relationships-that-start-as-cheating-work-out/732431/29 "2015-09-25T21:37:08Z")
> [@Acsenray](#): > > She was a lesbian. His true love was alcohol. A match made in heaven. Credible source please? ---
**Author:** ![What\_Exit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/what_exit/32/10652_2.png) [@What\_Exit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_Exit)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2015, 10:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-relationships-that-start-as-cheating-work-out/732431/30 "2015-09-25T22:40:28Z")
> [@Acsenray](#): > > She was a lesbian. His true love was alcohol. A match made in heaven. Right, sure, whatever you say. ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2015, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-relationships-that-start-as-cheating-work-out/732431/31 "2015-09-25T23:22:51Z")
> [@LibrarySpy](#): > > My dad and his whore-wife were both married to other people when their affair started. They’ve been married for 25 years now. Surely she isn’t _still_ charging him, is she? ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2015, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-relationships-that-start-as-cheating-work-out/732431/32 "2015-09-25T23:24:41Z")
> [@Gatopescado](#): > > Surely she isn’t _still_ charging him, is she? The bill will come due eventually. That was a _Kids in the Hall_ sketch. ---
**Author:** ![kopek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kopek/32/337_2.png) [@kopek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kopek)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2015, 1:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-relationships-that-start-as-cheating-work-out/732431/33 "2015-09-26T01:25:56Z")
I would say the chances are slightly better than average that they will work, at least among the people I know. One couple I know well enough to ask about such things claimed that since both were aware what cheating looked like, they knew the odds of getting away with it were pretty slim. I never could quite decide if they were serious or just wooshing me. ---
**Author:** ![Urbanredneck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ea5d25/32.png) [@Urbanredneck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Urbanredneck)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2015, 4:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-relationships-that-start-as-cheating-work-out/732431/34 "2015-09-26T04:50:49Z")
> [@LSLGuy](#): > > My thoughts precisely. Our OP seems to have a mostly one-track mind these days. > > Care to elaborate? Such anger. But yes it is on my mind. Alot to think about in this thread. You know really it’s going to be rare where a relationship starts where neither party is not already involved with someone else at some level. Its just the nature of life. What I think is important that if you do break up a marriage for someone else, please leave your former spouse in as good a shape as you can. ---
**Author:** ![kanicbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/5f8ce5/32.png) [@kanicbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kanicbird)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2015, 11:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-relationships-that-start-as-cheating-work-out/732431/35 "2015-09-26T11:43:51Z")
I’ll give you a biblical examples of cheating that worked out. David and Bathsheeba - Bathsheba was in a ‘bad’ marriage to Uriah (citing that Uriah would not visit his wife during 2 night free pass from king David given specifically for him to take the night off to be with her, and also their marital house was within sight of the palace where Uriah was when given the passes, so it was not a long walk for him to sleep in his own bed and with his own wife after being away from in the military for a while). Through David and Bathsheba came King Solomon, and through that lineage came Jesus. It is my take that sometimes we get involved with the wrong person, defined by Jesus as to why divorce is allowed “because your hearts were hard” The hardness of heart to me is hardness towards God, in other words we did it our way and married the wrong person, and God allows the correction if the person is ready to hear God and listen. David and Bathsheba does show that cheating may be used by God as a way of us experiencing our ‘soulmates’ (as this couple obviously was since that lineage was of the foretold Christ Child). ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2015, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-relationships-that-start-as-cheating-work-out/732431/36 "2015-09-26T14:17:08Z")
> [@Urbanredneck](#): > > What I think is important that if you do break up a marriage for someone else, please leave your former spouse in as good a shape as you can. Couldn’t agree more. Don’t just discard them lying in an a wet heap in the corner of the closet. Have them dry cleaned, pressed and hung neatly in a breathable garment bag. Nothing worse than dirty, creased and moldy hand me downs. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2015, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-relationships-that-start-as-cheating-work-out/732431/37 "2015-09-26T14:44:26Z")
If a person feels attraction to someone else outside their marriage and want to act on it, they should end their current relationship before looking to start a new one. It’s just a part of being honest and stand-up. It’s not fair to keep your current spouse in the wings while you try out your fancies. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2015, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-relationships-that-start-as-cheating-work-out/732431/38 "2015-09-26T15:25:34Z")
> [@Urbanredneck](#): > > Such anger. But yes it is on my mind. > > Alot to think about in this thread. \*\*You know really it’s going to be rare where a relationship starts where neither party is not already involved with someone else at some level. \*\*Its just the nature of life. > > What I think is important that if you do break up a marriage for someone else, please leave your former spouse in as good a shape as you can. Bolding mine. No anger here. Just some curiosity. As to the bolded part, I disagree completely. I don’t have huge experience in this area, being still married & faithful to my first wife for almost 28 years now. But I was almost 30 when we got married, and had gone through a number of GFs from high school, college, and 8 years out on my own before I found her. And pretty much I was fully done with any one GF before I went looking for another. ISTM that some folks are always seeking someone new whether they’re fully attached already, partly attached, or just getting attached (or detached). Others are more like me, where one attachment is plenty. It takes all kinds to make a planet. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2015, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-relationships-that-start-as-cheating-work-out/732431/39 "2015-09-26T15:37:57Z")
Affairs are had by the kind of people who have affairs. That’s not a guess, it’s not a value judgement, it’s just a tautological statement of fact. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2015, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-relationships-that-start-as-cheating-work-out/732431/40 "2015-09-26T15:49:24Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > Affairs are had by the kind of people who have affairs. That’s not a guess, it’s not a value judgement, it’s just a tautological statement of fact. Only I’m not sure it’s a true fact. It’s certainly a commonly held belief, but I suspect that “kind” or “type” is much less of a factor than people seem to want to believe. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-relationships-that-start-as-cheating-work-out/732431.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-relationships-that-start-as-cheating-work-out/732431.md?page=3)