# Do relationships that start as cheating work out? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 24, 2015, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-relationships-that-start-as-cheating-work-out/732431 "2015-09-24T21:14:29Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 8\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2015, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-relationships-that-start-as-cheating-work-out/732431/41 "2015-09-26T17:07:01Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > Affairs are had by the kind of people who have affairs. That’s not a guess, it’s not a value judgement, it’s just a tautological statement of fact. I like that! I’m going to steal it: Gossip is spread by the kind of people who Spread Gossip and Point Fingers. That’s not a guess, it’s not a value judgement, it’s just a tautological statement of fact. ---
**Author:** ![Sahirrnee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sahirrnee/32/13937_2.png) [@Sahirrnee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sahirrnee)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2015, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-relationships-that-start-as-cheating-work-out/732431/42 "2015-09-26T17:16:55Z")
> [@LSLGuy](#): > > Bolding mine. > > No anger here. Just some curiosity. > > As to the bolded part, I disagree completely. I don’t have huge experience in this area, being still married & faithful to my first wife for almost 28 years now. > > But I was almost 30 when we got married, and had gone through a number of GFs from high school, college, and 8 years out on my own before I found her. And pretty much I was fully done with any one GF before I went looking for another. > > ISTM that some folks are always seeking someone new whether they’re fully attached already, partly attached, or just getting attached (or detached). Others are more like me, where one attachment is plenty. > > It takes all kinds to make a planet. A lot of people I know won’t end one relationship until they have another one established. I even hear some friends say that they want to find another bf/gf so they can break up with the current one. When I suggest that maybe they should just break up anyway they look at me like I’m crazy, they simply cannot conceive of being without an SO. Sad way to live IMO. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2015, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-relationships-that-start-as-cheating-work-out/732431/43 "2015-09-26T18:33:22Z")
> [@Sahirrnee](#): > > A lot of people I know won’t end one relationship until they have another one established. I even hear some friends say that they want to find another bf/gf so they can break up with the current one. When I suggest that maybe they should just break up anyway they look at me like I’m crazy, they simply cannot conceive of being without an SO. > Sad way to live IMO. Far less sad for them than for the unwitting dupe they’re currently SOing with. People is jerks. ---
**Author:** ![Atomic\_Mama](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b5ac83/32.png) [@Atomic\_Mama](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atomic_Mama)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2015, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-relationships-that-start-as-cheating-work-out/732431/44 "2015-09-26T20:32:18Z")
No. IMHO. YMMV. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2015, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-relationships-that-start-as-cheating-work-out/732431/45 "2015-09-26T22:34:00Z")
My ex-husband is still married to the woman he started seeing when we were married. She was also married to someone else. Its been 23 years, they have several kids. There are millions of these relationships - of course SOME of them work out. I ---
**Author:** ![simster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/simster/32/1047_2.png) [@simster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/simster)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2015, 11:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-relationships-that-start-as-cheating-work-out/732431/46 "2015-09-26T23:08:55Z")
> [@Dangerosa](#): > > My ex-husband is still married to the woman he started seeing when we were married. She was also married to someone else. Its been 23 years, they have several kids. > > There are millions of these relationships - of course SOME of them work out. I So glad to see you’re in minnesota - because that post was a little scary. \ ---
**Author:** ![tafowler87](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f07891/32.png) [@tafowler87](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tafowler87)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2015, 8:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-relationships-that-start-as-cheating-work-out/732431/47 "2015-09-27T08:15:24Z")
Depends on the person or persons; the beliefs those two have; and their willingness to “make it work”. Also, this question depends on the person you’re asking and their perceptions concerning relationships. Two possible routes for your first scenario - either the man wasn’t absolutely sure about marrying this woman or he wasn’t absolutely sure he knew this woman. Your second scenario - again if they’re marrying to escape a failed first marriage I would say they have a slight chance, but if someone can’t make a relationship work I don’t believe they should enter a marriage at all. It takes a lot to make a marriage work and frankly divorce rates speak for themselves … Ive known many of each of these situations. It really is different (concerning the reason) while still generally similar (the effect of this “reason”). Really marriage is overrated and under appreciated. In the end we all die so why worry about it ---
**Author:** ![Penfeather](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/penfeather/32/384_2.png) [@Penfeather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Penfeather)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2015, 9:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-relationships-that-start-as-cheating-work-out/732431/48 "2015-09-27T09:29:49Z")
> [@kanicbird](#): > > I’ll give you a biblical examples of cheating that worked out. > > David and Bathsheeba - Bathsheba was in a ‘bad’ marriage to Uriah (citing that Uriah would not visit his wife during 2 night free pass from king David given specifically for him to take the night off to be with her, and also their marital house was within sight of the palace where Uriah was when given the passes, so it was not a long walk for him to sleep in his own bed and with his own wife after being away from in the military for a while). Through David and Bathsheba came King Solomon, and through that lineage came Jesus. > > It is my take that sometimes we get involved with the wrong person, defined by Jesus as to why divorce is allowed “because your hearts were hard” The hardness of heart to me is hardness towards God, in other words we did it our way and married the wrong person, and God allows the correction if the person is ready to hear God and listen. David and Bathsheba does show that cheating may be used by God as a way of us experiencing our ‘soulmates’ (as this couple obviously was since that lineage was of the foretold Christ Child). On the plus side, we got Jeff Buckley singing Hallelujah out of it. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-relationships-that-start-as-cheating-work-out/732431.md?page=2)