I was brought up in a conservative, wealthy, family. Buzzwords in my family had to do with irresponsibility, laziness, greed, and dishonesty. “The X system would be fine, but too many people take advantage of it.” “So many of the people on X simply don’t want to work.” “If we give people money for X, they’ll just waste it.” “If we give people money for X, more people will claim X.” “People need to be responsible for their own X.”
These are all things that I have believed. Actually, these are things that I still do believe, to some extent, but that I’ve decided don’t really matter to me.
Like I said, my family was wealthy and conservative. When I was very young, we were incredibly poor, but things changed when I was nine or ten. My parents learned that it was possible to go from being incredibly poor to being worth millions. They taught their children the same thing. They extrapolated from their own lives to the lives of others. If they could do it, others could do it.
My parents had six children. All six of us are financially fine, some more than fine. So, see? We can do it! Except we tend to discount the reason for our successes–tend to downplay the lack of risk.
So, that was my life. What happened to change my mind? I married someone in poor health. Suddenly, I was thrust into the world of healthcare, disability, social security, credit, collections, refinancing, loans, late payments, bureaucracy, paperwork, emergency rooms, hospitalization, insurance coverage that disappears and reappears, snooty billing departments, worry, despair, and anger.
I, with my education, with my brain, with the financial support of my parents if I needed it, with the love and affection of my dear husband, still couldn’t wade through it all. I still got stumped, and baffled. I still couldn’t always afford everything. I still couldn’t get party A to speak to party B.
My parents set me up with everything. I had every advantage. What happens to those who haven’t had my privileges? How much humiliation was I feeling when I faced someone in a hospital’s billing department who assumed I couldn’t pay? How much greater would it be if it were happening every day? How angry was I becoming? How much angrier would I be if it were my whole life? How frustrated was I? How much more frustrating would it be if I had no security blanket of my parents’ love and money? How often were we stuck going to the ER with things that were a little too urgent to wait but a little too minor for the emergency room? How many more times would it have been if we had no regular doctor because we couldn’t afford one, and ended up at the ER for a sinus infection? How many more hours of waiting in waiting rooms with Nick at Nite playing endless episodes of The Cosby Show and The Facts of Life? How many more questionnaires? How much more pity? How much more contempt? How much more being shunted to the side with an unimportant question or ailment?
And this was just healthcare. It wasn’t a house or a car or food or heat or clothes.
So, at least in my case, I went from ignorance to understanding. I went from “anyone can do everything” to “no one can do some things alone.”