# Do Some Folks Just Not Accept the Concept of “giving up on people”? **URL:** \ **Category:** Great Debates\ **Created:** [February 19, 2023, 12:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-some-folks-just-not-accept-the-concept-of-giving-up-on-people/980035 "2023-02-19T12:47:04Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Jasmine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jasmine/32/2964_2.png) [@Jasmine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jasmine)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2023, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-some-folks-just-not-accept-the-concept-of-giving-up-on-people/980035/41 "2023-02-21T14:35:37Z")
For me, it’s about whether or not it is a cost effective use of my emotions. If we were talking about my brother or my SiL, there would be absolutely no end to the effort I would make to stay with them and help them through anything. If we’re talking about anyone else, it’s not worth the effort to me because I don’t consider myself a crusader or a philosophical missionary. I dumped several Facebook friends since 2016 because of the right wing Trump era, and I haven’t missed a single one of them for even a moment. There are people IRL from whom I have disassociated myself, and I have had absolutely no regrets. ---
**Author:** ![slicedalone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slicedalone/32/12515_2.png) [@slicedalone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slicedalone)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2023, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-some-folks-just-not-accept-the-concept-of-giving-up-on-people/980035/42 "2023-02-21T14:41:39Z")
Yeah, something like this. She kept bringing the conversation back to a personal level, where I meant my comment on a broader level: she’d say, “You’re asking me to choose between you and my own father” and I kept saying “No, not at all. I’m saying that you agree with me and you disagree with your own father, and if he weren’t your father, you’d reject him in a second. Is there nothing your father could say or do that would offend you? Don’t you have any principles at all where family is concerned? Do they get a blank check for a lifetime because you share DNA?” The odd thing was that this friend knew me to be unusually sensitive to this concern, as I’ve suffered the loss of family members rejecting me in the past, and that I’d never advise anyone lightly to break off a family tie. ---
**Author:** ![MrDibble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrdibble/32/114_2.png) [@MrDibble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrDibble)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2023, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-some-folks-just-not-accept-the-concept-of-giving-up-on-people/980035/43 "2023-02-21T15:17:06Z")
> [@Horatius](#): > > I think a lot of people need to learn something I told a friend a long time ago: “You have to love your family, but you don’t have to like them very much.” Naah. Love isn’t an obligation, You don’t _have_ to love someone just because they’re related to you. I would drop my own parent or sibling from my life if they were a really bad person (fortunately never come up). I’ve certainly dropped uncles, cousins and the like. ---
**Author:** ![eburacum45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eburacum45/32/8690_2.png) [@eburacum45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eburacum45)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2023, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-some-folks-just-not-accept-the-concept-of-giving-up-on-people/980035/44 "2023-02-21T15:23:02Z")
> [@DavidNRockies](#): > > The donkey told the tiger, “The grass is blue.” > The tiger replied, “No, the grass is green .” “This would be so much easier if I wasn’t colour-blind.” ---
**Author:** ![Swords\_to\_Plowshares](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b38774/32.png) [@Swords\_to\_Plowshares](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swords_to_Plowshares)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2023, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-some-folks-just-not-accept-the-concept-of-giving-up-on-people/980035/45 "2023-02-21T16:12:19Z")
“Giving up” or cutting contact with someone who hurts or does not give respect is normal. Giving up on everyone is misanthropic and can only lead to self destruction. ---
**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2023, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-some-folks-just-not-accept-the-concept-of-giving-up-on-people/980035/46 "2023-02-21T16:52:29Z")
Hmmm… I’m just going to throw this out there, but if you’re willing to ‘give up’ on vast swaths of people because of their adherence to a (yes, virulent) ideology, aren’t you also giving up on the idea of living in a pluralistic democracy? This is not the first time America has had to come to terms with the worst facets of our nature, and I’m not too sure if actively avoiding people specifically because of their ideology is any more healthy for this country’s soul than “we” think “they” are. Yes, to the Churchill quote above, I need to get the individual fanatics out of my life. But in the process, I need to make sure I’m not becoming a fanatic myself. ---
**Author:** ![MrDibble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrdibble/32/114_2.png) [@MrDibble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrDibble)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2023, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-some-folks-just-not-accept-the-concept-of-giving-up-on-people/980035/47 "2023-02-21T17:43:30Z")
> [@JohnT](#): > > aren’t you also giving up on the idea of living in a pluralistic democracy? The assumption there is that one was into the idea of pluralistic democracy in the first place… ---
**Author:** ![commasense](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/commasense/32/3017_2.png) [@commasense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/commasense)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2023, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-some-folks-just-not-accept-the-concept-of-giving-up-on-people/980035/48 "2023-02-21T18:02:01Z")
> [@JohnT](#): > > if you’re willing to ‘give up’ on vast swaths of people because of their adherence to a (yes, virulent) ideology, aren’t you also giving up on the idea of living in a pluralistic democracy? > **[Paradox of tolerance](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paradox_of_tolerance)** > > The paradox of tolerance states that if a society's practice of tolerance is inclusive of the intolerant, intolerance will ultimately dominate, eliminating the tolerant and the practice of tolerance with them. Karl Popper describes the paradox as arising from the seemingly self-contradictory idea that, in order to maintain a tolerant society, the society must retain the right to be intolerant of intolerance. > Tolerance is characterized by three traits, as enumerated by Preston King: > The paradox... ---
**Author:** ![griffin1977](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/977dab/32.png) [@griffin1977](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/griffin1977)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2023, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-some-folks-just-not-accept-the-concept-of-giving-up-on-people/980035/49 "2023-02-21T19:03:32Z")
> [@JohnT](#): > > I’m just going to throw this out there, but if you’re willing to ‘give up’ on vast swaths of people because of their adherence to a (yes, virulent) ideology, aren’t you also giving up on the idea of living in a pluralistic democracy? Me decided to stop talking to my crazy MAGA former-coworker does not threaten democracy. I’m not having him sent to the gulag, I’m just not talking to him or arguing with him on facebook. That is part of a normal functioning society. ---
**Author:** ![slicedalone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slicedalone/32/12515_2.png) [@slicedalone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slicedalone)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2023, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-some-folks-just-not-accept-the-concept-of-giving-up-on-people/980035/50 "2023-02-21T19:25:37Z")
> [@griffin1977](#): > > I’m not having him sent to the gulag, I’m just not talking to him or arguing with him on facebook. And eventually it sends the message “MAGA-creeps are not welcome in polite society. Go hang around with your own kind, and bark at the moon for all I care.” ---
**Author:** ![k9bfriender](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/k9bfriender/32/3283_2.png) [@k9bfriender](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/k9bfriender)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2023, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-some-folks-just-not-accept-the-concept-of-giving-up-on-people/980035/51 "2023-02-21T20:03:54Z")
> [@slicedalone](#): > > Some people just refuse to accept that there is such a point of no return, and I’m interested in hearing why they find that point so difficult to reach or even to see. Well, she’s my mother, and since my father passed away, I’m about all she has. She will regale me with the latest and greatest of the Demonrats attempts to destroy America every time I see her, but I don’t have the heart to cut her off and leave her completely alone. ---
**Author:** ![griffin1977](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/977dab/32.png) [@griffin1977](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/griffin1977)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2023, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-some-folks-just-not-accept-the-concept-of-giving-up-on-people/980035/52 "2023-02-21T20:28:06Z")
> [@slicedalone](#): > > And eventually it sends the message “MAGA-creeps are not welcome in polite society. Go hang around with your own kind, and bark at the moon for all I care.” Which is still normal democratic society functioning as it should. We aren’t talking about people who are simply on the other end of the political spectrum from us. Saying “I think taxes should be lower” or “We should have tougher immigration policy” does not make someone a MAGA nutjob. That former coworker (who’s a real person) posted the most insane unhinged things that do not belong as part of mainstream political discourse in a healthy democracy. As members of democratic society its up to us to make that clear. ---
**Author:** ![slicedalone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slicedalone/32/12515_2.png) [@slicedalone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slicedalone)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2023, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-some-folks-just-not-accept-the-concept-of-giving-up-on-people/980035/53 "2023-02-22T00:55:03Z")
> [@k9bfriender](#): > > I don’t have the heart to cut her off and leave her completely alone. I get it. I don’t mean to seem unsympathetic. It’s a tough place you’re in. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2023, 2:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-some-folks-just-not-accept-the-concept-of-giving-up-on-people/980035/54 "2023-02-22T02:01:20Z")
> [@griffin1977](#): > > Me decided to stop talking to my crazy MAGA former-coworker does not threaten democracy. I’m not having him sent to the gulag, I’m just not talking to him or arguing with him on facebook. That is part of a normal functioning society. The problem is your crazy MAGA co-worker didn’t disappear when you stopped associating with him. He’s still out there talking to people. When you left the room to avoid the crazy guy, you also left all those other people. But now instead of hearing what you’re saying and what the crazy guy is saying and being able to compare the two, those people are only hearing what he has to say. When you stop being willing to step forward and confront nonsense, it grows stronger. And then one day you wake up and find yourself living in a country where Donald Trump is President. ---
**Author:** ![orcenio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/orcenio/32/1036_2.png) [@orcenio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/orcenio)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2023, 2:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-some-folks-just-not-accept-the-concept-of-giving-up-on-people/980035/55 "2023-02-22T02:22:27Z")
I’ve lived on this earth long enough to know that while I’ve changed (myself many times over) my core values have not changed. So my job is sniffing out if someone hates my core values. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2023, 2:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-some-folks-just-not-accept-the-concept-of-giving-up-on-people/980035/56 "2023-02-22T02:32:05Z")
If you give up on people then you won’t be able to regret caring about them later when they bite you in the ass. ---
**Author:** ![Buck\_Godot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/buck_godot/32/6573_2.png) [@Buck\_Godot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Buck_Godot)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2023, 3:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-some-folks-just-not-accept-the-concept-of-giving-up-on-people/980035/57 "2023-02-22T03:36:26Z")
Although it pretty much amounts to the same thing that the OP is proposing, I would word it in a slightly different way that I would find more palatable. I don’t give up on people I give up on certain activities, and one of those activities might include trying to convince a certain person of something, or even interacting with them at all. This way I don’t classify a person as unreachable, it may be that someone besides me could reach them, and it may even be that I could reach them if I really put in the effort, but doing so is not worth the effort. As an analogy, a brick wall may not be impenetrable, but I’m not going to bother banging my head against it. ---
**Author:** ![griffin1977](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/977dab/32.png) [@griffin1977](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/griffin1977)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2023, 4:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-some-folks-just-not-accept-the-concept-of-giving-up-on-people/980035/58 "2023-02-22T04:55:38Z")
> [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > The problem is your crazy MAGA co-worker didn’t disappear when you stopped associating with him. He’s still out there talking to people. When you left the room to avoid the crazy guy, you also left all those other people. But now instead of hearing what you’re saying and what the crazy guy is saying and being able to compare the two, those people are only hearing what he has to say. > > When you stop being willing to step forward and confront nonsense, it grows stronger. And then one day you wake up and find yourself living in a country where Donald Trump is President. I’d argue that if someone is willing to believe that kind of utterly unhinged nonsense then no amount of logical argument on their Facebook wall is going to make the slightest bit of difference. If you want to prevent the return to Donald Trump’s America then there are any number of things, like getting involved in political campaigns, get out the vote efforts, or lobbying against the organisations that cynically caused this insanity (for their own enrichment) that would be way way more effective than arguing with a deranged person on Facebook. Not that any of those things are _that_ effective, but they are still more effective than arguing on Facebook ---
**Author:** ![slicedalone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slicedalone/32/12515_2.png) [@slicedalone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slicedalone)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2023, 8:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-some-folks-just-not-accept-the-concept-of-giving-up-on-people/980035/59 "2023-02-22T08:14:30Z")
> [@griffin1977](#): > > If you want to prevent the return to Donald Trump’s America then there are any number of things, like getting involved in political campaigns, get out the vote efforts, or lobbying against the organisations that cynically caused this insanity (for their own enrichment) that would be way way more effective than arguing with a deranged person on Facebook. This. Also, DNFTT. ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2023, 8:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-some-folks-just-not-accept-the-concept-of-giving-up-on-people/980035/60 "2023-02-22T08:55:12Z")
> [@slicedalone](#): > > Some people just refuse to accept that there is such a point of no return, and I’m interested in hearing why they find that point so difficult to reach or even to see. From the limited sample of MAGA-ers I’ve interacted with, which by no means may be representative of the whole, it all comes down to **pride and an unwillingness to admit being wrong.** These people will literally _die_ before they’ll admit they were wrong. The Covid pandemic showed that. Sure, some liberals can be unwilling to ever admit being incorrect as well. But this behavior is much commoner among conservatives. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-some-folks-just-not-accept-the-concept-of-giving-up-on-people/980035.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-some-folks-just-not-accept-the-concept-of-giving-up-on-people/980035.md?page=4)