I hope not indeeed.
But there are the behaviors more subtle than the obvious ugly ones that can continue in a more subtle fashion similar effects.
Very true.
Plus, there are just plain differences of opinion. A child may think as an adult their parent was abusive, strict and apt to engage in corporal punishment, while the parent may look back and think they did a fine job, attributing their children’s adherence to the straight and narrow as opposed to the children of more lax friends and acquaintances who got involved in drugs/alcohol, failed to launch, are not terribly successful, etc…
Who’s right? Both may be right in their own ways.
I just wanted to chime in a say that the judgement of someone being a bad parent often comes from their children (axiomatic, no?) Should they always without exception be believed?
In some cases, it is possible, (I’m just sayin’) the children can be bad people and messed up unrelated to upbringing AND create a narrative for themselves and other that their parents are bad.
It can happen.
What does being gay have to do with being a decent parent?
If someone tells me their parents were abusive, I’ll likely ask for more details. If they give me some cockamamie about their parents not being supportive of all their dreams, no matter how financially burdensome, then I won’t agree with their assertion. However, if all the siblings are essentially saying that a parent was a horrible, then I’d take that as strong evidence that there was some abuse going on.
It can also be that children simply don’t like their parents. Maybe their parents leave a lot to be desired, but their flaws don’t rise to the level of abuse. I don’t know if it is fair to judge a child as “bad people” just because they don’t have a lot of love for their parent and don’t enjoy spending any time with them. They would only be bad if they said they were abused.
Potentially something, at least. It’s much less common to be a gay parent with an unwanted child, because if you’re gay, children are less likely to “just happen”. So I’d expect that gay parents would be better parents, on average.
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Also, I think it’s a shame that an adult can’t be arsed to visit their mother in a nursing home on a holiday.
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I cannot agree with that. If you don’t like someone and they didn’t/don’t treat you well, then there’s really no reason you should visit, IMO. Blood does not entitle one to a relationship - that has to be built. And both sides need to be willing. If one isn’t, for whatever reason even if it’s a bad one, you don’t get the relationship.
It’s expected that a narcissistic parent will treat (at least) one child exaggeratedly well, and (at least) one child extremely badly. Requiring all of their children to agree that such a parent is bad, is not reasonable - because they strive to be popular with at least one. They do it, at least in part, for exactly the reasoning you’ve fallen for - it gives the parent “plausible deniability” regarding treating their other kid(s) like shit.
That only true if they assume their homosexuality and stay in homosexual relationships; in the case of women, it also assumes no rape pregnancy.
One thing I really like about my brother who was “the wanted child” is that he always was conscious that he got to be “the wanted child”, the pampered one who could (almost) do no wrong. Then again he also finds some of Mom’s treatment of him extremely irritating; she only stopped referring to him as “his father’s photocopy” when we were all in our 30s, after we managed to hammer it through her head that us elders weren’t the only ones who found that line insulting. Nobody likes being objectified, even if it’s supposed to be praise.
What?
My daughter is dead-set on a particular college program, in a particular college, and I’m deader-set against it. Goes completely against what I’ve worked for and nurtured all my professional life. But it occurred to me that the field I chose was completely alien to my parents and they never voiced any objections.
Yeah, I have to agree with you on this one, Drunky. More like WTF?
He said “less likely”, not “impossible”.
Perhaps. However, a strong periodic reflection to determine if “I’m acting like my parents” tends to curb any learned behaviors.
Of course, I could be subjecting my kids to subtle behaviors of my own, but education can be used to attempt to recognize these and abate them.
It sure sounds like your stepdaughter’s interpretation is that you had nonconsensual sex with her mother, because her disease prevents her from making informed decisions.
The flip side is that the stepdaughter thinks her mom should never have sex again.
To be less likely beyond statistical error, the gay people in person still need to have assumed their homosexuality.
I seem to recall reading that closeted gay guys actually were actually more likely to have a child in their teens than average, especially in homophobic areas. If you got your girlfriend pregnant, you couldn’t be gay, right?
That was during the 80’s/90’s, I don’t know if the pressure to pretend to be straight has dropped enough for that trend to vanish, I hope so, but I doubt it has entirely.
if I could add onto that, maybe the idea that the parents were “bad” could also be put into their heads by a psychologist/counselor/or therapist?
Back in the 80’s and 90’s it seems like everyone was saying their parents were sex abusers or something. Why? They were going to see some therapist about a personal issue and the therapist would start out by pointing things out about their childhood and then from that, getting the person to blame all their problems on their parents. Even to the point of telling them they were abused but since they cannot remember it, the memory must be “suppressed”. People can have pretty good imaginations.
The issue is not whether you think it is a good idea or not but are you required to pay for it?