# Do some people really think its okay to comment on someone weight gain? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 5, 2015, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-some-people-really-think-its-okay-to-comment-on-someone-weight-gain/719345 "2015-05-05T23:29:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Rossiekerr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/6de8d8/32.png) [@Rossiekerr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rossiekerr)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2015, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-some-people-really-think-its-okay-to-comment-on-someone-weight-gain/719345/21 "2015-05-06T20:00:13Z")
I don’t mind that some people are commenting on my weight loss because I know they are trying to be nice and itsmeant as a compliment. As far as weight gain goes , its a different story unless if the person was underweight and they where trying to gainwweight then its a compliment. Especially in the media weight gain is associated with laziness, lack of displine and failure.Sometimes its beyond anyone control if they ate on meds etc ---
**Author:** ![Rossiekerr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/6de8d8/32.png) [@Rossiekerr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rossiekerr)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2015, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-some-people-really-think-its-okay-to-comment-on-someone-weight-gain/719345/22 "2015-05-06T21:49:37Z")
> [@Drunky\_Smurf](#): > > I know right. How dare people ask a question anywhere but here on the dope. How dare they want more than this boards opinion. This board has the smartest people on the intartubes. Them daring to ask anywhere else is an insult to this entire board. I am not sure if you are being sarcastic or agreeing with the person you quoted:dubious: ---
**Author:** ![Rossiekerr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/6de8d8/32.png) [@Rossiekerr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rossiekerr)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2015, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-some-people-really-think-its-okay-to-comment-on-someone-weight-gain/719345/23 "2015-05-06T21:53:41Z")
> [@Missy2U](#): > > The last time someone did this to me, rather than cry and leave (which is my usual reaction) I just got pissed off and called them out publicly on it (she’d done it before and seemed to think it was funny to publicly try and humiliate me.) The dolt in question is the “girlfriend” of a friend of ours (long story) and I flat out said to her, “Laura, on what fucking planet is that an appropriate comment to make to me? Thanks so much for pointing out how obviously hideous I am in your eyes! Now why don’t you go sit down and drink the last of that glass of shut the fuck up you insensitive bitch that you’ve been nursing all afternoon?” > > That put an end to her snide comments - in public anyway. Good for you 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2015, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-some-people-really-think-its-okay-to-comment-on-someone-weight-gain/719345/24 "2015-05-06T22:00:42Z")
I’m a store cashier. I have to wait on people with every malady you can think of. I also have a disabled hand. I would never think of commenting on any physical or mental problems a customer may have. The only exception is an obvious pregnant woman, to whom I say “Mazel tov.” A few people have commented on my hand. My favorite was the man who asked “Silver fork?” When I nodded “yes,” he exclaimed “I’ve seen your X-rays on line.” (A silver fork break is when the top of the wrist bone literally snaps off. Very rare.) ---
**Author:** ![seal\_cleaner](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e274bd/32.png) [@seal\_cleaner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/seal_cleaner)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2015, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-some-people-really-think-its-okay-to-comment-on-someone-weight-gain/719345/25 "2015-05-07T00:04:59Z")
If someone has lost weight (that does not appear to be from illness): “You’re looking good!” If someone has gained weight: " !" ---
**Author:** ![hogarth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hogarth/32/1773_2.png) [@hogarth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hogarth)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2015, 12:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-some-people-really-think-its-okay-to-comment-on-someone-weight-gain/719345/26 "2015-05-07T00:31:45Z")
I’ve found that Chinese people have less of a filter when it comes to saying shit like “Wow, you’re fat now!” right to one’s face. ---
**Author:** ![jz78817](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jz78817/32/1028_2.png) [@jz78817](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jz78817)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2015, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-some-people-really-think-its-okay-to-comment-on-someone-weight-gain/719345/27 "2015-05-07T00:48:03Z")
the Japanese will. They have no hesitation to point out that they’ve noticed you’ve gained weight. one of many reasons I hope I never end up working for a Japanese company again. ---
**Author:** ![MLS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/919ad9/32.png) [@MLS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MLS)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2015, 6:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-some-people-really-think-its-okay-to-comment-on-someone-weight-gain/719345/28 "2015-05-07T06:36:39Z")
When I was in my 20s I was quite thin, and was self-conscious about it. My mother-in-law and her clueless friends used to comment about it all the time. “Oh, why you so skeeny?” “When you gonna put on some weight?” Fast forward 30+ years and for a variety of reasons I am definitely considerably overweight. At some event one of them felt free to comment, “Remember when we used to tell you how skeeny you were?” Having matured and no longer giving a flying fart about whether they approved of me or not, I replied, “Yes, and you used to really hurt my feelings. And now that I’m overweight, you’ve managed to do so again.” I never heard another comment from them. Bottom line, I think it is incredibly rude to make ANY comment about another person’s appearance other than general notes of approval such as, “You look lovely tonight.” ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2015, 9:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-some-people-really-think-its-okay-to-comment-on-someone-weight-gain/719345/29 "2015-05-07T09:54:20Z")
A funny thing happened to me last summer. I have to wear support stockings, which are opaque and not quite “flesh” color, and have a uniformity about them. I was wearing shorts at the time, so my stockinged legs were visible. A woman came up to me and said, “I must say, you’ve learned to walk remarkably well on those legs. They look totally natural. How long have you had them?” She actually thought my legs were prosthetics. :eek: I responded that I’ve had them since birth. ---
**Author:** ![HazelNutCoffee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ac91a4/32.png) [@HazelNutCoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HazelNutCoffee)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2015, 11:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-some-people-really-think-its-okay-to-comment-on-someone-weight-gain/719345/30 "2015-05-07T11:55:58Z")
> [@hogarth](#): > > I’ve found that Chinese people have less of a filter when it comes to saying shit like “Wow, you’re fat now!” right to one’s face. > [@jz78817](#): > > the Japanese will. They have no hesitation to point out that they’ve noticed you’ve gained weight. one of many reasons I hope I never end up working for a Japanese company again. It’s an Asian thing, I think. My relatives like to use euphemisms like “you’re looking healthy!” or something along those lines. When my husband gained a few pounds they said he looked more “affectionate.” ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2015, 1:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-some-people-really-think-its-okay-to-comment-on-someone-weight-gain/719345/31 "2015-05-07T13:47:23Z")
> [@panache45](#): > > A funny thing happened to me last summer. I have to wear support stockings, which are opaque and not quite “flesh” color, and have a uniformity about them. I was wearing shorts at the time, so my stockinged legs were visible. A woman came up to me and said, “I must say, you’ve learned to walk remarkably well on those legs. They look totally natural. How long have you had them?” She actually thought my legs were prosthetics. :eek: I responded that I’ve had them since birth. I wouldn’t have said so out loud, but I would have thought the same thing. Support stockings and shorts isn’t something you see everyday. ---
**Author:** ![overlyverbose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/9dc877/32.png) [@overlyverbose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/overlyverbose)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2015, 2:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-some-people-really-think-its-okay-to-comment-on-someone-weight-gain/719345/32 "2015-05-07T14:05:15Z")
As far as I’m concerned, commenting on someone else’s weight is unacceptable unless there is a concern AND you are somehow responsible for that person’s well-being. And even then, you should focus on healthy habits and energy and not weight. My mom comments on my weight all the time and has since I was in elementary school. I’m 39 now. I hadn’t had a weight problem until I was in high school, when I was way too thin, then after having kids, when I went the opposite direction. I’m working on fixing that, but having her talk all the time about how much weight she’s lost and how much I have not is not helpful. ---
**Author:** ![DrCube](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a3d4f5/32.png) [@DrCube](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrCube)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2015, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-some-people-really-think-its-okay-to-comment-on-someone-weight-gain/719345/33 "2015-05-07T17:27:14Z")
I’ve gotten a lot of this in my life, since my weight tends to cycle over the years from skinny to fairly overweight and back again. Yes, OP, some people definitely think it’s okay to comment on my weight. I used to think it was a southern thing, since my Dad’s family is from Lake Village, Arkansas, but I’ve gotten it from people all over. I started to think it was a rural thing, but then my friend in the Army from Brooklyn would say things like “You’ve got a lot of junk in the trunk” when I had to wear some ill fitting coveralls. Having lived with it my whole life, I have to say I’m not too upset about it. I figure it proves that they notice you. People definitely seem to think it’s better to comment on weight loss than weight gain, as I’ve gotten a lot more of those comments over the years. It’s almost always overweight people that call out your weight loss. I used to think they just thought “you’re skinny” was a compliment because they wanted to lose weight themselves, but I’ve noticed it can be kinda harsh, like “you’re going to blow away in the wind, bean pole” or “eat a sandwich”, and I realized they do it to make themselves feel better about being overweight. I don’t care. I’ve stopped caring over the years, and now I’d rather focus on how I _feel_. I want to feel healthy and capable and energetic and the way I look just goes along for the ride. A good response to either “you’ve gained weight” or “you’ve lost weight” is “thanks”. Just act like you meant for it to happen and it kinda shuts them up. If you lost weight say you’ve been running and you’re feeling really great. If you gained weight say you’ve been lifting weights and you’re feeling really great. ---
**Author:** ![Lowdown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c57346/32.png) [@Lowdown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lowdown)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2015, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-some-people-really-think-its-okay-to-comment-on-someone-weight-gain/719345/34 "2015-05-08T16:30:03Z")
I think it’s fine. Not that I’d advise it, because drama, but it’s fine. Someone points out you’ve added some heft, it’s not really on them if you get all ouchy about it. That’s all you. The fact is you’ve gained some weight. Is the idea to pretend that you haven’t? How is that practical? I mean, it is what it is. To be fair though, people should make an effort to gauge your self-confidence before taking the straight-ahead approach. ---
**Author:** ![Macca26](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/13edae/32.png) [@Macca26](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Macca26)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2015, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-some-people-really-think-its-okay-to-comment-on-someone-weight-gain/719345/35 "2015-05-08T16:51:36Z")
Nobody’s pretending a person hasn’t put on weight, but unless you’re the person’s doctor there’s literally no good reason to talk about it. So they’ve put on weight, and you (general you) want to point it out - why? Do you think they don’t know? Is it some sort of value judgement? Are you curious how it happened? None of those topics are really polite conversation for the average acquaintance. It’s nosy or judgmental either way you look at it. Only a friend or family member could be close enough to discuss those topics politely or in a comfortable fashion. Sure, people could stand to be less uptight about these things I suppose, but we’re in a society obsessed with bodies and we (in a general sense) directly equate how a person looks into their worth. So it takes a lot of effort to separate your self-image from how other people comment on your body, and we can’t expect everyone to be able to handle that right now. ---
**Author:** ![seal\_cleaner](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e274bd/32.png) [@seal\_cleaner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/seal_cleaner)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2015, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-some-people-really-think-its-okay-to-comment-on-someone-weight-gain/719345/36 "2015-05-08T16:52:24Z")
I used to be pretty skeletal (lived largely and booze and smokes) and my wife’s southern family inevitably commented. Some blamed her for not cooking well enough. Got cleaned up gained weight, including a waistline budge, and now they all say how good I look. ---
**Author:** ![DummyGladHands](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/49beb7/32.png) [@DummyGladHands](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DummyGladHands)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2015, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-some-people-really-think-its-okay-to-comment-on-someone-weight-gain/719345/37 "2015-05-08T17:02:08Z")
No offense to anyone dealing with cancer (I have) but when some dumbass does this to me, I usually say “Oh, it’s the chemo.” Shuts them right the hell up. Assuming it’s a mere acquaintance, of course. ---
**Author:** ![Astraea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3e96dc/32.png) [@Astraea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Astraea)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2015, 1:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-some-people-really-think-its-okay-to-comment-on-someone-weight-gain/719345/38 "2015-05-11T13:50:43Z")
> [@panache45](#): > > A funny thing happened to me last summer. I have to wear support stockings, which are opaque and not quite “flesh” color, and have a uniformity about them. I was wearing shorts at the time, so my stockinged legs were visible. A woman came up to me and said, “I must say, you’ve learned to walk remarkably well on those legs. They look totally natural. How long have you had them?” She actually thought my legs were prosthetics. :eek: I responded that I’ve had them since birth. I’d just like to say that I can’t breath I am laughing so hard at this right now. To the OP: Upon Reading the title and post my 1st thought was that my old rude coworker had moved to Canada because she did almost this same thing to me one day. Some folks just deserve to be shot ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2015, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-some-people-really-think-its-okay-to-comment-on-someone-weight-gain/719345/39 "2015-05-13T21:58:43Z")
> [@Jackmannii](#): > > The polite thing is to ask when the baby is due. I still laugh at that Mad About You episode where Paul and Ira try to help a pregnant woman, only to realize she’s not pregnant. They go back and apologize – “you thought I was a woman?” ---
**Author:** ![gnoitall](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/bb73d2/32.png) [@gnoitall](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gnoitall)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2015, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-some-people-really-think-its-okay-to-comment-on-someone-weight-gain/719345/40 "2015-05-13T22:25:39Z")
FWIW, I think the classic response is “Yes. I’m fat. And you’re stupid. But I can lose weight.” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-some-people-really-think-its-okay-to-comment-on-someone-weight-gain/719345.md?page=1)