# Do teachers share too much? Gender differences? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 29, 2017, 12:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-teachers-share-too-much-gender-differences/795018 "2017-08-29T12:51:43Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![ZipperJJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zipperjj/32/211_2.png) [@ZipperJJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZipperJJ)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2017, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-teachers-share-too-much-gender-differences/795018/21 "2017-08-29T16:40:00Z")
> [@Urbanredneck](#): > > Now this is what I’m thinking also. Many times in the past my son has had teachers that seemed like they had a sub almost every other week or so because the teacher was always taking days off because of her kids. Ex. Kids sick and had to stay home with them. Need to take kid to dentist. Need to go to something at my kids school. Another took an hour off everyday to go pump. How on earth did you know why a teacher was out every time they were out? ---
**Author:** ![Fretful\_Porpentine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fretful_porpentine/32/2873_2.png) [@Fretful\_Porpentine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fretful_Porpentine)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2017, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-teachers-share-too-much-gender-differences/795018/22 "2017-08-29T19:29:43Z")
Talking about kids you already HAVE seems perfectly normal, not oversharing at all. Talking about kids you are _trying_ to have seems weird and wrong because it is, essentially, talking about your sex life; if you and your husband are not on the same page, then you’re also airing private marital business, which seems even weirder and more wrong. Female / 40ish, by the way. ---
**Author:** ![Patx2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/73ab20/32.png) [@Patx2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Patx2)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2017, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-teachers-share-too-much-gender-differences/795018/23 "2017-08-29T19:36:36Z")
> [@Urbanredneck](#): > > Now you mention subbing I want to add this: > > Now this is what I’m thinking also. Many times in the past my son has had teachers that seemed like they had a sub almost every other week or so because the teacher was always taking days off because of her kids. Ex. Kids sick and had to stay home with them. Need to take kid to dentist. Need to go to something at my kids school. Another took an hour off everyday to go pump. > > Now don’t get me wrong I have kids myself and sometimes have to take time off work but does her kid take precedence over the 24 kids she’s paid to take care of? Even with a good sub the kids don’t learn as much. > > So might she share personal information so when she takes time off parents will have empathy? I really don’t know and I think it’s subjective. I know when I go into sub and the teacher knows in advance she’ll be out, some teachers will let the class know I’m coming in and others don’t. I do a majority of my subbing at a couple buildings and the kids have gotten to know me over the years so they are more likely to tell them I’m going to be there. As far as teachers sharing with the class why they will be or why they were out, again, I guess it’s subjective. It’s never my place to tell the kids even if I know the reason, so if they ask I just say something like, I don’t know, but I’m sure Mrs. So and so misses you and will be back soon. Unless a teacher is out several days consecutively or is regularly missing a lot of time, I really don’t know why they’d be sharing the information with the kids who are then telling the parents? ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2017, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-teachers-share-too-much-gender-differences/795018/24 "2017-08-29T19:37:56Z")
> [@Urbanredneck](#): > > When the teacher takes the time to show pictures of her new baby, shares details of the kids likes and such, and one talks about why she wants another and why her husband does not, well frankly that’s none of my business. Forgetting for a moment that it’s none of my business, more importantly I am not interested. I do not want to know about a teachers home life. I want to know how I can contribute to my child’s education. ---
**Author:** ![Patx2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/73ab20/32.png) [@Patx2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Patx2)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2017, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-teachers-share-too-much-gender-differences/795018/25 "2017-08-29T19:38:52Z")
> [@ZipperJJ](#): > > How on earth did you know why a teacher was out every time they were out? I was also wondering this. ---
**Author:** ![JohnGalt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johngalt/32/184_2.png) [@JohnGalt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnGalt)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2017, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-teachers-share-too-much-gender-differences/795018/26 "2017-08-29T20:04:26Z")
I for one am glad my elderly sixth-grade teacher never told us that she was in a live-in lesbian relationship with my 8th-grade English teacher; not that there’s anything wrong with that. I teach at the college level and share just a bit, but “trying to conceive” is TMI. I let my students know what city I live in, where I went to college, jobs I’ve had, and where my wife works, but that’s about it. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2017, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-teachers-share-too-much-gender-differences/795018/27 "2017-08-29T20:08:06Z")
> [@Johnny\_Bravo](#): > > Yes, they’re trying to establish a personal connection with you. It’s extremely important to keep the parent/teacher relationship from defaulting into something adversarial. “Default?” I had a few teachers about whose family I had more personal information than marriage status, religious orders if professional and children if applicable, but in most cases it was because I knew them outside of work. There were a few who shared personal experiences in Religion class, most notably Father Benjamin of the many years in China. But our default relationship wasn’t adversarial, either at the student/teacher or at the parent/teacher level. The few cases in which there was an adversarial relationship I can say with 100% certainty that The Teacher Started It (one of them isn’t allowed to be alone with her grandchildren; her former students consider that perfectly logical). ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Bravo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_bravo/32/493_2.png) [@Johnny\_Bravo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Bravo)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2017, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-teachers-share-too-much-gender-differences/795018/28 "2017-08-29T20:08:12Z")
> [@Urbanredneck](#): > > Now don’t get me wrong I have kids myself and sometimes have to take time off work but does her kid take precedence over the 24 kids she’s paid to take care of? How much personal time per month do you think is reasonable? Perhaps we should put a hard cap on how many hours a teacher is allowed to use. > [@Nava](#): > > But our default relationship wasn’t adversarial, either at the student/teacher or at the parent/teacher level. The few cases in which there was an adversarial relationship I can say with 100% certainty that The Teacher Started It (one of them isn’t allowed to be alone with her grandchildren; her former students consider that perfectly logical). I’m talking specifically about the parent/teacher relationship but, yes, there are plenty of parents out there who, for any number of reasons, are more than happy to start the year distrusting a teacher who they’ve never met. ---
**Author:** ![Urbanredneck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ea5d25/32.png) [@Urbanredneck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Urbanredneck)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2017, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-teachers-share-too-much-gender-differences/795018/29 "2017-08-29T20:50:47Z")
> [@ZipperJJ](#): > > How on earth did you know why a teacher was out every time they were out? My son said the teacher told them. Either thru the sub or she told them when she got back. ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2017, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-teachers-share-too-much-gender-differences/795018/30 "2017-08-29T20:56:37Z")
> [@Bone](#): > > Back to school night is not a business meeting with parents. You are not their customer, nor are you their employer. Their employer provides them a benefit package which presumably allows them to take personal time off. Exactly right. ---
**Author:** ![Urbanredneck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ea5d25/32.png) [@Urbanredneck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Urbanredneck)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2017, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-teachers-share-too-much-gender-differences/795018/31 "2017-08-29T20:59:37Z")
> [@Johnny\_Bravo](#): > > How much personal time per month do you think is reasonable? Perhaps we should put a hard cap on how many hours a teacher is allowed to use. Well that is a good question. Most companies have limits. If an employee took a day off every week or so how long would it be before they are let go? Now one idea I like is co-teaching where 2 teachers share the same room, one works am, the other pm, and when one needs time off, the other takes over. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2017, 9:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-teachers-share-too-much-gender-differences/795018/32 "2017-08-29T21:15:38Z")
> [@Urbanredneck](#): > > Well that is a good question. Most companies have limits. Imma blow yer mind here: **so do schools**. As long as a teacher is taking off time that she’s earned, for approved reasons, I figure that’s between her and her boss. That said, I’m of two minds about this level of sharing. **Manda Jo** is right about the relationship side of teaching. I talk some about my kids and my wife, when I think it’s appropriate (I’m getting ready to teach my third graders to read deeply, not to skim, and I’ve got a funny anecdote about my pre-k daughter barely licking a spoonful of caramel that I think will make for a compelling analogy during this lesson). Many kids are much more willing to try hard if they believe that the teacher is a kind, caring person, and sometimes telling about your family can signal that to them. Moreover, there are parents who are a lot more willing to work with you to help their kids learn if they know you’re a parent and can empathize with their struggles; I deliberately use stories about my own kids to establish my cred with such parents sometimes. On the other hand, in a ten-minute group session, I can’t imagine spending much time if any talking about my family. I find myself wondering whether maybe these young teachers are inexperienced and haven’t got a good handle on what to say during this sort of session. Weird little things like this can be tricky to prepare for, and if they’ve not had the time to come up with a killer spiel, they might talk about their family because they’re not sure what else to do. ---
**Author:** ![Dendarii\_Dame](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bbce88/32.png) [@Dendarii\_Dame](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dendarii_Dame)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2017, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-teachers-share-too-much-gender-differences/795018/33 "2017-08-29T21:41:22Z")
My teachers would occasionally mention an interesting anecdote. One had a husband who got to see a lot of hockey during the 1980 Winter Olympics…just none of the games the U.S. played. But nothing really personal. ---
**Author:** ![MandaJo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@MandaJo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MandaJo)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2017, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-teachers-share-too-much-gender-differences/795018/34 "2017-08-29T21:45:31Z")
> [@Urbanredneck](#): > > Well that is a good question. Most companies have limits. If an employee took a day off every week or so how long would it be before they are let go? > > Now one idea I like is co-teaching where 2 teachers share the same room, one works am, the other pm, and when one needs time off, the other takes over. But you don’t know if it’s every week for many years, or this year they are having something going on in their lives that requires a lot of time. If they are a good teacher with a solid track record, it may just be one of those things. I mean, when I had a baby my students’ educations suffered. But I don’t see any way around that. ---
**Author:** ![MandaJo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@MandaJo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MandaJo)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2017, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-teachers-share-too-much-gender-differences/795018/35 "2017-08-29T21:51:34Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > Imma blow yer mind here: **so do schools**. > On the other hand, in a ten-minute group session, I can’t imagine spending much time if any talking about my family. I find myself wondering whether maybe these young teachers are inexperienced and haven’t got a good handle on what to say during this sort of session. Weird little things like this can be tricky to prepare for, and if they’ve not had the time to come up with a killer spiel, they might talk about their family because they’re not sure what else to do. This sounds exactly right to me. It’s Open House, they’ve received literally no input from anyone about what they are supposed to accomplish with their 10 minutes (I never did), and so they are basically making small talk. > [@Fretful\_Porpentine](#): > > Talking about kids you already HAVE seems perfectly normal, not oversharing at all. Talking about kids you are _trying_ to have seems weird and wrong because it is, essentially, talking about your sex life; if you and your husband are not on the same page, then you’re also airing private marital business, which seems even weirder and more wrong. > > Female / 40ish, by the way. I can see saying something like “and we hope to have another someday” or maybe even 'I want to have another, but he’s not so sure about diapers and midnight feedings," said with a laugh. It’s more than I would personally say, but I’ve heard people share stuff like that and it didn’t seem creepy, or in anyway about their sex life. ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2017, 10:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-teachers-share-too-much-gender-differences/795018/36 "2017-08-29T22:09:58Z")
> [@Urbanredneck](#): > > Well that is a good question. Most companies have limits. If an employee took a day off every week or so how long would it be before they are let go? > > Now one idea I like is co-teaching where 2 teachers share the same room, one works am, the other pm, and when one needs time off, the other takes over. Most companies do not have the tightly intertwined education, licensing, background checks, mandated reporting, etc. etc. etc. that are modern day teaching legalities. Teaching isn’t a “fall into it because you couldn’t figure WTF else to do with your life” job. Your two teachers/room scheme works out OK if you can find 2x as many teachers who are willing to work 1/2 time (which is to say substitute rates and no benefits)…that should be especially challenging at the high school level. ---
**Author:** ![Bone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bone/32/407_2.png) [@Bone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bone)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2017, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-teachers-share-too-much-gender-differences/795018/37 "2017-08-29T22:46:30Z")
Open house for us is 1 hour. Most teachers go through the syllabus, homework expectations, classroom rules, methods of communication, etc. During that time they often tell stories about themselves, their background, etc. Part of that background and what makes them, them, is their families, etc. It’s nice to know that my kid’s 5th grade teacher has a 1st grader in the school. It’s nice to know that one of the teachers has a spouse that’s a police officer that often visits the campus. The people are humans, not wikipedia. My kid(s) are going to spend 6 hours or so in their classroom and in their care. Getting to know the teacher seems like a good idea. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2017, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-teachers-share-too-much-gender-differences/795018/38 "2017-08-29T23:00:38Z")
There are lots of businesses where the show must go on and every single worker seat must have a worker in it on time every day. Businesses like that, such as schools and assembly lines and airlines, accept that part of the business requirements is to have spare people standing by to immediately step in when a gap occurs. And to recognize that gaps are simply inevitable. They are not unusual or a crisis or a failure. They’re as certain as sunrise. The only surprise today will be which specific gaps arise when and where and exactly how many. That there will be some gaps is 100% predictable. There are other sorts of businesses that don’t operate that way. If somebody no-shows the other workers carry the load as best they can. Or work piles up until the worker gets back. Or the store closes early. Or the lines at the checkstand just are longer all day. Or whatever. There are also asshole businesses that assume humans are disposable working machines and workers can and should be fired at their first or second absence and replaced by somebody else more desperate for work. Who may or may not be any more reliable. But this policy does _encouraguer les autres_ to miss less work. Depending on the OP’s life work history he may mostly have experience with the 3rd or 2nd kind of business. Not the first. To the degree that’s true, his surprise is understandable. In my business we fully expect most crew workers to miss 15% of their assignments for reasons beyond their control. Sometimes the miss is caused by the company, sometimes by the fates, and sometimes by the person’s home life. For local shift workers the average is more like 10%. That’s just a cost of doing business. They deal with it. ---
**Author:** ![Ace309](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ace309/32/1050_2.png) [@Ace309](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ace309)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2017, 11:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-teachers-share-too-much-gender-differences/795018/39 "2017-08-29T23:37:49Z")
In an alternate universe, **Urbanredneck** has started a thread about how sterile and guarded his son’s teachers were. ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2017, 4:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-teachers-share-too-much-gender-differences/795018/40 "2017-08-30T04:50:49Z")
There is a difference in expectations between parents. If someone is looking at school teachers as Marine DI Lites[sup]TM[sup], then any information beyond how hard they hit is really extraneous. I grew up in a large Mormon household in the 60s and 70s in a rather authoritarian environment. Families were typically five to eight kids and parents were typically less involved in school matters for each child. Children were expected to unquestioningly obey the teachers who were expected to be authority figures. These days, parents seem to be much more involved in their kids’ lives. Some may be too involved, although as a teacher now I haven’t personally experienced helicopter parents yet. Parents of my students are very interested in my philosophy and experiences. Almost all of the parents of my students now have only one or two children each. The environment is less authoritarian. Without oversharing, I do bring up differences in parenting and teaching for example, and sharing that my kids are young is often relevant. My wife is a teacher at the same school that our kids go to. She is very conscious of what she says when talking as a parent to other parents of kids in the same class. > [@Urbanredneck](#): > > Now it wasn’t all the female teachers. The older two kept the meeting strictly professional and shared nothing personal. It was the youngest 2 that gave the kid reports. Interesting that of the two or three variables which could be a factor, “years of experience,” “age” and “gender” the OP went straight to gender. > [@](#): > > Do they want some sort of sympathy[?] What a bizarre assumption. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-teachers-share-too-much-gender-differences/795018.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-teachers-share-too-much-gender-differences/795018.md?page=3)