# Do the families of soldiers killed in action ever find out the circumstances of their death? **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [April 12, 2014, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-the-families-of-soldiers-killed-in-action-ever-find-out-the-circumstances-of-their-death/685941 "2014-04-12T15:17:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 5\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Leo\_Bloom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leo_bloom/32/10377_2.png) [@Leo\_Bloom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leo_Bloom)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2014, 3:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-the-families-of-soldiers-killed-in-action-ever-find-out-the-circumstances-of-their-death/685941/21 "2014-04-14T03:21:01Z")
No, I never had the honor to serve in the US forces. During the First Gulf War (the Scud war) I enlisted as a volunteer in the Israel Defense Forces, where I stuffed and schlepped med kits in a hospital base, and (at the time it was secret) stuffed civilian-defense kits for biological attack. ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2014, 1:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-the-families-of-soldiers-killed-in-action-ever-find-out-the-circumstances-of-their-death/685941/22 "2014-04-14T13:28:28Z")
> [@obbn](#): > > I read a lot about WWII and one of the books I recently read had a platoon Sargent’s comments on the matter. He said that he would write the families of those killed and try to give them as much information as possible on how their loved one died. He mentioned that he never told that a soldier died of an accident or friendly fire, in those cases it was always inferred that the soldier died doing some heroic deed. He felt that this helped the families cope with the loss. In the past it was traditional to tell the family their loved one died heroically and instantly. Those days are over. Any hint of making the details more palatable for the family would be met with accusations of cover up. The family gets all the unpleasant details. I suppose that’s better. ---
**Author:** ![FluffyBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ecb155/32.png) [@FluffyBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FluffyBob)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2014, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-the-families-of-soldiers-killed-in-action-ever-find-out-the-circumstances-of-their-death/685941/23 "2014-04-14T15:02:24Z")
Question has been answered, but I just wanted to add that war can be so traumatic and chaotic that information can be hard to get even from survivors. My Grandfather survived WWII; was sent on the Dieppe Raid, was not heard from for 2 years until he showed up in England, and did not return home until the end of the war. He never told anybody in my family a single thing about his experiences in the war. It was utter hell and he never wanted to talk about it again. Everything we know was learned from another serviceman than was on the same raid and came to visit with an Armed Forces historian in the 70’s. My Grandfather talked privately with the historian and the other veteran told what he new of his experiences. ---
**Author:** ![Mahaloth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mahaloth/32/1079_2.png) [@Mahaloth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mahaloth)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2014, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-the-families-of-soldiers-killed-in-action-ever-find-out-the-circumstances-of-their-death/685941/24 "2014-04-14T15:45:46Z")
> [@Loach](#): > > In the past it was traditional to tell the family their loved one died heroically and instantly. Those days are over. Any hint of making the details more palatable for the family would be met with accusations of cover up. The family gets all the unpleasant details. I suppose that’s better. I agree and I would rather know the truth. And also, in person is way better than via letter or phone call. I’m glad they do in person now. ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2014, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-the-families-of-soldiers-killed-in-action-ever-find-out-the-circumstances-of-their-death/685941/25 "2014-04-14T15:53:18Z")
> [@Mahaloth](#): > > I agree and I would rather know the truth. And also, in person is way better than via letter or phone call. I’m glad they do in person now. As shown in We Were Soldiers Once, Julia Moore was instrumental in changing the policy. The movie did take some poetic license. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-the-families-of-soldiers-killed-in-action-ever-find-out-the-circumstances-of-their-death/685941.md?page=1)