# Do they ALL have ex-boyfriends? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 1, 2003, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-they-all-have-ex-boyfriends/146074 "2003-01-01T19:15:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Typo\_Negative](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/typo_negative/32/484_2.png) [@Typo\_Negative](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Negative)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2003, 11:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-they-all-have-ex-boyfriends/146074/21 "2003-01-02T11:58:22Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by elmwood \* > \*\* and there was a nice kiss goodnight, which should mean something. Right? > > \*\* Actually, no. Also, 4 and 1/2 hours on a first date seems a little long, unless you’re really hitting it off. (and if you’re really hitting it off, you’ll end up in bed) ---
**Author:** ![Eva\_Luna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e495f1/32.png) [@Eva\_Luna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eva_Luna)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2003, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-they-all-have-ex-boyfriends/146074/22 "2003-01-02T15:28:22Z")
Well, the ones who don’t have ex-boyfriends tend to have ex-girlfriends. At least IME. I’m not so sure I’d rather have it happen after a first date, though. I met a great guy this summer, who freaked out after a month of absolutely clicking wonderfully, and THEN decided he wasn’t over his ex. I think we will be good friends, which I don’t think would have happened if he’d blown me off after one date, no matter how wonderful the date. Of course, now that he’s finally getting over his ex (several more months later), he’s decided to fall for one of his good friends. Lucky me. ---
**Author:** ![Archergal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c89c15/32.png) [@Archergal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Archergal)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2003, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-they-all-have-ex-boyfriends/146074/23 "2003-01-02T15:36:36Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Kaio \* > \*\*That’s nuthin. Everyone I’ve gotten seriously involved with has found their life-mate within 2 months of dumping me. I produce a lot of marriages. heheh. > > 😛 \*\* Jeez, I thought I was the only one that happened to! ---
**Author:** ![jeevmon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/87869e/32.png) [@jeevmon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jeevmon)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2003, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-they-all-have-ex-boyfriends/146074/24 "2003-01-02T16:07:50Z")
Back in the days when securities regulation seemed to be pretty good in this country, I advanced the idea that people who are attempting to date or holding themselves out as being open to dating should come with prospectuses. Full disclosure of assets, liabilities, and past performance. After all, with an investment, all you’re losing is money, whereas you can lose an awful lot that’s more important in dating. Of course, after Enron, WorldCom and Tyco (oh my!), maybe that’s not such a good plan. ---
**Author:** ![velvetjones](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/5f9b8f/32.png) [@velvetjones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/velvetjones)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2003, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-they-all-have-ex-boyfriends/146074/25 "2003-01-02T16:12:41Z")
**elmwood** If the same scenario keeps happening to you then there’s something that’s unconsciously pulling you toward women who are unavailable and hung up on their exs. If you can do some psychological searching you might be able to figure out what is attracting you to these women so you can avoid them in the future. In the end you can only change yourself. Figure out why you’re attracted to these women and you’ll better be able to see things as they really are in the future and avoid disappointment. Sorry you’re having a bad time. Dating sucks. Hang in there. ---
**Author:** ![cuauhtemoc](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ecb155/32.png) [@cuauhtemoc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cuauhtemoc)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2003, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-they-all-have-ex-boyfriends/146074/26 "2003-01-02T16:14:49Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by spooje \* > \*\*Also, 4 and 1/2 hours on a first date seems a little long, unless you’re really hitting it off. (and if you’re really hitting it off, you’ll end up in bed) \*\* Is that right? Really, I had no idea that hitting it off with someone necessarily involved going to bed with them. I was under the misguided impression that you could have a great time with someone for two, four or six hours, kiss them goodnight and leave them at the doorstep and still consider yourself to have “hit it off.” Silly me. Of course I’m being sarcastic, but I do agree that a kiss goodnight may or may not mean something, and one shouldn’t read too much into something as simple as a kiss. ---
**Author:** ![Gaijin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/838e76/32.png) [@Gaijin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gaijin)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2003, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-they-all-have-ex-boyfriends/146074/27 "2003-01-02T17:45:44Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by velvetjones \* > \*\*there’s something that’s unconsciously pulling you toward women \*\* It’s his penis. > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by velvetjones \* > \*\* > In the end you can only change yourself. \*\* Well, thanks to the marvels of modern medicine, yes, he can, but a sex change is a very big step. ---
**Author:** ![Indygrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/58f4c7/32.png) [@Indygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Indygrrl)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2003, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-they-all-have-ex-boyfriends/146074/28 "2003-01-02T17:59:54Z")
Seems like all of the guys I date have sexual issues. One of them told me that I should fake it if I didn’t have an orgasm, so that he could feel ok about the sex. WTF??? Same guy told me I shouldn’t masturbate because it would take away from my sexual experience with him. Again, wtf??? The next guy had body issues and wouldn’t let me see him naked. He would only take off part of his clothes and then he would hide under the blankets. I’m a hot chick, all I want is a guy who can do it without having a bunch of weird hangups. Not too much to ask, or is it? ---
**Author:** ![SkipMagic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skipmagic/32/20706_2.png) [@SkipMagic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SkipMagic)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2003, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-they-all-have-ex-boyfriends/146074/29 "2003-01-02T19:42:25Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by spooje \* > \*\*Actually, no. > > Also, 4 and 1/2 hours on a first date seems a little long, unless you’re really hitting it off. (and if you’re really hitting it off, you’ll end up in bed) \*\* If only spending a lot of time together was an automatic “Get Out of Celibacy Free!” card. 😉 Actually, **auntie em** and I had a first date that lasted for about 5 hours (or maybe I was just thinking, “Holy Moly, when will this end?!” :D), and the most affection offered between us at that point was my wishing her well in getting back into the house out of which she had just locked herself. And even _then_, after our second outing, nothing was a given when referring to the tantalizing tittie and tooshie tango. Or, as **auntie em** said in another thread: > [@](#): > > It’s a boat I’ve certainly been in before, but this time was sort of different. I mean, usually if I’m not feeling any crotch-sparks, I just chalk it up to lack of chemistry and walk away. This time, however, I was having SUCH a good time with this fella and just liked him SO MUCH that I kept seeing him, despite the fact that I wasn’t having those special little twinkly feelings (which made me feel like a giant tease, because I knew he WAS having twinkles for ME, but my fundamental selfishness overruled my sense of fair play). > > But I did keep going out with him, and lo and behold! One day, when I least expected it, I felt the special little sizzle of a crotch spark or two… At that point I wasn’t sure if it was the boy or the wine I’d consumed, but I decided to roll with it, so I planted a big, juicy one on him (which confused the hell out of him, because I’d already issued the flashing neon “JUST FRIENDS” mandate)… He complied nicely and the rest, as they say, is history. > > Things are going well. So, instant decisions of hooking up don’t always happen, nor do those same decisions normally lead to long-lasting relationships. Or maybe they do and I’m just slower than I think. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Eva\_Luna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e495f1/32.png) [@Eva\_Luna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eva_Luna)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2003, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-they-all-have-ex-boyfriends/146074/30 "2003-01-02T20:00:46Z")
Ahhhh, **SkipMagic,** that was my very own thread about meeting the guy I mentioned in my previous post (among other things)! Memories… Maybe someday I’ll have the guts to reveal my SDMB identity and show him that thread. I think he’d get a kick out of it… ---
**Author:** ![SkipMagic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skipmagic/32/20706_2.png) [@SkipMagic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SkipMagic)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2003, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-they-all-have-ex-boyfriends/146074/31 "2003-01-02T20:07:23Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Eva Luna \* > **Maybe someday I’ll have the guts to reveal my SDMB identity and show him that thread.** Until then, **Eva “Clark” Luna** , I agree that your identity should remain hidden as you continue your job as a mild-mannered reporter for _The Daily Planet_. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Eva\_Luna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e495f1/32.png) [@Eva\_Luna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eva_Luna)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2003, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-they-all-have-ex-boyfriends/146074/32 "2003-01-02T20:17:29Z")
Either that, or until I’ve safely hooked him once again after he realizes that his current friend/girlfriend, or whatever she is this week, is Rebound Girl and realizes who he really should be with, namely, me… (Hey, a girl can hope, right?) ---
**Author:** ![SkipMagic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skipmagic/32/20706_2.png) [@SkipMagic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SkipMagic)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2003, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-they-all-have-ex-boyfriends/146074/33 "2003-01-02T21:42:32Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Eva Luna \* > \*\*…(Hey, a girl can hope, right?) \*\* Well, **Eva** , after re-reading the thread within which you introduced us to your summer kissy-kissy, and after re-reading your previous post in _this_ thread, I say, “Nah!” Or, in a way that is more apropos (and possibly more polite), “A girl should maybe stay with that guy as a friend and then fire her loving heat seekers at another, less relationship-y unstable romantic target.” Ba-boom! Which isn’t to say that he (kissy-kissy) won’t eventually realize that you’re the best thing since the centerfold (some, when utilizing that line of thought go with sliced bread, others go with the wheel; me, I go for three connected, glossy rectangles that inspire me to utter this encomiastic poem: “Aww…damn!”), but it does seem to mean that he’s fallen a bit off track and, despite what I’m sure are your best efforts to help him out, can’t seem to find his way back. Besides, you never want to think of yourself as the consolation prize. At least, that’s what I think. Regardless, I hope that it all turns out well between you two. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![JimSox5](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/b5a626/32.png) [@JimSox5](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JimSox5)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2003, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-they-all-have-ex-boyfriends/146074/34 "2003-01-02T21:58:34Z")
Hey, **Indygrrl** , I’m only an hour west of you. . . . . .of course, I’m also in a serious relationship right now without any of those odd hangups and such. Damn, my life is so boring. ---
**Author:** ![Eva\_Luna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e495f1/32.png) [@Eva\_Luna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eva_Luna)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2003, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-they-all-have-ex-boyfriends/146074/35 "2003-01-02T22:02:05Z")
Well, **SkipMagic,** thanks, and yes, that’s the plan…my New Year’s resolution is to re-insert the Reader Matches ad that started it all. After all, there were 30-some guys who I never even called back, I was so overwhelmed. (And besides, I’d hate to think of friendship as the consolation prize! Good friends are hard to come by, even slightly flaky ones. I just hope the flakiness is temporary.) ---
**Author:** ![auntie\_em](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5e9695/32.png) [@auntie\_em](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/auntie_em)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2003, 10:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-they-all-have-ex-boyfriends/146074/36 "2003-01-02T22:07:12Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by SkipMagic \* > **summer kissy-kissy** [Muttering to self]He uses phrases like “summer kissy-kissy” and yet still wonders WHY I wasn’t attracted to his Air-Supply-lovin’ ass . . . [/Muttering to self] As for the OP: 1. Where the hell were you at the [KC Area Dopefest and Orgy](http://www.tschirhart.net/dopefest/dopekafest.htm) this past summer, **elwood** (I was damn near single _then_ :p)? and 1. Sounds to me (despite your anti-milquetoast persona) like you ARE the typical “nice guy”, who gets set up with women who date assholes by friends of said women, who are really trying to help them change their dating habits. 😉 Maybe you could try leaning a little more towards “Assholio”, and see if that doesn’t help you win. 😛 Or, just keep being you and trust that one day someone’ll adore you for that. Even if you like really bad Elton John songs. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![SkipMagic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skipmagic/32/20706_2.png) [@SkipMagic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SkipMagic)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2003, 10:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-they-all-have-ex-boyfriends/146074/37 "2003-01-02T22:15:09Z")
> [@](#): > > …Even if you like really bad Elton John songs. 🙂 \*\* Rolling like thunder/Under the covers! ---
**Author:** ![auntie\_em](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5e9695/32.png) [@auntie\_em](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/auntie_em)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2003, 10:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-they-all-have-ex-boyfriends/146074/38 "2003-01-02T22:33:56Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by SkipMagic \* > \*\*Rolling like thunder/Under the covers! \*\* Oy. :rolleyes: Hey **elmwood** , if it doesn’t work out with **jazzmine**. . . 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Eva\_Luna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e495f1/32.png) [@Eva\_Luna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eva_Luna)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2003, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-they-all-have-ex-boyfriends/146074/39 "2003-01-02T22:35:18Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by SkipMagic \* > \*\*Which isn’t to say that he (kissy-kissy) won’t eventually realize that you’re the best thing since the centerfold (some, when utilizing that line of thought go with sliced bread, others go with the wheel; me, I go for three connected, glossy rectangles that inspire me to utter this encomiastic poem: “Aww…damn!”), but it does seem to mean that he’s fallen a bit off track and, despite what I’m sure are your best efforts to help him out, can’t seem to find his way back. > > \*\* Besides, he’s as much as admitted (if rather indirectly) that I have my head screwed on straight when it comes to judging his romantic history…even if when he announced he’d realized his ex and he were wrong for each other, it was in response to advice from his sister rather than the identical advice I’d given him… His sister’s was, “even if you can forgive all the hurtful things she’s done, why do you keep going back to someone who makes you miserable, even aside from the value judgements about whose fault it was and the feelings you guys have for each other?” Mine was essentially identical, with some additions about “in the end, it doesn’t matter why you guys are wrong for each other, or whose fault the breakup was, but it sure does seem from what you’ve told me that a) you are wrong for each other, and b) if you haven’t been able to resolve your issues in all the years you’ve known each other, it’s sure going to be an uphill battle now, especially if one party refuses to admit any responsibility.” When I pointed out how I’d essentially told him the same thing his sister had, he fell silent and got a really pensive look on his face. Well, on the bright (?) side, apparently he at least considers me enough of a friend to be able to talk openly about this stuff with me…and at least if he’s hooked up with a friend of his, even if it’s not me, he is able to move people out of the dreaded Friend Zone. And he’s a little thick in the head sometimes, but he gets there eventually… ---
**Author:** ![Moirai](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/96bed5/32.png) [@Moirai](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moirai)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2003, 10:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-they-all-have-ex-boyfriends/146074/40 "2003-01-02T22:40:45Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Christina25 \* > \*\*Could be worse… they could be hung up on an ex-girlfriend 🙂 \*\* This actually happened to one of my best friends, three girls in a row. Somehow, dating Paul brought out some latent lesbian thing. We just about killed him ribbing him about it. He kept his sense of humor though, and started warning the women he took out! Turned out OK though- he married my other best friend and she’s still straight! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-they-all-have-ex-boyfriends/146074.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-they-all-have-ex-boyfriends/146074.md?page=3)