# Do transgenders who have had sex changes have the obligation to tell their future partners? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 26, 2012, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-transgenders-who-have-had-sex-changes-have-the-obligation-to-tell-their-future-partners/626354 "2012-06-26T15:36:09Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![the\_apples\_fell](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecb155/32.png) [@the\_apples\_fell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/the_apples_fell)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2012, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-transgenders-who-have-had-sex-changes-have-the-obligation-to-tell-their-future-partners/626354/1 "2012-06-26T15:36:09Z")
If a biological male has a sex change and now identifies as a female, does she have the obligation to tell her future partners, whether they be male or female, about the sex change and her biological sex? Same applies for a female-to-male transgender. ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2012, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-transgenders-who-have-had-sex-changes-have-the-obligation-to-tell-their-future-partners/626354/2 "2012-06-26T15:38:24Z")
No. However, failing to discuss such issues before the wedding bodes not well for the stability and longevity of the marriage. ---
**Author:** ![The\_wind\_of\_my\_soul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecc23a/32.png) [@The\_wind\_of\_my\_soul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_wind_of_my_soul)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2012, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-transgenders-who-have-had-sex-changes-have-the-obligation-to-tell-their-future-partners/626354/3 "2012-06-26T16:36:04Z")
Isn’t this a non-issue for FtMs? I thought any semblance of a dick they could get was easily identifiable as a fake. ---
**Author:** ![Jophiel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jophiel/32/66_2.png) [@Jophiel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jophiel)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2012, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-transgenders-who-have-had-sex-changes-have-the-obligation-to-tell-their-future-partners/626354/4 "2012-06-26T16:45:38Z")
> [@The\_wind\_of\_my\_soul](#): > > Isn’t this a non-issue for FtMs? I thought any semblance of a dick they could get was easily identifiable as a fake. Assuming this is true, I can still imagine the partner preferring to know this rather than find out _in situ_. ---
**Author:** ![brickbacon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/898d66/32.png) [@brickbacon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brickbacon)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2012, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-transgenders-who-have-had-sex-changes-have-the-obligation-to-tell-their-future-partners/626354/5 "2012-06-26T16:51:37Z")
I think you should feel obligated to tell you partner anything the average person would want to know about. That includes sex changes along with previous marriages, kids, etc. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2012, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-transgenders-who-have-had-sex-changes-have-the-obligation-to-tell-their-future-partners/626354/6 "2012-06-26T16:53:44Z")
> [@Ethilrist](#): > > No. > > However, failing to discuss such issues before the wedding bodes not well for the stability and longevity of the marriage. This is pretty much it. Keep it a secret if you want, but I can see the whole thing eventually going up in flames. Big secrets like that aren’t good for trust and honesty. ---
**Author:** ![CandidGamera](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/candidgamera/32/2878_2.png) [@CandidGamera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CandidGamera)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2012, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-transgenders-who-have-had-sex-changes-have-the-obligation-to-tell-their-future-partners/626354/7 "2012-06-26T17:31:03Z")
> [@brickbacon](#): > > I think you should feel obligated to tell you partner anything the average person would want to know about. That includes sex changes along with previous marriages, kids, etc. This. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2012, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-transgenders-who-have-had-sex-changes-have-the-obligation-to-tell-their-future-partners/626354/8 "2012-06-26T17:38:03Z")
It’s OK to keep it a secret during the first date, but it should be known before any physical intimacy happens. ---
**Author:** ![cwthree](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9de0a6/32.png) [@cwthree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cwthree)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2012, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-transgenders-who-have-had-sex-changes-have-the-obligation-to-tell-their-future-partners/626354/9 "2012-06-26T17:46:15Z")
I chose “Yes,” but my real answer is, “It depends.” For a one-night fling / FWB encounter, not necessary (although probably advisable unless one’s reconstructed genitalia are very convincing). Neither partner is expecting the “relationship” to last longer than this particular encounter, so who cares? If the relationship looks like it might be going somewhere, then I’d say full disclosure is appropriate. If I were looking again, I’d expect a long-term partner to be up front with me with regard to anything that might have an impact on fertility and future health. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2012, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-transgenders-who-have-had-sex-changes-have-the-obligation-to-tell-their-future-partners/626354/10 "2012-06-26T18:06:52Z")
> [@cwthree](#): > > For a one-night fling / FWB encounter, not necessary (although probably advisable unless one’s reconstructed genitalia are very convincing). Neither partner is expecting the “relationship” to last longer than this particular encounter, so who cares? I would care. Honestly, I do not want to have sex with a trans woman. Since the sex would involve my body too, the hell yeah, it is my business. ---
**Author:** ![Athena](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/35a633/32.png) [@Athena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Athena)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2012, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-transgenders-who-have-had-sex-changes-have-the-obligation-to-tell-their-future-partners/626354/11 "2012-06-26T18:13:33Z")
Pardon my ignorance, but is the current medical technology on this stuff so good that you wouldn’t be able to tell even while fully naked and in a position to inspect the pink bits? What about secondary characteristics? Musculature and skeletal differences may not be apparent at first, but at some point wouldn’t the tendency be to notice things like larger muscles on a M-F transgender or vice-versa? I don’t mean to be at all rude on this, so I hope it comes across OK. I’m just truly curious if medical technology is really that good nowadays! ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2012, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-transgenders-who-have-had-sex-changes-have-the-obligation-to-tell-their-future-partners/626354/12 "2012-06-26T18:16:13Z")
I only know one trans person, and yeah, I can tell. She looks very masculine. To be fair, I knew before I met her. ---
**Author:** ![Iggy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/iggy/32/3364_2.png) [@Iggy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Iggy)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2012, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-transgenders-who-have-had-sex-changes-have-the-obligation-to-tell-their-future-partners/626354/13 "2012-06-26T18:29:15Z")
I would expect it to come when discussing any plans for kids. ---
**Author:** ![Tad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/278dde/32.png) [@Tad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tad)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2012, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-transgenders-who-have-had-sex-changes-have-the-obligation-to-tell-their-future-partners/626354/14 "2012-06-26T18:37:16Z")
That’s completely dependent on the trans person. Do they have an obligation? No, not necessarily. No more, that is, than a woman who has had breast augmentation or reduction–or any other plastic surgery. Disclosure may invite discrimination, which may be something the trans person wants to know but isn’t necessarily a productive reaction. Anyway, I think the fundamental answer is that it is completely up to the trans individual whether or not they want to disclose. In a long-term relationship it is likely something that would arise, but to argue that someone is obligated to disclose a sex that is no longer relevant or an operation that has altered their body/sex is a strange idea of control. ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2012, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-transgenders-who-have-had-sex-changes-have-the-obligation-to-tell-their-future-partners/626354/15 "2012-06-26T18:41:06Z")
You should probably tell them at some point, and at the very least mention that you can’t have children. Sure, it’s possible that they will react badly but when you get right down to it if they are that sort of person you should avoid them for your own safety, not marry them. > [@Athena](#): > > Pardon my ignorance, but is the current medical technology on this stuff so good that you wouldn’t be able to tell even while fully naked and in a position to inspect the pink bits? For genitals, the modern MtF version is that good I’m told; the FtM not nearly as good. For the rest of the body it depends on how late they start to transition; testosterone changes the body in ways that can’t really be fully undone yet. ---
**Author:** ![perfectparanoia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a5b964/32.png) [@perfectparanoia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/perfectparanoia)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2012, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-transgenders-who-have-had-sex-changes-have-the-obligation-to-tell-their-future-partners/626354/16 "2012-06-26T19:15:54Z")
I didn’t vote in the poll since there needs to be a third option. Being transgendered is pretty tough and while I think that if they were making a life long commitment, they should tell their partner, I don’t think they are obligated to in any other circumstance. ---
**Author:** ![Invisible\_Chimp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/f05b48/32.png) [@Invisible\_Chimp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Invisible_Chimp)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2012, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-transgenders-who-have-had-sex-changes-have-the-obligation-to-tell-their-future-partners/626354/17 "2012-06-26T19:18:59Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > I would care. Honestly, I do not want to have sex with a trans woman. Since the sex would involve my body too, the hell yeah, it is my business. If it looks, talks, and acts like a woman, I would have no problem having sex with a trans woman. I would want to know beforehand. Just curious, why wouldn’t you want to have sex with a post-op trans woman? ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2012, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-transgenders-who-have-had-sex-changes-have-the-obligation-to-tell-their-future-partners/626354/18 "2012-06-26T19:21:12Z")
> [@Invisible\_Chimp](#): > > If it looks, talks, and acts like a woman, I would have no problem having sex with a trans woman. I would want to know beforehand. Just curious, why wouldn’t you want to have sex with a post-op trans woman? I don’t know, I don’t think I have a logical reason for it. I guess it’s the same reason I don’t want to have sex with a gay man. Or a straight man, for that matter. I have nothing against it, it’s just not what I want. ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2012, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-transgenders-who-have-had-sex-changes-have-the-obligation-to-tell-their-future-partners/626354/19 "2012-06-26T19:23:18Z")
> [@Athena](#): > > I’m just truly curious if medical technology is really that good nowadays! When they get to the level of successfully manipulating chromosomes, lemme know. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![FlyingRat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/59ef9b/32.png) [@FlyingRat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FlyingRat)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2012, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-transgenders-who-have-had-sex-changes-have-the-obligation-to-tell-their-future-partners/626354/20 "2012-06-26T21:01:02Z")
> [@Tad](#): > > That’s completely dependent on the trans person. Do they have an obligation? No, not necessarily. No more, that is, than a woman who has had breast augmentation or reduction–or any other plastic surgery. > > Disclosure may invite discrimination, which may be something the trans person wants to know but isn’t necessarily a productive reaction. Anyway, I think the fundamental answer is that it is completely up to the trans individual whether or not they want to disclose. In a long-term relationship it is likely something that would arise, but to argue that someone is obligated to disclose a sex that is no longer relevant or an operation that has altered their body/sex is a strange idea of control. This, this, this. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-transgenders-who-have-had-sex-changes-have-the-obligation-to-tell-their-future-partners/626354.md?page=2)