# Do transgenders who have had sex changes have the obligation to tell their future partners? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 26, 2012, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-transgenders-who-have-had-sex-changes-have-the-obligation-to-tell-their-future-partners/626354 "2012-06-26T15:36:09Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![FlyingRat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/59ef9b/32.png) [@FlyingRat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FlyingRat)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2012, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-transgenders-who-have-had-sex-changes-have-the-obligation-to-tell-their-future-partners/626354/21 "2012-06-26T21:02:50Z")
> [@terentii](#): > > When they get to the level of successfully manipulating chromosomes, lemme know. :rolleyes: Unless one gets to the point of discussing reproduction and potential children, why would chromosomes matter? Or is it more common than I imagine to request a karyotype before engaging in coitus? :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![PandaBear77](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/edb3f5/32.png) [@PandaBear77](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PandaBear77)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2012, 10:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-transgenders-who-have-had-sex-changes-have-the-obligation-to-tell-their-future-partners/626354/22 "2012-06-26T22:29:19Z")
Yes, future partners. Everyone else, no. ---
**Author:** ![kanicbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/5f8ce5/32.png) [@kanicbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kanicbird)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2012, 10:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-transgenders-who-have-had-sex-changes-have-the-obligation-to-tell-their-future-partners/626354/23 "2012-06-26T22:53:00Z")
It’s part of who they are, as it is part of their life, if they want a life partner who accepts them for who they are then yes, else wise they are only cheating themselves. ---
**Author:** ![Bozuit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/edb3f5/32.png) [@Bozuit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bozuit)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2012, 11:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-transgenders-who-have-had-sex-changes-have-the-obligation-to-tell-their-future-partners/626354/24 "2012-06-26T23:40:27Z")
> [@Athena](#): > > Pardon my ignorance, but is the current medical technology on this stuff so good that you wouldn’t be able to tell even while fully naked and in a position to inspect the pink bits? But who’s going to get a woman naked and then say “Hang on, were you a man once?” even if they look a bit like it? Yes, I think they should mention it. I’m not sure my stance on whether or not I’d want to have sex with former-man-now-woman but just the arrogance and self-centredness of saying nothing would put me off. ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2012, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-transgenders-who-have-had-sex-changes-have-the-obligation-to-tell-their-future-partners/626354/25 "2012-06-26T23:53:46Z")
> [@FlyingRat](#): > > Unless one gets to the point of discussing reproduction and potential children, why would chromosomes matter? Or is it more common than I imagine to request a karyotype before engaging in coitus? :dubious: Perhaps **terentii** was implying a Star Trek-level change, such that we give the person a big ol’ dose of chromosome therapy and when we come back from the commercial, the patient is physically the other gender? ---
**Author:** ![CatherineZeta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e95f7d/32.png) [@CatherineZeta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CatherineZeta)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2012, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-transgenders-who-have-had-sex-changes-have-the-obligation-to-tell-their-future-partners/626354/26 "2012-06-27T00:13:00Z")
I am far from an expert on this, but from what I understand FtM trans individuals tend to a) have significant scarring on their chests from the removal of breast tissue and b) many (or maybe just some, I have no idea about actual numbers or percentages) trans individuals do not get the genital surgery due to factors such as cost, long & painful recovery, or sometimes they just don’t want to for other reasons. Considering that, I feel like it would be nearly impossible not to tell a potential romantic partner that one is a trans man as it would presumably become apparent in a situation involving sex. I don’t know too much about transitioning from MtF so I don’t know how that would play out, but either way I still think disclosure is important only for the sake of having a relationship based on honesty (which obviously any relationship should have regardless of the genders involved). I just know a bit about FtM transitions from being roommates with a girl who identified as genderqueer/lesbian who told me the above about trans men as those were her preferred partners (ones who had not had full surgery but presented as men). I also follow the blog of a guy who likes a musician I really like and he happens to be a trans man who had top but not bottom surgery. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2012, 4:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-transgenders-who-have-had-sex-changes-have-the-obligation-to-tell-their-future-partners/626354/27 "2012-06-27T04:13:27Z")
As others have indicated, it depends on the seriousness of the relationship. No obligation at all for casual dating; a definite obligation for an LTR. ---
**Author:** ![BleizDu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/9dc877/32.png) [@BleizDu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BleizDu)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2012, 10:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-transgenders-who-have-had-sex-changes-have-the-obligation-to-tell-their-future-partners/626354/28 "2012-06-27T10:05:22Z")
> [@Ethilrist](#): > > No. > > However, failing to discuss such issues before the wedding bodes not well for the stability and longevity of the marriage. This. – That said, out of the 3 FTMs I know who didn’t disclose right away or whatever in a LTR, it only didn’t worked out for one. 1, a gay trans man who hadn’t had any surgery at all, told his BF after a week, including after they had sex several times. I think his BF may have thought something was up, but in any case he didn’t bring it up. They are still together almost a decade after. 2, a het trans man who hadn’t had bottom surgery, told his GF after a few years, when she became too suspicious that she couldn’t see him naked in any occasion. They still stayed together for a couple years after that. 3, a het trans man who was in the process of bottom surgery, didn’t tell at all his GF. They were together about a year I think. She dumped him when she realized he was behaving too oddly, being too evasive about his surgeries, this kind of stuff. I wouldn’t dream of not telling a potential long term partner that I’m trans, but for sex I haven’t disclosed most of the time. If you talk to me a bit, I’ll tell you, because it makes sex way more fun for me when the guy knows, but otherwise I figure if you’re into anonymous hookups in public parks at night, you kinda forfeit the right to know anything about who is sucking your dick. ---
**Author:** ![MrDibble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrdibble/32/114_2.png) [@MrDibble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrDibble)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2012, 11:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-transgenders-who-have-had-sex-changes-have-the-obligation-to-tell-their-future-partners/626354/29 "2012-06-27T11:58:10Z")
> [@FlyingRat](#): > > Unless one gets to the point of discussing reproduction and potential children, why would chromosomes matter? Or is it more common than I imagine to request a karyotype before engaging in coitus? :dubious: I read that as “Unless you change your chromosomes, you haven’t actually changed your gender” which gets all kinds of :rolleyes: right back. I voted “No” but that’s because I read the OP as referring to _any_ future sexual/romantic partners. For long-term/life partners, I’d say “Yes”. ---
**Author:** ![Bozuit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/edb3f5/32.png) [@Bozuit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bozuit)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2012, 12:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-transgenders-who-have-had-sex-changes-have-the-obligation-to-tell-their-future-partners/626354/30 "2012-06-27T12:33:34Z")
> [@MrDibble](#): > > I read that as “Unless you change your chromosomes, you haven’t actually changed your gender” which gets all kinds of :rolleyes: right back. Assuming you replace “gender” with “sex” it could make an interesting debate. Personally I’m ignorant on the whole thing, but I don’t feel fully convinced that you can change sex. You can identify as another gender and make yourself look more like the corresponding sex, and I see no reason not to indulge people who wish to do that by referring to them as a man or a woman according to their wishes, but can we say from a completely objective and realistic position that their sex has changed? If an alien scientist who viewed humans as we view other animals abducted some people for testing for some reason, how would they logically describe the sex of a woman-who-was-a-man? I’ve always assumed “if in doubt, check the chromosomes”. ---
**Author:** ![What\_the](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f4b2a3/32.png) [@What\_the](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_the)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2012, 12:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-transgenders-who-have-had-sex-changes-have-the-obligation-to-tell-their-future-partners/626354/31 "2012-06-27T12:55:28Z")
FWIW - (maybe nothing but not a total hijack)… I saw a real crime show on ID a while back in which a bunch of men killed a woman that turned out to be a man. At the end of the story there was reference to resulting legislation that specifically precluded temporary insanity as a defense. ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2012, 1:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-transgenders-who-have-had-sex-changes-have-the-obligation-to-tell-their-future-partners/626354/32 "2012-06-27T13:05:07Z")
> [@Bozuit](#): > > I’ve always assumed “if in doubt, check the chromosomes”. Problem is, that doesn’t work because not everyone fits the neat XY=male, XX=female pattern. It leads to people being embarrassed and pissed off when officials start insisting that they are really one gender when they’ve always looked and acted as the other. ---
**Author:** ![cwthree](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9de0a6/32.png) [@cwthree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cwthree)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2012, 1:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-transgenders-who-have-had-sex-changes-have-the-obligation-to-tell-their-future-partners/626354/33 "2012-06-27T13:14:53Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > I don’t know, I don’t think I have a logical reason for it. I guess it’s the same reason I don’t want to have sex with a gay man. Or a straight man, for that matter. I have nothing against it, it’s just not what I want. Then it’s your preference/hang-up, and thus your responsibility to ask potential partners if they meet your criteria. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2012, 1:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-transgenders-who-have-had-sex-changes-have-the-obligation-to-tell-their-future-partners/626354/34 "2012-06-27T13:42:06Z")
> [@cwthree](#): > > Then it’s your preference/hang-up, and thus your responsibility to ask potential partners if they meet your criteria. I’m fine with that. Of course I expect honest answers. Hang-up, though? Seriously? Let’s be straight and call it a fetish. I have a fetish for women that have never been men. Kinky, I know. ---
**Author:** ![dngnb8](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/977dab/32.png) [@dngnb8](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dngnb8)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2012, 1:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-transgenders-who-have-had-sex-changes-have-the-obligation-to-tell-their-future-partners/626354/35 "2012-06-27T13:47:57Z")
> [@Ethilrist](#): > > No. > > However, failing to discuss such issues before the wedding bodes not well for the stability and longevity of the marriage. ^ I dont think Obligation is the right word. however, in committed relationships, trust and respect are the foundation. Not telling shows lack of both. ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2012, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-transgenders-who-have-had-sex-changes-have-the-obligation-to-tell-their-future-partners/626354/36 "2012-06-27T15:56:48Z")
I voted ‘Yes’ with an eye to an LTR. For a hook up in the park? Nah - no obligation there. ---
**Author:** ![heathen\_earthling](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/13edae/32.png) [@heathen\_earthling](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/heathen_earthling)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2012, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-transgenders-who-have-had-sex-changes-have-the-obligation-to-tell-their-future-partners/626354/37 "2012-06-27T16:50:57Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > I don’t know, I don’t think I have a logical reason for it. I guess it’s the same reason I don’t want to have sex with a gay man. Or a straight man, for that matter. I have nothing against it, it’s just not what I want. If having sex with a woman who used to be a man is equivalent to having sex with a man, is having sex with a woman who used to be a child equivalent to having sex with a child? I’m not entirely swayed by that analogy myself, but I just heard it recently and it’s interesting to think about. ---
**Author:** ![johnpost](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f17d59/32.png) [@johnpost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/johnpost)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2012, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-transgenders-who-have-had-sex-changes-have-the-obligation-to-tell-their-future-partners/626354/38 "2012-06-27T16:59:08Z")
“Surprise, surprise, surprise!”, exclaimed Gometta Pyle. ---
**Author:** ![Taomist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/53a042/32.png) [@Taomist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Taomist)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2012, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-transgenders-who-have-had-sex-changes-have-the-obligation-to-tell-their-future-partners/626354/39 "2012-06-27T17:03:22Z")
> [@cwthree](#): > > I chose “Yes,” but my real answer is, “It depends.” > > For a one-night fling / FWB encounter, not necessary (although probably advisable unless one’s reconstructed genitalia are very convincing). Neither partner is expecting the “relationship” to last longer than this particular encounter, so who cares? > > If the relationship looks like it might be going somewhere, then I’d say full disclosure is appropriate. If I were looking again, I’d expect a long-term partner to be up front with me with regard to anything that might have an impact on fertility and future health. This for me too. ---
**Author:** ![Taomist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/53a042/32.png) [@Taomist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Taomist)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2012, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-transgenders-who-have-had-sex-changes-have-the-obligation-to-tell-their-future-partners/626354/40 "2012-06-27T17:06:28Z")
> [@BleizDu](#): > > I wouldn’t dream of not telling a potential long term partner that I’m trans, but for sex I haven’t disclosed most of the time. If you talk to me a bit, I’ll tell you, because it makes sex way more fun for me when the guy knows, but otherwise I figure if you’re into anonymous hookups in public parks at night, you kinda forfeit the right to know anything about who is sucking your dick. This made me laugh, in a good way. I like this. 😛 I mean, I wouldn’t LIE to someone if they ASKED, but yeah. It doesn’t matter until it matters. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-transgenders-who-have-had-sex-changes-have-the-obligation-to-tell-their-future-partners/626354.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-transgenders-who-have-had-sex-changes-have-the-obligation-to-tell-their-future-partners/626354.md?page=3)