# Do transgenders who have had sex changes have the obligation to tell their future partners? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 26, 2012, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-transgenders-who-have-had-sex-changes-have-the-obligation-to-tell-their-future-partners/626354 "2012-06-26T15:36:09Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2012, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-transgenders-who-have-had-sex-changes-have-the-obligation-to-tell-their-future-partners/626354/41 "2012-06-27T17:10:30Z")
> [@heathen\_earthling](#): > > If having sex with a woman who used to be a man is equivalent to having sex with a man, is having sex with a woman who used to be a child equivalent to having sex with a child? > > I’m not entirely swayed by that analogy myself, but I just heard it recently and it’s interesting to think about. It is interesting to think about, but I didn’t make that equivalence. I don’t want to eat liver and I don’t want to eat a Jeep. That doesn’t mean that I think liver is a Jeep. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2012, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-transgenders-who-have-had-sex-changes-have-the-obligation-to-tell-their-future-partners/626354/42 "2012-06-27T17:18:29Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > I’m fine with that. Of course I expect honest answers. > > Hang-up, though? Yeah, “hang-up” sounds about right, considering that you admit you don’t have a logical reason for it. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2012, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-transgenders-who-have-had-sex-changes-have-the-obligation-to-tell-their-future-partners/626354/43 "2012-06-27T17:21:41Z")
> [@Miller](#): > > Yeah, “hang-up” sounds about right, considering that you admit you don’t have a logical reason for it. I’m still going with fetish. What are your logical reasons for not wanting to have sex with men? (Assuming you’re hetero.) What kind of hang-up is that? ---
**Author:** ![Tad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/278dde/32.png) [@Tad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tad)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2012, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-transgenders-who-have-had-sex-changes-have-the-obligation-to-tell-their-future-partners/626354/44 "2012-06-27T17:22:21Z")
I think the rub of the question is the “obligation” part, though. You’d have to explain the obligation beyond the fetishization of trans people or a fear or being an accidental homosexual. ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2012, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-transgenders-who-have-had-sex-changes-have-the-obligation-to-tell-their-future-partners/626354/45 "2012-06-27T17:31:46Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > I’m fine with that. Of course I expect honest answers. > > Hang-up, though? Seriously? Let’s be straight and call it a fetish. I have a fetish for women that have never been men. Kinky, I know. I would keep such perverted desires to myself if I were you, you weirdo. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![iamthewalrus\_3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/258eb7/32.png) [@iamthewalrus\_3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iamthewalrus_3)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2012, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-transgenders-who-have-had-sex-changes-have-the-obligation-to-tell-their-future-partners/626354/46 "2012-06-27T17:32:34Z")
> [@Athena](#): > > Pardon my ignorance, but is the current medical technology on this stuff so good that you wouldn’t be able to tell even while fully naked and in a position to inspect the pink bits? Maybe. Not everyone does a full inspection or even has sex with much lighting. And there’s a pretty wide range among human anatomy. > [@](#): > > What about secondary characteristics? Musculature and skeletal differences may not be apparent at first, but at some point wouldn’t the tendency be to notice things like larger muscles on a M-F transgender or vice-versa? Maybe. On average there’s a decent amount of sexual dimorphism in humans, but there are certainly individuals who are within range of both sexes. > [@tdn](#): > > I only know one trans person, and yeah, I can tell. She looks very masculine. To be fair, I knew before I met her. Confirmation bias. You only _know_ that you know one trans person. You have no idea how many people you know might be passing. I voted that there is an obligation, but I’d consider that only to exist for longer-term relationships. I think the only obligation you have to a one-night stand is to inform them if they’re at risk of contracting a disease. But for a longer relationship, I think all parties should disclose relevant sexual history. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2012, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-transgenders-who-have-had-sex-changes-have-the-obligation-to-tell-their-future-partners/626354/47 "2012-06-27T17:34:46Z")
> [@iamthewalrus\_3](#): > > Confirmation bias. You only _know_ that you know one trans person. You have no idea how many people you know might be passing. True enough. ---
**Author:** ![Kaio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/c68b51/32.png) [@Kaio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kaio)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2012, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-transgenders-who-have-had-sex-changes-have-the-obligation-to-tell-their-future-partners/626354/48 "2012-06-27T17:35:50Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > This is pretty much it. Keep it a secret if you want, but I can see the whole thing eventually going up in flames. Big secrets like that aren’t good for trust and honesty. Yeah, I cringe at the word “obligation,” but it’s a very good idea, particularly if you’re discussing future kids, needed on-going medical care/issues, etc. Also, it’s probably a good idea to find out if your beloved is transphobic before ya get hitched. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2012, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-transgenders-who-have-had-sex-changes-have-the-obligation-to-tell-their-future-partners/626354/49 "2012-06-27T17:45:12Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > I’m still going with fetish. > > What are your logical reasons for not wanting to have sex with men? (Assuming you’re hetero.) What kind of hang-up is that? I’m not hetero, as it happens, but there’s a perfectly logical reason a straight man would not want to have sex with another man - he doesn’t find men attractive. Now, attraction is of course fairly non-rational itself: we like what we like, and we don’t have a lot of say in the matter. But in this case, we’re talking about someone who has transitioned so successfully that you can’t tell they used to be a man, even after you’ve had sex, unless they tell you. Someone whom you presumably find attractive, until you find out that they’re trans. You’re saying you wouldn’t want to sleep with that person, as near as I can tell, entirely on the basis of what they _used_ to look like. You have to admit, that’s pretty absurd. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2012, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-transgenders-who-have-had-sex-changes-have-the-obligation-to-tell-their-future-partners/626354/50 "2012-06-27T17:51:15Z")
What are we talking about as far as “partners”? Does that mean somebody you’re hooking up with for the night or somebody you’re getting married to? ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2012, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-transgenders-who-have-had-sex-changes-have-the-obligation-to-tell-their-future-partners/626354/51 "2012-06-27T17:56:39Z")
> [@Miller](#): > > I’m not hetero, as it happens, but there’s a perfectly logical reason a straight man would not want to have sex with another man - he doesn’t find men attractive. Now, attraction is of course fairly non-rational itself: we like what we like, and we don’t have a lot of say in the matter. Exactly. > [@](#): > > You’re saying you wouldn’t want to sleep with that person, as near as I can tell, entirely on the basis of what they _used_ to look like. That’s not what I’m saying. Like I said, I can’t explain it, nor should I have to. As you said, attraction is non-rational. > [@](#): > > You have to admit, that’s pretty absurd. I don’t believe I have to admit that. ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2012, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-transgenders-who-have-had-sex-changes-have-the-obligation-to-tell-their-future-partners/626354/52 "2012-06-27T20:06:49Z")
I said yes. Basic honor and integrity would demand it. ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2012, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-transgenders-who-have-had-sex-changes-have-the-obligation-to-tell-their-future-partners/626354/53 "2012-06-27T21:02:14Z")
> [@Tad](#): > > I think the rub of the question is the “obligation” part, though. You’d have to explain the obligation beyond the fetishization of trans people or a fear or being an accidental homosexual. Yes; I voted “no” because while I think it’s probably a good idea, “obligation” is too strong a term. ---
**Author:** ![Johanna](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johanna/32/8318_2.png) [@Johanna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johanna)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2012, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-transgenders-who-have-had-sex-changes-have-the-obligation-to-tell-their-future-partners/626354/54 "2012-06-27T21:17:49Z")
Not this shit again. :rolleyes: I’m not reading it. Bye. ---
**Author:** ![Drunky\_Smurf](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drunky_smurf/32/449_2.png) [@Drunky\_Smurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drunky_Smurf)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2012, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-transgenders-who-have-had-sex-changes-have-the-obligation-to-tell-their-future-partners/626354/55 "2012-06-27T21:20:59Z")
> [@Tad](#): > > I think the rub of the question is the “obligation” part, though. You’d have to explain the obligation beyond the fetishization of trans people or a fear or being an accidental homosexual. Oops I accidentally a homo? > [@Johanna](#): > > Not this shit again. :rolleyes: I’m not reading it. Bye. Thank God you came in here to tell us you would not be reading this thread otherwise I would have been really worried. ---
**Author:** ![Johanna](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johanna/32/8318_2.png) [@Johanna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johanna)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2012, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-transgenders-who-have-had-sex-changes-have-the-obligation-to-tell-their-future-partners/626354/56 "2012-06-27T21:29:11Z")
It’s that this subject has been done to death countless times already, and each time it triggers a flood of transphobic hate, as if it provided a pretext for the expression of such transphobia. So damn sick of it. ---
**Author:** ![DocCathode](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doccathode/32/18773_2.png) [@DocCathode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DocCathode)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2012, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-transgenders-who-have-had-sex-changes-have-the-obligation-to-tell-their-future-partners/626354/57 "2012-06-27T21:41:19Z")
Some people will be ‘I would never have become involved with you if I knew. But, now that I have I am glad and accept you’. Others will be ‘I would never have become involved with you if I knew. So let me get my knife or gun and beat and kill you’. ---
**Author:** ![Lemur866](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lemur866/32/434_2.png) [@Lemur866](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lemur866)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2012, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-transgenders-who-have-had-sex-changes-have-the-obligation-to-tell-their-future-partners/626354/58 "2012-06-27T21:44:11Z")
Well, here’s the thing. If you’re thinking of having sex with someone, and you tell them you’re \, and after you tell them they don’t want to have sex with you, then that’s GOOD. If you’re \, and someone looks down on \ and doesn’t want to associate with \, then you probably want to find that out before you get naked with them. The problem with “You don’t have to tell tricks, just people you want an LTR with” is that what if you hook up with someone and develop feelings for them? If you’d never have an LTR with the type of person you’d hook up with, that’s kind of fucked up. ---
**Author:** ![DocCathode](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doccathode/32/18773_2.png) [@DocCathode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DocCathode)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2012, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-transgenders-who-have-had-sex-changes-have-the-obligation-to-tell-their-future-partners/626354/59 "2012-06-27T21:51:09Z")
I’m having trouble keeping the two transthreads separate, so this may be in the wrong thread. I object to the phrases “born a man” “used to be a man” and so forth. I concede that a transwoman may have been born with a penis, testes and XY chromosomes. I deny that she was ever a man. If some other mad scientist stuck my brain in a robot body, I would not be a robot. I would be a man in a robot body. If he stuck my brain in a woman, I would NOT be a woman. I would be a man in a woman’s body. warning PDF [http://www.gires.org.uk/Text\_Assets/maletofemale.pdf](http://www.gires.org.uk/Text_Assets/maletofemale.pdf) Short version- there are indeed such things as a male brain and a female brain. It is indeed possible for all the sex indicators to line up as male and have a female brain. It is possible for all the sex indicators to line up as female and have a male brain. ---
**Author:** ![heathen\_earthling](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/13edae/32.png) [@heathen\_earthling](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/heathen_earthling)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2012, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-transgenders-who-have-had-sex-changes-have-the-obligation-to-tell-their-future-partners/626354/60 "2012-06-27T22:31:47Z")
> [@DocCathode](#): > > I object to the phrases “born a man” “used to be a man” and so forth. I concede that a transwoman may have been born with a penis, testes and XY chromosomes. I deny that she was ever a man. > > If some other mad scientist stuck my brain in a robot body, I would not be a robot. I would be a man in a robot body. If he stuck my brain in a woman, I would NOT be a woman. I would be a man in a woman’s body. > > warning PDF > > [http://www.gires.org.uk/Text\_Assets/maletofemale.pdf](http://www.gires.org.uk/Text_Assets/maletofemale.pdf) > Short version- there are indeed such things as a male brain and a female brain. It is indeed possible for all the sex indicators to line up as male and have a female brain. It is possible for all the sex indicators to line up as female and have a male brain. Looks like the research on this has been done on adult brains only. So how do you know that the gender of the brain is immutable? Does anyone know if the brain even has a particular gender at birth? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-transgenders-who-have-had-sex-changes-have-the-obligation-to-tell-their-future-partners/626354.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-transgenders-who-have-had-sex-changes-have-the-obligation-to-tell-their-future-partners/626354.md?page=4)