# Do we cut women more slack than men? **URL:** \ **Category:** Great Debates\ **Created:** [June 3, 2010, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-we-cut-women-more-slack-than-men/541802 "2010-06-03T17:36:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2010, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-we-cut-women-more-slack-than-men/541802/41 "2010-06-04T18:56:07Z")
> [@Cat\_Fight](#): > > Did he come right out and ask for help, though (and would you have provided it if he had)? It’s hard to gauge the situation, but refusing to ask for help right out could also be seen as something conditioned into him as ‘un-manly.’ The point is he outright offered to change a tire for the woman while not extending that same courtesy to the man. Edit: If any of you see me on the side of the road, please help me. I don’t know anything about cars. If I’d been raised by my father I would but alas, I was raised by my single mother. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2010, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-we-cut-women-more-slack-than-men/541802/42 "2010-06-04T18:58:55Z")
> [@Cat\_Fight](#): > > Did he come right out and ask for help, though (and would you have provided it if he had)? It’s hard to gauge the situation, but refusing to ask for help right out could also be seen as something conditioned into him as ‘un-manly.’ Nope, he never axed. Had he, I’m not sure what I would have done. Probably rolled my eyes, that’s for sure. It was very hot/humid, I was nicely dressed, and I recently changed a tire for a (female) stranger. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2010, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-we-cut-women-more-slack-than-men/541802/43 "2010-06-04T19:02:30Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > Edit: If any of you see me on the side of the road, please help me. I don’t know anything about cars. If I’d been raised by my father I would but alas, I was raised by my single mother. AAA is your friend. I’ve been a member for a long time. Only called once, but that was a frigid/snowing/horrible day and I was so happy not to change _that_ tire. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2010, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-we-cut-women-more-slack-than-men/541802/44 "2010-06-04T19:06:10Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > AAA is your friend. I’ve been a member for a long time. Only called once, but that was a frigid/snowing/horrible day and I was so happy not to change _that_ tire. How much does AAA cost per month and how much does it cost to have them come out and change your tire? I’m poor. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2010, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-we-cut-women-more-slack-than-men/541802/45 "2010-06-04T19:11:33Z")
No charge for AAA to come change your tire, jump your car, open your locked door. What they charge (a year) I’m not sure about, they automatically hit my cc each year for renewal. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2010, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-we-cut-women-more-slack-than-men/541802/46 "2010-06-04T19:13:09Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > Nope, he never axed. Had he, I’m not sure what I would have done. Probably rolled my eyes, that’s for sure. It was very hot/humid, I was nicely dressed, and I recently changed a tire for a (female) stranger. Wonderful. Just wonderful. ---
**Author:** ![Strassia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e8c25b/32.png) [@Strassia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Strassia)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2010, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-we-cut-women-more-slack-than-men/541802/47 "2010-06-04T21:03:09Z")
> [@Sateryn76](#): > > 1. Yes, being “tough” and getting into fights is considered acceptable for a man. But usually only in certain cultures that are on the lower end of the economic ladder. And in that culture, the women are often no strangers to fighting, either. Not necessarily even fights, but acting aggressively. A male boss who shouts and throws things gets more respect than a female would. In many situations, neither would get respect, and I would not like a boss of any sex to behave that way, but men can get away with a lot more aggressiveness and women can get away with a lot more teariness. In fact I think you would find that men who yell, scream, or punch things are tolerated at similar levels as women who cry. > [@](#): > > 1. I see nothing wrong with this - men with children shouldn’t go out to bars? 😕 It is more socially acceptable for a father to go out for drinks after work than a mother. Are saying it should be okay for both, or that you see nothing wrong with just men doing it? > [@](#): > > 1. I’m no fan of husbands who don’t split child chores 50/50, but there have been studies that show that men become afraid to pitch in when the mom demands everything be done “her way” - they’re afraid of screwing up and being nagged at/yelled at by the mom, so they don’t do anything And the fact that is acceptable to both the people in the relationship and society at large is the point. > [@](#): > > 1. Again, I think a lot of this is perception-based. Certainly, any idiot could clean a bathroom, but if it’s not done “right” (i.e. the way the wife does it) then they get yelled at. How many women could get away with though? The whole point is that if you (or society as a whole) react one way to behavior from a man, but differently if it is from a woman then it is giving one gender a pass on that behavior. These are also internalized attitudes. Women in my experience feel more guilty about inability to cook or take care of kids, while men tend to feel guilty if they make less money than their wife. And for those that say its no big deal, I ask why? Why should half the population be barred from acting in certain ways? Up until recently, men socially (and in Texas’s case, legally) from early childhood education. What is the justification for that? Women are still underrepresented in the hard sciences and engineering. What is the justification for that? These all stem from they same thing: Socialized gender roles. ---
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2010, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-we-cut-women-more-slack-than-men/541802/48 "2010-06-04T21:13:20Z")
Actually, the thing about crying being more acceptable in women is not clear cut, either. In some situations, it’s the case, yes. But in others, a crying male generates more sympathy than a crying female. Because when a man cries, you better gosh darn believe it’s a big deal he’s crying over. Poor him. But when a woman cries, she’s being a baby/trying to get attention/being manipulative/embarrassing herself and everyone in her vicinity. Even I am guilty of thinking this way at times. It tears me up to see a man cry. I’m looking at you Rocky from Intervention. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2010, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-we-cut-women-more-slack-than-men/541802/49 "2010-06-04T21:26:50Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > The point is he outright offered to change a tire for the woman while not extending that same courtesy to the man. > > Edit: If any of you see me on the side of the road, please help me. I don’t know anything about cars. If I’d been raised by my father I would but alas, I was raised by my single mother. My mom taught me how to change tires the female way - use your feet to loosen off the sticking lug nuts. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2010, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-we-cut-women-more-slack-than-men/541802/50 "2010-06-04T22:08:51Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > My mom taught me how to change tires the female way - use your feet to loosen off the sticking lug nuts. My mom barely knows how to put new oil in her car (even I wouldn’t know which cap thingie to pour it into and it’s only from watching movies that I’d know not to grab the cap with my bare hand). ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2010, 10:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-we-cut-women-more-slack-than-men/541802/51 "2010-06-04T22:55:21Z")
Well, I guess the point is not all women (or men) are alike. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2010, 10:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-we-cut-women-more-slack-than-men/541802/52 "2010-06-04T22:58:50Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > Well, I guess the point is not all women (or men) are alike. 🙂 I’m aware of that. 😃 Remember, I’m the guy who doesn’t know how to change a tire. ---
**Author:** ![Chessic\_Sense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7c8e57/32.png) [@Chessic\_Sense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chessic_Sense)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2010, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-we-cut-women-more-slack-than-men/541802/53 "2010-06-04T23:04:22Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > My mom barely knows how to put new oil in her car (even I wouldn’t know which cap thingie to pour it into and it’s only from watching movies that I’d know not to grab the cap with my bare hand). Where to put the oil: In the thing with the picture of the oil can. Where to put the washer fluid: In the thing with the picture of the wipers. Where to put radiator fluid or coolant: Where it says “radiator fluid” or “coolant”. How to change a tire: 1. Take the bolts off. 2. Jack the car up. 3. Remove tire, put on donut. 4. Put bolts partially on. 5. Take jack down. 6. Tighten bolts. You’re welcome. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2010, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-we-cut-women-more-slack-than-men/541802/54 "2010-06-04T23:19:36Z")
> [@Chessic\_Sense](#): > > How to change a tire: > > 1. Take the bolts off. > 2. Jack the car up. > 3. Remove tire, put on donut. > 4. Put bolts partially on. > 5. Take jack down. > 6. Tighten bolts. > You’re welcome. OK. Now all I need is a thingie to take bolts off, a jack and a donut. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Lamia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Lamia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamia)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2010, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-we-cut-women-more-slack-than-men/541802/55 "2010-06-05T00:53:57Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > Is there? The male teacher/female teenager thing actually happens quite often, and it regularly results in not much more than a quiet transfer for the teacher. We don’t hear about it in the news because we find it unremarkable that a male teacher would want to sleep with a teenage student, whereas we find it interesting and unusual that a female teacher would. Yeah, I have heard of some cases where a male teacher was having sex with a female student being reported on the _local_ news, but none of these local stories ever attracted national attention. When I was in school myself I did occasionally hear rumors about this or that teacher, but while we girls considered this creepy it certainly wasn’t a shock that a male teacher might have the hots for teenage girls. And if we’re talking about a case where the student was underage but not unwilling then I strongly suspect the girl would be accused by some others (both peers and adults) of being a little slut who set out to seduce her teacher. If the case were discussed here on the SDMB then I have no doubt there’d be a lot of talk about how statutory rape laws are unfair because teenagers do want to have sex and it’s only natural for an adult male to be attracted to a female of reproductive age. I also don’t think _women_ are inclined to wink at other women who have sex with teens. Some (although not all) _men_ will say things like “That guy must have been the envy of all his friends!” or “I’d have loved to have a teacher like that when I was in school!” but in my experience women react with disgust or wonder what the hell was wrong with the woman. Either way we might say that there’s not enough concern being shown for the male victim, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen women express willingness to cut another woman slack when it comes to being attracted to underage (or even “barely legal”) boys. ---
**Author:** ![Zoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/a4c791/32.png) [@Zoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zoe)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2010, 3:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-we-cut-women-more-slack-than-men/541802/56 "2010-06-05T03:35:36Z")
> [@](#): > > **Der Trihs** : The Left tends to think that women are innately morally superior or victims deserving reparations. That doesn’t describe most members of the Left. Those are the extremes. Most see women as handling their anger in less aggressive ways, but that is not the same thing as saying that women are morally superior. As for “reparations,” I never hear anyone one asking for that for women. About as close as anyone has come was in the form of giving women priority in hiring and school admissions when all else was equal. > [@](#): > > **Gestalt** : I can think of so many examples where a man says something like, “You know, I really don’t like chick flicks, but I go to them with my wife because it makes her happy.” I seriously don’t understand this line of reasoning. How on earth can it make you happy to drag someone to a movie they don’t want to see? I rarely hear the opposite, “I hate horror movies, but I go with my husband because he likes me too.” What exactly is a “chick flick”? What is the male equivalent of a “chick flick”? The reason that you rarely hear women complain about being dragged to a predominately male movie is that we have been accustomed to movies that are about men all of our lives. We have adjusted our minds to the fact that movie land is populated predominately by men and that we can enjoy these movies anyway. The women may be generally unrealistic side characters, but we can still identify with the males in the main roles and learn from the conflicts that they endure. There _are_, of course, movies where females have equal roles with men and the female characters are fleshed out. I don’t think anyone would call _Casablanca_ a chick flick. Or maybe the movie has a female lead but the movie has all of the required elements of a “guy high” movie: nakedness, special effects, and explosions. Does _Kill Bill_ fit that description? I’ve just forgotten. I’ve been matronly for seventeen years now. I did like both of the KB movies. But most movies feature men. If you don’t believe me, look at the American Film Institute’s 100 Best Films. So I don’t want to hear any more complaints about his being dragged to a chick flick. She shouldn’t have to drag him. And maybe he can learn something. Meanwhile, the matrons who have retired and have money to burn and time to spare can’t find women oriented matinees to watch. On my birthday one year my best choices were between the movie _Cars_ and the movie about George Reeves. (Sigh). Not a Judi Dench or Vanessa Redgrave film in town. Another year my husband-to-be and his son took me to see _Thunderdome_ and _Palerider_ for my birthday. I did not complain until years later. ---
**Author:** ![Lamia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Lamia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamia)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2010, 12:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-we-cut-women-more-slack-than-men/541802/57 "2010-06-05T12:51:25Z")
> [@Gestalt](#): > > I can think of so many examples where a man says something like, “You know, I really don’t like chick flicks, but I go to them with my wife because it makes her happy.” I seriously don’t understand this line of reasoning. How on earth can it make you happy to drag someone to a movie they don’t want to see? I rarely hear the opposite, “I hate horror movies, but I go with my husband because he likes me too.” Really? I know plenty of women who sit through horror or action movies they dislike because their husbands or boyfriends enjoy them. A lot of women have stories about struggling with boredom during kung fu movies or Michael Bay explosion fests. My sister could tell you about the indie horror movie her boyfriend was eager to watch but that was so disgusting it actually made her vomit. I’ve heard the recent _Sex & The City_ movie is pretty bad, but I doubt it’s had that effect on many husbands. ---
**Author:** ![adhay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecd19e/32.png) [@adhay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/adhay)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2010, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-we-cut-women-more-slack-than-men/541802/58 "2010-06-05T14:52:25Z")
If Momma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy and Daddy don’t get laid. I finally decided I’d rather be happy than right. Turns out that cutting men slack works too. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2010, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-we-cut-women-more-slack-than-men/541802/59 "2010-06-05T15:21:52Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > OK. Now all I need is a thingie to take bolts off, a jack and a donut. 😃 Now I’m picturing you in an “Introduction to Mechanics” class like Frasier and Niles. 😃 ETA: And once you move to Western Canada, I’ll show you how to change a tire. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2010, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-we-cut-women-more-slack-than-men/541802/60 "2010-06-05T15:33:22Z")
That’s two Dopers who are apparently going to meet me in Canada. You guys _are_ neighborly! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-we-cut-women-more-slack-than-men/541802.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-we-cut-women-more-slack-than-men/541802.md?page=4)