# Do we miss people or the times we had with them? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 25, 2019, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-we-miss-people-or-the-times-we-had-with-them/839229 "2019-08-25T20:17:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Machinaforce](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/aeb1de/32.png) [@Machinaforce](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machinaforce)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2019, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-we-miss-people-or-the-times-we-had-with-them/839229/61 "2019-09-13T18:14:03Z")
> [@GreenWyvern](#): > > Which school of Buddhism, as a matter of interest? > > As I’m sure you know, there are many different schools of Buddhism, which have different beliefs, practices, and even different scriptures. Perhaps there is one school of Buddhist thought that believes that, but others would strongly dispute it. It’s not enough to say ‘Buddhism’ as though it’s one single belief set. It’s similar to all the various divisions and sects of Christianity. > > The main schools of Buddhism are Theravada, Mahayana, and Vajrayana, but there are [many sub-schools](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schools_of_Buddhism) with different beliefs. > > You say ‘a Buddhist site’, but which particular brand of Buddhist site? Do all other schools of Buddhism agree with what is said there? Which particular Buddhist belief system do you take to be ‘the truth’? It’s just more monolithic, because for some reason I got it into my head the Buddhism is special in some way or that the effects the teachings have on the people is proof. But results don’t prove truth when it comes to teachings though. > [@](#): > > I think we miss someone because the lack of them being there is greater than the presence of others. We miss the times we had with the person and the way they made us feel. If you share a lot of happy experiences with someone wouldn’t you begin to associate that person with happiness? Almost as if that person is a direct link to your own private source of happiness. Those are just some of my thoughts though. ---
**Author:** ![GreenWyvern](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/greenwyvern/32/2834_2.png) [@GreenWyvern](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GreenWyvern)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2019, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-we-miss-people-or-the-times-we-had-with-them/839229/62 "2019-09-13T18:30:20Z")
> [@Machinaforce](#): > > It’s just more monolithic, because for some reason I got it into my head the Buddhism is special in some way or that the effects the teachings have on the people is proof. But results don’t prove truth when it comes to teachings though. :smack: That doesn’t even begin to make sense. I give up. ---
**Author:** ![Machinaforce](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/aeb1de/32.png) [@Machinaforce](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machinaforce)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2019, 5:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-we-miss-people-or-the-times-we-had-with-them/839229/63 "2019-09-15T05:24:20Z")
> [@GreenWyvern](#): > > :smack: > > That doesn’t even begin to make sense. I give up. What I mean is that the teachings elicit a state of mind but that state of mind might not be the truth of reality as they claim it is. Kind of like how preaching of an afterlife might make people less uneasy about dying but that doesn’t mean there is one. AS for the main topic no matter how I spin it I just come back to the same conclusion that we don’t miss people just the times we had with them, as much as it pains me. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2019, 5:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-we-miss-people-or-the-times-we-had-with-them/839229/64 "2019-09-15T05:26:47Z")
Dude, just get help. ---
**Author:** ![Machinaforce](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/aeb1de/32.png) [@Machinaforce](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machinaforce)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2019, 2:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-we-miss-people-or-the-times-we-had-with-them/839229/65 "2019-09-18T02:35:49Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > Dude, just get help. A therapist can’t help me against the arguments being made and no one has proven them false besides just sweeping them away with casual dismissal. There is no treatment for the harsh truth. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_other_waldo_pepper/32/12370_2.png) [@The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Other_Waldo_Pepper)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2019, 3:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-we-miss-people-or-the-times-we-had-with-them/839229/66 "2019-09-18T03:33:01Z")
> [@Machinaforce](#): > > A therapist can’t help me against the arguments being made and no one has proven them false besides just sweeping them away with casual dismissal. You wrote: “Well a Buddhist site said it so it must be the truth,” and folks — swept it away with casual dismissal, because, honestly, _that’s more than it deserves._ You, _right there,_ are ‘sweeping away with casual dismissal’ the idea that a Buddhist site could state stuff but be incorrect: that a claim posted there couldn’t possibly be a crafty lie or an honest mistake or whatever, because, oh, gosh: a Buddhist site said it, so it must be true, right? Er, no; _that’s not actually a thing._ Your “so it must be the truth” _isn’t_ some ironclad proof of truth; but the fact that you’d type out so shabby a phrase is evidence that _you’re doing it wrong_. ---
**Author:** ![nelliebly](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nelliebly/32/5422_2.png) [@nelliebly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nelliebly)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2019, 5:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-we-miss-people-or-the-times-we-had-with-them/839229/67 "2019-09-18T05:53:08Z")
> [@Machinaforce](#): > > A therapist can’t help me against the arguments being made and no one has proven them false besides just sweeping them away with casual dismissal. > > There is no treatment for the harsh truth. And yet you keep posting the same woe-is-me stuff. What do you really expect to get out of the responses here? I’ve read your threads–or should I say “thread,” singular, because they’re all basically the same thing, to wit: Oh, I’m miserable because some quasi-Buddhist site I visited said such-and-such." Why do you keep posting the same queries? Seriously, why? You dismiss the replies on every thread you’ve posted. You’ve dismissed the religious/spiritual experiences of others. So why post this stuff? Why post _here_? Does it give you a sense of superiority because you think you’ve out-foxed all the smart people who’ve responded? Is it a power trip because no matter what you post, people respond? I’m not expecting an answer. You generally ignore posts like this. But maybe those tempted to respond will take note. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2019, 6:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-we-miss-people-or-the-times-we-had-with-them/839229/68 "2019-09-18T06:28:49Z")
Dude, can’t you move past this bag of crappola? Why do you keep studying this junk you found on some web site? Now, I don’t really know buddism but I know crap when I read it. This is smelling like a bunch of crap. You’re stinkin’ up your brain with it. Stop. (please tell me you don’t donate any cash to these folks, if they ask for cash tell them cash is not ‘real’) ---
**Author:** ![GreenWyvern](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/greenwyvern/32/2834_2.png) [@GreenWyvern](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GreenWyvern)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2019, 6:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-we-miss-people-or-the-times-we-had-with-them/839229/69 "2019-09-18T06:40:46Z")
> [@Machinaforce](#): > > … and no one has proven them false … This is a basic and fundamental misunderstanding. **It’s NOT up to other people to prove that it’s false, it’s up to you to prove that it’s true.** Meanwhile… perhaps you can help me with this problem: I read on a Zoroastrian site that Ahuramazda said the world is going to end the Friday after next. I am plunged into despair! It must be true because I read it on a Zoroastrian site. I want someone to prove to me that the world won’t end the Friday after next. I have a _feeling_ they are right. Nobody seems able to prove logically to me that the Zoroastrians are wrong, everybody is just dismissive - that shows that the Zoroastrians must be right. Oh, I am so terribly unhappy! ---
**Author:** ![GreenWyvern](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/greenwyvern/32/2834_2.png) [@GreenWyvern](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GreenWyvern)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2019, 7:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-we-miss-people-or-the-times-we-had-with-them/839229/70 "2019-09-18T07:05:26Z")
> [@GreenWyvern](#): > > Meanwhile… perhaps you can help me with this problem: > I read on a Zoroastrian site that Ahuramazda said the world is going to end the Friday after next. I am plunged into despair! It must be true because I read it on a Zoroastrian site. > > I want someone to prove to me that the world won’t end the Friday after next. I have a _feeling_ they are right. Nobody seems able to prove logically to me that the Zoroastrians are wrong, everybody is just dismissive - that shows that the Zoroastrians must be right. > > Oh, I am so terribly unhappy! I should add that the Zoroastrians have 8 closely-written pages of elaborate numerological calculations to _prove_ that world will end the Friday after next. I want someone to go through those those 8 pages of calculations and show me that they have made a mistake somewhere. If you are not prepared to that, I have to assume they are right. Oh, woe, woe is me! ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2019, 7:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-we-miss-people-or-the-times-we-had-with-them/839229/71 "2019-09-18T07:16:33Z")
So, Machinaforce watch how I make GreenWyvern see the truth. “Green, my friend, delete that website from your brain and your laptop. Lets go outside for awhile. Look at the sky. Feel the ground under your feet. Does it look like the world is going to end? No it doesn’t. Do you still believe that crap you read online? Didn’t think so. Don’t you feel happier? I knew you would.” Machina, that’s how easy it is. You decided to believe. Decide not to believe. You’ll be happier, I promise. (GreenWyvern, I know you don’t really believe that junk) ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2019, 7:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-we-miss-people-or-the-times-we-had-with-them/839229/72 "2019-09-18T07:44:59Z")
Just to answer the title: No. We miss the people. It isn’t just missing the time we spent with them, but also future contact with them. For instance, I miss being able to tell my grandpa and get his response about a current problem I’m having. Now do we miss only our contact with these people? Sure. But that’s kinda inherent–we don’t have any experience of other people as people other than our contact with them. As for you main topic in so many threads: Buddhism tries to make yourself feel happier by detaching from material desires and accepting things as they are. If it isn’t making you happier, give it up and try something else. Buddhism’s purpose is not to make your depressed or to justify depression. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2019, 2:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-we-miss-people-or-the-times-we-had-with-them/839229/73 "2019-09-18T14:34:34Z")
> [@Machinaforce](#): > > A therapist can’t help me against the arguments being made and no one has proven them false besides just sweeping them away with casual dismissal. > > There is no treatment for the harsh truth. Your therapist is not your rhetorical sparring partner. That’s not his/her job. His/her job is to treat you for your pathological obsessive disorder and whatever other mental disorder you may be suffering from. Furthermore, Buddhism isn’t science. It’s another belief system that can’t be proven wrong to anyone who really believes it. Like any other religion past or present. Finally, you don’t really believe Buddhism anyway. If you did, you would not need constant testing and validation from strangers on a message board. You’d just accept things as they are presented to you and get on happily with your life. But you don’t accept them. You stew in misery and doubt, wanting only to argue, obsess and whine about how you’re unhappy because you can’t find “Truth”. No shit, Sherlock. Continue your therapy and consider that Buddhism is not for you. No philosophy truly can be because you lack the capacity to judge for yourself what’s useful and what isn’t. ---
**Author:** ![Machinaforce](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/aeb1de/32.png) [@Machinaforce](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machinaforce)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2019, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-we-miss-people-or-the-times-we-had-with-them/839229/74 "2019-09-18T20:46:09Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#): > > Your therapist is not your rhetorical sparring partner. That’s not his/her job. His/her job is to treat you for your pathological obsessive disorder and whatever other mental disorder you may be suffering from. > > Furthermore, Buddhism isn’t science. It’s another belief system that can’t be proven wrong to anyone who really believes it. Like any other religion past or present. > > Finally, you don’t really believe Buddhism anyway. If you did, you would not need constant testing and validation from strangers on a message board. You’d just accept things as they are presented to you and get on happily with your life. But you don’t accept them. You stew in misery and doubt, wanting only to argue, obsess and whine about how you’re unhappy because you can’t find “Truth”. No shit, Sherlock. Continue your therapy and consider that Buddhism is not for you. No philosophy truly can be because you lack the capacity to judge for yourself what’s useful and what isn’t. Except it isn’t just a philosophy because there is actual psychological studies that support some of it’s claims. ---
**Author:** ![begbert2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/begbert2/32/3357_2.png) [@begbert2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/begbert2)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2019, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-we-miss-people-or-the-times-we-had-with-them/839229/75 "2019-09-18T20:49:46Z")
> [@Machinaforce](#): > > Except it isn’t just a philosophy because there is actual psychological studies that support some of it’s claims. Not any of its claims that matter. Not any of its claims that you stress over. And just because _some_ of their claims may be substantiated or even accurate, that in no way indicates that all the rest of them are. Particularly not the demonstrably false ones. I mean, christianity claims that murder is bad. Does that mean the earth is only 6000 years old? ---
**Author:** ![Machinaforce](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/aeb1de/32.png) [@Machinaforce](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machinaforce)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2019, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-we-miss-people-or-the-times-we-had-with-them/839229/76 "2019-09-18T20:58:18Z")
> [@Beckdawrek](#): > > So, Machinaforce watch how I make GreenWyvern see the truth. > “Green, my friend, delete that website from your brain and your laptop. Lets go outside for awhile. Look at the sky. Feel the ground under your feet. Does it look like the world is going to end? No it doesn’t. Do you still believe that crap you read online? Didn’t think so. Don’t you feel happier? I knew you would.” > > Machina, that’s how easy it is. You decided to believe. Decide not to believe. You’ll be happier, I promise. > > (GreenWyvern, I know you don’t really believe that junk) You don’t decide to believe something. ---
**Author:** ![Machinaforce](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/aeb1de/32.png) [@Machinaforce](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machinaforce)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2019, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-we-miss-people-or-the-times-we-had-with-them/839229/77 "2019-09-18T21:00:43Z")
> [@GreenWyvern](#): > > This is a basic and fundamental misunderstanding. > > **It’s NOT up to other people to prove that it’s false, it’s up to you to prove that it’s true.** > Meanwhile… perhaps you can help me with this problem: > I read on a Zoroastrian site that Ahuramazda said the world is going to end the Friday after next. I am plunged into despair! It must be true because I read it on a Zoroastrian site. > > I want someone to prove to me that the world won’t end the Friday after next. I have a _feeling_ they are right. Nobody seems able to prove logically to me that the Zoroastrians are wrong, everybody is just dismissive - that shows that the Zoroastrians must be right. > > Oh, I am so terribly unhappy! Again, Buddhism isn’t like those religions and I have proven the claim to be true but others haven’t shown it to not be so. They have not shown that we miss the people and not only the times we had with them nor have they disprove the claim that we are only attracted to the abstract concepts (like care) and not the human as the paragraph I quoted said. ---
**Author:** ![Machinaforce](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/aeb1de/32.png) [@Machinaforce](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machinaforce)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2019, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-we-miss-people-or-the-times-we-had-with-them/839229/78 "2019-09-18T21:04:45Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > Just to answer the title: No. We miss the people. It isn’t just missing the time we spent with them, but also future contact with them. For instance, I miss being able to tell my grandpa and get his response about a current problem I’m having. > > Now do we miss only our contact with these people? Sure. But that’s kinda inherent–we don’t have any experience of other people as people other than our contact with them. > > As for you main topic in so many threads: Buddhism tries to make yourself feel happier by detaching from material desires and accepting things as they are. If it isn’t making you happier, give it up and try something else. > > Buddhism’s purpose is not to make your depressed or to justify depression. Accepting things as they are doesn’t always lead to happiness, in fact Buddhism itself says that we can’t live in Absolute Reality since it is nothing like the constructed reality of humans. It would require giving up the lies: desire, values, compassion, etc and one can’t live like that. Reality as it is isn’t like the reality that human live in and that is what bothers me the most that much of what I have taken to be true isn’t and that the world as it is isn’t the way society makes it out. Buddhism isn’t about being happier, it’s about ceasing suffering, the two are not the same. It’s not about being happy it’s about seeing the truth, even if it hurts, and all it does is hurt me. I can’t just go back an unsee everything even though I wish I could. ---
**Author:** ![begbert2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/begbert2/32/3357_2.png) [@begbert2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/begbert2)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2019, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-we-miss-people-or-the-times-we-had-with-them/839229/79 "2019-09-18T21:17:12Z")
> [@Machinaforce](#): > > Again, Buddhism isn’t like those religions and I have proven the claim to be true but others haven’t shown it to not be so. They have not shown that we miss the people and not only the times we had with them nor have they disprove the claim that we are only attracted to the abstract concepts (like care) and not the human as the paragraph I quoted said. Just to be clear, when you say we haven’t shown that we miss people and not experiences, you mean that you’re blatantly ignoring everything we’ve said on the subject. And I haven’t seen this proof of Buddhism’s distinction from other religions. Maybe I missed it. Because I’ve seen exactly nothing to suggest that these folks are any more accurate than, say, Pastafarianism. > [@Machinaforce](#): > > Accepting things as they are doesn’t always lead to happiness, in fact Buddhism itself says that we can’t live in Absolute Reality since it is nothing like the constructed reality of humans. It would require giving up the lies: desire, values, compassion, etc and one can’t live like that. > > Reality as it is isn’t like the reality that human live in and that is what bothers me the most that much of what I have taken to be true isn’t and that the world as it is isn’t the way society makes it out. Buddhism isn’t about being happier, it’s about ceasing suffering, the two are not the same. > > It’s not about being happy it’s about seeing the truth, even if it hurts, and all it does is hurt me. I can’t just go back an unsee everything even though I wish I could. You’re not seeing true. You’re seeing woo. Its entirely filling your vision. And reality is indeed like the reality people live in. Sure, there are other levels of reality that _aren’t_ like what we directly experience - the subatomic level, the atomic level, the molecular level, etc. But the fact that reality operates weirdly at those levels doesn’t mean that reality **doesn’t** operate in the normal way at the macro level. And just because the atomic level doesn’t demonstrate the emergent properties found at the macro level doesn’t mean they’re not happening - that would be like saying that the fact a car doesn’t work once disassembled that it doesn’t work while assembled. But you know all this and don’t care. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2019, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-we-miss-people-or-the-times-we-had-with-them/839229/80 "2019-09-18T21:46:24Z")
> [@Machinaforce](#): > > You don’t decide to believe something. Sure you do. What? You think it’s magic or something? I decide to believe 1000s of things everyday. And, son you can too. It’s called ‘adulting’. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-we-miss-people-or-the-times-we-had-with-them/839229.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-we-miss-people-or-the-times-we-had-with-them/839229.md?page=5)