# Do we need friends? **URL:** \ **Category:** Great Debates\ **Created:** [October 1, 2016, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-we-need-friends/767434 "2016-10-01T23:49:30Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Machinaforce](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/aeb1de/32.png) [@Machinaforce](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machinaforce)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2016, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-we-need-friends/767434/1 "2016-10-01T23:49:30Z")
I have heard the many sugary stories about how we “need” them but is it true? I mean obviously humans have to socialize with each other and cooperate but do we really need to take it further than that? ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2016, 11:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-we-need-friends/767434/2 "2016-10-01T23:52:59Z")
It’s important to most people to have friends, but not to all. ---
**Author:** ![Palooka](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/palooka/32/2902_2.png) [@Palooka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Palooka)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2016, 11:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-we-need-friends/767434/3 "2016-10-01T23:55:52Z")
No, because we have each other. ---
**Author:** ![Machinaforce](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/aeb1de/32.png) [@Machinaforce](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machinaforce)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2016, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-we-need-friends/767434/4 "2016-10-01T23:56:46Z")
I well it seems there is data to suggest that people live longer and have fewer health problems because they have friends, but I’m rather skeptical about that. ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2016, 12:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-we-need-friends/767434/5 "2016-10-02T00:09:55Z")
> [@Machinaforce](#): > > I well it seems there is data to suggest that people live longer and have fewer health problems because they have friends, but I’m rather skeptical about that. Why? The evidence is pretty good. More and stronger social connections lead to less depression and to better chronic disease outcomes. ---
**Author:** ![Machinaforce](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/aeb1de/32.png) [@Machinaforce](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machinaforce)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2016, 12:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-we-need-friends/767434/6 "2016-10-02T00:20:39Z")
> [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](#): > > Why? The evidence is pretty good. More and stronger social connections lead to less depression and to better chronic disease outcomes. I doubt it. It seems more like a link and a direct cause. We don’t even know why that is the case. What if has nothing to do with having friends but the stigma that surrounds being alone. Society doesn’t look too kindly on that and having no friends makes one seem like a loser. That pressure from the outside could be the issue and not necessary needing connections with others. You could also tie that into the apparent promises people make about friends and how they supposedly help. It just seems sketchy and if it proves to be not what we think it might show some cracks in the “social animals” idea. ---
**Author:** ![Amateur\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/59ef9b/32.png) [@Amateur\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amateur_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2016, 12:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-we-need-friends/767434/7 "2016-10-02T00:24:31Z")
> [@Machinaforce](#): > > It just seems sketchy and if it proves to be not what we think it might show some cracks in the “social animals” idea. I can’t really see a nation of hermits, all tuned to their social media channels. ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Borgia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/larry_borgia/32/156_2.png) [@Larry\_Borgia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Borgia)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2016, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-we-need-friends/767434/8 "2016-10-02T00:30:16Z")
[Previous thread.](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=803980) In fact go to **Machinaforce’s** profile and look up “all threads started by” before responding to this thread. It will be a time saver. ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2016, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-we-need-friends/767434/9 "2016-10-02T00:36:11Z")
> [@Larry\_Borgia](#): > > [Previous thread.](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=803980) > > In fact go to **Machinaforce’s** profile and look up “all threads started by” before responding to this thread. It will be a time saver. Thanks. That gives insight. ---
**Author:** ![iiandyiiii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/iiandyiiii/32/7924_2.png) [@iiandyiiii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iiandyiiii)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2016, 12:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-we-need-friends/767434/10 "2016-10-02T00:37:37Z")
What would you do if I sang out of tune, would you stand up and walk out on me? ---
**Author:** ![Machinaforce](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/aeb1de/32.png) [@Machinaforce](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machinaforce)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2016, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-we-need-friends/767434/11 "2016-10-02T00:43:04Z")
> [@Larry\_Borgia](#): > > [Previous thread.](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=803980) > > In fact go to **Machinaforce’s** profile and look up “all threads started by” before responding to this thread. It will be a time saver. That is unrelated to this topic. ---
**Author:** ![Machinaforce](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/aeb1de/32.png) [@Machinaforce](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machinaforce)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2016, 12:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-we-need-friends/767434/12 "2016-10-02T00:44:33Z")
> [@Amateur\_Barbarian](#): > > I can’t really see a nation of hermits, all tuned to their social media channels. Not really a nation of hermits as cooperation does have a benefit, but it’s more about the apparent “need” to go beyond that. Although social media in sense does create hermits, albeit a different sort ---
**Author:** ![Machinaforce](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/aeb1de/32.png) [@Machinaforce](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machinaforce)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2016, 12:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-we-need-friends/767434/13 "2016-10-02T00:45:35Z")
> [@iiandyiiii](#): > > What would you do if I sang out of tune, would you stand up and walk out on me? More than likely, but I don’t see what that has to do with this ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Borgia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/larry_borgia/32/156_2.png) [@Larry\_Borgia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Borgia)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2016, 12:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-we-need-friends/767434/14 "2016-10-02T00:46:04Z")
> [@Machinaforce](#): > > That is unrelated to this topic. Heh. OK, dude. No offense but I’m moving to the other side of the bar. ---
**Author:** ![iiandyiiii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/iiandyiiii/32/7924_2.png) [@iiandyiiii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iiandyiiii)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2016, 12:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-we-need-friends/767434/15 "2016-10-02T00:47:04Z")
> [@Machinaforce](#): > > More than likely, but I don’t see what that has to do with this Lend me your ears and I’ll sing you a tune, and I’ll try not to sing out of key. ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2016, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-we-need-friends/767434/16 "2016-10-02T00:57:15Z")
> [@iiandyiiii](#): > > Lend me your ears and I’ll sing you a tune, and I’ll try not to sing out of key. Does it worry you to be alone? ---
**Author:** ![Machinaforce](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/aeb1de/32.png) [@Machinaforce](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machinaforce)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2016, 12:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-we-need-friends/767434/17 "2016-10-02T00:59:12Z")
This is getting off topic. No one seems to have answered regarding the apparent “need” that people like to talk about. ---
**Author:** ![purplehearingaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7bcc69/32.png) [@purplehearingaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehearingaid)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2016, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-we-need-friends/767434/18 "2016-10-02T01:16:26Z")
> [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](#): > > Why? The evidence is pretty good. More and stronger social connections lead to less depression and to better chronic disease outcomes. I had a life long friend but I stopped talking about 2 years ago , she had told me she had a few friends that didn’t want to talk to her anymore. She always thought she was right and she tried to force her beliefs of JC onto me and she would yell at me on the phone when I couldn’t understand something. I had told her a 1000 times that hurt my ear b/c I had my hearing aid up loud and use a phone that for HOH people. She was getting too toxic for me health and I feel a lot better now that she out of my life ! My best friend died when she was 40 yo from a brain tumor . It hard to find real good friends ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2016, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-we-need-friends/767434/19 "2016-10-02T01:18:24Z")
> [@Machinaforce](#): > > I have heard the many sugary stories about how we “need” them but is it true? I mean obviously humans have to socialize with each other and cooperate but do we really need to take it further than that? The non-Vulcans among us do. Wait, sorry, there’s Spock. The non-androids among us do. Wait, sorry, there’s Data. The non-sociopaths among us do. Take me. I’m happily married, but there’s stuff I need to talk about with someone who is not my wife. I might need to complain about her, as she is not perfect. So there’s my best friend from college (also happily married). There’s stuff won’t understand, not through a lack of inelligence but through a lack of context or experience; for that there’s my work wife. And there’s others. Apart from that there are practical considerations. I am legally blind and so I cannot drive. There are times when it’s not practical for my wife to take me where I need tp gp. and when I don’t want to use Uber or whatnot. But because I am friends with Jennifer and Tony and Janet and Henry, because I have done solids for them in the past both emotionally and practically, I have people to help me to do things I can no longer do myself without assistance. There are human beings who don’t need friends. They’re called lonely, self-deluded freaks. ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2016, 1:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-we-need-friends/767434/20 "2016-10-02T01:22:52Z")
I think we need social relationships to be mentally and emotionally well. But I think the basic minimum amount of intimacy needed for wellness varies tremendously across individuals. Some people need lots of close friends to be happy. Others only need one or two close friends. Some people are fine with lots of acquaintances and casuals friends and no intimates. And a small number people would be okay just as long as someone says hello to them on occasion. I think the internet has made social isolation a more tolerable experience than it used to be. People who might have had very little contact with the inner lives of others just ten or fifteen years ago are now able to find their special group and find folks who can relate to them. Ultimately, I think the basic thing people look for in social interactions is a feeling of being understood and valued. So it may be that the typical loner twenty years ago tended to be quite miserable simply because it was harder for them to ever feel understood and valued. But nowadays, you can be a friendless loner but not be quite so alienated from everyone else. There are ways to be social now–like posting on message boards–without actually dealing with the downsides of people. I think this fact alone will have a positive effect on the longevity of the asocial. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-we-need-friends/767434.md?page=2)