# Do we need friends? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 13, 2016, 11:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-we-need-friends/771910 "2016-11-13T23:42:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![mind\_the\_gap](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ea666f/32.png) [@mind\_the\_gap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mind_the_gap)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2016, 3:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-we-need-friends/771910/21 "2016-11-14T03:08:42Z")
Being an introvert, though not an extreme one, I find social interaction to be energy draining. That said, I enjoy it up until that point. Most of what pops into my head that I feel the need to talk about, Mrs. Gap entertains. She is also introvertish, and we know when to leave each other be. I thought I had some friends from a place I worked for 20 years. I also thought I had friends from years of riding motorcycles with buddies. Thing is, those “friendships” were very conditional. Once you are removed from the circle, by your choice or otherwise, the relevancy ceases and so do the pseudo freindships. Understanding the shallowness of most friendships helps me not miss them. One or two people from the past I still keep in touch with. We are still basically friends, but the distance has simply “banked” the friendship. The embers are still there, and on the infrequent occasions we see each other, it’s as if nothing has changed. I like that. The increasingly hostile political environment in the U.S. has caused me to loose some of the people I thought of as friends. Once you discover that someone has very different core values than you, the friendship dies very rapidly. That’s ok, I need to know that people I care for are at least on the same book, if not the same page. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2016, 3:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-we-need-friends/771910/22 "2016-11-14T03:41:23Z")
> [@Machinaforce](#): > > As in could you survive without them? I don’t think you need friends to live, it’s not like they are water or food which you can’t do without. We need them to give us advice on when we’re doing something we shouldn’t. ---
**Author:** ![Machinaforce](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/aeb1de/32.png) [@Machinaforce](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machinaforce)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2016, 4:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-we-need-friends/771910/23 "2016-11-14T04:44:43Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > We need them to give us advice on when we’re doing something we shouldn’t. Wouldn’t a therapist be a better fit for such a situation? Also it seems like a design flaw that humans NEED social interaction like that. ---
**Author:** ![Lemur866](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lemur866/32/434_2.png) [@Lemur866](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lemur866)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2016, 5:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-we-need-friends/771910/24 "2016-11-14T05:25:30Z")
Humans need social interaction because we’re social animals. Sounds circular, but that’s the reason. We evolved to live in groups, and so we have psychological instincts that cause us to desire to live in groups and feel pain when we’re excluded. And if you think that’s dumb, imagine living by yourself in the wilderness. Where did your tools come from? Humans literally cannot survive alone, we’re not evolved to do so. If you were an American badger you could wander off and dig yourself a burrow and if any other badger wandered by you’d kick their ass, unless it was mating season. But you’re not a badger, you’re a human being. If you really and truly didn’t need human interaction, then why would you be sending messages to other humans on an internet message board? You’d be living your solitary life in the woods by yourself and being quite happy to be alone. So even if other people make you miserable and you don’t like being around them, you need them and can’t live without them. Welcome to the human condition. ---
**Author:** ![Machinaforce](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/aeb1de/32.png) [@Machinaforce](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machinaforce)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2016, 5:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-we-need-friends/771910/25 "2016-11-14T05:40:20Z")
> [@Lemur866](#): > > Humans need social interaction because we’re social animals. Sounds circular, but that’s the reason. We evolved to live in groups, and so we have psychological instincts that cause us to desire to live in groups and feel pain when we’re excluded. > > And if you think that’s dumb, imagine living by yourself in the wilderness. Where did your tools come from? Humans literally cannot survive alone, we’re not evolved to do so. If you were an American badger you could wander off and dig yourself a burrow and if any other badger wandered by you’d kick their ass, unless it was mating season. But you’re not a badger, you’re a human being. If you really and truly didn’t need human interaction, then why would you be sending messages to other humans on an internet message board? You’d be living your solitary life in the woods by yourself and being quite happy to be alone. > > So even if other people make you miserable and you don’t like being around them, you need them and can’t live without them. Welcome to the human condition. THat’s sort of what I’m getting at here. That dependence seems more like a weakness, given the rising depression and suicide rates. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2016, 6:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-we-need-friends/771910/26 "2016-11-14T06:34:30Z")
> [@Machinaforce](#): > > Wouldn’t a therapist be a better fit for such a situation? :smack: Well, it beats starting thread after thread after thread on an internet message board. Hint hint. ---
**Author:** ![Nawth\_Chucka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c57346/32.png) [@Nawth\_Chucka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nawth_Chucka)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2016, 7:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-we-need-friends/771910/27 "2016-11-14T07:03:28Z")
> [@Machinaforce](#): > > Also it seems like a design flaw that humans NEED social interaction like that. If one believes humans were designed and one believes in the idea of perfection and flaws, sure. Luckily most people eventually mature enough to realize no one has ever been nor ever will be, and that we’re ALL muddling through each day. That creates empathy and that’s what having and being a friend brings to the human condition. I see you’re new, OP; are you familiar w/ OpalCat? ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2016, 7:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-we-need-friends/771910/28 "2016-11-14T07:41:23Z")
> [@Machinaforce](#): > > THat’s sort of what I’m getting at here. That dependence seems more like a weakness, given the rising depression and suicide rates. It’s not a weakness, it’s a _compromise_, and a fairly effective one. Considered alone, any aspect of a complex system may look weak or redundant, but you have to look at the bigger picture. You’re looking just at one tiny gear in a massive machine and deciding that the part doesn’t make sense. You’re right - it doesn’t make sense, on its own, but that conclusion is just an artefact of your focused viewpoint, not the thing itself, or the whole machine. ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2016, 11:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-we-need-friends/771910/29 "2016-11-14T11:51:23Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > :smack: > > Well, it beats starting thread after thread after thread on an internet message board. Hint hint. If you don’t like the topic or poster: stay out of the thread, or use the report button, or the Pit. Thinly veiled insults are not an option. No warning given, but drop it. ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2016, 12:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-we-need-friends/771910/30 "2016-11-14T12:02:46Z")
> [@Machinaforce](#): > > THat’s sort of what I’m getting at here. That dependence seems more like a weakness, given the rising depression and suicide rates. Some have argued that those rates are rising because we are less socially connected with people in deeper, more meaningful ways. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2016, 12:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-we-need-friends/771910/31 "2016-11-14T12:36:28Z")
> [@Tim\_R.Mortiss](#): > > I have no need of friendship; friendship causes pain. > It’s laughter and it’s loving I disdain. > I am a rock. I am an island. I seen ya around for a long long time I really remember you when you drank my wine ---
**Author:** ![Waxwinged](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c2a13f/32.png) [@Waxwinged](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Waxwinged)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2016, 2:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-we-need-friends/771910/32 "2016-11-14T14:11:27Z")
> [@Machinaforce](#): > > PEople seem to be rather exhausting to be around. Plus I think there are different levels of social need depending on individual differences and culture. And yet here you are, asking a question on a public forum, where it will be answered/debated/reacted to by other people. As others have already said: People are social animals. We need others for our own well-being, though this ‘need’ can be as convoluted as talking to someone you’ll never meet, online. ---
**Author:** ![Quimby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/22d042/32.png) [@Quimby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quimby)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2016, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-we-need-friends/771910/33 "2016-11-14T14:44:45Z")
Humans evolved as social animals. We actually do have a need for contact with others. It isn’t an obvious physical need like food and water but it is important for both mental and physical health reasons. ---
**Author:** ![kopek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kopek/32/337_2.png) [@kopek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kopek)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2016, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-we-need-friends/771910/34 "2016-11-14T15:32:17Z")
I know people who survive and one could say thrive friendless but I’m not one of them. I need a couple people I can turn to fast, other than relatives, for help or opinions and “friend” is as good as any other label to hang around their necks. ---
**Author:** ![mbh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a6a055/32.png) [@mbh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mbh)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2016, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-we-need-friends/771910/35 "2016-11-14T15:50:43Z")
In the great bloodstained darwinian struggle for survival, friends increase your probability of survival. Enemies reduce your probability of survival. Friends are not absolutely necessary, but it never hurts to improve the odds. ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2016, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-we-need-friends/771910/36 "2016-11-14T16:04:20Z")
> [@Machinaforce](#): > > Also it seems like a design flaw that humans NEED social interaction like that. Of course not. Humans are social animals. We need others by design. One Human doesn’t survive alone in the wild, nor does s/he procreate and continue the species. We are made to live and breed in small social/genetic groups like most animals. Other non-related groups are necessary for genetic variety. (Ie, small clans quickly get inbred, so you need to marry outside your group.) ---
**Author:** ![Drunky\_Smurf](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drunky_smurf/32/449_2.png) [@Drunky\_Smurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drunky_Smurf)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2016, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-we-need-friends/771910/37 "2016-11-14T16:20:54Z")
> [@Machinaforce](#): > > it’s not like they are water or food which you can’t do without. I haven’t had water or food in decades and I’m doing fine. Friends though, as tasty as they are, I couldn’t do without. ---
**Author:** ![Machinaforce](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/aeb1de/32.png) [@Machinaforce](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machinaforce)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2016, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-we-need-friends/771910/38 "2016-11-14T19:10:55Z")
> [@IvoryTowerDenizen](#): > > Some have argued that those rates are rising because we are less socially connected with people in deeper, more meaningful ways. That’s kind of my point. The fact that we need others in such a way. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2016, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-we-need-friends/771910/39 "2016-11-14T20:20:15Z")
> [@Machinaforce](#): > > That’s kind of my point. The fact that we need others in such a way. People. People who need people. Are the luckiest people in the world. ---
**Author:** ![Jennshark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Jennshark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jennshark)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2016, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-we-need-friends/771910/40 "2016-11-14T20:23:58Z")
My wife is my BFF, so that satisfies pretty much all of my “outside of work” needs. I work with my best friend and have about ten more “second best friends” (I know this sounds like middle school, LOL!) My bestie and I are very close and do a lot of things outside of work; I do occasional dinners and events with my second tier. I’ve never needed, nor wanted, a huge tribe of friends, but I need to have at least two people with whom I’m very close. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-we-need-friends/771910.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-we-need-friends/771910.md?page=3)