Do women enjoy compliments from strangers

In My Humble Opinion
41

I did that day. The other teachers all think I’m a little weird.

It was a bit more extreme than most days, but no, it wasn’t a joke. The kids loved it, both those in my class, and those in the other classes. During my plan period, I crashed four other Valentine’s party and shamelessly shilled for any extras the kids had brought.

The great thing about being a young-looking female, elementary school teacher is that I can get away with murder when it comes to dressing up. I wear a kimono to work once a week and go in a kind of theme costume about once a week. People notice if I come dressed as Belle from Beauty and the Beast (the blue pinafore from the first scene), but nobody objects, and my students love it. We even play “Guess who Miss Kaitlyn is today” sometimes.

My mother in law is making me a Pocahontas outfit, and I already have a bunny suit ready for Easter (and for reading Goodnight Opus).

Mrs. Six and I are going to a convention later on this year as Chun Li Blue and Chun Li Red, and people damn well better notice what we’re wearing and comment on it.

42

Honestly? I’d think the guy was making fun of me. And then I’d think it was creepy. I might not think that if the comment was about a piece of clothing I was wearing (I got a sincere compliment about a scarf I knitted from a girl the other day and was thrilled), or about my hair since I have some control over how it looks, but I really don’t know how to respond to something like “you have nice eyes.” Um, thanks, I got it from my genes?

If you really want to give me a compliment, remark on the book I’m reading. Now that can be a conversation starter.

43

We can probably all benefit from remembering to voice more sincere compliments to the people we do know. Even that coworker who doesn’t welcome a comment about dress or hair will probably appreciate a sincere compliment about a well organized desk or a job well done.

As far as compliments from strangers, I’m probably only a little happier about them than pokey is. I have to admit that being a little older, a little fatter, and happily very married, I appreciate not getting many uncomfortable compliments anymore.

I remember explaining to a young male friend of mine that anything, even if they’re trying to be nice, that a car full of guys yells at a young woman walking down the street alone, will be perceived as a threat, not a compliment. I think for women there is a huge undercurrent of “whatever you did to attract attention from that strange man on the street, you shouldn’t have done it, and now you deserve whatever happens to you…” that is very disconcerting.

So let charity start at home. Think of those women you know who may think you overlook their good qualities or take them for granted. Spread a little sunshine with them.

44

If I don’t know you, I’d rather that you didn’t comment on my looks. If you must say something, pick something I have control over, rather than what genetics wrought.

45

I don’t really mind compliments. It’s …what am I supposed to do next?

There are two compliments that stand out in my mind for making me feel good and then uncomfortable.

One, I was about 23. A guy approached me as I was getting on my bike outside the library. He said, “I saw you earlier today on your bike. You looked so beautiful with that scarf in your hair, your hair streaming out behind you. I swore if I ever saw you again I would talk to you and here you are!”

Well, on the one hand, I love that I was the beautiful girl with the scarf and the hair blowing in the wind. If you’re out there, library guy, thank you, that made me feel great.

But on the other hand, I was living with the love of my life (now my husband) and I wasn’t quite sure what library guy was hoping for, so I said “Well, thanks” and he said, “So, what kinds of things do you like to do?” and I said “Mostly, hang out with my boyfriend. Sorry.” and rode off. Doper guys, was there a better response?
The other was more recently. I was at the grocery store without my children for once. I had recently lost 30 lbs and was feeling great. So, when the meat clerk said “Hi beautiful!” my initial reaction was a huge smile, but what next? Was I supposed to compliment the meat clerk in response? The rest of the transaction–me: asking for andouille sausage, him:getting the sausage, wrapping it up, handing it to me, I stood there feeling embarassed with an ever deepening blush.

Those stand out because they actually made me feel good before they made me feel awkward. Most compliments I have gotten from strangers just make me feel awkward, or worse threatened–especially when I was a waitress because then I was trapped into a relationship for a time.

The problem with a compliment is that the guy often does want something—a phone number, a chance of an ongoing relationship.

What I would like, I think, if I guy just wanted to make me feel good without asking anything, would be an appreciative look, a flirtly exchanged glance before moving on. That, I 've never gotten.

46

There has been a few times when I was having a bad day but I spotted a cute guy and smiled at him… only to have them stop, smile back and tell me I should do it more often as I have a pretty smile.

Always makes my day.

Unless it’s done creepily with a leer or even like carlotta when I’m waitressing/working. If it’s not creepy I’m fine at work, but when they are creepy it’s just multiplied because you are trapped for that time.

47

I like the non-leering compliment in passing. It always makes me smile a bit. Bad: “woah, did you know you have amazing breasts.” Yup, thanks, move right along please. Good: I have very full lips and I wear glossy red lipstick some days when I’m in the mood to, one day I was walking through a set of double glass doors at work and a guy I don’t know was going the other way, and he took one look and said “Wow.” and looked kinda moonstruck, and we both kept walking. That worked for me. Actually for all I know it could have been horror, but it came off as a sincere, spontaneous compliment.

I tend to compliment other women I see on their clothes, if anything, but I’m pretty shy myself so I have to work up a bit of nerve to say “hey, fantastic dress!” I’ve had many nice conversations with strangers who like my taste in jewelry though.

48

I ususally get compliments on my hair (which I love, it’s one of the things I am conceited about). From men and women.

There was one time though, that although a little creepy, I didn’t mind so much. I was in a gas station and this guy came up to me and said something to the effect of “you have gorgeous hair, can I touch it?”. So I obliged. We were in a public place with cameras, so I knew he wouldn’t try anything weird.

I also get a lot of compliments about my breasts. A friend of my DH came up to me at a party and said that I have perfect breasts. I was not offended or creeped out. My hubby was right there and his fiancee was not far.

Mostly the comments are about my hair though. The women I work with want me to cut it off so I can make them a wig. I know, it’s odd but I love compliments.

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From a complete stranger…no. Not at all, not ever.
I’m not available, and I don’t rely on others to give me my self esteem, so I don’t find it particularly pleasant or appropriate. I get very edgy when I feel like I’m being hit on. I realise that this is probably just me, and is based on some unpleasant past experiences, but it’s how I feel.

From a salesperson or shop assistant, yes. Tell me my choice was a good one, tell me I have great taste, tell me that the whatever I bought really suits me. It’s your job, and it would genuinely make my day.

From an acquaintance, or someone I see every day (say the man behind the counter in my corner shop) “you’re looking nice this morning” or “that new haircut/outfit/necklace is very becoming” is about as much as I’d take without thinking it was creepy.

From my friends…anything, if meant sincerely, is fine. My ooginess is really with people I don’t know or trust, my friends get a lot of leeway. I’ve even let the occasional absentminded comment on my boobs go.

50

I think if you have a problem with receiving a sincere compliment then you have a problem.

51

I get “I love your hair!” a lot. I’m starting to learn how to respond politely and not like “Get away from me, weirdo.” I think if I got any other compliment from a stranger (especially a male) I would find it creepy.

52

Ahhhh, the creepiness factor. IANAW, but I always suspected that “creepiness” was essentially delineated by:

  1. Is the fellow way too old to be a threat or thinking of himself as a ‘partner’.
  2. Way too infirm to be a threat or thinking of himself as a partner.
  3. Way too hot or studly not to be considered by the woman as a potential partner.

That is, old geezers can make compliments to unfamilar women. Stud-muffins can make compliments to women. Everyone else… shut yer yap.

And while I do find some women totally stunning… I would never say anything to her about it, even though I have zero intention on any further converstion etc (straight, happily married) because mostly it probably -is- a matter of genetics. Further, she is [I hope] more than just how she looks at the moment. Besides, I am neither an old geezer (yet) nor a stud-muffin.

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The trouble is, how do you ever know it’s sincere? The topic is compliments from strangers, not people I know whose comments I can fairly judge. Rarely a compliment will be given with no intention of pursuing the recipient, or presenting yourself in a certain light. If I see something about a stranger that I think is worthy of a compliment, I might think it to myself and that’s it, because otherwise you’re engaging the other person and that’s presumptive.

It also depends on your definition of a stranger. I’m in a small-town kind of area and would feel comfortable making impromptu comments to people around me. In the city I didn’t.

54

Well, she has a point. her statement

Just because the final judgement was positive doesn’t mean I want to be reminded that I’m being judged.

Was point on. Just because people view her as an object in a good way doesn’t change it.

For the record, for all women out there and all the women reading this poist, virtually no guy voluntarily or intentionally approaches women who are disgusted by him unless he has major self esteem problems. But you can’t tell how a woman thinks or feels until you approach them and talk to them. I have approached a variety of women and never once did I say to myself “I hope she is disgusted by me” but I had no way of knowing until I actually talked to her. I never actually said “I hope she is in love with me either” I was hoping for a middle ground of considerate, relevant conversation from someone who hopefully liked me back. It sucks that I can’t read minds but what can you do.

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My point being, I have no idea what people are like. People are very varied and what disgusts one amuses another. What would make one person yell at me makes another person laugh. I try to surround myself with good people I get along with but its hard to tell what people are really like.

It just bothers me when women seem to assume men know they are disgusted by them and still approach, that makes us look more pathetic than usual. Generally we have no idea the individual woman feels this way, if we did know we wouldn’t do it in the first place with them but we can’t tell until its too late sadly.

56

Seriously, try saying the complement to the other person, you’d be amazed how often you will brighten another persons day.

Thanks gigi I was worried my statement may have been taken more harshly than intended. Yes you I and everyone have a problem in telling if someone is sincere. I just find it sad that some people sem to assume any complement is made for bad reasons. I am lucky enough to be easily readable, people usually can tell when I am being sincere. I will complement someone if I notice soemthing remarkworthy about them, simply out of the hope of making them happy. If your suit looks particularly smart, , your nails are prettyly painted, your clothes are particularly apropriate, etc. Of no relivance would be the attractiveness of the person (male or female). I would avoid complementing a child directly, but through his/her parents as I it is innapropriate to talk to a strange child without very good reason.

57

That’s cool, and that sounds really nice of you. And I freely admit that my self-image makes it hard to believe compliments about myself. But even in workplace settings where I know everyone I still refrain from comments about dress or appearance because I would want the same neutrality/safety towards me. And you never know how the other person would feel so I don’t want to risk it.

58

Bippy is a likable guy and I hope I told him how attractive his kilt was at the last BADfest. I love his attitude toward making people happy.
We were at a formal reception and Drachillix was in a suit and I was in a maroon satin formal with a sequined bustier. I went to the ladies room where there was quite a line and 4 elderly women gushed over my hair, my dress, my shawl and my bag. “Most young people don’t know the first thing about formal clothes! All you see is black, no color!” I knew I looked nice, my husband said I was beautiful, but I really appreciated their kindness in voicing their thoughts.

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Southern Accent I’ve always enjoyed the kindness of strangers!