# Do women fear divorce or breakup as much as men? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 2, 2015, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-women-fear-divorce-or-breakup-as-much-as-men/721414 "2015-06-02T02:02:38Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2015, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-women-fear-divorce-or-breakup-as-much-as-men/721414/21 "2015-06-02T20:01:45Z")
> [@Sam\_Lowry](#): > > . . . Also, for many relationships, even overall egalitarian ones, the woman ends up doing more of the household work. So after the divorce, the woman might be relieved about only having to take care of one adult instead of two, and lower amounts of laundry and cleaning and everything else. While the man who hasn’t had to do as much cooking and cleaning for years, now has the added stress of doing all of that. I’m kind of hoping that what I’m about to say is outdated, but decades ago I knew of several men who decided they could do better but didn’t leave until they had another relationship that they could step into. And having someone willing to cook and clean was very definitely a prime purpose for the process. ---
**Author:** ![bb49](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/b38774/32.png) [@bb49](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bb49)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2015, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-women-fear-divorce-or-breakup-as-much-as-men/721414/22 "2015-06-02T20:21:08Z")
It scares the hell out of me. I can’t cook! ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2015, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-women-fear-divorce-or-breakup-as-much-as-men/721414/23 "2015-06-02T20:29:07Z")
> [@purplehorseshoe](#): > > Whaddya mean, you can’t say that to a woman? :dubious: Because it would imply her story might not be 100% trustworthy. ---
**Author:** ![Fotheringay-Phipps](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/d9b06d/32.png) [@Fotheringay-Phipps](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fotheringay-Phipps)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2015, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-women-fear-divorce-or-breakup-as-much-as-men/721414/24 "2015-06-02T20:48:22Z")
> [@Telemark](#): > > But the data is pretty clear, on average women lose out financially from divorce and pretty significantly so. Actually the data is very unclear and studies purporting to show that women fare worse than men post-divorce tend to be skewed (e.g. ignoring alimony, child support, taxes, social insurance etc.) > [@SaharaTea](#): > > It’s not really a bias in favor of women. My particular jurisdiction favors the _psychological_ parent, or the parent who spends the most time with the kids and whom the kids see as their primary caretaker. In a majority of cases that happens to be the mother, but I have seen fathers win primary custody on that basis too. As a practical matter it makes no difference if it “happens to be” the woman or if it just plain old “is” the woman. > [@purplehorseshoe](#): > > Whaddya mean, you can’t say that to a woman? :dubious: Society is conditioned to be supportive of women and to take a more hard-nosed approach to men and their troubles. And this applies both from the perspective of the people listening to the tale of woe and to the speakers themselves. (Meaning, the women will tend to be looking for support and will be hurt and insulted if you suggest that they may be at fault, while men will tend to be more receptive to implied criticism.) ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2015, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-women-fear-divorce-or-breakup-as-much-as-men/721414/25 "2015-06-02T21:19:24Z")
> [@purplehorseshoe](#): > > Whaddya mean, you can’t say that to a woman? :dubious: Have you ever told a woman, “I would have to hear your ex-husband’s side of the story” or even “It sounds to me like it wasn’t all his fault”? Trust me, you will never do that a second time. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2015, 10:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-women-fear-divorce-or-breakup-as-much-as-men/721414/26 "2015-06-02T22:48:30Z")
It’s all about the old bit that when a man says “I have a problem …” he’s looking for practical suggestions towards a solution. When a woman says "I have a problem … " she’s not looking for solutions, but merely to be supported and have her actions validated. It’s a stereotype, and has all the limitations appurtenant thereunto. But it also has a lump of truth in the middle of the snowball of BS. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2015, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-women-fear-divorce-or-breakup-as-much-as-men/721414/27 "2015-06-02T23:13:00Z")
Agree with those saying being widowed is incredibly painful and devastating, but it’s… cleaner, I guess. I didn’t really have to wonder if I’m a terrible person (I already knew!) or take a huge hit to my self-image. I fear being widowed again. I don’t really fear divorce in that same way. Maybe I think it can’t happen to me where I know being widowed can. ---
**Author:** ![Slithy\_Tove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slithy_tove/32/18248_2.png) [@Slithy\_Tove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slithy_Tove)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2015, 2:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-women-fear-divorce-or-breakup-as-much-as-men/721414/28 "2015-06-03T02:58:14Z")
I’ve been both divorced and widowed. Some nights I lie awake thinking about what a jerk I was to the woman who divorced me 30 years ago. Some mornings I wake up after having sex dreams about the woman who died 9 years ago. I couldn’t say which is worse, but such is life, in any case. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2015, 3:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-women-fear-divorce-or-breakup-as-much-as-men/721414/29 "2015-06-03T03:27:23Z")
My experience is vastly to the contrary: men are more willing to leave a relationship. ---
**Author:** ![Cub\_Mistress](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ea666f/32.png) [@Cub\_Mistress](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cub_Mistress)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2015, 3:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-women-fear-divorce-or-breakup-as-much-as-men/721414/30 "2015-06-03T03:28:52Z")
> [@Yllaria](#): > > I’m kind of hoping that what I’m about to say is outdated, but decades ago I knew of several men who decided they could do better but didn’t leave until they had another relationship that they could step into. And having someone willing to cook and clean was very definitely a prime purpose for the process. anecdotal only, but IME men won’t/don’t leave until they have a relationship to go to. ---
**Author:** ![Fotheringay-Phipps](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/d9b06d/32.png) [@Fotheringay-Phipps](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fotheringay-Phipps)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2015, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-women-fear-divorce-or-breakup-as-much-as-men/721414/31 "2015-06-03T14:36:12Z")
> [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > My experience is vastly to the contrary: men are more willing to leave a relationship. I suspect that your experience is concentrated on short-term no-house-no-kids both-working-full-time relationships. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2015, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-women-fear-divorce-or-breakup-as-much-as-men/721414/32 "2015-06-03T14:38:14Z")
Well, I’ve been married for five years, and in this relationship for 10, and we have a house. But yes, that’s true of the relationships I’ve actually left though I was referring mostly to observations of friends. ---
**Author:** ![Fotheringay-Phipps](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/d9b06d/32.png) [@Fotheringay-Phipps](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fotheringay-Phipps)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2015, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-women-fear-divorce-or-breakup-as-much-as-men/721414/33 "2015-06-03T14:41:04Z")
So was I. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2015, 2:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-women-fear-divorce-or-breakup-as-much-as-men/721414/34 "2015-06-03T14:47:10Z")
Oh, then no. Nearly all of my close friends are married, own their homes, and have kids. ---
**Author:** ![Fotheringay-Phipps](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/d9b06d/32.png) [@Fotheringay-Phipps](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fotheringay-Phipps)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2015, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-women-fear-divorce-or-breakup-as-much-as-men/721414/35 "2015-06-03T14:48:04Z")
And the husbands initiated divorces? ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2015, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-women-fear-divorce-or-breakup-as-much-as-men/721414/36 "2015-06-03T14:54:18Z")
Yes. It’s a pretty small sample size, though; I’ve been to 51 weddings and only three of those couples are divorced. ---
**Author:** ![Fotheringay-Phipps](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/d9b06d/32.png) [@Fotheringay-Phipps](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fotheringay-Phipps)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2015, 3:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-women-fear-divorce-or-breakup-as-much-as-men/721414/37 "2015-06-03T15:07:28Z")
Give them time. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2015, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-women-fear-divorce-or-breakup-as-much-as-men/721414/38 "2015-06-03T15:10:21Z")
Well, thanks for the happy send-off. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2015, 12:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-women-fear-divorce-or-breakup-as-much-as-men/721414/39 "2015-06-04T00:03:14Z")
> [@Velocity](#): > > Yes, but there is the likelihood of receiving alimony. Yeah right. What is this, 1950? ---
**Author:** ![Lee\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/aeb1de/32.png) [@Lee\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lee_Q)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2015, 12:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-women-fear-divorce-or-breakup-as-much-as-men/721414/40 "2015-06-04T00:11:40Z")
Purely anecdotal but seems to me this will depend on factors like is the woman religious, what is her family background (e.g. no divorces, lots of divorces, expectation of staying married no matter what, etc.), and - this is the biggie for alot of women - whether there are kids involved. In general and broadly speaking, unless there is some reason (“red flags”) I don’t think most women have huge ongoing fear of breakup or divorce. I’ve heard a saying that is a generalization but I think in some aspects can be true in many cases. It has to do with “what each gender fears most from the other” (in a heterosexual relationship). It goes, “Men fear women will leave them or laugh at them. Women fear men will kill them.” Sorry, I know that took a dark turn! It just came to mind based on the OP. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-women-fear-divorce-or-breakup-as-much-as-men/721414.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-women-fear-divorce-or-breakup-as-much-as-men/721414.md?page=3)