# Do women steal their friend's boyfriends more often than men steal friend's GFs? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 11, 2006, 3:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-women-steal-their-friends-boyfriends-more-often-than-men-steal-friends-gfs/376024 "2006-10-11T03:57:01Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2006, 3:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-women-steal-their-friends-boyfriends-more-often-than-men-steal-friends-gfs/376024/1 "2006-10-11T03:57:01Z")
Some people have commented to me than women are generally less respectful of boundaries in boyfriend - girlfriend relationships than men are, and will go after a friend’s boyfriend if they are attracted to him, more readily than a man will poach on a friend’s girlfriend. Do these stereotypes have any basis in fact? ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2006, 4:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-women-steal-their-friends-boyfriends-more-often-than-men-steal-friends-gfs/376024/2 "2006-10-11T04:37:11Z")
Not in my experience, but I imagine this would be pretty hard to quantify. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Push\_Up\_Bra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/edb3f5/32.png) [@Freudian\_Push\_Up\_Bra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Push_Up_Bra)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2006, 6:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-women-steal-their-friends-boyfriends-more-often-than-men-steal-friends-gfs/376024/3 "2006-10-11T06:37:04Z")
I’ve found girls to be more ruthless about their object of affection being in relationships because they believe that they ‘belong’ together or that they love the guy more than his current girl ever will whereas a lot of guys say to themselves ‘bros before hos, besides he’s happy.’ Not to say that there aren’t any men out there who’ve never poached a friend’s girlfriend but I’ve met a lot of girls who are more than happy to hit on your date, even if you’re both wearing wedding rings. ---
**Author:** ![Maastricht](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e57/32.png) [@Maastricht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maastricht)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2006, 8:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-women-steal-their-friends-boyfriends-more-often-than-men-steal-friends-gfs/376024/4 "2006-10-11T08:16:44Z")
_If_ this is true, (and like \*alice \*said, it’s a hard topic to objectively investigate) then the results might be skewed. A man might be more likely to want to _sleep_ with a friends SO, while a woman with the same feelings might try to get in a real realtionship with the guy. And casual, one time sex is easier to hide, and lie about, then a romance. ---
**Author:** ![HazelNutCoffee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ac91a4/32.png) [@HazelNutCoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HazelNutCoffee)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2006, 1:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-women-steal-their-friends-boyfriends-more-often-than-men-steal-friends-gfs/376024/5 "2006-10-11T13:33:01Z")
That’s weird - in my experience, it’s been the opposite. Within the social circle I hung out in during college, guys never seemed to have any boundaries when dating girls - we had several instances where a guy would basically “steal” a girl from his friend (although I dunno if “steal” is the right word - it takes two to tango). With girls, even the exes were off-limits, at least among friends. ---
**Author:** ![D\_Odds](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/d_odds/32/2882_2.png) [@D\_Odds](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/D_Odds)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2006, 1:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-women-steal-their-friends-boyfriends-more-often-than-men-steal-friends-gfs/376024/6 "2006-10-11T13:41:21Z")
In my limited experience, I’ve only known one serial poacher, and it was a guy. He was the type of guy who could talk nearly any girl out of their pants, but he seemed to especially enjoy doing so to someone’s girlfriend (or trying to make girlfriend). He got pummeled twice (not by me, but had I been there, I probably wouldn’t have stopped it), but it didn’t diminish his assholishness. I have known some women who have seemed to lie in wait, just waiting for the separation. They would dive right in at the first hint of trouble, hoping to stave off a reconciliation. I didn’t know guys who did that. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2006, 1:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-women-steal-their-friends-boyfriends-more-often-than-men-steal-friends-gfs/376024/7 "2006-10-11T13:42:59Z")
I have met women who think that the ring or a solid relationship is only a challenge. One of them came after my SO with a vengeance. I laughed my head off, he just thought she was slutty and annoying. ---
**Author:** ![Hamadryad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/6de8d8/32.png) [@Hamadryad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hamadryad)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2006, 1:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-women-steal-their-friends-boyfriends-more-often-than-men-steal-friends-gfs/376024/8 "2006-10-11T13:48:40Z")
Chris Rock did a routine about this… “If a man sees one of his friends with a good woman, he thinks, ‘Man, she’s really nice. I gotta find me a woman like that.’ When a woman sees one of her friends with a good man, she thinks, ‘I gotta have HIM.’” I’ve seen more girls with friends’ exes - and with the friends OF exes - more often than vice-versa. I agree that this is pretty subjective. It depends on who you are, who you know, and how much you know ABOUT them. ---
**Author:** ![Cowgirl\_Jules](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4af34b/32.png) [@Cowgirl\_Jules](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cowgirl_Jules)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2006, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-women-steal-their-friends-boyfriends-more-often-than-men-steal-friends-gfs/376024/9 "2006-10-11T14:14:37Z")
Not in my experience. Even among my sluttier friends, there’s an unwritten rule that you don’t even go after a friend’s ex. I mean, without asking. There have been a couple of men that have been involved with more than one of us, but only casually. Serious boyfriends are pretty much off the eligible list long after a break up, if not forever. But then, we’re an older crowd. Might be different among the young 'uns (and in fact, I do remember a little of that going on back in college.) ---
**Author:** ![Autumn\_Almanac](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d26b3c/32.png) [@Autumn\_Almanac](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autumn_Almanac)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2006, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-women-steal-their-friends-boyfriends-more-often-than-men-steal-friends-gfs/376024/10 "2006-10-11T14:36:39Z")
[QUOTE=Anaamika] I have met women who think that the ring or a solid relationship is only a challenge. [/QUOTE] I think my wife has met some of the same women. I made some comment before we got married about how my ring would ward off flirty women. She laughed and told me to expect women to flirt with me more often and more intensely after they’ve seen the ring. ---
**Author:** ![Scribble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scribble/32/3317_2.png) [@Scribble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scribble)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2006, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-women-steal-their-friends-boyfriends-more-often-than-men-steal-friends-gfs/376024/11 "2006-10-11T14:44:52Z")
You know, I’ve never understood this idea of anyone “stealing” a boyfriend, girlfriend or spouse. It’s not as though the SO or spouse has no will of his or her own. You can’t “steal” a boyfriend in the same way you could steal someone’s wallet. ---
**Author:** ![Trunk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/87869e/32.png) [@Trunk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trunk)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2006, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-women-steal-their-friends-boyfriends-more-often-than-men-steal-friends-gfs/376024/12 "2006-10-11T14:49:55Z")
[QUOTE=Hamadryad] Chris Rock did a routine about this… “If a man sees one of his friends with a good woman, he thinks, ‘Man, she’s really nice. I gotta find me a woman like that.’ When a woman sees one of her friends with a good man, she thinks, ‘I gotta have HIM.’” [/QUOTE] “What’s the deal with airplane peanuts?” isn’t funny if there isn’t something actually wrong with airplane peanuts. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2006, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-women-steal-their-friends-boyfriends-more-often-than-men-steal-friends-gfs/376024/13 "2006-10-11T14:57:12Z")
[QUOTE=Scribble] You know, I’ve never understood this idea of anyone “stealing” a boyfriend, girlfriend or spouse. It’s not as though the SO or spouse has no will of his or her own. You can’t “steal” a boyfriend in the same way you could steal someone’s wallet. [/QUOTE] :adopts sage posture: The boyfriend that would be stolen is not worth keeping as a boyfriend. ---
**Author:** ![Harriet\_the\_Spry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e56c9b/32.png) [@Harriet\_the\_Spry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harriet_the_Spry)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2006, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-women-steal-their-friends-boyfriends-more-often-than-men-steal-friends-gfs/376024/14 "2006-10-11T15:12:34Z")
My experience doesn’t seem real clear one way or the other. I will say that the guys I have known who have lost a girlfriend to a close friend have seemed much more devastated about it. It’s like they never believed it could happen, at least not to them, and it really rocked their world. In one case the guy committed suicide by shooting himself in the head in front of his friend. I will also chime in on the male wedding ring being a great chick magnet. Seems to work that way for Mr. Spry. On the other hand, I can’t think of any guys who have hit on me since I got married. ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2006, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-women-steal-their-friends-boyfriends-more-often-than-men-steal-friends-gfs/376024/15 "2006-10-11T16:05:13Z")
[QUOTE=Scribble] You know, I’ve never understood this idea of anyone “stealing” a boyfriend, girlfriend or spouse. It’s not as though the SO or spouse has no will of his or her own. You can’t “steal” a boyfriend in the same way you could steal someone’s wallet. [/QUOTE] Ditto that. I don’t do monogamy, why ought _I_ to be the one to honor promises that _you_ made? I _have_ long since reached the conclusion that it’s beneath my dignity to get involved with Person A who has promised fidelity and exclusivity to Person B, but that’s not a consideration I owe anyone else, just one I’ve come to extend to myself. ---
**Author:** ![D\_Odds](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/d_odds/32/2882_2.png) [@D\_Odds](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/D_Odds)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2006, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-women-steal-their-friends-boyfriends-more-often-than-men-steal-friends-gfs/376024/16 "2006-10-11T16:51:19Z")
[QUOTE=Autumn Almanac] I think my wife has met some of the same women. I made some comment before we got married about how my ring would ward off flirty women. She laughed and told me to expect women to flirt with me more often and more intensely after they’ve seen the ring. [/QUOTE] I heard the same thing. It never happened. I’ve never been put in a position where my fidelity has been tested, and I don’t go looking for them. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2006, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-women-steal-their-friends-boyfriends-more-often-than-men-steal-friends-gfs/376024/17 "2006-10-11T19:58:31Z")
[QUOTE=Scribble] You know, I’ve never understood this idea of anyone “stealing” a boyfriend, girlfriend or spouse. It’s not as though the SO or spouse has no will of his or her own. You can’t “steal” a boyfriend in the same way you could steal someone’s wallet. [/QUOTE] While it’s not really “stealing” like one might steal a bike, it’s an inapproriate crossing of a social boundary. I mean think about how much of a dick move it is to steal your friends girlfriend or boyfriend. You are basically telling someone who you supposedly consider a friend to fuck off. You’re putting all your shared friends in the awkward position where they have to choose between you and your new girl/boyfriend or the person who was cheated on or dumped. While it’s never happened to me, I have a rule against hitting on or getting with your friends girlfriends or recent exes. I mean what is there a vagina shortage out there or something where I have to get with some friends girl because she’s disatisfied in their relationship and thinks I’m a convienient hook up? ---
**Author:** ![MaddyStrut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/dbc845/32.png) [@MaddyStrut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MaddyStrut)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2006, 11:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-women-steal-their-friends-boyfriends-more-often-than-men-steal-friends-gfs/376024/18 "2006-10-11T23:02:03Z")
Anecdotally, I know more women than men who will go after a friend’s SO. However, I know more men than women who will go after someone with an SO they don’t know or care about. ---
**Author:** ![Mister\_Rik](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mister_rik/32/491_2.png) [@Mister\_Rik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mister_Rik)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2006, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-women-steal-their-friends-boyfriends-more-often-than-men-steal-friends-gfs/376024/19 "2006-10-12T01:47:59Z")
Back in my late teens/early 20s when I used to casually flirt with female coworkers, they would respond as if I was some kind of pervert. That is, until I actually ended up dating a coworker. Then all these other young ladies suddenly found me quite flirt-worthy. I’m talking about _extremely_ attractive young ladies “accidently” rubbing up against me while I’m working, staring at me with that “you want me” look, etc. During a stretch of being single (again in my 20s) I used to go alone to a local club and ask various women to dance. I was always turned down. Except for the one time I showed up at this club for a simple after-work drink with a female coworker. It wasn’t a “date” - we were simply sitting together. Suddenly I had every woman in the club asking me to dance. Women are pigs. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Cyberhwk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7993a0/32.png) [@Cyberhwk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cyberhwk)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2006, 4:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-women-steal-their-friends-boyfriends-more-often-than-men-steal-friends-gfs/376024/20 "2006-10-12T04:23:59Z")
Someone on these boards once therorized that woman put lots of time and energy into deciding whether a man would be an appropriate partner. When an established relationship is present, this was evidence that some other woman already put in the leg work to determine him fit. Therefore this greatly impoved his status. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-women-steal-their-friends-boyfriends-more-often-than-men-steal-friends-gfs/376024.md?page=2)