# Do women steal their friend's boyfriends more often than men steal friend's GFs? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 11, 2006, 3:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-women-steal-their-friends-boyfriends-more-often-than-men-steal-friends-gfs/376024 "2006-10-11T03:57:01Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 10\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Maggie\_the\_Ocelot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df705f/32.png) [@Maggie\_the\_Ocelot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maggie_the_Ocelot)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2010, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-women-steal-their-friends-boyfriends-more-often-than-men-steal-friends-gfs/376024/61 "2010-08-10T20:31:52Z")
Wait - are we talking about dating your friend’s exes after they’ve broken up for other reasons, or are we talking about using your (masculine or feminine) wiles to induce the breakup? Because I see no problem with the former, and have never understood why some people are so adamant about it. I even had one friend _who was dating my ex_ ask me to promise her that if they ever broke up I wouldn’t hook up with him again. WTF? If he’s single, he’s single, and at that point you have zero control over where he puts his boything. However, actually inducing a breakup is bad form, though (again IMO) less so than boffing your friend’s sweetie behind their back. As far as gender discrepancy in poaching over either the short or long term - I’ve never noticed one. ---
**Author:** ![Reply](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/reply/32/15952_2.png) [@Reply](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Reply)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2010, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-women-steal-their-friends-boyfriends-more-often-than-men-steal-friends-gfs/376024/62 "2010-08-10T22:20:43Z")
> [@BIG\_BAD\_DAD](#): > > [COLOR=“red”][COLOR=“DarkOrange”]A MALE FRIEND IS TRUE TILL DEATH. HE WOULD NOT EVEN THINK ABOUT LOOKNG AT HIS FRIENDS GIRL LET ALONE STEAL HER AWAY. IF HE DID IT WAS CAUSE FOR A GOOD ASS WHOOPING.NOW WOMEN ON THE OTHER HAND I HAVE FOUND OUT RECENTLY HAVE A DIFFERENT WAY OF LOOKING AT THIS. THEY DON’T HAVE THE SAME MORALS AS MEN. WHAT A SHAME THAT THERE IS A DOUBLE STANDARD FOR THIS.[/COLOR][/COLOR]🆒 Thank you for making my day 😃 ---
**Author:** ![heatmiserfl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/df705f/32.png) [@heatmiserfl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/heatmiserfl)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2010, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-women-steal-their-friends-boyfriends-more-often-than-men-steal-friends-gfs/376024/63 "2010-08-10T22:32:19Z")
> [@Sublight](#): > > There’s also the other side to this: > > Are men more likely to screw around (or try to/want to) with their GF’s friends than woman are with their BF’s frends? BINGO! I was looking to see if someone would say this. In other words, is it that the men are more responsive to poaching? ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2010, 9:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-women-steal-their-friends-boyfriends-more-often-than-men-steal-friends-gfs/376024/64 "2010-08-11T09:17:01Z")
I only have one experience in this to relate: my ex wound up sleeping with her friend’s boyfriend. However, it was quite clear that he initiated entirely. Sure, she chose to go along with it, but he was definitely the one pressing it. He even got them a motel to spend the night in. And I believe she was drunk. (And, no, we weren’t together at the time, though we had rekindled our longtime friendship, although that was a trying time for it.) Just thought I’d throw that out there–y’all can do the analysis. ETA: Guy was recently back from being in the army, and his girlfriend was away for some other reason. ---
**Author:** ![Superhal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Superhal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superhal)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2010, 10:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-women-steal-their-friends-boyfriends-more-often-than-men-steal-friends-gfs/376024/65 "2010-08-11T10:07:57Z")
The only difference between cheating and poaching is point of view. ---
**Author:** ![lindsaybluth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/90db22/32.png) [@lindsaybluth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lindsaybluth)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2010, 2:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-women-steal-their-friends-boyfriends-more-often-than-men-steal-friends-gfs/376024/66 "2010-08-11T14:47:37Z")
> [@acsenray](#): > > > [@lindsaybluth](#): > > > > I still don’t know why she had any right to be angry > > Who needs a right to be angry when the person you love leaves you for a friend? I guess because nobody had any idea; it wasn’t intentional. They had been friends for years (all the friends had been within the group) but had only been dating very casually for weeks. Her friends expressed shock at her reaction; she had apparently been harboring it in secret. Nobody said love had to be rational, but then again I never understood why someone would love someone who didn’t love them in return. For me, it always had to be reciprocated. ---
**Author:** ![Mister\_Rik](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mister_rik/32/491_2.png) [@Mister\_Rik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mister_Rik)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2010, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-women-steal-their-friends-boyfriends-more-often-than-men-steal-friends-gfs/376024/67 "2010-08-11T14:55:17Z")
> [@lindsaybluth](#): > > Nobody said love had to be rational, but then again I never understood why someone would love someone who didn’t love them in return. For me, it always had to be reciprocated. To love somebody Who doesn’t love you Is like going to a temple And worshipping the behind Of a wooden statue Of a hungry devil – Lady Kasa Takamochi (eighth-century Japanese poet) ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2010, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-women-steal-their-friends-boyfriends-more-often-than-men-steal-friends-gfs/376024/68 "2010-08-11T15:01:40Z")
> [@lindsaybluth](#): > > Nobody said love had to be rational, but then again I never understood why someone would love someone who didn’t love them in return. For me, it always had to be reciprocated. The vast majority of love is unreciprocated. That’s the essence of what makes love interesting and the subject of stories, music, and poetry. ---
**Author:** ![Reply](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/reply/32/15952_2.png) [@Reply](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Reply)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2010, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-women-steal-their-friends-boyfriends-more-often-than-men-steal-friends-gfs/376024/69 "2010-08-11T20:28:41Z")
> [@Mister\_Rik](#): > > > [@lindsaybluth](#): > > > > Nobody said love had to be rational, but then again I never understood why someone would love someone who didn’t love them in return. For me, it always had to be reciprocated. > > To love somebody > Who doesn’t love you > Is like going to a temple > And worshipping the behind > Of a wooden statue > Of a hungry devil > > – Lady Kasa Takamochi (eighth-century Japanese poet) Hmmmmm… Talk about being lost in translation. ---
**Author:** ![lindsaybluth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/90db22/32.png) [@lindsaybluth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lindsaybluth)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2010, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-women-steal-their-friends-boyfriends-more-often-than-men-steal-friends-gfs/376024/70 "2010-08-11T21:02:50Z")
> [@acsenray](#): > > > [@lindsaybluth](#): > > > > Nobody said love had to be rational, but then again I never understood why someone would love someone who didn’t love them in return. For me, it always had to be reciprocated. > > The vast majority of love is unreciprocated. That’s the essence of what makes love interesting and the subject of stories, music, and poetry. I guess so. This statement brought me back to the memory of a high school boyfriend, who wrote me a poem about how he cared about me and later told me he loved me and couldn’t wait to sleep with me 😕. But I call that infatuation, not love. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-women-steal-their-friends-boyfriends-more-often-than-men-steal-friends-gfs/376024.md?page=3)