# Do you apologize much? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 5, 2015, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-apologize-much/711885 "2015-02-05T13:46:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 16\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![hotflungwok](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/edb3f5/32.png) [@hotflungwok](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hotflungwok)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2015, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-apologize-much/711885/21 "2015-02-05T21:58:10Z")
Yeah, all the time, I’m a screwup. ---
**Author:** ![phall0106](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/phall0106/32/5934_2.png) [@phall0106](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phall0106)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2015, 10:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-apologize-much/711885/22 "2015-02-05T22:29:22Z")
Repetitive apologies are a sign of weakness. There’s a woman I work with who apologizes for EVERYTHING. It’s automatic for her. “Hey, Amanda, did you know if the report I printed is still back at the copier?” “Oh, no, I didn’t see it, I’m sorry.” “Amanda, are you finished with the microwave, or do you need to nuke your lunch a bit longer?” “I’m sorry, I’m finished with it.” Drives me insane and makes me want to slap her (for which she, no doubt, would be sorry that I felt the need to slap her). That being said, there’s no weakness in delivering a well-deserved and appropriate apology and moving forward. ---
**Author:** ![BoBettie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4af34b/32.png) [@BoBettie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BoBettie)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2015, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-apologize-much/711885/23 "2015-02-05T22:42:44Z")
This is a HUGE pet peeve of mine. You do something wrong (accident or not) you apologize. Step on my foot (literally), don’t just look at me and walk away, say “Oh, sorry about that!” and then go about your business. My boyfriend is terrible with this and when I say "You stepped on my foot. Can’t you say “I’m sorry?” he says “I didn’t do it ON PURPOSE”. I guess that’s his deciding factor. Whatever, it makes me crazy. ---
**Author:** ![kayT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayt/32/3633_2.png) [@kayT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayT)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2015, 10:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-apologize-much/711885/24 "2015-02-05T22:47:29Z")
I have a feeling the OP’s co-worker was quoting Gibbs from NCIS (and thus maybe joking). ---
**Author:** ![erysichthon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d07c76/32.png) [@erysichthon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/erysichthon)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2015, 11:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-apologize-much/711885/25 "2015-02-05T23:08:09Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > Of course I apologize. My parents never apologized to me for anything. Ever. I find that a simple apology, even if it’s just “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean for it to sound that way” can smooth over so many arguments. And when you are genuinely wrong, apologize! A sign of weakness - it is a sign of stupidity and hubris when you can’t even apologize when you are in fact, wrong. I had the same experience as a child; my parents never apologized – not to me or anyone else that I was aware of. The result was that I didn’t learn how or when to apologize. As an adult I became aware of this problem and overcompensated. For years, I over-apologized for everything. That’s when I learned that many people absolutely _hate_ being apologized to. One woman I dated flatly refused to accept apologies, calling them “just meaningless words.” Another person told me—seriously—that apologizing was a form of bullying. I’ve had people explode in rage when I apologized to them, responding with things like “Oh, so now I’m supposed to forget what you did?!?” Now I’m much more judicious with apologies. Sure, I’ll say “sorry” if I bump into someone. But I don’t make a _point_ of apologizing unless I’ve done something really awful, and I make the apology sincere but succinct and non-effusive. If the recipient of the apology squirms, gets mad, or otherwise doesn’t accept the apology, then I just drop it and move on. ---
**Author:** ![kopek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kopek/32/337_2.png) [@kopek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kopek)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2015, 12:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-apologize-much/711885/26 "2015-02-06T00:50:45Z")
Sometimes; to keep the peace. More in that I will apologize for what someone perceives I did or said just as easily as I will something I did actually do or say. ---
**Author:** ![Rhiannon8404](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rhiannon8404/32/17929_2.png) [@Rhiannon8404](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhiannon8404)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2015, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-apologize-much/711885/27 "2015-02-06T00:57:19Z")
> [@BoBettie](#): > > This is a HUGE pet peeve of mine. You do something wrong (accident or not) you apologize. Step on my foot (literally), don’t just look at me and walk away, say “Oh, sorry about that!” and then go about your business. My boyfriend is terrible with this and when I say "You stepped on my foot. Can’t you say “I’m sorry?” he says “I didn’t do it ON PURPOSE”. I guess that’s his deciding factor. Whatever, it makes me crazy. That doesn’t even make sense. If you did something on purpose you would not be sorry you did it. You did it _on purpose_. It’s when you do something by accident that you would feel sorry and apologize. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2015, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-apologize-much/711885/28 "2015-02-06T01:51:18Z")
> [@Rhiannon8404](#): > > That doesn’t even make sense. If you did something on purpose you would not be sorry you did it. You did it _on purpose_. It’s when you do something by accident that you would feel sorry and apologize. Untrue. I’ve done things purposefully that I now regret and have felt the need to apologize. Sometimes it’s because I did not realize the repercussions of what I was doing until later; sometimes it’s because I changed between now and then. ---
**Author:** ![P-man](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/p-man/32/3606_2.png) [@P-man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/P-man)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2015, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-apologize-much/711885/29 "2015-02-06T02:02:35Z")
It bugs me when people will say “sorry” for something they had nothing to do with, but won’t apologize when they’ve done or said something hurtful. My wife was brought up by parents like that, and she still does it sometimes. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2015, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-apologize-much/711885/30 "2015-02-06T02:02:44Z")
“Never apologize. Never explain. Just get the thing done, and let them howl.” – Agnes Macphail ---
**Author:** ![j666](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9de0a6/32.png) [@j666](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/j666)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2015, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-apologize-much/711885/31 "2015-02-06T02:11:20Z")
Of course I apologize, I am a civilized but imperfect being. I apologize when I inconvenience, annoy, or hurt another person. I deeply resent and never forgive others’ failures to apologize to me. To me that indicates they do not consider me worthy of the most basic consideration. I don’t expect people to read my mind, I’ll tell people once or twice when I expect an apology, but after that I just ignore it and lower my expectations of them accordingly. The degrees of both my apologies and my undying disgust depend on the level of the offense. This sounds like I spend my life, brooding and looking to take offense, but I don’t really. In my family the adults never apologized to the children, but the children were required to apologize to each other and the adults did apologize to each other for trivial offenses in front of the children. ---
**Author:** ![Tuxie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ee59a6/32.png) [@Tuxie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuxie)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2015, 2:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-apologize-much/711885/32 "2015-02-06T02:47:50Z")
Here’s the thing about apologies: They need to be SINCERE. Know how to make an insincere apology? Make em all the time. I can’t stand people who over-apologize. This because they tend to apologize for the _wrong_ kind of things. They’ll apologize for accidentally cutting in front of you in line, or dropping something. But they will often NOT apologize for something major to you that they don’t necessarily see. If you apologize too often, about too many trivial things, it waters down the significance of the apology. Then, when you do a real doozy, “sorry” is just not going to cut it. I know some people are confused by this. Here’s a tip: Focus your apologies to someone on the things that THEY feel disrespected. Drop a glass of iced tea in their living room? Hey, accidents happen. But give an exasperated sigh over the phone when they are calling you scared out of their mind and in the ER because they were in a car accident and need a ride to sort out all this crazy shit ASAP? Might want to apologize for reacting like that. I also agree that over-apologizing makes the person look weak. This is more about them apologizing as a reflex. The problem with doing this is that it makes other people think the person believes is “Did something wrong [GO TO] apology”. They aren’t apologizing because they genuinely feel bad about what they did, they are apologizing because they believe the other person won’t get mad at them anymore. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2015, 4:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-apologize-much/711885/33 "2015-02-06T04:41:33Z")
How about apologizing in advance? Can that really be sincere if you know it’s bad, then go ahead anyway because Hey! You’ve already apologized for it? ---
**Author:** ![kopek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kopek/32/337_2.png) [@kopek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kopek)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2015, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-apologize-much/711885/34 "2015-02-07T00:13:21Z")
> [@Siam\_Sam](#): > > “Never apologize. Never explain. Just get the thing done, and let them howl.” – Agnes Macphail “Never apologize, mister, it’s a sign of weakness.” John Wayne in “She wore a Yellow Ribbon” ---
**Author:** ![HeXen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@HeXen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HeXen)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2015, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-apologize-much/711885/35 "2015-02-07T00:18:53Z")
My bad is the best you’ll ever get out of me. Usually I’ll say…“so this is what a first mistake feels like” ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2015, 2:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-apologize-much/711885/36 "2015-02-07T02:20:39Z")
I have. I don’t much anymore. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-apologize-much/711885.md?page=1)