# Do you believe in love at first sight?
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-believe-in-love-at-first-sight/556607
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion
**Created:** [October 9, 2010, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-believe-in-love-at-first-sight/556607 "2010-10-09T15:33:37Z")
**Posts on this page:** 5
**Page:** 4
### Author:  [@The\_wind\_of\_my\_soul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_wind_of_my_soul)
#### Post date: [April 1, 2011, 1:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-believe-in-love-at-first-sight/556607/62 "2011-04-01T13:10:07Z")
It seems to me that the people who say there’s no such thing as love at first sight are speaking under the assumption that everyone defines love the same way. I’ve found that it takes longer for me to fall for someone than it does for most of my friends (something like six months for me as opposed to three months for my friends), but I certainly believe my friends when they say they’ve fallen in love.
I don’t see why love couldn’t be instantaneous if the sorts of qualities that make you fall for someone are instantaneously apparent. Sure, you don’t find out how intelligent or ethical someone is at first sight, but maybe some people don’t need their partner to be intelligent and ethical in order to love them. And perhaps some people are really, really good at reading other people.
While I haven’t fallen in love with anyone at first sight, I find it slightly egotistical to say “Because I can’t do it, no one else can’t either,” and particularly to tell someone who claims that they _have_ fallen in love at first sight that this person is only deluding himself and doesn’t know what true love is.
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### Author:  [@TheThirdFuller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheThirdFuller)
#### Post date: [April 1, 2011, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-believe-in-love-at-first-sight/556607/63 "2011-04-01T13:46:14Z")
I think it is important to remember that being in love isn’t permanent.
I walked into a bar once and I saw a complete stranger at the bar and I leaned over to my friend and I said “I want her”. My heart was beating fast and out of rhythm. I could barely breathe. I’ve never felt that way about anyone since then.
I talked to her. We dated for over a year. It was great but we fell out of love.
So I believe I fell in love the instant I saw her. No it didn’t last, but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t love.
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### Author:  [@Vihaga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vihaga)
#### Post date: [April 1, 2011, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-believe-in-love-at-first-sight/556607/64 "2011-04-01T14:23:30Z")
> [@Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](#):
>
> I picked "other’ for the first one because I think deluding is a pretty strong word.
>
> I believe in instant attraction, but definitely not love unless people are using love in a very throwaway word like “I love Chipotle !”
I think delusional is a perfectly accurate word for “love at first sight” because you’re seeing someone for the first time, knowing nothing about them, and feeling strongly for them based on what you’ve decided they’re like. Essentially, you filled in the blanks with bullshit. Does it feel like love? I’m sure it does, but the guy who claims he loves his imaginary girlfriend feels love for her, too. That doesn’t mean that it’s not a made-up fantasy.
Loving someone when they’ve filled in the blanks is love. Yeah, maybe you never fill in every single detail about them, but at least it’s an effort. “Love at first sight” is loving a fake person in a package you find attractive.
Loving a person when you’ve made up their entire personality in your head seems pretty delusional.
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### Author:  [@Blackberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackberry)
#### Post date: [April 1, 2011, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-believe-in-love-at-first-sight/556607/65 "2011-04-01T17:42:02Z")
> [@The\_wind\_of\_my\_soul](#):
>
> It seems to me that the people who say there’s no such thing as love at first sight are speaking under the assumption that everyone defines love the same way. I’ve found that it takes longer for me to fall for someone than it does for most of my friends (something like six months for me as opposed to three months for my friends), but I certainly believe my friends when they say they’ve fallen in love.
>
> I don’t see why love couldn’t be instantaneous if the sorts of qualities that make you fall for someone are instantaneously apparent. Sure, you don’t find out how intelligent or ethical someone is at first sight, but maybe some people don’t need their partner to be intelligent and ethical in order to love them. And perhaps some people are really, really good at reading other people.
>
> While I haven’t fallen in love with anyone at first sight, I find it slightly egotistical to say “Because I can’t do it, no one else can’t either,” and particularly to tell someone who claims that they _have_ fallen in love at first sight that this person is only deluding himself and doesn’t know what true love is.
I just think that loving someone depends on, you know, \*knowing \*them. I don’t claim to be any kind of expert on love or anything, but that just seems like a pretty obvious prerequisite.
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### Author:  [@Hari\_Seldon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hari_Seldon)
#### Post date: [April 2, 2011, 12:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-believe-in-love-at-first-sight/556607/66 "2011-04-02T12:40:01Z")
> [@Freudian\_Slit](#):
>
> I believe in _lust_ at first sight but not love. Saying you love someone implies that you know them, to me, to some degree. I don’t think you can know someone till you’ve met them and spent some time knowing them. Before that, it’s just infatuation.
I’ll go along with this. It has certainly never happened to me, although I can be strongly attracted to a woman. But that is hardly love.
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