# Do you block your teen's access to internet porn? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 21, 2009, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-block-your-teens-access-to-internet-porn/522015 "2009-12-21T01:21:56Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2009, 4:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-block-your-teens-access-to-internet-porn/522015/21 "2009-12-21T04:57:15Z")
> [@hobscrk777](#): > > Perhaps my perspective will change when/if I eventually have kids, but I never have and doubt I ever will understand the obsession of setting up filters and blockers on the computer to “protect” kids. I’m with you. I’m not a parent, don’t want to be, and I’d probably not try to block certain sites from kid. What strikes me as odd, though, is the “Whatever, the kid will do what he wants, so feh” that I’m seeing. Suppose it weren’t porn, would people say, “Your kid is going to engage in [insert activity here that decidedly is and/or can be harmful, but kids do all the time, despite the admonitions of people wiser than they], so just forget it”? Really, the point isn’t even about whether something is good, bad, harmless or benign. The point is how parents should be able to set boundaries for their children. Basically, what **BigT** said here: > [@](#): > > I don’t understand the philosophy of “they’re gonna do it anyway, so why try to stop them?” If you don’t think porn is a big deal, then don’t stop him. If you do, then do. ---
**Author:** ![ataraxy22](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ataraxy22/32/307_2.png) [@ataraxy22](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ataraxy22)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2009, 4:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-block-your-teens-access-to-internet-porn/522015/22 "2009-12-21T04:59:13Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > Hilariously accurate. > > I don’t get the “He’ll do it anyway, so quit while you’re behind” approach. Is this method applied to everything else? Don’t tell your teenage kid not to drink, smoke weed or have naked-fun-time because any rule you attempt to impose will be circumvented? I’m not a parent, and gods know I never will be, but isn’t there supposed to be some effort to tell your kids what they shouldn’t do, and create some measures to stop them from doing what you forbid? I don’t want to start a discussion about what’s (un)natural or (un)necessary about porn, but to the extent a parent does not want her kid to look at it, shouldn’t that parent make an attempt to \*prevent \*her kid from looking at it? You are seriously underestimating the innate horniness of the average male teenager! There is no stronger urge. They WILL find ways to see it regardless of what their parents intend, and if the parents are extremely vigilant about preventing this, they may well cause a great deal of unnecessary damage to their son’s evolving sexuality. I’m of the mind that if you are old enough to want to look at it, you are old enough to see it. ---
**Author:** ![R.P.McMurphy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/7993a0/32.png) [@R.P.McMurphy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/R.P.McMurphy)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2009, 5:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-block-your-teens-access-to-internet-porn/522015/23 "2009-12-21T05:25:57Z")
There is no way to effectively restrict “porn” as much as you may want to. If you are so obsessed about restricting porn then maybe you have a problem. Your job as a parent is to teach your kids to only have sex with people they truly care about. It’s not all about abstinence, it’s about the repercussions of having irresponsible and destructive sexual contact. If the people having sex truly care about each other and are engaging in it while looking out for the best interests of the other person it will be fine. In other words, teach responsibility. If you can teach your kids that one principle you will not have to worry about their sexual health. The “porn” will become irrelevant. ---
**Author:** ![Eleanor\_of\_Aquitaine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a88e4f/32.png) [@Eleanor\_of\_Aquitaine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eleanor_of_Aquitaine)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2009, 5:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-block-your-teens-access-to-internet-porn/522015/24 "2009-12-21T05:53:01Z")
> [@Shakes](#): > > As a parent myself. I’m currious, what damage do you think looking at porn (Even the freaky stuff) will cause your kid? I don’t know, exactly. I’m uncomfortable with the thought of him seeing violent sexual images, for example. I feel like a young teenager might not be mature enough to understand why someone would be aroused by such fantasies. It seems like I should try to limit his exposure to such things, but I can’t pinpoint the harm that I think it will do. As for the internet filtering, I’m trying to find out it’s helpful because it would at least slow him down, or useless because it’s so easily bypassed, or causes more harm than good by presenting him with a challenge. I appreciate all of the advice. ---
**Author:** ![Rigamarole](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/77aa72/32.png) [@Rigamarole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rigamarole)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2009, 5:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-block-your-teens-access-to-internet-porn/522015/25 "2009-12-21T05:57:21Z")
I grew up with Internet porn (born 1985). My parents made no attempts to block or filter it, and look how I turned out! ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2009, 5:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-block-your-teens-access-to-internet-porn/522015/26 "2009-12-21T05:58:02Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > Suppose it weren’t porn, would people say, “Your kid is going to engage in [insert activity here that decidedly is and/or can be harmful, but kids do all the time, despite the admonitions of people wiser than they], so just forget it”? That argument is often used against abstinence only sex ed. ---
**Author:** ![Discipline](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/82dd89/32.png) [@Discipline](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Discipline)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2009, 6:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-block-your-teens-access-to-internet-porn/522015/27 "2009-12-21T06:10:59Z")
> [@Eleanor\_of\_Aquitaine](#): > > But I shudder to think what I would have looked up if the internet had been available when I was a teenager. I was a computer nerd teenager when it really got crazy. What you might “shudder to think” isn’t half as bad as what is actually out there. It didn’t fuck me up that bad. Frankly it helped me find out early where my limits are. To get back on topic though, putting the computer in a public place won’t limit the amount of porn he downloads. It will, however, increase the number of times you catch him masturbating. ---
**Author:** ![Indistinguishable](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/90ced4/32.png) [@Indistinguishable](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Indistinguishable)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2009, 6:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-block-your-teens-access-to-internet-porn/522015/28 "2009-12-21T06:22:55Z")
Nothing’s gonna happen to him, no matter what he sees (and no matter what you do, he’ll still see whatever he was gonna see without your efforts). Exposure to the breadth of Internet porn is de rigeur now; and yet, for all that, assuming he’s already a typically intelligent, decent person, he’ll turn out perfectly fine, just like every other normal kid in the developed world. You don’t want him to be violent towards women? Well, if you’ve already raised a son who isn’t a violent person, porn isn’t going to change any of that. He’ll watch it if he likes it and stop watching it if he doesn’t, but he’s not going to start thinking “Hm… they do it in the movies, so maybe, even though this would normally shock my conscience, I should start hurting people in real life for my jollies.” Etc. ---
**Author:** ![Discipline](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/82dd89/32.png) [@Discipline](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Discipline)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2009, 6:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-block-your-teens-access-to-internet-porn/522015/29 "2009-12-21T06:23:33Z")
> [@Eleanor\_of\_Aquitaine](#): > > As for the internet filtering, I’m trying to find out it’s helpful because it would at least slow him down, or useless because it’s so easily bypassed, or causes more harm than good by presenting him with a challenge. I appreciate all of the advice. If your kid is even reasonably smart, he’ll find a way around it. If he’s a teenaged male then he has the patience, too. I’m sure I’m not the only one on this board who remembers watching scrambled porn or stealing lingerie catalogs and bringing them to my friends at school. You can’t stop it. Frankly, it’s unnatural to try. The best you can do is talk to your son, explain the complications and outline the responsibilities. Try to remind him that women aren’t objects (because by age 15 or so, he’s completely forgotten this) and this isn’t just funtime. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2009, 6:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-block-your-teens-access-to-internet-porn/522015/30 "2009-12-21T06:26:51Z")
I’m with you, **MOL** , in that I don’t necessarily see porn as a prob but the attitude “They’re going to do it anyway” doesn’t seem all that logical. Then again, when I was a little kid and my parents would tell me to not to masturbate…well, yeah, let’s just say I can relate to the, “They’re going to do it anyway” argument. Endorphins are hard to argue with. ---
**Author:** ![RockJonny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/7ea924/32.png) [@RockJonny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RockJonny)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2009, 6:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-block-your-teens-access-to-internet-porn/522015/31 "2009-12-21T06:31:32Z")
> [@Discipline](#): > > To get back on topic though, putting the computer in a public place won’t limit the amount of porn he downloads. It will, however, increase the number of times you catch him masturbating. Totes. Luckily I have only been caught twice, and never in the act, only in the desperate ‘hear your mum coming down the hall tuck everything back in and close the browser’ moments. I moved out for 5 years, then ran out of money and had to move back home fora bit, but I had my own computer in my room. Once mum knocked on the door to say goodnight, so I had to quicly fix myself up - she opened the door and asked what I was doing. I replied “havin’ a mazz.” She never bought it up. I don’t really see the problem with porn - there are some extreme sites out there, but the majority of that stuff requires two willing participants. I’m guessing your son is going to be hard-pressed to find a similar aged partner who will threaten to decapitate him unless he Fs THAT PUSSY RIGHT NOW!!! and whatnot. I’m kinda glad for the porn I looked at when I was that age - it helped me realise that I was bisexual and be totally okay with it from a pretty young age - unless that’s something you’re worried about. Also, I just finished university and wrote my final 5000 word crit paper on porn - and it was pretty good. So it’s not always bad 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Lakai](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/9de0a6/32.png) [@Lakai](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lakai)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2009, 7:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-block-your-teens-access-to-internet-porn/522015/32 "2009-12-21T07:05:13Z")
> [@Indistinguishable](#): > > Nothing’s gonna happen to him, no matter what he sees (and no matter what you do, he’ll still see whatever he was gonna see without your efforts). Exposure to the breadth of Internet porn is de rigeur now; and yet, for all that, assuming he’s already a typically intelligent, decent person, he’ll turn out perfectly fine, just like every other normal kid in the developed world. There is a small chance that he might take up erotic asphyxiation and kill himself by accident. According to [Cecil](http://www.straightdope.com/columns/read/739/whats-the-story-on-autoerotic-asphyxiation) it kills 50 people annually nationwide and the victims are mostly young males. Other than that, I would agree that simply looking at porn is not going to make him do stupid things. If porn does influence him then the problem is that he is ignorant enough to be influenced and not the porn itself. Does porn have some magical power that a movie or music doesn’t? What about the financial marketing industry? If he starts thinking BSDM is a good idea, and you just block all the BSDM sites, what’s going to protected him when he gets approved for a credit card with 0% APR? I would just fix the kid’s ignorance and then not worry about him facing shaky situations. The world’s going to throw a lot of them at him and he won’t know how to deal with it if his parents just block everything from him. If you want, there are ways you can spy on his browsing habits. That way you’d know if he is viewing healthy porn or not. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2009, 7:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-block-your-teens-access-to-internet-porn/522015/33 "2009-12-21T07:05:35Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > Hilariously accurate. > > I don’t get the “He’ll do it anyway, so quit while you’re behind” approach. Is this method applied to everything else? Don’t tell your teenage kid not to drink, smoke weed or have naked-fun-time because any rule you attempt to impose will be circumvented? I’m not a parent, and gods know I never will be, but isn’t there supposed to be some effort to tell your kids what they shouldn’t do, and create some measures to stop them from doing what you forbid? I don’t want to start a discussion about what’s (un)natural or (un)necessary about porn, but to the extent a parent does not want her kid to look at it, shouldn’t that parent make an attempt to \*prevent \*her kid from looking at it? I don’t think anybody is advocating a hand off approach. To just shelter your children from things completely is stupid. The _smart_ thing to do, is try to explain to them and help prepare them for various milestones in life. Like death, drugs, sex, etc.. Imagine how f’d up you would be if at 18yo you just found out about this thing called death. You’d hardly be able to relate to the rest of the modern world. ---
**Author:** ![palacheck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a88e57/32.png) [@palacheck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/palacheck)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2009, 7:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-block-your-teens-access-to-internet-porn/522015/34 "2009-12-21T07:42:26Z")
Just limit his time on the internet. Sure there are websites out there dedicated solely to pictures of dead women, but you actually have to go diving the interwebs before you happen across that crap. If he has an hour a day to surf, he’s not going to get very far. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2009, 8:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-block-your-teens-access-to-internet-porn/522015/35 "2009-12-21T08:42:51Z")
> [@Dr.Crap](#): > > Not to sound mean but I highly doubt your experiences and mindset are typical. On the Dope, maybe not. In my community, porn is something people get divorced over. When I say “addicted”, I mean that you find it necessary to continue viewing it throughout your life. Dopers don’t seem to mind their significant others looking at other women and fantasizing about them, but, around here, it’s considered the equivalent of having sex with them, and is effectively cheating. I don’t know how many people I know who go to psychiatrists to get over what they consider a sexual addiction. Plus there’s the simple fact that I don’t get it. What is so great about porn? It seems that most people that like it use it as a masturbation aid. Since I don’t need any help with that, I don’t see the point. Is not needing help atypical? BTW I never would have thought about that being mean until you mentioned it. I find I am quite atypical around here. ---
**Author:** ![RockJonny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/7ea924/32.png) [@RockJonny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RockJonny)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2009, 8:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-block-your-teens-access-to-internet-porn/522015/36 "2009-12-21T08:47:02Z")
> [@palacheck](#): > > Just limit his time on the internet. Sure there are websites out there dedicated solely to pictures of dead women, but you actually have to go diving the interwebs before you happen across that crap. > > If he has an hour a day to surf, he’s not going to get very far. I don’t know about that - He’ll have friends who have the internet, and will say "hey, have you seen dead girl pictures from \*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*.com? I was only allowed a few hours a week on the net when we first got dial-up. The result: very powerful google-fu. ---
**Author:** ![Rigamarole](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/77aa72/32.png) [@Rigamarole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rigamarole)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2009, 8:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-block-your-teens-access-to-internet-porn/522015/37 "2009-12-21T08:51:31Z")
> [@Discipline](#): > > You can’t stop it. Frankly, it’s unnatural to try. The best you can do is talk to your son, explain the complications and outline the responsibilities. Try to remind him that women aren’t objects (because by age 15 or so, he’s completely forgotten this) and **this isn’t just funtime**. (my emphasis) It’s not? I completely missed that memo. ---
**Author:** ![si\_blakely](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d9b06d/32.png) [@si\_blakely](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/si_blakely)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2009, 9:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-block-your-teens-access-to-internet-porn/522015/38 "2009-12-21T09:44:14Z")
> [@hobscrk777](#): > > Perhaps my perspective will change when/if I eventually have kids, but I never have and doubt I ever will understand the obsession of setting up filters and blockers on the computer to “protect” kids. I was pretty much of the same opinion. Then my 12ish y.o. son started to complain that when he mistyped some common (and safe) kids domain names, he was hitting typosquatting gay porn sites, and was being upset by it. That made me pretty mad (and the typosquatter did get hammered for it a few years later). I did throw some filtering on then, but removed it a few years later. Of course, I do remind him (now that he is 17) that the server still does log web site access, and that I do look at the logs from time to time. I think that it keeps things seemly… Si ---
**Author:** ![GuanoLad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guanolad/32/42_2.png) [@GuanoLad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GuanoLad)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2009, 11:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-block-your-teens-access-to-internet-porn/522015/39 "2009-12-21T11:26:00Z")
> [@Eleanor\_of\_Aquitaine](#): > > I know that some amount of porn is normal for his age, it’s the extreme freaky stuff I’m concerned about. I’d rather he stuck with softer-core porn for a couple of years, at least. But there’s no way to block freaky porn only, is there? Buy him a subscription to a non-freaky, pre-approved site! Hmm. There are probably laws that might apply there. Perhaps that’s not a good idea. ---
**Author:** ![Aspidistra](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aspidistra/32/3894_2.png) [@Aspidistra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aspidistra)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2009, 2:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-block-your-teens-access-to-internet-porn/522015/40 "2009-12-21T14:00:46Z")
> [@Spartydog](#): > > There is no way to effectively restrict “porn” as much as you may want to. If you are so obsessed about restricting porn then maybe you have a problem. > > Your job as a parent is to teach your kids to only have sex with people they truly care about. It’s not all about abstinence, it’s about the repercussions of having irresponsible and destructive sexual contact. If the people having sex truly care about each other and are engaging in it while looking out for the best interests of the other person it will be fine. In other words, teach responsibility. If you can teach your kids that one principle you will not have to worry about their sexual health. The “porn” will become irrelevant. :dubious: **Eleanor** asks a simple restrained question about whether she should put some sort of restrictions on her _thirteen_ year old child and that’s being “obsessed” and “having a problem”?? Oooookay… BTW your second para is in conflict with your first. The porn industry is completely built off the back of people who are having sex with people they don’t really care about at all, for money. Is **Eleanor** supposed to be teaching him that that’s ok for them but not for him? @the OP I’d just like to observe that it’s easier to take _off_ restrictions that you’ve decided are no longer necessary than to put them on later. Also, there’s stuff out there that even a horny teenage boy may not actually _want_ to see, but it’s pretty easy to get an eyeful of something you weren’t actually looking for, especially if you don’t know what you’re doing. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-block-your-teens-access-to-internet-porn/522015.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-block-your-teens-access-to-internet-porn/522015.md?page=3)