# Do you chat to the stranger next to you on a plane ? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 22, 2011, 1:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-chat-to-the-stranger-next-to-you-on-a-plane/600442 "2011-10-22T13:20:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![An\_Gadai](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@An\_Gadai](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/An_Gadai)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2011, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-chat-to-the-stranger-next-to-you-on-a-plane/600442/61 "2011-10-24T21:53:01Z")
If they feel like talking I’m up for it. If they don’t want to I’ll keep quiet. I think talking shite passes the time better than pretty much anything else. I’ve met quite a few interesting characters on flights, usually US internal ones. ---
**Author:** ![madmonk28](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/madmonk28/32/20811_2.png) [@madmonk28](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/madmonk28)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2011, 10:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-chat-to-the-stranger-next-to-you-on-a-plane/600442/62 "2011-10-24T22:09:41Z")
I fly about 60k a year. My standard is to smile, nod, and then put on my headphones. The smile and nod say “I’m not a sociopath and acknowledge you as a person,” the headphones say “this ends our social interaction for the remainder of the flight.” ---
**Author:** ![Paul\_in\_Qatar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ccd318/32.png) [@Paul\_in\_Qatar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Paul_in_Qatar)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2011, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-chat-to-the-stranger-next-to-you-on-a-plane/600442/63 "2011-10-25T01:45:40Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > So, you get on the plane and sit next to me, then initiate a conversation. I ignore you and continue reading. > > You think I’m rude and for some reason blame my parents. I think you are unable/unwilling to recognize the subtle clues (my book, headphones, avoidance of eye contact) that show I’m not interested in socializing. I blame you. Yes, when someone says “hello,” you are expected to reply. Elsewise you are rude. Perhaps it was never explained to you. Sometimes society requires you do things to people you would rather not. Sorry if these requirements impact on your shell. ---
**Author:** ![Moonlitherial](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4bbf92/32.png) [@Moonlitherial](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moonlitherial)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2011, 1:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-chat-to-the-stranger-next-to-you-on-a-plane/600442/64 "2011-10-25T13:11:26Z")
I fly more rarely now than I would like but my standard is a polite hello and then putting headphones on or picking up a book. ---
**Author:** ![madmonk28](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/madmonk28/32/20811_2.png) [@madmonk28](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/madmonk28)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2011, 1:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-chat-to-the-stranger-next-to-you-on-a-plane/600442/65 "2011-10-25T13:18:22Z")
I agree with **Paul** that not being able to return a hello is a sign of poor socialization and probably based on poor parenting. I don’t like talking to strangers on the plane, or most other places, but even I know that exchanging hellos is the bare minimum of being a functioning adult in public. ---
**Author:** ![SkyBlueKayak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc8723/32.png) [@SkyBlueKayak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SkyBlueKayak)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2011, 2:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-chat-to-the-stranger-next-to-you-on-a-plane/600442/66 "2011-10-25T14:28:27Z")
How interesting that so many would never speak to a stranger in person, however are chatting online a great deal with some who are strangers. ---
**Author:** ![Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eyebrows_0f_doom/32/3119_2.png) [@Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eyebrows_0f_Doom)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2011, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-chat-to-the-stranger-next-to-you-on-a-plane/600442/67 "2011-10-25T14:51:55Z")
> [@SkyBlueKayak](#): > > How interesting that so many would never speak to a stranger in person, however are chatting online a great deal with some who are strangers. It’s not that interesting at all really, as the two are nothing alike. Online you are not expected to respond instantly, if someone is boring or annoying you can just not respond or read another thread, you’re not stuck next to someone for 6 hours. ---
**Author:** ![amanset](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8dc957/32.png) [@amanset](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/amanset)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2011, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-chat-to-the-stranger-next-to-you-on-a-plane/600442/68 "2011-10-25T14:54:33Z")
I generally speaking don’t, preferring to read or watch something on a computer. Or sleep. However, I did get chatting to some delightful Canadians when flying to Toronto, that were all willing to help me out with anything as I had never been to Canada before. So it isn’t that I don’t want to. Just I don’t always. ---
**Author:** ![Moonlitherial](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4bbf92/32.png) [@Moonlitherial](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moonlitherial)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2011, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-chat-to-the-stranger-next-to-you-on-a-plane/600442/69 "2011-10-25T14:58:20Z")
> [@Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](#): > > It’s not that interesting at all really, as the two are nothing alike. Online you are not expected to respond instantly, if someone is boring or annoying you can just not respond or read another thread, you’re not stuck next to someone for 6 hours. This is the crux of it. I don’t mind talking to strangers and sometimes I actually enjoy it, but being in a position of no escape makes me much more cautious about beginning conversations. I remember one flight when I was just beginning to travel for work - I spent 5 hours next to a sweet (looking) old lady who despite me attempting to work, read and do needlepoint spent the entire flight telling me how travelling for work and leaving my children behind was going to ruin their lives. At several points she put her hand ON my book so I couldn’t read. It was way beyond missing social cues, she had me trapped and she knew it. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2011, 2:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-chat-to-the-stranger-next-to-you-on-a-plane/600442/70 "2011-10-25T14:59:37Z")
> [@madmonk28](#): > > I agree with **Paul** that not being able to return a hello is a sign of poor socialization and probably based on poor parenting. Nope, nothing to do with parenting. I had one very negative experience with a woman who would not shut up. Rather than ever endure this again, I would rather be rude. I am happy! On a plane you cannot get up and walk away. If I am sitting at a bar and someone sits down next to me and offers interesting conversation, I participate. If someone sits down and begins witnessing (it has happened) I can stand up and move to another seat. Once again, I am happy! ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2011, 3:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-chat-to-the-stranger-next-to-you-on-a-plane/600442/71 "2011-10-25T15:03:59Z")
Pretty much every time. I’ve never had anyone completely ignore me like I wasn’t there (rude indeed), and I’ve never talked to a completely crazy person, and I’ve never felt trapped in a conversation. Usually the conversations don’t last more than a few minutes anyway. Only twice did I have conversations that lasted the entire flight, and they were awesome both times. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2011, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-chat-to-the-stranger-next-to-you-on-a-plane/600442/72 "2011-10-25T15:12:57Z")
Yes and no. I’ve had some great conversations and also some people who don’t want to shut up. I always respond to hellos, though. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2011, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-chat-to-the-stranger-next-to-you-on-a-plane/600442/73 "2011-10-25T15:37:00Z")
I don’t usually initiate conversation, but I am likely to adopt/get adopted by little kids and I also may jump in if I hear two people talking about something I think I can help them with (for example, we’re on a plane to Barcelona and they’re trying to figure out public transportation options from a guidebook - I can’t recall seeing a single one where those were explained clearly). How I respond when someone initiates depends on my mood, how tired I am, etc. Only once have I jumped into a conversation which happened to be pissing me off, these two uneducated idiots who were sneering at the existence of specialized engineering degrees - there are jobs for which an engineer is an engineer is an engineer (stuff related to process analysis/improvement tends to fall into this bucket, for example) but no, I don’t think my ChemE degree qualifies me to design radio towers and I’d rather not have a Telecommunications Engineer designing an HCl factory. ---
**Author:** ![Time\_Stranger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/5fc32e/32.png) [@Time\_Stranger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Time_Stranger)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2011, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-chat-to-the-stranger-next-to-you-on-a-plane/600442/74 "2011-10-25T15:48:25Z")
On the last flight I took from NYC to ATL, I ended up talking non-stop to the girl next to me. She was a student from Germany and really fascinating. We had lunch together after the flight and still keep in touch online. I must be lucky - I’ve always had good conversations with the people next to me on planes and train trips and have met some really awesome people. If they look like they want to be left alone, I wouldn’t push it. I probably am one of those people that talk too much though, and I just don’t realize it. ---
**Author:** ![Paul\_in\_Qatar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ccd318/32.png) [@Paul\_in\_Qatar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Paul_in_Qatar)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2011, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-chat-to-the-stranger-next-to-you-on-a-plane/600442/75 "2011-10-25T15:51:51Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > Nope, nothing to do with parenting. I had one very negative experience with a woman who would not shut up. Rather than ever endure this again, I would rather be rude. I am happy! > > On a plane you cannot get up and walk away. If I am sitting at a bar and someone sits down next to me and offers interesting conversation, I participate. If someone sits down and begins witnessing (it has happened) I can stand up and move to another seat. Once again, I am happy! But if someone says, “excuse me” when working his way to his seat, you stay silent? :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2011, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-chat-to-the-stranger-next-to-you-on-a-plane/600442/76 "2011-10-25T16:13:22Z")
> [@Paul\_in\_Qatar](#): > > But if someone says, “excuse me” when working his way to his seat, you stay silent? :rolleyes: Of course. I move my legs/stand up/move into the aisle/do whatever is necessary to help them along. This does not require conversation, does it?:rolleyes::rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Bosstrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Bosstrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosstrain)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2011, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-chat-to-the-stranger-next-to-you-on-a-plane/600442/77 "2011-10-25T16:48:17Z")
I couldn’t imagine sitting next to someone for hours on end without at least some mild back and forth. I know, I know, I’ve never been on a plane (or a train for that matter, automobile sure, so I can at least understand one third of that movie). Maybe there’s an atmosphere that I don’t understand, but to me, I’d feel like I’ve entered into a sort of temporary relationship with the person next to me, we’re going to be here for a while, so allow us to make the best of it. Hell, even if the person is weird and strange, there’s no way they can be more so than my dad (and if you call my dad weird, he takes it as a complement). 🙂 > [@DCnDC](#): > > [This woman](http://www.jakefinnegan.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/Brooklyn-Decker-10.jpg), hell yes. Don’t worry, you’ll never have to meet this person, she’s either an android, or someone got real slap-happy with the airbrush, which is the case with every single glamour photo, the only time a celeb’s (for example) isn’t airbrushed or Photoshopped in some way (can’t believe that’s a verb, and can’t believe Adobe doesn’t approve), is when the media photo is meant to be unflattering. Actually, a mojor reason I don’t find girls like these attractive, I know too much, and I know that it’s not real, I even know about things that are extremely subtle that are done to make a photo like this look better. It’s disgusting :D. ---
**Author:** ![Frylock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ce7236/32.png) [@Frylock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frylock)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2011, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-chat-to-the-stranger-next-to-you-on-a-plane/600442/78 "2011-10-25T17:07:33Z")
> [@Paul\_in\_Qatar](#): > > But if someone says, “excuse me” when working his way to his seat, you stay silent? :rolleyes: I’m honestly dumbfounded trying to figure out what you think I’m _supposed_ to say in that situation. Of course I don’t say anything. No words are called for. Earlier you said “it’s rude to ignore a person.” So, you’re walking down the street… There are dozens, perhaps hundreds of people you’re going to encounter during this walk. You greet each and every one?! ---
**Author:** ![Galileo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/85e7bf/32.png) [@Galileo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Galileo)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2011, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-chat-to-the-stranger-next-to-you-on-a-plane/600442/79 "2011-10-25T18:41:37Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > Nope, nothing to do with parenting. I had one very negative experience with a woman who would not shut up. Rather than ever endure this again, I would rather be rude. I am happy! A few years ago, I had a very negative experience on a message board so I’ve decided never to post again. > [@](#): > > On a plane you cannot get up and walk away. If I am sitting at a bar and someone sits down next to me and offers interesting conversation, I participate. If someone sits down and begins witnessing (it has happened) I can stand up and move to another seat. Once again, I am happy! So, it seems that on a plane there are only two options: 1. You ignore the other passengers for the entire flight. 2. You exchange some pleasantries, the conversation becomes unbearable, and you are now incapable of ignoring the passengers for the rest of flight. You are trapped. There’s nothing you can do, nothing you can say that will end the torture. Whatever methods were available to you at the beginning of the flight are now totally ineffective. With option #1, you are happy. Option #2, not happy. Seems like an easy decision, doesn’t it? > [@kayaker](#): > > I’ve had experiences where “Hello” led to unwanted trip-long yammering. I’d rather be perceived an ass than sit there while a bore refuses to stop. Does being “perceived an ass” make you happy? ---
**Author:** ![Dogzilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@Dogzilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogzilla)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2011, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-chat-to-the-stranger-next-to-you-on-a-plane/600442/80 "2011-10-25T18:57:42Z")
I rarely initiate unless the person says something extremely interesting to me. Or if he’s really hot. even so, I will limit my conversation to just a few minutes – enough to be polite, but not too much so I don’t come off as that chatty cathy who will not shut up. If the stranger refuses to make eye contact or even greet me in any way, particularly if we have to touch each other (bump knees or something), I will studiously avoid trying to have a conversation with the person. Basically, I let other people set the tone, but I’m cautious not to get sucked into a never-ending, let’s-be-BFFs-now conversation with some nutter. I like the idea of starting up a conversation just as you’re circling the landing airport. Good call. I have never followed up on a single serving friend, even if I liked the person and we exchanged contact info. After the trip, it seems so intrusive. “Hi, I’m that chick you met on the plane?” Ew. No. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-chat-to-the-stranger-next-to-you-on-a-plane/600442.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-chat-to-the-stranger-next-to-you-on-a-plane/600442.md?page=5)