# Do you consider these phrases passive-aggressive?

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-consider-these-phrases-passive-aggressive/970097>\
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion\
**Created:** [August 22, 2022, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-consider-these-phrases-passive-aggressive/970097 "2022-08-22T16:33:37Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 4\
**Page:** 6

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**Author:** ![Pleonast](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pleonast/32/1183_2.png) [@Pleonast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pleonast)\
**Post date:** [September 29, 2022, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-consider-these-phrases-passive-aggressive/970097/101 "2022-09-29T14:18:00Z")

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I find “passive aggressive” is to “politely assertive” as “b\*\*\*\*, c\*\*\*, K\*\*\*\*” is to “uppity woman who disagrees with me”. People should be assertive, and being polite will get you far, even when it’s not mandatory.

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**Author:** ![Jasmine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jasmine/32/2964_2.png) [@Jasmine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jasmine)\
**Post date:** [September 29, 2022, 2:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-consider-these-phrases-passive-aggressive/970097/102 "2022-09-29T14:24:54Z")

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I learned from philosophy class that, before any discussion, there has to be an agreement on the meaning of what is being discussed. This is what I found:

Passive-aggressive behavior is **a pattern of indirectly expressing negative feelings instead of openly addressing them**. There’s a disconnect between what a person who exhibits passive-aggressive behavior says and what he or she does.

I don’t think one can just seize upon one offhand comment, manufacture a sinister meaning for it, and then triumphantly label it, “passive aggressive behavior”. Unfortunately, that is what is done in far too many cases.

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**Author:** ![solost](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/solost/32/11776_2.png) [@solost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solost)\
**Post date:** [September 29, 2022, 3:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-consider-these-phrases-passive-aggressive/970097/103 "2022-09-29T15:00:30Z")

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> [@Jasmine](#):
>
> Passive-aggressive behavior is **a pattern of indirectly expressing negative feelings instead of openly addressing them**.

I would agree with this. I think there are different reasons why people may act in a passive-aggressive manner: some may think they are just being polite by not directly expressing a criticism; others may be doing it intentionally as a subtle dig.

Whatever the intention, being passive-aggressive is always a negative, and unlike some people may think, being openly aggressive is not the opposite. Expressing oneself clearly and directly is the opposite of passive-aggressiveness.

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**Author:** ![Jasmine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jasmine/32/2964_2.png) [@Jasmine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jasmine)\
**Post date:** [September 29, 2022, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-consider-these-phrases-passive-aggressive/970097/104 "2022-09-29T15:35:51Z")

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> [@solost](#):
>
> Expressing oneself clearly and directly is the opposite of passive-aggressiveness.

Agreed. However, if someone says, “no problem”, that may be exactly what they mean. To arbitrarily assign a negative interpretation to it out of hand and label it as passive aggressive is unfair and wrong. I think the word, “pattern”, is the key. A person who has a passive aggressive personality and/or communication style reveals himself because it is a pattern of behavior.

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