# do you consider your shrink a friend?

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-consider-your-shrink-a-friend/105886>\
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\
**Created:** [April 27, 2002, 12:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-consider-your-shrink-a-friend/105886 "2002-04-27T00:56:23Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 2\
**Page:** 2

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**Author:** ![panmarblic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ed655f/32.png) [@panmarblic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panmarblic)\
**Post date:** [May 3, 2002, 10:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-consider-your-shrink-a-friend/105886/21 "2002-05-03T22:09:21Z")

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> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by bobkitty \*  
> \*\*\*\*Both Mr. Kitty and I have a standard disclaimer. I am not your friend. I am not your buddy, your pal, or any such thing. I am your pit bull in your fight against mental illness. I will not acknowledge you outside of therapy unless you approach me first. There is no gift exchange, I can’t come to your kid’s birthday party, and please don’t ask me to dinner.
> 
> -BK \*\*

My “shrink” is actually a counselor at my school, although she is a certified psychologist. Also, there was never any “disclaimer” about her can’t be my friend or anything of that sorts. In fact, when we touched on this issue (not in detail), her answer was along the lines of “if you approach me, Panmarblic, we’ll see…” Given these circumstances, I didn’t considered my therapy a business transaction. It was more like one person helping another out of good will. _shrugs_

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**Author:** ![Brynda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e79b87/32.png) [@Brynda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brynda)\
**Post date:** [May 3, 2002, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-consider-your-shrink-a-friend/105886/22 "2002-05-03T22:20:18Z")

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**panmarblic** , sorry your feelings were hurt, but your former therapist did the right thing. The rule about friendships (we call it dual relationships) extends past the end of therapy.

I am a psychologist who does therapy, and I have also been in therapy, so I know this from both sides of the couch, so to speak. The therapist/client relationship is a special one, and can be very fagile. As a client, I didn’t want to know that my therapist wasn’t omnipotent; I wanted her to be strong and perfect. As a therapist, I can’t be myself–warts and all–with clients. It wouldn’t work for me and it wouldn’t work for them, either. To understand that, imagine for a moment that your therapist (now turned friend in my example) told you that she hated her job, or disliked some clients, or was thinking of getting a divorce, or any of the many things friends say to each other. Or imagine seeing her drunk. I bet that would be difficult for you to hear and see, and might even change your feelings/perspective on the work you two did together.

Add to that the whole “the client might be vulnerable and the therapist could take advantage” idea and you can see why the rule against dual relationships extends past therapy.

I hope things get better for you. Sounds like a tough time right now.

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