# Do you correct other people's children? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 21, 2004, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-correct-other-peoples-children/275971 "2004-11-21T18:53:06Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![lee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lee/32/7455_2.png) [@lee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lee)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2004, 3:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-correct-other-peoples-children/275971/21 "2004-11-22T03:35:26Z")
> [@danceswithcats](#): > > You’re doing what you should as a parent, IMHO. I wish more would draw the line on improper behavior. If others don’t like it, they’re entitled to not like it. The day someone tells me how to parent my daughter is the day I serve them a hot cup of STFU. I don’t see how returning rudeness with rudeness would serve to set a good example for my daughter. ---
**Author:** ![vinniepaz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b4bc9f/32.png) [@vinniepaz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vinniepaz)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2004, 3:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-correct-other-peoples-children/275971/22 "2004-11-22T03:51:11Z")
i can’t STAND people like you. its unbearable when people think they have some authority over me. ---
**Author:** ![pokey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ebca7d/32.png) [@pokey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pokey)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2004, 5:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-correct-other-peoples-children/275971/23 "2004-11-22T05:03:32Z")
Ha ha, **vinniepaz** , did someone tell you to stop running in the supermarket? I sometimes will ask a kid to please stop doing something if it’s annoying, but for the most part, I guess I am lucky that kids don’t do too many bad things around me. That’s probably because I’m not around kids all that much. ---
**Author:** ![Essured](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/278dde/32.png) [@Essured](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Essured)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2004, 8:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-correct-other-peoples-children/275971/24 "2004-11-22T08:42:41Z")
While I haven’t ever corrected a child, I reserve the right to. As long as “it takes a village to raise a child” when it comes to the baby bonus and other child credits, then IMO, it also “takes a village to raise a child” when it comes to public behaviour and discipline (not saying I’d spank a random child, but I feel verbal discipline from a stranger is perfectly ok). Actually I lie. I have yelled at the neighbourhood kids once, come to think of it. So yes, I will correct a child if I feel it’s warranted. ---
**Author:** ![Scissorjack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@Scissorjack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scissorjack)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2004, 9:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-correct-other-peoples-children/275971/25 "2004-11-22T09:10:53Z")
> [@danceswithcats](#): > > You’re doing what you should as a parent, IMHO. I wish more would draw the line on improper behavior. If others don’t like it, they’re entitled to not like it. The day someone tells me how to parent my daughter is the day I serve them a hot cup of STFU. Damn straight on that one, **danceswithcats** : **missuscase** and I take a great deal of trouble to make sure that **lowercase** knows the rules, especially in public, to the point where we get complimented on what a well-behaved little boy he is - take him to the library, the museum, shops or the pub, and he knows not to run around snatching things, screaming, and making a nuisance of himself in “grownup” places - that behaviour is reserved for at home…but if anyone EVER chastised me for chiding him publically, I would wax wroth on their arse. ---
**Author:** ![Martin\_Hyde](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/47e85d/32.png) [@Martin\_Hyde](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Martin_Hyde)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2004, 10:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-correct-other-peoples-children/275971/26 "2004-11-22T10:11:31Z")
I will correct other people’s children the second I feel that child’s behavior is out of line and it is adversely affecting me. If I’m checking out at the grocery store and a kid is just whining/being rude but not being that loud, eh, doesn’t matter to me. If a kid is running around in a store it also usually won’t bother me. If a kid runs into me, interferes with my shopping et cetera I will tell them to watch where they are going or if the parent is there I will ask them to keep their children from running in to me. In any sort of public transit situation I will instantly demand a child be quiet and I’ll take it to the nastiest level of shouting possible if the parent flat out refuses. Same goes for a restaurant or a movie theatre (in a restaurant I will typically tell the manager to deal with it though as I consider it somewhat of a social faux pas to go to someone elses table in most restaurants.) If the child is autistic or whatever, that is unfortunate but no excuse. The parents know this and should realize they have to take special actions because of their special needs children, and they also have to realize just because they have a child with an unfortunate afflcition like that they cannot adversely affect the rest of the world. A child on my property is a whole other matter. There was a time earlier in my life when I lived in a more suburban area of Virginia (now I live in a more rural area and am mostly to myself with no readily visible neighbors) and back then I was more than happy to let neighborhood children use my basketball hoop, play with my basketball et cetera. Unfortunately fastforward several years and if I still lived there I wouldn’t allow it now, because I’d fear a kid hurting themselves in my driveway and the resulting lawsuit. The biggest problem with a kid I ever had came near the end of my period living there. I had a schnauzer at the time, very well trained dog and very intelligent. He would be aloud to roam my yard when I was at home as I had a fence. Sometimes neighborhood children would come in to pet him and I wouldn’t mind, as he was very well behaved and never had problems with anyone. Again, this wouldn’t happen today but remember this was years ago when you didn’t have to be quite as afraid of lawsuits. Well unfortunately one day some neighborhood twats decided to torment my dog with sticks and rocks, I quickly saw the situation, ran outside screaming. I immediately escorted the kids off my property and went over to their house and told their father that they were never to be in my yard again. Even back then one knew better than to let kids antagonize a dog, because that has trouble written all over it. Anyways this happened once again and I became very angry that time. The third time it happened a few weeks later I was waiting, I called the police and had them come over and they spoke with the family for some time, I also took my dog to the vet (he wasn’t injured from the kid’s stick throwing, but I took him to the vet anyways) and bullied the kid’s dad into paying the vet bills (I had video evidence of them tormenting the dogs and was more than willing to ruin his month by taking him to small claims court.) Some may think that action was drastic but I felt it necessary because I didn’t feel my dog should be punished by being locked inside all the time because of stupid neighborhood children. And I figured that was the best way to keep them in line, I figure the cop being there scared the kid and the money probably showed the dad he had a big problem on his hands if he fucked with me. ---
**Author:** ![auntie\_em](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5e9695/32.png) [@auntie\_em](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/auntie_em)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2004, 1:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-correct-other-peoples-children/275971/27 "2004-11-22T13:47:51Z")
Pretty much exactly what **monstro** said (except for the anecdote about NJ Transit), unless I’m for some reason an official “authority figure”. For example, once a month I read to a class of first graders as a volunteer, and although I defer to the teacher’s authority, if she’s busy with something else (or is just dropping the ball) and a kid is acting up (and totally missing out on my wonderful Shel Silverstein oratories) I’ll think nothing of saying something. Otherwise, though, well . . . what **monstro** said. Interestingly, I think nothing of disciplining someone else’s _dog_ (note: I don’t condone hitting a dog or anything, so we’re talking verbal discipline, here). What do you reckon that means? ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2004, 2:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-correct-other-peoples-children/275971/28 "2004-11-22T14:15:51Z")
It does not take a village to raise a child. It takes parents. If they are not doing their job it is not up to you to do it for them. Do not presume to tell my children anything. If you have a problem with them, tell me about it. Maybe I didn’t notice what they are doing. Maybe you just have a stick up your ass. I’ll let you know. If it is just me with my children you are lucky, I’ll try to be polite when I tell you what I think of you. If it’s my wife, be prepared to have your head handed to you. That goes for in public. If they are on your property you have the right to enforce the rules of the house. ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2004, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-correct-other-peoples-children/275971/29 "2004-11-22T14:31:07Z")
I was having a nice, quiet lunch with a friend at the nice, quiet Algonquin last week, when an unsupervised child began using the waiter-calling bells as a musical instrument. _Ding. Ding. Ding. Ding. Ding._ No parent showed up to quiet the little darling, so I went over and, in my best Mean Nanny voice, purred, “dear, if you don’t stop doing that, someone is going to defenestrate you.” It stopped her cold, and as we left my friend waved his hand at her and said, “commence!” and damned if she didn’t! I do hope she later asked her mother what defenestrate meant. ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2004, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-correct-other-peoples-children/275971/30 "2004-11-22T14:35:46Z")
I don’t correct other people’s children. My thinking is that the kind of parent who is letting the little brat rampage in the first place is not the kind of parent who is going to take kindly to my interference. It’s not worth it to me to have to go through some nastiness with a total stranger. I’ll just avoid their little heathen as much as possible. (And I have my own heathens to herd.) Sometimes I must admit I see a mother who is trying to control her demon spawn and failing, I feel an urge to _help_ her, but again, I don’t because it may offend her. Unless the beast actually makes physical contact with me, I’m looking the other way. DB–emotionally scarred for life at age 8 by that lady who kindly asked me to be quiet in that theater when I was singing along with the music ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Chanteuse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9de053/32.png) [@Chanteuse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chanteuse)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2004, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-correct-other-peoples-children/275971/31 "2004-11-22T14:44:08Z")
> [@MrFantsyPants](#): > > I would say that telling them “no running” is a little questionable. If it’s a restaurant rule, then fine. Otherwise this is your rule, not the parents’, and a simple “Watch where your going” being a universal societal rule will be more effective, since it will be more universally applied. > > If you tell them one thing, and their parents don’t back you up, it’s wasted breathe. I’d have to respectfully disagree. Running in a public place such as a restaurant is not just annoying, it’s dangerous. If they run into and knock over an elderly person, that person could end up with life-threatening injuries (I can’t remember the stats on the percentages of death following a broken hip, but they were fairly high). If they run into a waitperson with a tray full of hot food, they themselves could be burned. And of course, there are tables and chairs in there, which can cause severe head injuries to anyone who falls against them. Running is best left to the outdoors and to places like Discovery Zone that are made for the purpose.\* If nothing else, the management should be alerted to the problem and it should be stopped. And I don’t mind if someone corrects my kids as long as they are fair about it. I don’t want someone YELLING at them, of course, and if I’m right there, please let me tend to the problem if I’m able. (And I’ve had to tell someone before–“I’m tending to it, thanks.” It’s not a dogpile thing–just because I’m correcting them doesn’t mean the door is open for someone to jump in and say “Yeah, that’s right, you shouldn’t blah, blah, blah.”) Oh, and one little OTS mini-rant: I teach my kids to say “Sir” and “Ma’am” and to use “Mr.,” “Miss,” or “Ms.” to address adults. PLEASE don’t say, “Oh, that makes me feel so OLD! Just call me First Name, and don’t say ‘Ma’am!’” I really hate that! \*Yes, I know that kids can get hurt there, too. I’m not saying we should keep kids in cages–but I still say they don’t need to be running in places not MEANT for running and playing. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2004, 2:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-correct-other-peoples-children/275971/32 "2004-11-22T14:46:21Z")
> [@whiterabbit](#): > > If I had a toddler, they’d be on some sort of a leash in public. Bravo to the people here who aren’t afraid to correct the kids, but please, don’t put your kids on fucking leashes. Kids are ravenous, crazy animals, sure, but that’s a little much. ---
**Author:** ![clairobscur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/839c29/32.png) [@clairobscur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clairobscur)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2004, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-correct-other-peoples-children/275971/33 "2004-11-22T15:02:57Z")
> [@Essured](#): > > As long as “it takes a village to raise a child” when it comes to the baby bonus and other child credits, then IMO, it also “takes a village to raise a child” when it comes to public behaviour and discipline Indeed. I’ve been “raised by a village”, having been brought up in a very small place, so correcting strange children doesn’t seem innapropriate to me at all, but rather the natural attitude. At least when the parents aren’t around. Of course, an adult could correct a kid in a manner that conflicts with the kid’s parents views, or act himself like a moron, or frighten the kid, but it seems to me that it’s not an issue. Children should know that adults do disagree about what is an acceptable behavior, and that some adults are morons. I fully agree with \*\* pizzabrat [/quote] comment : > [@](#): > > The kids live in the real world, not just their parents’ universe - they can deal with instruction from people other than their parents ---
**Author:** ![clairobscur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/839c29/32.png) [@clairobscur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clairobscur)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2004, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-correct-other-peoples-children/275971/34 "2004-11-22T15:25:08Z")
> [@Loach](#): > > It does not take a village to raise a child. It takes parents. If they are not doing their job it is not up to you to do it for them. Do not presume to tell my children anything. If you have a problem with them, tell me about it. Maybe I didn’t notice what they are doing. Maybe you just have a stick up your ass. I’ll let you know. If it is just me with my children you are lucky, I’ll try to be polite when I tell you what I think of you. If it’s my wife, be prepared to have your head handed to you. > > That goes for in public. So, if your kids are causing disturbance or wreaking havoc, we’re supposed to find out who their parents are and chase you down to complain to you? And meanwhile to bear the disturbance? Hell no! Or else you’d rather be at all times within five feets of your kids. If an adult is a nuisance, we should tell him so. If a kid do the same thing and his parents aren’t there, same medicine. Besides, what if your kids are hurting others (it’s not particularily rare), like throwing things at adults or beating the shit out of each other? Should we shut up too? What if they’re putting themselves in danger (An example close to home : kids jumping on an old lift bridge when the thing is being lifted. They might end up drowning or crushed by the wheels and cables)? Should we leave them alone too? It’s not like we’re advocating scolding random strange kids for no reason at all. ---
**Author:** ![Rebo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rebo/32/13005_2.png) [@Rebo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rebo)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2004, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-correct-other-peoples-children/275971/35 "2004-11-22T15:37:21Z")
Exactly! I was talking about _unsupervised_ kids. I’m not about to chase down their parents for stuff like running. Obviously the parents can’t be bothered, and won’t do anything about it anyway. I would, however, find their parents, or a manager, for vandalism or fighting. ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2004, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-correct-other-peoples-children/275971/36 "2004-11-22T16:24:10Z")
> [@clairobscur](#): > > Or else you’d rather be at all times within five feets of your kids. Of course I am, you’re not? My kids are 5 and 3, yes they are close at all times when we are out in public. They will remain close by for quite a while. ---
**Author:** ![whiterabbit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/cab0a1/32.png) [@whiterabbit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/whiterabbit)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2004, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-correct-other-peoples-children/275971/37 "2004-11-22T16:32:34Z")
> [@Marley23](#): > > Bravo to the people here who aren’t afraid to correct the kids, but please, don’t put your kids on fucking leashes. Kids are ravenous, crazy animals, sure, but that’s a little much. I’m not talking about a leash with a choke collar or something – the one we used with my brother was a long telephone cord sort of thing that attached to his wrist at one end and mine at the other. He was the sort of kid that was running as soon as he was on his feet, and confining him to a stroller or holding his hand for long stretches just wouldn’t have worked. Some kids are fine, but some MOVE. I can’t move very fast myself, and if I had a kid who could, I wouldn’t want to risk them getting away. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2004, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-correct-other-peoples-children/275971/38 "2004-11-22T16:37:25Z")
> [@Loach](#): > > It does not take a village to raise a child. It takes parents. If they are not doing their job it is not up to you to do it for them. Do not presume to tell my children anything. If you have a problem with them, tell me about it. Maybe I didn’t notice what they are doing. Maybe you just have a stick up your ass. I’ll let you know. If it is just me with my children you are lucky, I’ll try to be polite when I tell you what I think of you. If it’s my wife, be prepared to have your head handed to you. > > That goes for in public. If they are on your property you have the right to enforce the rules of the house. What if you’re not there? Do strangers have the right to speak to your kids? ---
**Author:** ![Indygrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/58f4c7/32.png) [@Indygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Indygrrl)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2004, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-correct-other-peoples-children/275971/39 "2004-11-22T16:41:22Z")
> [@Martin Hyde](#): > > If the child is autistic or whatever, that is unfortunate but no excuse. The parents know this and should realize they have to take special actions because of their special needs children, and they also have to realize just because they have a child with an unfortunate afflcition like that they cannot adversely affect the rest of the world. I could see thinking this if you’ve never dealt with a special needs child. They’re very unpredictable. I might take my daughter out on a day that she’s acting fine and dandy, only to have her throw an uncontrollable fit while we’re in the store. It’s not because I don’t discipline her, it’s because she has special problems that others might not recognize. She’s never allowed to run wild in public, or do as she pleases with no repurcussions, but sometimes it might look that way to an outsider. I guess we’re supposed to keep our unfortunate afflictions home all the time. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2004, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-correct-other-peoples-children/275971/40 "2004-11-22T16:43:45Z")
And what about when your children are older and acting like asylum escapees? You won’t be with them forever. In fact, I’d say people will be telling your older child how to behave within the next year or so. Outside schooling has been doing it for years. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-correct-other-peoples-children/275971.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-correct-other-peoples-children/275971.md?page=3)