# Do you correct other people's children? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 21, 2004, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-correct-other-peoples-children/275971 "2004-11-21T18:53:06Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Lord\_Ashtar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@Lord\_Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Ashtar)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2004, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-correct-other-peoples-children/275971/41 "2004-11-22T17:31:04Z")
I will only correct someone else’s child(ren) if I have permission from them to do so. ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2004, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-correct-other-peoples-children/275971/42 "2004-11-22T17:48:08Z")
As one who makes a living disciplining other people’s children, I tend to ignore foolishness by kids in public places unless it is something particularly egregious. I had a few firm words with some teenagers in a fast food joint a few years back when they were shooting spitwads at other customers. I also got rather emphatic on an airplane when a little tyke seated behind me thought it would be great fun to spend the trip kicking my seat. Largely, though, I just let it go. I’ve had enough dealings with asshole s who became enraged when I legally disciplined their child that I don’t feel like dealing with their shit in an unofficial capacity. ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2004, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-correct-other-peoples-children/275971/43 "2004-11-22T17:54:07Z")
> [@Kalhoun](#): > > And what about when your children are older and acting like asylum escapees? You won’t be with them forever. In fact, I’d say people will be telling your older child how to behave within the next year or so. Outside schooling has been doing it for years. Yeah sure, a teacher telling a child what to do is the same as a stranger in a store or resturant. ---
**Author:** ![FilmGeek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/b19c9b/32.png) [@FilmGeek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FilmGeek)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2004, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-correct-other-peoples-children/275971/44 "2004-11-22T18:29:49Z")
> [@Chanteuse](#): > > Oh, and one little OTS mini-rant: I teach my kids to say “Sir” and “Ma’am” and to use “Mr.,” “Miss,” or “Ms.” to address adults. PLEASE don’t say, “Oh, that makes me feel so OLD! Just call me First Name, and don’t say ‘Ma’am!’” I really hate that! This has backfired on to me several times. I have very short hair and I tend to dress in layers in the winter, so my more obvious female… shall we say… amenities are not so obvious. I’ve been called sir by more than one adult and not a few kids. The embarrassment on their faces kills me, because I hate to see a kid upset because they made a mistake. I made mistakes like this as a kid, and they messed me up for years. I’ll usually only scold a child if he or she is doing something dangerous, like pulling on something heavy above her head or about to touch something hot. I scolded one kid for climbing on the counter repeatedly to get at some candy that was being held for another customer. (her kid had opened it, so she left it at the counter to buy when she was done). I said “that isn’t yours, please climb down” three times before I looked him in the eye and said NO! That worked nicely. I’ll scold other people’s animals, no problem. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![ShibbOleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2004, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-correct-other-peoples-children/275971/45 "2004-11-22T19:42:19Z")
> [@Loach](#): > > Of course I am, you’re not? My kids are 5 and 3, yes they are close at all times when we are out in public. They will remain close by for quite a while. If this is the case then it’s surely not a problem because if they did act up you would be able to correct them before anyone else could. ---
**Author:** ![Eats\_Crayons](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/278dde/32.png) [@Eats\_Crayons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eats_Crayons)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2004, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-correct-other-peoples-children/275971/46 "2004-11-22T20:10:59Z")
> [@FilmGeek](#): > > I’ll usually only scold a child if he or she is doing something dangerous, like pulling on something heavy above her head or about to touch something hot. I got my head handed to me – apparently by someone like **Loach** ’s wife – when I quickly told a toddler not to grab at a hot curling iron in a salon. It was faster for me to say “Don’t touch, that’s hot!” because time it would take me to say “Pardon me, ma’am, but your child is about to grab a very hot curling iron” and _then_ have her look over to confimr it say “Princess, don’t touch!” would have been a precious several seconds longer and definiltey too late! But anyway, the woman got really nasty about “STFU, that is not your child. You have no right to tell her what to do. Mind your own business, yadda, yadda, yadda…” so while this pity-we’re-not-in-the-Pit woman was busy telling me to STFU her kid grabbed at the hot iron again and burned herself. Then the woman said to me “Now look what you did?” :rolleyes: Toddlers especially have knack for getting in to trouble when you least expect it. Look away to check the price on a can of Spaghetti Os and your kid could be halfway down the aisle at a full run and headed toward the ever-so-tempting escalator (saw that happen too once, luckily a bystander got in front to the toddler in the nick-of-time). So sorry, but if I see your kid getting into something that will endager him/herself or others, I will tell him/her to stop. ---
**Author:** ![ShibbOleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2004, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-correct-other-peoples-children/275971/47 "2004-11-22T20:42:01Z")
About 15 years ago I was playing volleyball in Locust Point with some colleagues and local residents. We had a pick up game there every Wednesday night. During the middle of our game a kid, about 10 years old, came running through chasing a similarly sized kid with a golf club. Everyone just watched this kid with murderous intent on his face chasing after another little kid who looked he was truly frightened. So I took the kids golf club away from him. He cussed at me and threatened to kill me, but of course then I wasn’t going to give it back to him. I said he could come and get it back when he was good and calm (and the other kid was safely away). About 15 minutes later the little thug came back with Mama in tow. She lit into me with a stream of invective that would have made a sailor blush. Her rant boiled down to how dare I lay a hand on her kid, which I actually hadn’t. She went on about how her hubby was a cop and he was going to kick my ass, blah blah blah. I’m sure if I’d have let her little angel murder this other kid she’d have been on my ass about that, too. He’s probably in jail by now anyway, but at least I saved one kid a proper bashing that day. ---
**Author:** ![aaslatten](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f14d63/32.png) [@aaslatten](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aaslatten)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2004, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-correct-other-peoples-children/275971/48 "2004-11-22T21:13:52Z")
> [@Chanteuse](#): > > Oh, and one little OTS mini-rant: I teach my kids to say “Sir” and “Ma’am” and to use “Mr.,” “Miss,” or “Ms.” to address adults. PLEASE don’t say, “Oh, that makes me feel so OLD! Just call me First Name, and don’t say ‘Ma’am!’” I really hate that! Good for you. This has been a pet peeve of mine for years. When I was young, we also called adults “Uncle” or “Aunt” if they were close friends of the family. It’s sad everybody just seems to be on a first-name basis now. ---
**Author:** ![Primaflora](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/898d66/32.png) [@Primaflora](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Primaflora)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2004, 9:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-correct-other-peoples-children/275971/49 "2004-11-22T21:15:46Z")
**Martin Hyde** all you can expect from parents of kids with special needs is that we are doing our best. I get miffed with parents who are doing nothing but what do you think autism or ADHD means? I watch and correct my kids all the time we are in public but I cannot control my younger son’s echolalia. The more stressed he gets, the worse it gets and the louder it gets. If he was quietly reciting the script of Milo and Otis on a train and some random stranger told him to shut up, he’d simply recite louder. I can’t do anything about that. Trust me, if I could, I’d have done it long ago. ---
**Author:** ![cher3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/da6949/32.png) [@cher3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cher3)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2004, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-correct-other-peoples-children/275971/50 "2004-11-22T21:44:31Z")
Not exactly correcting another person’s child, since the child in question was probably too young to understand anyway, but I did take it upon myself to make an attempt at correcting a parent. I was at a local playground in a large park a while ago with my two kids. We were the only ones there other than a little girl who couldn’t have been more than two. There was no parent within a reasonable distance, but I finally guessed that she must have been dumped there by one of men playing basketball on a not terribly nearby court. (The court was technically in sight of the playground, but not close enough to adequately supervise a toddler.) After a while the little girl wandered off the playground on a mission of her own, in the opposite direction from her dad. I decided to let her go for a while, as long as I could keep an eye on her. She ended up in between two fenced-off tennis courts where I could see her, but where she couldn’t be seen from the basketball game. Sure enough, the game ended and one of the men came calling for the girl. It may have been evil, but I let him get good and worried before I let him know where she was. ---
**Author:** ![Avarie537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/48db29/32.png) [@Avarie537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Avarie537)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2004, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-correct-other-peoples-children/275971/51 "2004-11-22T21:45:07Z")
My sister-in-law gets pissy when I attempt to enforce her own rules with my seven-year-old niece. For instance: Suzy was playing with a little yarn ball kitty thing that my MIL made in the 70’s - something old and easily destroyed. Grammi and Mommy both said “Suzy, put that down please and leave it alone.” Three minutes later, Grammi and Mommy are in the kitchen and Suzy’s at it again. So I pipe up, in a firm, calm voice: “Suzy, put that down. Your mom and Grammi told you not to mess with that.” Tears well up and she runs into the kitchen. Next thing I know, I’m getting bitched at! I asked SIL what she would have preferred I do, and she actually said I should have gotten her attention first and let her handle it (from another room while she’s in the middle of a conversation). :rolleyes: “She’s not used to being reprimanded by anyone other than me.” ---
**Author:** ![Gala\_Matrix\_Fire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/4da419/32.png) [@Gala\_Matrix\_Fire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gala_Matrix_Fire)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2004, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-correct-other-peoples-children/275971/52 "2004-11-22T22:34:03Z")
Not used to being disciplined by anybody else, huh? Boy, are these kids’ drill sergeants going to have some fun with them when they get drafted. ---
**Author:** ![sleeping](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/839c29/32.png) [@sleeping](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sleeping)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2004, 11:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-correct-other-peoples-children/275971/53 "2004-11-22T23:36:37Z")
Count me as one of those who say nothing but stare sullenly off into the distance, occassionally casting a disapproving glance at the offenders. I’m the reserved sort, so you’d have to really make a racket to get a response from me (and even then I might just move elsewhere). But don’t think that that gives you or your kids carte blanche to do whatever the hell they want. When someone with a bit more backbone decides to provide you with a well-deserved rebuke, you’re going to see my dour expression fade for just a little while. It bears pointing out that I hate kids and have a lower tolerance for noise than most, so that probably colors my judgement, but I extend the same expectations to adults: For several months during my morning ride on the LIRR, I was subjected to the incessant chatter of six individuals seemingly chosen for their vacuousness and sheer _loudness_. While every packed train has a general din, these people were invariably heard over and above the rest–and they sat at the end of the freaking car! If David Sedaris was right about Americans being “the trumpeting elephants of the human race,” these people would surely lead the pack. So, while I may not partake in the much-needed castigation, I heartily support the right of others to do so. Jeez, if I’m this crabby as a teen, imagine me at 70… ---
**Author:** ![furthur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ecccb3/32.png) [@furthur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furthur)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2004, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-correct-other-peoples-children/275971/54 "2004-11-23T00:51:35Z")
I only correct other people’s kids if they seem like they’re doing something dangerous to themselves or others. Around here (small town of 15,000), this is pretty well tolerated by most. Especially if I phrase it as, “Honey, don’t do that/be careful, you’re going to get hurt. Don’t climb the shelves like that.”[or whatever]. Obviously I only do this to people 12 and under. I try to be polite but firm. Recently, though, I was at my kid’s best friend’s house. The mom was downstairs teaching piano to my 5-year-old, while my 9yo was upstairs with her friend and the 5yo little brother. I went upstairs to check on them, only to find they’d gotten into a Sam’s Club sized bag of chocolate chips and apparently had a chocolate chip fight. I walked into the room and my Uber-Mom persona immediately took over. I looked at the mess and barked, “When your mama sees this, she’s going to have a FIT! Y’all pick this up RIGHT NOW!” Boy, did they jump to it. 😃 I took my daughter by the arm and hissed, “You’ve got the hall and the anteroom and IF YOU EVER DO THIS IN MY HOUSE I WILL SKIN YOU ALIVE DON’T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT. DO YOU HEAR? AND I DON’T CARE WHO STARTED IT, I’M FINISHING IT RIGHT NOW!” In a twinkling, everything was clean. 😉 Mrs. Furthur ---
**Author:** ![Bad\_News\_Baboon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5fc32e/32.png) [@Bad\_News\_Baboon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bad_News_Baboon)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2004, 1:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-correct-other-peoples-children/275971/55 "2004-11-23T01:01:14Z")
I am the master of the icy glare and a loud “EXCUSE ME!” to children old enough to know better. If they are really behaving badly, I will seek out their parents/ store manger. If it is a toddler or someone not capable of knowing better, I will remedy the situation and then find the parents. I was at the zoo and a toddler was pushing the door open and it almost slammed on his hands. I took him and found mommy and let her know. I wasn’t going to let him slam the door on his hand while i looked for mommy first. ---
**Author:** ![Fionn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a587f6/32.png) [@Fionn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fionn)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2004, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-correct-other-peoples-children/275971/56 "2004-11-23T01:47:53Z")
When I’m working at a store, I’ll tell children to stop dangerous behaviors, like climbing on racks, and corral runaway toddlers. The most frustrating case of the latter happened one Christmas season, when I happened to look up from the counter to see a crying toddler booking it out the door. I got her by the hand and led her back so we could find Mommy, who hadn’t noticed her walking off while she was shopping. When a child is simply being pain-in-the-ass loud, I won’t say anything. Like some other people, I’m afraid they’ll have some sort of condition that makes being quiet problematic. ---
**Author:** ![Eats\_Crayons](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/278dde/32.png) [@Eats\_Crayons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eats_Crayons)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2004, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-correct-other-peoples-children/275971/57 "2004-11-23T01:57:49Z")
> [@Avarie537](#): > > “She’s not used to being reprimanded by anyone other than me.” So, “no one can say ‘no’ to me, but mommy”…? Wow. ---
**Author:** ![Jinx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c6cbf5/32.png) [@Jinx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jinx)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2004, 2:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-correct-other-peoples-children/275971/58 "2004-11-23T02:21:55Z")
Yes! You absolutely must when there is just cause. If the child/children are endangering myself (or my party members) or themselves, but ME and MY PARTY first and foremost. Also, if they are in my house, I make the rules perfectly clear and I enforce them - even if directly in front of their (blind) parents. - Jinx ---
**Author:** ![pokey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ebca7d/32.png) [@pokey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pokey)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2004, 2:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-correct-other-peoples-children/275971/59 "2004-11-23T02:40:53Z")
> [@Avarie537](#): > > I asked SIL what she would have preferred I do, and she actually said I should have gotten her attention first and let her handle it I feel bad for you. If that were my sister-in-law I would skip the “what would you prefer” and go straight to the “if you expect me to run and tattle on my own niece instead of taking a natural role as trusted adult relative then you can just have fun being the only one looking out for your stupid yarn knicknacks.” ---
**Author:** ![Avarie537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/48db29/32.png) [@Avarie537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Avarie537)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2004, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-correct-other-peoples-children/275971/60 "2004-11-23T19:53:01Z")
Yeah, I can’t wait until the boys grow up (they’re 3 and 18 months). [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-correct-other-peoples-children/275971.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-correct-other-peoples-children/275971.md?page=4)