# Do you enjoy small talk? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 31, 2006, 1:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-enjoy-small-talk/378527 "2006-10-31T01:33:09Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 12\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![fishbicycle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/aeb1de/32.png) [@fishbicycle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fishbicycle)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2006, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-enjoy-small-talk/378527/41 "2006-10-31T18:48:45Z")
I can’t do mindless chatter. I don’t mind meeting people and talking with them at all, but I don’t go out of my way to do it. I’ve spent a lifetime trying to avoid being in places with people I don’t know, in case I was required to talk to them. One of my nightmare scenarios would be a dinner party with all kinds of people I’ve never met, having to mingle, not drinking anything harder than water, having to feign knowledge of interest in somebody else’s kids, job, sports team, political party, vacation home in the Poconos, what’s on television, fishing/hunting, or religion, and _then_ having to eat unidentifiable food with them all watching. This is why I’ve never been to an “adult” party. I’m fifteen years from retirement age, and I’m still waiting to feel like I belong in my age group. I could talk to anybody who has had similar experiences to mine, but I can count the ones I’ve met who fit the description on the fingers of one hand. I’m fine with a few good friends. Strangers, not so much. ---
**Author:** ![Trunk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/87869e/32.png) [@Trunk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trunk)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2006, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-enjoy-small-talk/378527/42 "2006-10-31T19:41:08Z")
[QUOTE=pimaspinner] Exactly! It’s not that I don’t like talking to people I don’t know. I just don’t like “small talk”. I don’t like talking for the sake of talking. To me, that is what “small talk” is. I would much rather converse about a common interest where an intelligent discussion ensues. I’m not painfully shy, I can strike up conversations with complete strangers. In fact I like it. The OP was about small talk, which I despise. People that want to chat about bullshit bother me. [/QUOTE] Yup, and people who want to have “intelligent discussion” about “global politics” and “economics” at a friggin’ party bother _me_. Especially, when those people who want to have an intelligent discussion about global politics and economics are usually the same people who have never made it through an entire editorial page of a major newspaper, or actually ever picked up a copy of “The Economist” or “The Weekly Standard” or who want to talk about Iraq but can’t tell you who Francis Fukuyama is, much less ever read a few thousand words by (or about) him. Pardon me if I find that your views on the weather – something you might actually have some experience with – contain a little less. . .bullshit. ---
**Author:** ![MaxTheVool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9fc29f/32.png) [@MaxTheVool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MaxTheVool)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2006, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-enjoy-small-talk/378527/43 "2006-10-31T21:11:43Z")
I hate small talk. Hate hate hate. Even with people I know and like, I don’t really enjoy it, and with strangers, it’s awful. That said, I thorougly enjoy meaningful interesting conversations about substantive or entertaining topics. ---
**Author:** ![Eonwe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eonwe/32/240_2.png) [@Eonwe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eonwe)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2006, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-enjoy-small-talk/378527/44 "2006-10-31T21:22:02Z")
I don’t mind it, and like **Trunk** said, I’m usually very sincerely interested in what folks have to say. I get to learn a little bit about new people; I find that fun. However, it does take a lot of energy. One of the career-hats I wear is that of pianist; I play for a number of cabarets, musical theatre productions, auditions, etc etc locally. Parties and social engagements related to any of these are about 50% fun, and 50% making sure I spend a little bit of time talking to whomever I think it’s important to meet/re-connect with/whatever. I’m putting on Fiddler on the Roof next week, and our opening night reception will find me hunting down some specific people to chat with. I will be honestly and sincerely interested in talking, but… well, I’ve just got to be ‘on’ all the time, and do so while not seeming like I’m tryign to be ‘on’. ---
**Author:** ![Hogwash](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a88e57/32.png) [@Hogwash](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hogwash)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2006, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-enjoy-small-talk/378527/45 "2006-10-31T23:21:00Z")
I was going to reply to this, but I didn’t think people would enjoy what I have to say. ---
**Author:** ![Caffeine.addict](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f475e1/32.png) [@Caffeine.addict](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Caffeine.addict)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2006, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-enjoy-small-talk/378527/46 "2006-10-31T23:58:01Z")
For some reason, I’m reminded of what a friend used to say. “I don’t drink to make myself more interesting, I drink to make others more interesting.” He drinks a lot. I would say that I hate small talk but I also dislike people to a large degree. My wife says that I am very good at it and that I can engage in a conversation with anyone at a social function and that I can usually find a topic to engage people in. That may be true, but the older I get, the less patience I have and it seems the less likely I am to suffer fools. It seems that my tongue is getting sharper the older I get. ---
**Author:** ![HazelNutCoffee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ac91a4/32.png) [@HazelNutCoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HazelNutCoffee)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2006, 12:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-enjoy-small-talk/378527/47 "2006-11-01T00:06:46Z")
I’m not a big fan of small talk, but I’ve learned to cultivate it as a social skill, to be used when necessary. I certainly don’t enjoy it for its own sake. I just started grad school this fall, so for the first two weeks I HAD to make small talk in order to make new friends. But once I established a circle of people I felt comfortable it, that was basically it for me. That was it for most of us, I think. We socialized with each other until we got a feel for who we’d get along with, then stopped trying to meet new people after that. ---
**Author:** ![Caridwen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c89c15/32.png) [@Caridwen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Caridwen)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2006, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-enjoy-small-talk/378527/48 "2006-11-01T00:13:17Z")
I love small talk. My husband’s favorite corny joke is to ask me if I’m running for mayor. He doesn’t enjoy small talk. I probably would have noticed that sooner if I ever stopped talking. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![pravnik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8edcca/32.png) [@pravnik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pravnik)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2006, 12:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-enjoy-small-talk/378527/49 "2006-11-01T00:35:25Z")
[QUOTE=Hogwash] I was going to reply to this, but I didn’t think people would enjoy what I have to say. [/QUOTE] Quiet, you! 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Sonia\_Montdore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/90ced4/32.png) [@Sonia\_Montdore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sonia_Montdore)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2006, 12:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-enjoy-small-talk/378527/50 "2006-11-01T00:38:18Z")
I love small talk and cocktail parties. Not everyone does, though. Franklin Delano Roosevelt loathed social chatter. He found it pointless and to prove his theory that no one ever listens to it, he made the rounds at a party shaking hands with the other guests and saying to each, “How do you do? I murdered my grandmother today.” The other guests smiled and nodded and no one paid any attention to what he said. ---
**Author:** ![lezlers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/258eb7/32.png) [@lezlers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lezlers)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2006, 1:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-enjoy-small-talk/378527/51 "2006-11-01T01:01:07Z")
[QUOTE=winterhawk11] I hate small talk. I’m an introvert and enjoy having a few close friends (usually in one- or two-person doses at a time, though I don’t mind up to four or five if they’re all good friends) but I absolutely despise the whole “chit chat about useless information for five minutes and then flit over to the next person to exchange equally useless information”…later, rinse, repeat). That’s why I don’t enjoy parties. I like to get to know people one-on-one. If I like somebody, I want to make a deeper connection with them than “Nice weather–how many kids/dogs/cats do you have–where do you work?” If I don’t like them, even that slight bit of interaction is more than I have energy for. Note that I’m not cold or rude with anybody, even if I know I don’t like them or that we have absolutely nothing in common. I try to be as polite as I can. But small talk is draining for me. Particularly tough for me is that, as a female, I often get corralled by other females, most of whom have and are interested in talking about kids–a topic that I have absolutely no meaningful contribution to (nor interest in). At parties, which we rarely attend because most of our friends are nerds too and don’t throw them, I usually end up in a corner with the spouse and maybe a friend or two, chatting about geek things and wondering when would be the soonest we could politely leave. [/QUOTE] I am SO with you on this one. It’s not that other people bore me, I’m just no good at small talk, I always feel so awkward. Unfortunately, my shyness is often interpreted as aloofness or snobbiness, which couldn’t be further from the truth. In fact, once I’m comforatable with someone, I become quite animated (to many people’s suprise.) This is unfortunate, as the career I’m about to dive into requires an ability to engage in small talk quite frequently. In fact, I just went on Amazon and bought Dale Carnegie’s book “How To Win Friends and Influence People,” hoping to learn a few tricks to get over my shyness/awkwardness. My S.O is very social and has a wide circle of friends who seem to _always_ be having social gatherings. I’m telling you, these people have gatherings once every couple of weeks, it seems. In two years of being together, I barely know most of his friends, mostly beause I (1) try to avoid these get-togethers as often as possible and (2) when I do go, I tend to stay close to the SO and if I lose him, latch on to 1 or 2 people I know a little bit to the exclusion of everyone else. I’m not doing it to be rude, I’m just shy and get intimidated by big groups. I much prefer being in the company of 2 or 3 people. I’ve tried making small talk, thinking if I forced myself, I’d eventually get better at it. It didn’t work. I tend to panic at the first pause in conversation and then go totally blank. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![vertize2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b4bc9f/32.png) [@vertize2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vertize2)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2006, 7:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-enjoy-small-talk/378527/52 "2006-11-01T07:06:55Z")
Small talk…are like farts that don’t come out quiet enough for another person or group of people to hear it. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-enjoy-small-talk/378527.md?page=2)