# Do you feel accepted? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 7, 2015, 4:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-feel-accepted/736873 "2015-11-07T04:13:40Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![P-man](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/p-man/32/3606_2.png) [@P-man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/P-man)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2015, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-feel-accepted/736873/21 "2015-11-08T19:24:38Z")
> [@ZipperJJ](#): > > Yes. I often reflect in amazement at how accepting the people around me are of my rather large size. I am so pleased to find that when meeting friends -of -friends that I get along with them too. No one has ever said anything disparaging to me about my size since I was about 12. > > It comes as quite a shock to me to see all the negativity towards people of my size online, because I don’t run into it in real life. > > That I know of. Who knows what they say behind my back. But everyone is always lovely to my face, which is fine. Perhaps you’re such a cool, likeable person they just can’t help but like you. ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2015, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-feel-accepted/736873/22 "2015-11-08T20:41:40Z")
Day to day I do, because my world is very limited. I have a few close friends who accept me as I am, and I get along with my co-workers. If I leave the bubble I am in, I don’t because I am super fat and drab looking and a schlub. ---
**Author:** ![Octarine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/22d042/32.png) [@Octarine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Octarine)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2015, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-feel-accepted/736873/23 "2015-11-08T20:52:20Z")
> [@monstro](#): > > I feel accepted, but also apart. Somehow both can exist at the same time. I extend myself to others at work, and I think people really do appreciate it. They visit me during the day for laughter and chitchat, and share their problems with me. > > But there’s also a distance, too. I’m often left out of group lunch get-together. People don’t hug me like they do others. And it’s 100% mutual. Like, often I’ll be the only one not laughing at someone’s joke because either I’m too much in my head to hear what was said or I just don’t get it. I usually don’t want to go out to lunch or “hang out”. When people remark on my weirdness or joke that I’m “special”, part of me is glad they think that. It means they respect that I’m not about to join in their reindeer games anytime soon. > > I intimidate people. I have a very serious demeanor even when it doesn’t feel that way to me, plus I’m a racial minority, which in itself can make people afraid of approaching too close. People who get to know me realize that I’m really a big goof. But my intensity still keeps them at arms length, I think. And this too is fine with me. Well, no need for me to type out a response now. But seriously - this is my position, too. Everyone’s friendly to me, I can laugh and make jokes, I’m socially fine - but . . . I’m not a part of the group. Which sounds sad, but it’s not - I’m perfectly fine with the status quo. It’s just that I feel like I’m not who I truly am around most people, so there’s always going to be that distance. Sometimes I feel like it’s possible that most people feel this way - a lack of connection - and just assume everyone else is having the time of their lives. ---
**Author:** ![kopek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kopek/32/337_2.png) [@kopek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kopek)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2015, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-feel-accepted/736873/24 "2015-11-08T20:56:21Z")
For the most part but I will admit that I do throw people off their game now and then. My views run the extremes of Right and Left so there are sometimes odd moments when a different sort of subject comes up. But once they realize I’m serious and not playing it for a laugh, they seem to deal with it and accept it (and me) pretty well. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2015, 9:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-feel-accepted/736873/25 "2015-11-08T21:06:49Z")
> [@Octarine](#): > > > [@monstro](#): > > > > I feel accepted, but also apart. Somehow both can exist at the same time. I extend myself to others at work, and I think people really do appreciate it. They visit me during the day for laughter and chitchat, and share their problems with me. > > > > But there’s also a distance, too. I’m often left out of group lunch get-together. People don’t hug me like they do others. And it’s 100% mutual. Like, often I’ll be the only one not laughing at someone’s joke because either I’m too much in my head to hear what was said or I just don’t get it. I usually don’t want to go out to lunch or “hang out”. When people remark on my weirdness or joke that I’m “special”, part of me is glad they think that. It means they respect that I’m not about to join in their reindeer games anytime soon. > > > > I intimidate people. I have a very serious demeanor even when it doesn’t feel that way to me, plus I’m a racial minority, which in itself can make people afraid of approaching too close. People who get to know me realize that I’m really a big goof. But my intensity still keeps them at arms length, I think. And this too is fine with me. > > Well, no need for me to type out a response now. But seriously - this is my position, too. Everyone’s friendly to me, I can laugh and make jokes, I’m socially fine - but . . . I’m not a part of the group. Which sounds sad, but it’s not - I’m perfectly fine with the status quo. It’s just that I feel like I’m not who I truly am around most people, so there’s always going to be that distance. Sometimes I feel like it’s possible that most people feel this way - a lack of connection - and just assume everyone else is having the time of their lives. Well put. And I agree with a lot of it, except I’m not as fine with it as you both seem to be. I don’t want to change who I am, but would like more, or deeper, social interaction than I currently have. ---
**Author:** ![Octarine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/22d042/32.png) [@Octarine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Octarine)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2015, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-feel-accepted/736873/26 "2015-11-08T21:11:24Z")
> [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > Well put. And I agree with a lot of it, except I’m not as fine with it as you both seem to be. I don’t want to change who I am, but would like more, or deeper, social interaction than I currently have. I get it - I’ve got a couple people in my life I can have real conversations/be myself with, which makes everything else tolerable. If everyone I knew was at the level of “casual sort-of-friend acquaintance”, I’d go nuts. ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2015, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-feel-accepted/736873/27 "2015-11-08T22:20:24Z")
By a handful of people, close friends and family, I do indeed feel fully accepted. As to the rest of the world, well, I find I don’t really care. There was a time I felt distinctly not accepted, when I was younger, but trying to fit in was too much work and just felt inauthentic, so i just gave up trying. Life was a lot better. Turned out it didn’t matter, so much as I thought, that other people could accept me, and, way more than I imagined, that I just accept who I was and who I wasnt! ---
**Author:** ![Arrendajo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Arrendajo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arrendajo)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2015, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-feel-accepted/736873/28 "2015-11-08T22:56:40Z")
Yes. I’m well liked and respected by my immediate work group, and I like my co-workers too. I’m sharp-witted and funny and engaging in groups and parties and such. When I was young it wasn’t so easy and I lacked the sort of self-confidence that makes it easy to relate to people, but as I got older I got more sociable and now that I’m a village elder it comes natural. ---
**Author:** ![4d3fect](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/4d3fect/32/9728_2.png) [@4d3fect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/4d3fect)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2015, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-feel-accepted/736873/29 "2015-11-08T23:24:32Z")
In a word, no. Tolerated, maybe. Being a senior citizen, I ought to be more well-adjusted, but inside I’m still a confused and sullen sixteen year old. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2015, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-feel-accepted/736873/30 "2015-11-08T23:53:51Z")
Another in with the **Monstro** group. Accepted but at arms length. People at work are nice but I don’t do lunch with anyone or any type of group activity. There are a few people I can just click with right away and genuinely feel accepted, but that’s rare. And I have no idea why it is I can click with some folks easily while the majority of them it’s more difficult. Not that I’m really trying to connect with any of them anyway. I think part of the reason I am the way that I am is that I find about 80% of office chatter to be petty, contrived, and repetitive. I’m probably an ass for thinking that but seriously, I can only hear so many times about how Jane isn’t pulling her weight, or how John is fucking somebody who isn’t his wife, and no, I really don’t want to laugh at your witty “Working hard or hardly working?” comment. I will admit to having my lonely moments, but for the most part, I’m fine with the status quo. ---
**Author:** ![scootergirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e99b99/32.png) [@scootergirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scootergirl)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2015, 12:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-feel-accepted/736873/31 "2015-11-09T00:29:19Z")
I feel accepted by my peers and most people at this point in my life. It wasn’t always like that. When I first arrived in Canada (1976) there was a group of punk kids that did not like me at all. It didn’t feel good; luckily it was short lived. I’m pretty outgoing, and have rarely had trouble with shyness in social situations as a kid or an adult. I lived in different countries (6 total) when I was growing up, and was exposed to various cultures and passed along family members when my dad was in “transitions.” I attribute my ability to adjust with ease and get along with people to those years. They definitely shaped my personality. ---
**Author:** ![HoneyBadgerDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honeybadgerdc/32/1033_2.png) [@HoneyBadgerDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HoneyBadgerDC)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2015, 1:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-feel-accepted/736873/32 "2015-11-09T01:52:23Z")
> [@Mr.Nylock](#): > > IOW you feel right at home on the straight dope 😛 Scared to death here but the computer protects me. ---
**Author:** ![Isamu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7c8e57/32.png) [@Isamu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isamu)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2015, 2:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-feel-accepted/736873/33 "2015-11-09T02:34:36Z")
Not in the least. And I haven’t cared about it since I was a teenager. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2015, 3:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-feel-accepted/736873/34 "2015-11-09T03:00:18Z")
I take a sort of perverse pride in it. ---
**Author:** ![lorene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/65b543/32.png) [@lorene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lorene)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2015, 3:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-feel-accepted/736873/35 "2015-11-09T03:51:25Z")
> [@Rushgeekgirl](#): > > I don’t feel accepted but I am pretty sure it’s all my imagination. I don’t feel connected whether I’m accepted or not. I just feel weird and out of place everywhere I go. I feel like this a lot of the time, with a splash of feeling accepted here and there. Sometimes I feel that if people **really** knew me, even that splash of acceptance would disappear. I have 2 friends who know me pretty well and still accept me. I can usually trust that acceptance. Usually. ---
**Author:** ![Ukulele\_Ike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/df788c/32.png) [@Ukulele\_Ike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ukulele_Ike)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2015, 3:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-feel-accepted/736873/36 "2015-11-09T03:53:06Z")
My wife is kind of used to me. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2015, 4:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-feel-accepted/736873/37 "2015-11-09T04:03:55Z")
> [@Ukulele\_Ike](#): > > My wife is kind of used to me. LOL. You know, I was just thinking: As long as my GF, her kids and my kids like me (which they do) I could give two shits if the rest of the world thought I was the reincarnation of Adolf Hitler. I mean, I do make it a point to be nice to people, but acceptance isn’t really that big of a deal to me. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2015, 5:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-feel-accepted/736873/38 "2015-11-09T05:07:15Z")
> [@lorene](#): > > I feel like this a lot of the time, with a splash of feeling accepted here and there. Sometimes I feel that if people **really** knew me, even that splash of acceptance would disappear. I have 2 friends who know me pretty well and still accept me. I can usually trust that acceptance. Usually. Can’t say I know you well, but I’d take you just the way you are. ---
**Author:** ![lorene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/65b543/32.png) [@lorene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lorene)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2015, 10:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-feel-accepted/736873/39 "2015-11-09T10:42:43Z")
> [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > Can’t say I know you well, but I’d take you just the way you are. 🙂 Thank you. Same here! ---
**Author:** ![stillownedbysetters](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/41988e/32.png) [@stillownedbysetters](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stillownedbysetters)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2015, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-feel-accepted/736873/40 "2015-11-09T16:36:55Z")
To accept someone, you need to know them. And very few people really know me. I have worked hard at being a chameleon, and for the most part it has worked out well for me. But since I lost my husband, only my oldest friend from childhood really knows who I am and not only accepts me but cherishes me for it (and the feeling is mutual). [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-feel-accepted/736873.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-feel-accepted/736873.md?page=3)