# "Do you find me attractive?" **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 7, 2013, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-find-me-attractive/646368 "2013-01-07T17:44:59Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2013, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-find-me-attractive/646368/21 "2013-01-07T18:53:58Z")
> [@Leaffan](#): > > Pretty much this, but asking this after one date, to me, indicates the guy has some underlying insecurities. Doesn’t everybody? ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2013, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-find-me-attractive/646368/22 "2013-01-07T18:54:41Z")
The asking for pics thing is the only really weird thing. Didn’t you exchange pics before you met the first time? Maybe he was really excited about the first date and wanted to show off to his friends by showing them the pictures of you. Asking if you found him attractive is a very minor red flag. It sounds like he is a little insecure to be back in the dating world after a longish relationship. ---
**Author:** ![colander](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e8c25b/32.png) [@colander](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/colander)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2013, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-find-me-attractive/646368/23 "2013-01-07T19:04:39Z")
He sent you a glamour shot? My guess is that if your response had been a more enthusiastic “yes,” the next pictures he sent you would have been of his dong. It’s certainly more considerate than straight up cold dick-pic sending, but you guys are probably not right for each other. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2013, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-find-me-attractive/646368/24 "2013-01-07T19:05:04Z")
Ask him why he asked for/sent photos after the first date when you’re out on your second date. In a non-confrontational, non-threatening, hey-what’s-up-with-that way. See how he reacts. It may give you some insight into the kind of person he is. Or, just let it go. Any inherent weirdness in his personality will become self evident before too long anyway. ---
**Author:** ![Blaster\_Master](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/cab0a1/32.png) [@Blaster\_Master](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blaster_Master)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2013, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-find-me-attractive/646368/25 "2013-01-07T19:11:43Z")
Sounds to me like a bit of insecurity. That you say you both agreed to a second outing and have continued chatting since then should have been enough of a sign that you were interested, but it isn’t always. I’ve been on dates myself where it seemed to go well, there was seeming mutual agreement to another date and some additional contact afterward, but then she would just stop responding or stall when trying to actually lock down a place and time for a second date. Especially if he’s fairly recently out of a long term relationship, as I think you mentioned, maybe he’s not really sure how it all goes anymore or isn’t as familiar with online dating or maybe he’s had a lot of hit and miss dates recently. And as for asking for and sending pictures, I wouldn’t think too much of it. Yes, he’s seen you in person, but maybe he doesn’t want to go to your profile just to see a picture before reading and replying, which is nice to help associate the two. Maybe he’s really interested and doesn’t want you to see that he’s still fairly active on the site and then get the impression he’s not interested. Or I know some sites make it difficult to download pictures from profiles so he just wanted to ask. After all, it gave him an opportunity to see how you’d react and open up to ask that question he had. Either way, I wouldn’t think too much about it. It seems like you’re interested in him, so you should go on a second date and have fun. Maybe his insecurities will be settled and you’ll hit things off. The worst that will happen is nothing. ---
**Author:** ![Blackberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecd19e/32.png) [@Blackberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackberry)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2013, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-find-me-attractive/646368/26 "2013-01-07T19:15:01Z")
I would feel extremely uncomfortable. I hate when people ask weird, prying questions, and odds are there will be more where that came from. But I wouldn’t stop seeing him over just that. I’d just say some sarcastic remark (that’s what I do when I feel uncomfortable) and see what happens. ---
**Author:** ![delphica](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e9a140/32.png) [@delphica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/delphica)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2013, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-find-me-attractive/646368/27 "2013-01-07T19:15:55Z")
My gut reaction would be a combination of annoyed, but maybe mostly confused (and revealing of my own stereotypes) because I don’t associate that question with straight men at all. If a guy friend told me this same story about a woman who sent/asked for pictures and then asked if he found her attractive, I would laugh and say “forget the second date, that’s like signing up for a relationship based on her asking if these pants make her butt look fat.” With a guy, I’m considerably more perplexed because it seems so unusual in my experience. ---
**Author:** ![Fuzzy\_Dunlop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/848f3c/32.png) [@Fuzzy\_Dunlop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fuzzy_Dunlop)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2013, 10:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-find-me-attractive/646368/28 "2013-01-07T22:19:16Z")
> [@you\_with\_the\_face](#): > > I don’t know why he wanted pics. It didn’t creep me out anything, but it seems completely unnecessary since 1) he’d seen me up close and personal already, and 2) there’s several pics of me on my profile. I didn’t send him a really flattering pic of myself so let’s hope he didn’t disseminate that thing. > > It’s possible he asked for pics so that he’d have an excuse to send me pics. Which would then would provide an easy opening for him to inquire about his attractiveness. I have no idea. It would never occur to me to ask a guy after the first date whether he was attracted to me. It seems hard to tell if he’s cripplingly insecure and can’t resist asking questions like that or he’s only a little insecure, but also socially awkward and doesn’t realize how awkward the question is. The latter option might be a problem in itself, but there are lots of lovable dorks out there who found people to love them in spite of the weird things they say. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2013, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-find-me-attractive/646368/29 "2013-01-07T22:51:37Z")
Post the pic and create a poll thread. We’ll tell him if he’s attractive. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2013, 11:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-find-me-attractive/646368/30 "2013-01-07T23:03:17Z")
> [@Blackberry](#): > > I would feel extremely uncomfortable. I hate when people ask weird, prying questions, and odds are there will be more where that came from. > > But I wouldn’t stop seeing him over just that. I’d just say some sarcastic remark (that’s what I do when I feel uncomfortable) and see what happens. If someone made me extremely uncomfortable, I’d never go on a second date. In any case, the pic and question behavior is a little odd. Not really freaky odd at this stage, but a little odd. I’d potentially ask about it during a second date. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2013, 11:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-find-me-attractive/646368/31 "2013-01-07T23:17:15Z")
Coming off of a good first date, his confidence should be peaking right now. That is strange. My arm chair theory is that he is way more into you than you are into him. He’s probably thinking you’re too good to be true and wants reassurance. He wants to feel the enthusiasm from you that he is feeling himself. ---
**Author:** ![colander](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e8c25b/32.png) [@colander](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/colander)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2013, 11:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-find-me-attractive/646368/32 "2013-01-07T23:20:17Z")
I am 100% serious about the dong thing. It’s not that he’s insecure. He just doesn’t want to spring wang on you if you don’t think he’s hot. That’s why he didn’t answer you back. It’s actually quite polite. Am I seriously the only person who this has happened to ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2013, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-find-me-attractive/646368/33 "2013-01-07T23:30:42Z")
> [@you\_with\_the\_face](#): > > Good conversation, good energy, no jaw-dropping revelations that bring about disappointment or creepy sensations. You end the date with mutual assurances that there will be a return performance. It is a positive experience albeit not a love at first sight thing… FWIW, just to chime in, this would pretty much be my definition of “attracted.” Spent some time together, enjoyed each other’s company, look forward to seeing each other again. That said, he seems to be a bit pushy with so much email & picture-swapping, I’m known to be kind of introverted IRL so I may not be the best judge of that. ---
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2013, 11:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-find-me-attractive/646368/34 "2013-01-07T23:51:50Z")
I’m supposed to meet him for dinner tomorrow. I’m not going to bring up the pics or his fishing, but if he does, I will try to tell him straight that I was a taken aback a bit by his question. **colander** , I guess it’s possible he was looking for an invitation to send a dick pic, but in my experience, guys who do that don’t need an invitation. They just send them apropos of nothing. Or, there is a progression. Small talk about the weather, then work, then hobbies, then a discussion about what makes you hot, then bam. Dick pic. But maybe he’s an outlier and you’re right. ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2013, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-find-me-attractive/646368/35 "2013-01-08T00:18:58Z")
When he asked for a picture, I’d assume he just wanted to show it to his friends, which is a pretty common thing to do. My WAG is that he sensed you weren’t really super attracted to him, and he may have had bad experiences with getting involved with people who are not really physically in to him. Some people are the “attraction grows in time” types, but I know every time I’ve tried to date someone that I don’t feel an immediate physical spark with, it just gets drawn out and uncomfortable. He may just be trying to avoid that. ---
**Author:** ![Simple\_Linctus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Simple\_Linctus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Simple_Linctus)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2013, 12:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-find-me-attractive/646368/36 "2013-01-08T00:31:07Z")
lol @ thinking this is a serious red flag. I can get why it irritates you, and it does seem a bit of a strange thing to ask, but I strongly suggest not being so picky. Wait for yourself to either not like him/not feel a connection, or to do something monumentally stupid. Just come right out and ask him why he did it and explain it’s a strange thing to say, if you really care. ---
**Author:** ![voltaire](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voltaire/32/313_2.png) [@voltaire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/voltaire)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2013, 12:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-find-me-attractive/646368/37 "2013-01-08T00:39:32Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > When he asked for a picture, I’d assume he just wanted to show it to his friends, which is a pretty common thing to do. I came to say this. Almost for sure, that was the motivation. ---
**Author:** ![sisu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df705f/32.png) [@sisu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sisu)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2013, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-find-me-attractive/646368/38 "2013-01-08T00:43:55Z")
Gut reaction is that he is needy but then again I have had attractive woman ask me the same thing. You know that when we enter into the dating world in our later years [40+] after major relationships we are really not sure how to act, we all make silly mistakes etc that we look back on and cringe. So cut the guy some slack, see him again and explain that although you find him cute he needs to understand that what he did might come across as needy. Men are simple beasts and sometimes we need to be told in clear terms that what we did might come across as creepy, but only venture down this path if you dig the guy otherwise drop him and move on. ---
**Author:** ![ReticulatingSplines](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e274bd/32.png) [@ReticulatingSplines](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ReticulatingSplines)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2013, 12:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-find-me-attractive/646368/39 "2013-01-08T00:44:15Z")
> [@voltaire](#): > > I came to say this. Almost for sure, that was the motivation. Why couldn’t he just get the pics from her profile then? Surely she’s already chosen the best ones for that. ---
**Author:** ![sisu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df705f/32.png) [@sisu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sisu)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2013, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-find-me-attractive/646368/40 "2013-01-08T00:52:53Z")
> [@ReticulatingSplines](#): > > Why couldn’t he just get the pics from her profile then? Surely she’s already chosen the best ones for that. Sometimes you can only do a screen capture from your mobile and that includes the site info, maybe he wanted a clean image? Or maybe he wanted boobs? We are simple creatures… [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-find-me-attractive/646368.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-find-me-attractive/646368.md?page=3)