# Do you give "dead fish" handshakes? Why? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 24, 2004, 12:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-give-dead-fish-handshakes-why/261189 "2004-08-24T00:54:38Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![lexi](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lexi/32/6806_2.png) [@lexi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lexi)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2004, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-give-dead-fish-handshakes-why/261189/21 "2004-08-24T17:14:06Z")
I rather receive a limp handshake than a bonecrusher. I give gentle but firm handshakes myself, despite having girly hands with thin fingers. There has been more than once I have recoiled in pain from a bonecrusher’s grip. if I am more than an acquaintance with the bonecrusher - I inform them that their handshake goes beyond firm and that for women with thinner hands like myself, it can be somewhat painful. ---
**Author:** ![CloudClever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9de0a6/32.png) [@CloudClever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CloudClever)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2004, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-give-dead-fish-handshakes-why/261189/22 "2004-08-24T19:50:33Z")
One of the doctors I know has a limp handshake, that really scares me, because I tend to think of doctors as authority figures and authority figures tend to have strong handshakes. Someone was telling me that some doctors/surgens have weak handshakes because they don’t want to risk hurting their hands. ---
**Author:** ![Greenback](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/2bfe46/32.png) [@Greenback](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Greenback)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2004, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-give-dead-fish-handshakes-why/261189/23 "2004-08-24T22:10:24Z")
I have been told that I am a bit of a bone crusher and have since tried to change that. The problem is that I have been tord that I do not have a grasp ( 😉 ) of my own strength. At present, my handshakes vary (from my POV) from firm (read that as bonecrushing) to loose, but I think the latter is closer to a proper handshake. The early grabbers bug me more than the limp fish. A handshake seems like such a small thing to fight over. I find that most early grabbers that I know are men that would consider me my father’s kid. They have seen me grow up so it seems that they feel it necessary to assert themselves this way. Of course, I am stronger than most of them now but there are a couple of farmers and an old mechanic that could still grind my hand into bread if they decided to. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Bird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Little\_Bird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Bird)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2004, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-give-dead-fish-handshakes-why/261189/24 "2004-08-25T00:04:46Z")
I have wee little girl hands with dainty thin fingers. I know I’m not going to be able to give a good firm handshake with just the one hand, so I took a cue from my martial arts training and now shake with both hands. Right hand like a normal shake, left hand over theirs. People really seem to like it, it gives the impression that I’m _really_ enthused to meet them. ---
**Author:** ![idontknowanything](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9f8e36/32.png) [@idontknowanything](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/idontknowanything)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2014, 9:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-give-dead-fish-handshakes-why/261189/25 "2014-05-03T09:54:51Z")
Sometimes it’s an insult. Sort of a cold hand, instead of a cold shoulder. In full use, it isn’t even offered until or unless the recipient reaches out their hand first. ---
**Author:** ![brainstall](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/35a633/32.png) [@brainstall](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brainstall)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2014, 1:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-give-dead-fish-handshakes-why/261189/26 "2014-05-03T13:20:15Z")
I was a limp fish handshaker and frequently got my fingers painfully squished together until my brother gave me a little handshaking tutorial. He showed me how to slide my hand forward into the other persons hand until the vees between thumb and first finger touched, not just offer my fingers. It seems dumb that I had to be taught how to shake hands, and had to practice with him a few times, but it was really helpful. ---
**Author:** ![Spud](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spud/32/347_2.png) [@Spud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spud)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2014, 1:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-give-dead-fish-handshakes-why/261189/27 "2014-05-03T13:29:48Z")
That’s funny… about 10 years ago someone asked this same question… ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2014, 2:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-give-dead-fish-handshakes-why/261189/28 "2014-05-03T14:59:54Z")
No, I follow the popular practice of grabbing onto someone’s hand and grasping it firmly with intermittent shaking for at last a minute, until they become really uncomfortable and have to wrench their hand away. At which point I eat their brains. ---
**Author:** ![blindboyard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blindboyard/32/2833_2.png) [@blindboyard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blindboyard)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2014, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-give-dead-fish-handshakes-why/261189/29 "2014-05-03T16:47:04Z")
> [@Cisco](#): > > Why not just be a man and not shake hands? I bet 99 out of 100 men would respect you more for saying “I don’t shake hands” than for giving them the dead fish. Why not just grow a pair and stop whining about other men not giving your hand the sort of rough fisting you so desire? ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2014, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-give-dead-fish-handshakes-why/261189/30 "2014-05-03T17:19:52Z")
> [@blindboyard](#): > > Why not just grow a pair and stop whining about other men not giving your hand the sort of rough fisting you so desire? I really don’t think he’s been whining about for the last decade… ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2014, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-give-dead-fish-handshakes-why/261189/31 "2014-05-03T17:28:42Z")
I suspect that some women were _taught_ to give dead fish, under the theory that to do otherwise would be too aggressive and manly. I’ve run into a couple men who give dead fish, but it seems much more common from women. ---
**Author:** ![SirGalahad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/71c47a/32.png) [@SirGalahad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SirGalahad)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2014, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-give-dead-fish-handshakes-why/261189/32 "2014-05-03T17:42:17Z")
From lifting weights and laying bricks, I could (and have) make really big guys wince, but don’t, because it’s a juvenile display. Thankfully, most of my Jazz musician colleagues offer to “lay five, some skin, or a fist bump”. I’d rather get a weak handshake than a dull-witted alpha-male challenge. OK, you’re macho, I get it. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2014, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-give-dead-fish-handshakes-why/261189/33 "2014-05-03T18:36:55Z")
Does it count as “legitimate” handshake rape then? ---
**Author:** ![Tethered\_Kite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a5b964/32.png) [@Tethered\_Kite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tethered_Kite)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2014, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-give-dead-fish-handshakes-why/261189/34 "2014-05-03T18:47:25Z")
> [@Sharky](#): > > I have arthritis, and it is very painful to receive a “bonecrusher” handshake. But dead fish handshakes creep me out, so I try to match whatever pressure is offered, even though it hurts. > > When someone offers me the dead fish, I squeeze very carefully and gently, because that person may have arthritis, too. Wanted to highlight your post because so many people don’t know that it’s thoughtless to offer to shake hands with elderly persons especially if you aren’t sure about arthritis. Or, if you must, please go lightly on those well-used old bones. it’s something I learned volunteering at nursing homes. I prefer not to shake hands at all. I’m not germ obsessed so I think I just picked up the preference working in a hospital. I notice some doctors appear to flinch also when a hand is offered. But if shake I must I’ll give a solid one. The “dead fish” is off-putting if you aren’t able to determine where it’s coming from. ---
**Author:** ![SirGalahad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/71c47a/32.png) [@SirGalahad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SirGalahad)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2014, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-give-dead-fish-handshakes-why/261189/35 "2014-05-03T19:04:53Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > Does it count as “legitimate” handshake rape then? Only if you wiggle you finger in their palm. ---
**Author:** ![Inna\_Minnit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/5f8ce5/32.png) [@Inna\_Minnit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inna_Minnit)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2014, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-give-dead-fish-handshakes-why/261189/36 "2014-05-03T19:12:33Z")
> [@Rock\_n\_Roach](#): > > I prefer not to shake hands for several reasons. Here is one of 'em: > > One day at work I just came out of the bathroom with my hands still somewhat wet (from washing). I ran into a vice president of the company who was with some clients. She stopped me and thanked me for my contribution on a recent high-profile project then stuck out her hand to shake. > > What was I to do? So I shook it. > > I probably should have offered to go back and get her a towel. > Instead I shrunk about 3 sizes and crawled to my cube I would have begged off “Sorry, I just washed my hands and They are still a bit damp!” I also beg out of handshakes when I am sick. “Sorry, I have a cold. I don’t want to get you sick.” ---
**Author:** ![emcee2k](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7bcc69/32.png) [@emcee2k](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/emcee2k)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2014, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-give-dead-fish-handshakes-why/261189/37 "2014-05-03T20:04:19Z")
People read way too much into a handshake. ---
**Author:** ![Procrustus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/procrustus/32/2994_2.png) [@Procrustus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Procrustus)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2014, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-give-dead-fish-handshakes-why/261189/38 "2014-05-03T20:15:33Z")
> [@emcee2k](#): > > People read way too much into a handshake. Thanks for saying. For some reason I’m really bad at handshakes and am uncomfortable about the whole routine. I hope people aren’t judging me too harshly. ---
**Author:** ![SirGalahad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/71c47a/32.png) [@SirGalahad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SirGalahad)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2014, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-give-dead-fish-handshakes-why/261189/39 "2014-05-03T20:40:59Z")
> [@Procrustus](#): > > Thanks for saying. For some reason I’m really bad at handshakes and am uncomfortable about the whole routine. I hope people aren’t judging me too harshly. They’re judging your “manliness”. How silly is that? ---
**Author:** ![Buttercup\_Smith](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/buttercup_smith/32/473_2.png) [@Buttercup\_Smith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Buttercup_Smith)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2014, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-give-dead-fish-handshakes-why/261189/40 "2014-05-03T20:41:19Z")
Germs. But I often initiate a handshake then promptly use hand sanitizer. More than once the shakee seems surprised. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-give-dead-fish-handshakes-why/261189.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-give-dead-fish-handshakes-why/261189.md?page=3)