# Do you have a "Spinster Aunt"? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 17, 2011, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-a-spinster-aunt/593051 "2011-08-17T17:41:04Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 14\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Scubaqueen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c0e974/32.png) [@Scubaqueen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scubaqueen)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2011, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-a-spinster-aunt/593051/61 "2011-08-18T17:52:09Z")
> [@Dogzilla](#): > > To some in my family, I am the spinster aunt. I’m not a lesbian (not that there’s anything wrong with that), but I think sometimes people get the impression that their never-married relatives are gay because the never-married person doesn’t feel the need to send out a newsletter to the extended family to report on every drunken hookup. 😉 > > I actually said that to a family member. It was brought up at a family event that I had a boyfriend. To their knowledge, I haven’t had a boyfriend since high school. That is patently not true, but I didn’t think my dating habits were anyone’s business but mine. So I didn’t discuss the boy(s) I was dating. Years pass, a BF is introduced and a family member (in one of the classiest moves ever) says, “Oh, really? I thought you were gay?” > > “Hmmm, I see. What made you think that? Do you think you’ve seen me out and about with women? Have I been bringing home female roommates or something?” > > “Well, erm, um, no. I don’t know…You never have a boyfriend…” > > “So when’s the last time you called me up to report to me something about your sex life?” > > “Never! Ew!” > > “Right, so what makes you think I would call you up to report every drunken hookup? How is my sex life your business?” > > :: crickets chirping :: > > “That’s what I thought.” > > In other news, I was once touring family graves in the various cemeteries around my grandfather’s house. He pointed to his sister’s grave and told me she’d attended my alma mater. I noted her maiden name on the stone and asked if she’d married. I was informed she’d never married and never had kids and had been a teacher her whole life. I immediately wondered if she was that spinster aunt, but then I thought about my own situation and decided maybe she was just a march-to-her-own-drummer kind of person like me. Maybe that’s where I got that quality. > > My whole point: I think people sometimes get ideas about other people that are not necessarily accurate based on a few superficial impressions. It could be that your spinster aunt is actually experimenting with cat recipes and that’s why she has a lot of cats, and she only trots out the knitting and quilting when family is around so they won’t know about her secret S&M dungeon. You just never know what’s going on in other people’s lives from the outside. you go, **'zilla**!!! i came in here to vote no - then realized I’M the spinster aunt, too, in my family. :eek: 😃 fortunately for me, nobody in the family gives a rat’s ass what my sexual orientation is (one of my gay friends once described me with cuttingly-deadly accuracy as, ‘straight as an ironing board.’ :p) who i date, or why i don’t have children. i do have two cats, however, so living alone with cats probably qualifies me for the title. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Maastricht](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e57/32.png) [@Maastricht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maastricht)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2011, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-a-spinster-aunt/593051/62 "2011-08-18T18:06:37Z")
My best friend is the spinster aunt. She had a passionate affair with a married man for over 13 years. She kept her sex life from her family. They were a bit used to it, because so did her brother, but his reason for doing so was that he was gay and didn’t want a steady relationship. ---
**Author:** ![RedWood](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f08c70/32.png) [@RedWood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RedWood)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2011, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-a-spinster-aunt/593051/63 "2011-08-18T18:20:08Z")
I had one! Never married, lived by herself (no cats), was a businesswoman all her life, smoked like a chimney, and did NOT cook for anyone. Had no romantic relationships that we knew of. I did not dare ask her why. ---
**Author:** ![HeyHomie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/heyhomie/32/207_2.png) [@HeyHomie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HeyHomie)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2011, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-a-spinster-aunt/593051/64 "2011-08-18T19:51:20Z")
All three of my aunts are married [to men] and, AFAIK, straight, having all borne children and none ever pinging my gaydar. ---
**Author:** ![maggenpye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ecc23a/32.png) [@maggenpye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/maggenpye)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2011, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-a-spinster-aunt/593051/65 "2011-08-18T21:02:10Z")
> [@thelabdude](#): > > How old do you have to be before you become a spinster? This, I can answer. I have my parent’s marriage certificate (planning stuff for their 50th anniversary). My mother is listed as a spinster - she was 17 years old. Marrying age is when you become a spinster. ---
**Author:** ![turtledove\_river](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e79b87/32.png) [@turtledove\_river](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/turtledove_river)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2011, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-a-spinster-aunt/593051/66 "2011-08-18T21:11:07Z")
I’m also the spinster aunt. I love me my cats and I love me my knitting. I bat for neither team. ---
**Author:** ![vix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/a88e4f/32.png) [@vix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vix)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2011, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-a-spinster-aunt/593051/67 "2011-08-19T01:07:40Z")
> [@kunilou](#): > > My spinster aunt has the double distinction of being the “old maid schoolteacher.” Not a lesbian, as far as anyone can tell (she did date when she was young), just someone who held out for The One who never came along. Same here. My spinster aunt dated a man (men?) in her youth, but never in my memory (or lifetime, I think). She is beautiful, stylish and loves expensive jewelry and clothing. She’s generous with her time and money, though not especially warm or touchy-feely. She was the primary caregiver for my late grandfather for several years, doing things that none of her sisters could or would do. For many years (can it be decades already?), she has lived with and supported one of her sisters, a widow, who is bipolar and can’t hold a job. They have at least one cat. ---
**Author:** ![Gleena](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b3f665/32.png) [@Gleena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gleena)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2011, 5:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-a-spinster-aunt/593051/68 "2011-08-19T05:42:18Z")
I had two, one has died. The one that died was probably not gay. She was a teacher when teacher’s weren’t allowed to be married Then she had a breast removed in the late '20s, and her other one in the '50s. She told me once that she was in love with a coach at the school she was teaching at but she ‘cut him cold’ when she had her first mastectomy and never told him why. Suspect she felt that she shouldn’t marry, given the time in which it occurred. She kept his obituary in her bedside table, I found it after she died. She did most of the raising of me - retired from teaching to do so. My other spinster aunt is still alive and I strongly suspect she bats for the other team. She’s just turned 70. She’s had two best female friends, not at the same time, each for several decades. (And it must be said the both of them are vastly more fun than she is!) The current one lives in a house she bought up the street. They are in a conservative area of the country and my aunt is somewhat of a public figure (think a public relations person that would be interviewed a lot on the news) so even a Boston marriage wouldn’t be done. Her sexuality is Not Discussed (eww!) but I think she’d be more fun and happier if she is gay and would fess up about it. All her female friends (not just her ‘best’ ones) tend to be either spinsters or have divorced very early on and never remarried, so of course I have my suspicions. If she is (and I think she is) then I wish she’d stayed with her first partner, who I utterly, utterly adore. Ah well. ---
**Author:** ![jackdavinci](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackdavinci/32/3259_2.png) [@jackdavinci](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jackdavinci)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2011, 6:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-a-spinster-aunt/593051/69 "2011-08-19T06:06:43Z")
Nope! All my aunts and uncles even (is there a collective term?) have been married at some point and even the divorced ones are dating. One of my best friends is kind of spinsteresque though. She’s been single for a few years and seems to be in a lifetime partnership with her two cats and bunny. ---
**Author:** ![Agnostic\_Pagan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c4cdca/32.png) [@Agnostic\_Pagan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Agnostic_Pagan)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2011, 6:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-a-spinster-aunt/593051/70 "2011-08-19T06:06:57Z")
Yes. She dated a couple guys when she was younger, but no boyfriends as an adult, and has lived with her female roommate for almost twenty years. I think in their case that they are just both asexual. They are both religious and active in their church, but have never really shown any desire to get married. I would not be surprised if either one did eventually though. And I am shaping up to be the confirmed bachelor uncle. I’m straight, and have no strong objections to marriage, but no strong desire either. I’ve had my share of affairs, but only a couple real relationships. C’est la vie. ---
**Author:** ![dwyr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dwyr/32/363_2.png) [@dwyr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dwyr)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2011, 7:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-a-spinster-aunt/593051/71 "2011-08-19T07:48:28Z")
I had one, my Grandmother’s sister. She never married but was probably not gay as, according to her sisters & my mother, she cut quite a swath through the armed services during WWII. Sifting through her letters after she passed away confirmed this. She only had one cat and could knit anything. She also played poker with her buddies on the weekends. Now that she’s gone the spinster Auntie is me. I live alone, three cats, can’t knit, not gay but am rumored to be “that way”. Maybe it’s because I prefer jeans and hiking boots to dresses and high heels? I would like male companionship from time to time but have never been able to hold onto one for long. I’m not very girly I admit, don’t wear makeup or jewelry. I love hardware stores and tools. I also own a sword. ---
**Author:** ![Filbert](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/filbert/32/3433_2.png) [@Filbert](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Filbert)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2011, 11:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-a-spinster-aunt/593051/72 "2011-08-19T11:42:14Z")
No aunts, but my grandfather’s 3 sisters, my great aunts, all never left home or (according to fairly solid rumour) ever had a boyfriend between them. Their mother was a proper old Lancashire dragon, who had them so under control that she even dictated when the only one who survived her (she died at 99) was permitted to retire. Said great aunt then moved in with us, before becoming a companion to another even older lady when both were in their 80s. I never met the other sisters, but the one who lived with us still seemed a little shocked about my grandfather leaving the house, and referred to my grandmother as ‘That schemin’ Hilda’, who had ripped the family apart so badly her brother had moved to a different house a few doors away! She was an awesome Aunty when I was little, but had so many repressed and old fashioned ideas I doubt she’d even admit to herself if she batted for any team at all. Knitted like a demon. No cats. ---
**Author:** ![Yorikke](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yorikke/32/4335_2.png) [@Yorikke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yorikke)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2011, 1:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-a-spinster-aunt/593051/73 "2011-08-19T13:04:52Z")
I had a spinster Great Aunt. She died probably 25 years ago, at almost 100. I have a spinster Sister-in-Law. She’s a really great person, and I have no concrete idea of her sexuality, but she doesn’t seem happy about being alone. Joe ---
**Author:** ![Freddy\_the\_Pig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a587f6/32.png) [@Freddy\_the\_Pig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freddy_the_Pig)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2011, 9:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-a-spinster-aunt/593051/74 "2011-08-19T21:06:49Z")
Oh yeah, I had one. She died in 1991. Her only pet was a parakeet, and she was asexual. She watched TV a lot. Really, she was kind of boring. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-a-spinster-aunt/593051.md?page=3)