# Do you have a will, and if you have minor children, have you decided their fate upon your death? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 3, 2010, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-a-will-and-if-you-have-minor-children-have-you-decided-their-fate-upon-your-death/527570 "2010-02-03T19:33:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2010, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-a-will-and-if-you-have-minor-children-have-you-decided-their-fate-upon-your-death/527570/1 "2010-02-03T19:33:32Z")
I am surprised by the number of my friends that do not have wills or any type of estate planning, and those that have minor children, but have not made the appropriate legal guardianship plans in the event of their deaths. So what have you done? ---
**Author:** ![muldoonthief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muldoonthief/32/3188_2.png) [@muldoonthief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/muldoonthief)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2010, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-a-will-and-if-you-have-minor-children-have-you-decided-their-fate-upon-your-death/527570/2 "2010-02-03T19:44:00Z")
Will, with provisions for guardians and backup guardians. My wife and I set it all up the first time we went on vacation without the kid (singular at the time). Oh, and we’ve also got a “If the house is on fire, save the kids first” agreement in place, but that’s not written down. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/74df32/32.png) [@The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Devil_s_Grandmother)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2010, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-a-will-and-if-you-have-minor-children-have-you-decided-their-fate-upon-your-death/527570/3 "2010-02-03T20:07:23Z")
I have no kids, but there’s a note in my “in case of suden death” file with the contact info of the friend who’s agreed to take care of the cats. ---
**Author:** ![BetsQ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/fbc32d/32.png) [@BetsQ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BetsQ)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2010, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-a-will-and-if-you-have-minor-children-have-you-decided-their-fate-upon-your-death/527570/4 "2010-02-03T20:39:27Z")
We haven’t done this yet, largely because we disagree about who should get the kids. Sad, but true. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2010, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-a-will-and-if-you-have-minor-children-have-you-decided-their-fate-upon-your-death/527570/5 "2010-02-03T21:27:03Z")
Yes, a will with all the necessary provisions and back-ups, etc. and all this was discussed with them and then with an attorney so he’d know exactly what we wanted. It wasn’t completed until recently though. I should have done this probably 8 or 9 years back. ---
**Author:** ![Gala\_Matrix\_Fire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/4da419/32.png) [@Gala\_Matrix\_Fire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gala_Matrix_Fire)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2010, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-a-will-and-if-you-have-minor-children-have-you-decided-their-fate-upon-your-death/527570/6 "2010-02-03T21:29:21Z")
Unfortunately my existing will says my ex-husband gets my stuff. Got to change that. ---
**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2010, 9:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-a-will-and-if-you-have-minor-children-have-you-decided-their-fate-upon-your-death/527570/7 "2010-02-03T21:33:59Z")
Yes, will and guardianship. Had guardianship taken care of prior to birth, the updated will came after the baby. ---
**Author:** ![suranyi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e36b37/32.png) [@suranyi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/suranyi)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2010, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-a-will-and-if-you-have-minor-children-have-you-decided-their-fate-upon-your-death/527570/8 "2010-02-03T21:48:32Z")
Over the summer, my wife was pregnant with our first child. (He was born in December.) We made a point to visit a lawyer to make sure that an estate plan was created. That includes wills and plans for custody just in case. ---
**Author:** ![MLS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/919ad9/32.png) [@MLS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MLS)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2010, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-a-will-and-if-you-have-minor-children-have-you-decided-their-fate-upon-your-death/527570/9 "2010-02-04T01:51:40Z")
I’m cheating by answering because my daughters are adults, but from the time the first one was born my husband and I had wills and had a stipulation as to who would be their guardian if both of us died. ---
**Author:** ![GilaB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8e7dd6/32.png) [@GilaB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GilaB)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2010, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-a-will-and-if-you-have-minor-children-have-you-decided-their-fate-upon-your-death/527570/10 "2010-02-04T01:58:20Z")
No kids, and no will precisely because we don’t have to specify guardianship as yet, and also because we don’t have so much stuff that we really need to specify who gets it in any formal fashion. We’ve discussed who would get guardianship of the hypothetical children, although we haven’t actually discussed it with the appointed guardians as yet, while it remains such an abstraction. I think they’d be OK with it. IME, my friends have gotten wills around the time they had their first child. ---
**Author:** ![C3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/c3/32/3108_2.png) [@C3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/C3)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2010, 2:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-a-will-and-if-you-have-minor-children-have-you-decided-their-fate-upon-your-death/527570/11 "2010-02-04T02:03:02Z")
We have wills, but no guardianship arrangements because we don’t know anyone we’d want to raise our kids. This has been something my husband and I have talked about regularly since before I was pregnant with our first child. ---
**Author:** ![overlyverbose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/9dc877/32.png) [@overlyverbose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/overlyverbose)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2010, 3:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-a-will-and-if-you-have-minor-children-have-you-decided-their-fate-upon-your-death/527570/12 "2010-02-04T03:32:57Z")
We have wills, revocable living trusts, powers of attorney, etc. Fortunately, deciding on guardianship in the event of our deaths was easy. ---
**Author:** ![dangermom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e274bd/32.png) [@dangermom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dangermom)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2010, 3:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-a-will-and-if-you-have-minor-children-have-you-decided-their-fate-upon-your-death/527570/13 "2010-02-04T03:43:08Z")
If we die, DangerDad’s brother and his wife take our kids. And we get their daughter if they die. Respective houses to be sold and proceeds invested for college/upkeep. ---
**Author:** ![thirdwarning](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecccb3/32.png) [@thirdwarning](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thirdwarning)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2010, 5:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-a-will-and-if-you-have-minor-children-have-you-decided-their-fate-upon-your-death/527570/14 "2010-02-04T05:06:28Z")
We put it off way too long, but we did finally do it, with guardianship provisions, medical powers of attorney, the whole nine yards. The guardianship stuff is moot now, since the youngest is 20, but it made me feel better at the time. Now all I have to do is write out instructions to be a bit more specific about my definition of heroic measures. I’ve talked to my husband about it, but I want it down on paper. I think we may want to revisit the whole thing soon, now that our son, our oldest, is settling down and a lot more grown up. We took the big decisions out of his hands when we made the wills because he was still young, even though legally an adult. We didn’t want him to have it to deal with. Turns out he was a bit miffed about it. He felt we didn’t quite trust him. I explained that we were trying to protect him, that we thought he was a bit young to have to make “pull the plug” kind of decisions, but I’m not sure it helped all that much. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2010, 6:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-a-will-and-if-you-have-minor-children-have-you-decided-their-fate-upon-your-death/527570/15 "2010-02-04T06:05:05Z")
I do not have a will because I’ve verified that what I want to happen matches what the law says. My brothers and my mother are my beneficiaries in all forms of life insurance, except for the one linked to my mortgage (the beneficiary in that one is the bank). My youngest brother (He Who Does Finances) knows my financial situation in detail; I know his. I don’t have kids, so other than an apology to my family for however-long it would take them to sell my house, there’s really no reason for a will. My relatives know I’m DNR, but as I spend so much time away, it’s highly possible that if I get in big medical trouble they won’t be notified until after any measures have already been taken. ---
**Author:** ![corkboard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e9bcb4/32.png) [@corkboard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/corkboard)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2010, 1:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-a-will-and-if-you-have-minor-children-have-you-decided-their-fate-upon-your-death/527570/16 "2010-02-04T13:36:13Z")
We have kids, a will, guardianship instructions, POA, and revocable trusts. Copies are at our house in the safe, at our bank in the safety deposit box, and with our attorney. Yes, I wear a belt with suspenders, why do you ask? ---
**Author:** ![Drain\_Bead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e47774/32.png) [@Drain\_Bead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drain_Bead)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2010, 1:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-a-will-and-if-you-have-minor-children-have-you-decided-their-fate-upon-your-death/527570/17 "2010-02-04T13:43:54Z")
I accidentally voted for the wrong one because I kan’t read. I have a child, and while we’ve discussed who will get her upon our death, we haven’t formally put it in writing. There’s really only one option at this point, though, and everyone who is related to us knows it. We’re working on a will, but haven’t finished it yet. Also, the laws of intestate succession match what we want to have happen upon our death, so it’s not a pressing concern. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2010, 1:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-a-will-and-if-you-have-minor-children-have-you-decided-their-fate-upon-your-death/527570/18 "2010-02-04T13:54:50Z")
> [@Gala\_Matrix\_Fire](#): > > Unfortunately my existing will says my ex-husband gets my stuff. Got to change that. If your will was done while you were married, the divorce would nullify your current will, and your things would become intestate, and decided by a judge. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2010, 1:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-a-will-and-if-you-have-minor-children-have-you-decided-their-fate-upon-your-death/527570/19 "2010-02-04T13:56:06Z")
> [@BetsQ](#): > > We haven’t done this yet, largely because we disagree about who should get the kids. Sad, but true. If you were both to pass away, neither of your choices would honored, but a judge would decide the guardianship of your children. Even if you two can’t decide, picking one of your choices for the time being is better than no choice at all. ---
**Author:** ![Edward\_The\_Head](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ce73a5/32.png) [@Edward\_The\_Head](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Edward_The_Head)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2010, 1:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-a-will-and-if-you-have-minor-children-have-you-decided-their-fate-upon-your-death/527570/20 "2010-02-04T13:56:14Z")
Yes we did a will and a few other things a bit after the first little one was born. It did take us awhile to figure everything out, but it is now, including who gets the children, who would get assets in the event we all die. The only thing I can’t get out of my wife is where she wants to be buried,she says it’s too morbid of a question. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-a-will-and-if-you-have-minor-children-have-you-decided-their-fate-upon-your-death/527570.md?page=2)