# Do you have an incredibly asinine voicemail greeting? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 14, 2009, 1:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-an-incredibly-asinine-voicemail-greeting/513777 "2009-10-14T13:50:17Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2009, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-an-incredibly-asinine-voicemail-greeting/513777/21 "2009-10-15T16:13:06Z")
Called a friend last night after not hearing from him in a while. He has all sorts of OCD type behaviors. I was therefore not too surprised to hear that he still changes his message daily to incorporate the date. “Hi, it is Thursday, October 15th and you have reached…” ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2009, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-an-incredibly-asinine-voicemail-greeting/513777/22 "2009-10-15T16:16:32Z")
I don’t even record my home VM message. The machine comes with a message, people who call can deal with that. At work, it’s the basic - leave a message, press zero for operator, couched in politer terms. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2009, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-an-incredibly-asinine-voicemail-greeting/513777/23 "2009-10-15T16:28:32Z")
> [@tumbleddown](#): > > My home phone and cell phone are both using the preprogrammed Verizon mechanical voice greeting. “You have reached xxx-xxx-xxxx. If you’d like to leave a message, you may do so after the beep.” On the cell phone I think it says that there are other options if you remain on the line or press pound or star or some such. Very simple and easy and non-revelatory to strangers who might call me. I used to do this, but after having to call my phone once and deciding the greeting was too long, I recorded over it with “Leave a message.” > [@Zjestika](#): > > I voted asinine. Yes! More people need to confess. > [@Kimmy\_Gibbler](#): > > [Psssssst.](http://lifehacker.com/5326511/bypass-cellphone-voicemail-instructions-with-one-star-pound) Ah hmm! I usually just automatically press 1, and it almost always works. When it doesn’t, I just grumble and suffer. But now I shall suffer no more. Maybe there’s always been an not-so-secret automatic voicemail bypassing secret that everyone’s always known, which may explain why no matter what I said in my greeting when I worked in HR, I’d still receive messages like, “Hi, I’m Joe. Please call me back.” Thanks, Joe, shouldn’t be a problem for a company with 200,000 employees. ---
**Author:** ![Bearflag70](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Bearflag70](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bearflag70)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2009, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-an-incredibly-asinine-voicemail-greeting/513777/24 "2009-10-15T16:32:06Z")
Mine’s simple. “Hi, you have reached [name]. Please leave a message and I will get back to you. Thanks.” I don’t like when people let me know I have reached [number] instead of [name]. I am usually well aware of what number I dialed, but I need to know if that number goes to the person I need to reach, and I don’t always know that. If I dial the number incorrectly or if I have a bad phone number, then I will know that by the fact that I failed to reach [name]. So, I prefer that people say I have reached [name]. ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2009, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-an-incredibly-asinine-voicemail-greeting/513777/25 "2009-10-15T17:10:13Z")
Personally, I don’t think mine is asinine but after reading the OP I think the OP might think so. Here it is: _You have reached [Broomstick]'s voicemail. I do not answer my phone when I am asleep, driving on the freeway, or flying an airplane. Please leave a message and I will get back to you just as soon as I wake up, land the plane, and pull off the road._ ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2009, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-an-incredibly-asinine-voicemail-greeting/513777/26 "2009-10-15T17:21:33Z")
My cell phone and our home phone numbers are both answering services for our cats. It’s absurd but it prevents marketers of any type leaving messages and it amuses me. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2009, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-an-incredibly-asinine-voicemail-greeting/513777/27 "2009-10-15T20:01:06Z")
> [@alice\_in\_wonderland](#): > > My cell phone and our home phone numbers are both answering services for our cats. It’s absurd but it prevents marketers of any type leaving messages and it amuses me. Asinine, but approved. Amusing yourself while annoying telemarketers is a win. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2009, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-an-incredibly-asinine-voicemail-greeting/513777/28 "2009-10-15T20:05:50Z")
Next question–“do you wear horrible clothes?” “Are you a bad driver?” “Do you suck at sex”? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2009, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-an-incredibly-asinine-voicemail-greeting/513777/29 "2009-10-15T21:03:32Z")
> [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > Next question–“do you wear horrible clothes?” “Are you a bad driver?” “Do you suck at sex”? 😃 Hey, I have no problem answering these questions. In order: sometimes, no, no and yes (childish and suggestive nudge) Maybe my next poll should be “Why do you walk slowly and four-abreast in public places?” 1. Because you’re a douche 2. Because you’re an oblivious douche 3. Because you’re a malicious douche 4. Because you’re some other type of douche (Please explain) I’ll probably make that tomorrow. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2009, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-an-incredibly-asinine-voicemail-greeting/513777/30 "2009-10-15T21:08:19Z")
Now that I’d love to know. Why do they do it?! And how can they not know it’s going to be hard for people to go by? ---
**Author:** ![Alessan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alessan/32/465_2.png) [@Alessan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alessan)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2009, 9:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-an-incredibly-asinine-voicemail-greeting/513777/31 "2009-10-15T21:33:55Z")
I don’t have a message. If they don’t know who they’re calling, why the hell did they dial my number? ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2009, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-an-incredibly-asinine-voicemail-greeting/513777/32 "2009-10-15T21:37:52Z")
> [@Alessan](#): > > I don’t have a message. If they don’t know who they’re calling, why the hell did they dial my number? So when you don’t answer your phone, all the caller hears is _Ring, Ring, Ring, Ring, Beep_? ---
**Author:** ![Scarlett67](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scarlett67/32/7387_2.png) [@Scarlett67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scarlett67)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2009, 11:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-an-incredibly-asinine-voicemail-greeting/513777/33 "2009-10-15T23:08:39Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > I don’t even record my home VM message. The machine comes with a message, people who call can deal with that. I don’t leave a message if I get one of those generic greetings. How can I be sure I reached the right machine? Also, I can’t help wondering if people who can’t be arsed to record a greeting also can’t be arsed to check their messages. ---
**Author:** ![Alessan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alessan/32/465_2.png) [@Alessan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alessan)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2009, 9:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-an-incredibly-asinine-voicemail-greeting/513777/34 "2009-10-16T09:49:52Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > So when you don’t answer your phone, all the caller hears is _Ring, Ring, Ring, Ring, Beep_? You know, I have no idea. I’ll check. [Dialing cell] _Female voice:_ “You have reached the voicemail of [monotone] 050-\*\*\*\*\*\*\* [/monotone]. Please leave a message after the beep.” Cool. > [@Scarlett67](#): > > I don’t leave a message if I get one of those generic greetings. How can I be sure I reached the right machine? Your loss, I suppose ---
**Author:** ![Scarlett67](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scarlett67/32/7387_2.png) [@Scarlett67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scarlett67)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2009, 1:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-an-incredibly-asinine-voicemail-greeting/513777/35 "2009-10-16T13:21:56Z")
> [@Alessan](#): > > Your loss, I suppose Not really. Last time it happened, I was attempting to relay a message to a relative who (for whatever reason) keeps her number unpublished. Someone was trying to reach her and found our number instead. If she chooses to be a hermit, then it’s her loss if she doesn’t get messages intended to reach her. I don’t enjoy playing answering service. I’ve found that people who have the generic message are usually those for whom it’s not terribly important for me to reach them anyway. I can usually find another way to get what I need, or if I’m trying to return their call, they can just call me again. ---
**Author:** ![Alessan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alessan/32/465_2.png) [@Alessan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alessan)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2009, 1:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-an-incredibly-asinine-voicemail-greeting/513777/36 "2009-10-16T13:54:20Z")
How do you know an email you’ve sent has reached the right person? ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2009, 1:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-an-incredibly-asinine-voicemail-greeting/513777/37 "2009-10-16T13:59:16Z")
I once had a VM greeting where in all I said was “Beeep” but then the real machine beep doesn’t occur for another 15 seconds or so. You’d be amazed at some of my dumbass friends who would actually start talking at the end of the verbal “Beep”. So often times I’d get messages with the first 15 seconds cut off. I have absolutely no idea what they were thinking when the real beep went off in the middle of their message. Also, I swear I’m not making this up. On one greeting I said "You have dialed a number incorrectly. The number you are trying to call is 214-555-1234. You dialed 999-999-999. To dial the number you were really trying to call push #69 at the beep. I had only one person that was dumb enough to fall for this gag. As in I could hear them pushing the numbers on the recorder. And guess who that one dumbass was? A perspective employer. :smack: It didn’t exactly give me a whole lot of faith in the company. I no longer do the funny greetings anymore. ---
**Author:** ![Cardinal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cardinal/32/4000_2.png) [@Cardinal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cardinal)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2009, 2:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-an-incredibly-asinine-voicemail-greeting/513777/38 "2009-10-16T14:10:01Z")
> [@Chum](#): > > My voicemail message is just my recorded name and then whatever blather the machine lady says. And that’s still too much. I tried and failed to figure out how to just make it beep. If anyone knows how to do that for a Verizon cell phone, please fight my ignorance. I was told by a Verizon customer service rep that you cannot turn off the woman who prattles about how to leave a voicemail. ---
**Author:** ![Lanzy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/74df32/32.png) [@Lanzy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lanzy)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2009, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-an-incredibly-asinine-voicemail-greeting/513777/39 "2009-10-16T14:22:39Z")
Mine says: This is 999-999-9999; if this is the number you dialed, please leave a message. If they don’t know my name, I’m not giving it to them. ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2009, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-an-incredibly-asinine-voicemail-greeting/513777/40 "2009-10-16T19:59:25Z")
Most annoying outgoing greeting EVER: “We can’t come to the phone right now, we’re spending quality time with our kids. Please leave a message.” They were also the most annoying people ever. 1. Outgoing message at a business I once called: “Hi, this is ABC Company. This is Mary, I’m an alcoholic. Our hours are…” At work, I have to phone people to remind them of court-ordered sentencing appearances. We don’t always have a correct phone number on the police reports. If they don’t have an identifying greeting on the machine, I can’t very well leave a message without leaving out all the identifying names, which makes for some very awkward messages. The worst greetings are definitely the ones with their crap music blaring, which usually correspond with the stupidity of the crime they’re being sentenced for (cleaning your air rifle outside your high school during lunch?). [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-an-incredibly-asinine-voicemail-greeting/513777.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-an-incredibly-asinine-voicemail-greeting/513777.md?page=3)