# Do you have any experience with paid listeners? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 15, 2020, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-any-experience-with-paid-listeners/853859 "2020-05-15T15:28:29Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![CCitizen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4af34b/32.png) [@CCitizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CCitizen)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2020, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-any-experience-with-paid-listeners/853859/1 "2020-05-15T15:28:29Z")
They seem to be much less expensive then therapists. [Hire a listener](https://listentruly.com/why-listener/). ---
**Author:** ![Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/13edae/32.png) [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stranger_On_A_Train)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2020, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-any-experience-with-paid-listeners/853859/2 "2020-05-15T15:35:19Z")
What is a “paid listener”? A therapist isn’t supposed to just passively listen to you and nod sympathetically. They are supposed to challenge you regarding incorrect or harmful self-beliefs and give you insight into your behaviors that allow you to change your attitudes or worldview. If they aren’t doing that (and many are not very good at it) then you need to find someone who can. Paying someone to just sit and listen to you without responding or challenging is essentially narcissism. It is why celebrities and self-impressed business moguls surround themselves with a cadre of “Yes Men” (or women) so they can avoid or ignore disagreeable ideas or criticism. Stranger ---
**Author:** ![CCitizen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4af34b/32.png) [@CCitizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CCitizen)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2020, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-any-experience-with-paid-listeners/853859/3 "2020-05-15T15:39:34Z")
> [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](#): > > What is a “paid listener”? I do not know myself – just read about it. I guess someone I can talk to about my issues and subjects of my choice. ---
**Author:** ![Ulfreida](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ulfreida/32/8014_2.png) [@Ulfreida](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ulfreida)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2020, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-any-experience-with-paid-listeners/853859/4 "2020-05-15T15:41:29Z")
A while ago there was a movement or program or something of ‘mutual listening’ where you would agree to meet with someone, listen to them without doing much more than saying encouraging things and asking clarifying questions for a set period of time, and then switch. I forget what it was called. I bet things like that are still going. Money was not exchanged. ---
**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2020, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-any-experience-with-paid-listeners/853859/5 "2020-05-15T15:42:50Z")
> [@CCitizen](#): > > They seem to be much less expensive then therapists. Seems like for many people a dog or other pet serves the same purpose, and are even cheaper.😃 ---
**Author:** ![DPRK](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/4491bb/32.png) [@DPRK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DPRK)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2020, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-any-experience-with-paid-listeners/853859/6 "2020-05-15T15:45:53Z")
Maybe, if you squint your ears, that sounds a little like [Rogerian psychotherapy](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Person-centered_therapy). Unfortunately I do not have much experience with it, but there is a handful of links to studies there. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2020, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-any-experience-with-paid-listeners/853859/7 "2020-05-15T16:05:25Z")
It’s probably therapeutic for some people. The question is the cost, will the price be less than buying a few drinks at a bar and doing the same thing with the bartender? That scenario also uses a pharmaceutical solution to overcome the hesitancy some patients have in discussing matters with a therapist or listener. Unfortunately bars are mostly closed now, which is creating a problem by removing many people from their therapy. ---
**Author:** ![CCitizen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4af34b/32.png) [@CCitizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CCitizen)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2020, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-any-experience-with-paid-listeners/853859/8 "2020-05-15T16:17:27Z")
> [@Ulfreida](#): > > A while ago there was a movement or program or something of ‘mutual listening’ where you would agree to meet with someone, listen to them without doing much more than saying encouraging things and asking clarifying questions for a set period of time, and then switch. I forget what it was called. I bet things like that are still going. Money was not exchanged. This is similar to support groups. They are helpful also. ---
**Author:** ![CCitizen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4af34b/32.png) [@CCitizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CCitizen)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2020, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-any-experience-with-paid-listeners/853859/9 "2020-05-15T16:18:27Z")
> [@TriPolar](#): > > It’s probably therapeutic for some people. The question is the cost, will the price be less than buying a few drinks at a bar and doing the same thing with the bartender? That scenario also uses a pharmaceutical solution to overcome the hesitancy some patients have in discussing matters with a therapist or listener. Unfortunately bars are mostly closed now, which is creating a problem by removing many people from their therapy. Some hired listeners charge $15 per hour. Some charge $50 per hour – exorbitant. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2020, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-any-experience-with-paid-listeners/853859/10 "2020-05-15T16:23:28Z")
Do these “listeners” have any specific training and/or certification? ---
**Author:** ![CCitizen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4af34b/32.png) [@CCitizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CCitizen)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2020, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-any-experience-with-paid-listeners/853859/11 "2020-05-15T16:26:15Z")
> [@Czarcasm](#): > > Do these “listeners” have any specific training and/or certification? I do not think so. Otherwise they would charge as much as therapists. I myself am very new to the subject. ---
**Author:** ![CCitizen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4af34b/32.png) [@CCitizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CCitizen)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2020, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-any-experience-with-paid-listeners/853859/12 "2020-05-15T16:28:48Z")
[Listeners](https://www.upwork.com/hire/active-listeners/) – $10 to $75 per hour. High end of the price spectrum is out of question for me. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2020, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-any-experience-with-paid-listeners/853859/13 "2020-05-15T16:44:59Z")
> [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](#): > > A therapist isn’t supposed to just passively listen to you and nod sympathetically. They are supposed to challenge you regarding incorrect or harmful self-beliefs and give you insight into your behaviors that allow you to change your attitudes or worldview. If they aren’t doing that (and many are not very good at it) then you need to find someone who can. I agree. Therapy isn’t just somebody listening to you talk. It’s having somebody who understands psychology listening to you talk and talking back to you and steering the conversation towards areas where you have problems. ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2020, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-any-experience-with-paid-listeners/853859/14 "2020-05-15T16:54:04Z")
I would only hire a paid listener if I was not suffering from a mental illness, but I still didn’t want to burden with friends/family my mundane droning-ons. When I was depressed a few years back, I took myself to a psychotherapist. We have good chemistry and rapport, and she really helped me get through the worst period of my life. But I still continued to see her long after the depression left. Because while I was no longer miserable, I still enjoyed having someone to talk to and benefited from her support. I don’t have super close friends, and I do not desire having any. But I recognize that I still have a need for social interactions beyond those I get at work. “Catching up” with her every week or so filled that need. She retired about three years ago and let her license lapse, but she rents office space and takes appointments with people who just want to chat. I drop-in every so often. Like, I just got presented with a leadership opportunity that intimidates the hell out of me, so I scheduled an appointment with her just to get some advice and encouragement. Yes, I could get the same from other folks–and indeed, I did talk to others about this. But I have history with my “paid listener” that I don’t have with others. She understands the nature of my fears and insecurities better than anyone else, so she knows what I need to hear. And because she is not a psychotherapist anymore, she can talk to me in more frank ways than she would have back when we first met. I pay her $40 dollars for these sessions, which is a splurge to be fair. But I can well afford it, and I owe this (in part) to having a “safe” person I can talk to. **CCitizen** , a paid listener probably isn’t the best solution for you, given what you have shared on the board, but I say give it a shot anyway. Especially if getting actual psychotherapeutic counseling is not possible for you right now. However, I would try to find someone who charges more than $15/hour. ---
**Author:** ![bobkitty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/c67d28/32.png) [@bobkitty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bobkitty)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2020, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-any-experience-with-paid-listeners/853859/15 "2020-05-15T16:57:07Z")
This post may be treading close to your topic limitation (I don’t recall if it was an outright ban), but the first question you should ask yourself is if you haven’t tried any of the other similar suggestions people have made over the past 4 years, why would this be any different? ---
**Author:** ![CCitizen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4af34b/32.png) [@CCitizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CCitizen)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2020, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-any-experience-with-paid-listeners/853859/16 "2020-05-15T17:43:35Z")
> [@monstro](#): > > **CCitizen** , a paid listener probably isn’t the best solution for you, given what you have shared on the board, but I say give it a shot anyway. Especially if getting actual psychotherapeutic counseling is not possible for you right now. However, I would try to find someone who charges more than $15/hour. If I could afford a therapist, I would have gotten one. ---
**Author:** ![CCitizen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4af34b/32.png) [@CCitizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CCitizen)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2020, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-any-experience-with-paid-listeners/853859/17 "2020-05-15T17:45:00Z")
> [@bobkitty](#): > > but the first question you should ask yourself is if you haven’t tried any of the other similar suggestions people have made over the past 4 years, why would this be any different? 1. At least my situation did not get worse. Many people in crisis fall into drug use. 2. 4 years ago, videoconferencing was much much less developed. ---
**Author:** ![Darren\_Garrison](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/darren_garrison/32/92_2.png) [@Darren\_Garrison](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darren_Garrison)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2020, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-any-experience-with-paid-listeners/853859/18 "2020-05-15T18:15:46Z")
> [@bobkitty](#): > > This post may be treading close to your topic limitation (I don’t recall if it was an outright ban), but the first question you should ask yourself is if you haven’t tried any of the other similar suggestions people have made over the past 4 years, why would this be any different? [Rent a Friend](https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=767592) was 5 years ago. ---
**Author:** ![Wesley\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wesley_clark/32/20581_2.png) [@Wesley\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wesley_Clark)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2020, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-any-experience-with-paid-listeners/853859/19 "2020-05-15T19:00:22Z")
> [@CCitizen](#): > > [Listeners](https://www.upwork.com/hire/active-listeners/) – $10 to $75 per hour. High end of the price spectrum is out of question for me. I hear what you’re saying. It sounds like you’re having concerns about the high price of the service and the higher end prices are something you might not be able to afford. That’ll be $25 please. ---
**Author:** ![DPRK](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/4491bb/32.png) [@DPRK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DPRK)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2020, 12:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-any-experience-with-paid-listeners/853859/20 "2020-05-16T00:23:07Z")
_Psychiatric help 5¢_ _Charlie._ I have deep feelings of depression… what can I do about this? _Lucy._ Snap out of it! Five cents, please.