Do you have Mob ties?

*Originally posted by RealityChuck *
**Yes, I have mob ties. I generally prefer the silk, but there’s a really nice blue pattern with tiny tommy guns that I wear when I attend funerals.

Hey! I was going for that gag. But you beat me to it and also wrote it way muches better than I would’ve. And, sadly, no. No Mob ties. But I do have some influence in the Public Library circles around here. Ya’s gots a Lib’ary fine ya’s needs fixin’. I knows a guy.

Actually, I’m pretty sure I have mob ties, but no one in my family ever talks about it. I do know that I have a great uncle who died when his car exploded. I was about eight or nine then, and that was really the tip-off for me.

My grandfather and a couple of my uncles were involved in rumrunning during Prohibition. My dad was too young to participate and never got into it. They were VERY low-level, but still, if I needed to call in a favor, I imagine that I could get something done.

I’ve based my (imaginary) Cousin Vinnie on my recollections of these relatives, with a few stereotypes thrown in for fun. However, from my experience, most of the mobsters WERE very god-fearing, and were very moral…by their own standards. They saw nothing immoral about making booze runs, or running gambling games. They knew it was illegal, but they didn’t see it as immoral. However, that was just my experience, and my recollections of tales told in the family, which were probably spun pretty hard.

I’m from Rhode Island. Need I say more?

My mother-in-law used to work at a horse riding academy, training the horses and occasionally giving riding lessons. My husband was only 13 at the time, but she got him a job there, mostly cleaning up the barn and brushing down the horses after people were finished riding them. One day, there was a couple of men in expensive business suits standing by the barn while one of their kids was getting a riding lesson. Both she and my husband chatted with the men for several minutes. She didn’t think much about it until about a year later when she saw one of the guys on the news and found out that he was one of the Giacalone’s.

I actually work with a guy who is a direct descendent of Al Capone. He’s like a great-great nephew or something like that, and he does have the last name as well. He told me himself that his branch of the family is not involved in “the business”, but he does have some cousins that have offered their services should he decide to contact them.

<Godfadda voice>
Nick, take Mr. Elmwood on a little drive and explain my “ties” to him.
</Godfadda voice>

Nah, the closest I’ve got is a good friend of Italian descent who watches “The Sopranos” obsessively.

Yea, I have a second uncle once removed or something. He’s my father’s sister’s husband’s sister’s husband. Or he’s my aunt’s brother-in-law. Same thing. Uncle Frankie. I only see him at the weddings of my cousins, he wears pin striped suits with a silk hankie in the pocket, and I swear to all things good and holy, I have heard the phrase “Revenge. Revenge is a good thing.” come out of his mouth.

I had brunch with my aunt last time I was in New York, who is a sweet, darling, funny woman. She has a nut of an ex-neighbor who is driving her nuts. They moved to get away from him, but she told me that in retrospect, she really should have had Frankie “talk” with him. Talk with him until his legs were broken.

And no, I’m not kidding.

My mom’s cousin Eddie is in with the mob…I went to his daughter’s wedding in Chicago last summer and didn’t see anything out of the ordinary. But, earlier last year, my grandfather, mother, and sisters went out to visit him and his family. Eddie took them out shopping one day, and they stopped at this store specializing in athletic wear, Nike stuff, Starter jackets, etc. He says to my mom and sisters, “take whatever you want…the owner owes me some money,” then he looks at the owner who was standing there and says, “right?” and the ownder replies, “oh yeah, take whatever you want…” and according to my mom, the guy looked terrified.