I was going to say this. Everybody has routines and patterns that make them feel comfortable. Few people have OCD.
I’ve been diagnosed with, among other things, OCD. I used to have a problem with making sure my apartment door was locked. Paxil and learning to be present in the moment have gotten rid of that. I still have a problem that my dishes must be surgically sterile. It takes a great deal of time and effort to wash them properly. Often I just let them pile up in the sink. I also use disposable plates, cups, and utensils for everyday use.
I remember a post from you from YEARS AGO about this. I’ve thought of you often since reading that and wondered if you’ve gotten any better about it.
Oh, and I just asked him if my habits bother him. He thinks the volume thing is hilarious and hates hanging things up for me. He reminded me how long it took for him to hang the whiteboard for me because he wasn’t getting it straight and right where I needed it on the wall. And then I had a bit of a meltdown and was like “Fuck it, let’s just throw it away then!” But, to be fair, I was pregnant when that got hung up and that was probably more hormone rage than related to anything else.
Well, my depression has been slowly but surely getting better. So now, I generally have the energy and willpower to wash them. But, they still have to be REALLY clean.
So, help me here - because it never occurred to me my behavior was outside of “normal.” I count things all the time. The towels as I fold them. The stairs as I climb them. When I brush my teeth. When I’m scrubbing a pot. I don’t know why - usually I don’t even notice I’m doing it. Sometimes I just count. Sometimes in different bases - I especially like base 3. I see how far I can go before making a mistake. It’s relaxing. Sometimes I do notice it and laugh at myself. But honestly, I don’t think I’ve ever climbed the stairs without counting them at least part of the way. So is this a “symptom” of something? I figured it was my version of whistling while I work…
I’m a checker for the most part. It gets frustrating when the logical part of your brain can’t override the compulsions. I can see there’s no water coming out of the tap, I can hear no water flowing, but I still need to stick my finger under the tap and make sure there’s no water coming out of it. And if I don’t hit my magical ‘groove’, I have to do it again and again. My mind can’t let go of it. I can’t just go and do something else to get my mind off it, it consumes me. I won’t pay attention to whatever it was I moved on to do until the compulsion leaves my mind.
It’s been better the last year or so. I’m not sure why. I get mini-bouts of OCD when I’m stressed though, so I wonder if it’s connected to that.
I do that as well, I always go by 5’s when adjusting the TV volume. If my SO is adjusting it and leaves it at 37, I try to let it go but after about 5 seconds I grab the remote and put it at 35.
I do the counting too. Lately it’s mostly my steps I count or (like you mentioned) I’ll do random counting. Usually along the lines of 1, 2, 4, 8, 16, 32, etc.
I have other weird number habits, like counting my steps in multiples of 5, but I count it by 4’s. So it would be 1,2,3,4. 5,1,2,3. 4,5,1,2. 3,4,5,1. 2,3,4,5 and that makes a complete set. I try to catch myself, but I do it without even realizing it a lot of the time. There’s more, but some of them are hard to explain…I just do them.
The title character on Monk is an excellent depiction of OCD. I’ve never met anybody with that many compulsive behaviors, or quite to that extent but overall I find it very true to life.
The numbers thing, counting and calculating and estimating. I have a calculator planted at all the places I sit or hang out around the house or shop. If I am heading for a walk I will say if I count 1 1.2 1.2.3. 1.2.3.4 etc and guess what number I will be at when I get there. Corners in a roon, anything that catches my attention.
So…what happens if you don’t do it? OCD and ADHD are supposed to be related due to the impulses that malfunction in both disorders, and I can try to explain what happens when I don’t give into an impulse (I’m the hyper-active impulsive kind of ADHD, ftr): at first, I can tell myself no, I can’t do whatever it is that I suddenly want to do. Say I’m in the middle of cleaning a room, for example, and I decide I should drop everything and go do something else in another room, since that happens a lot. I don’t do it and try to concentrate on the task at hand, and then I begin to feel anxious because I really want to, and the longer I say “no” to myself, the more anxious to do it I get until I finally go and do it. This is probably part of the reason why there’s a high comorbidity between ADHD and anxiety disorders. OCD and anxiety disorders too, I believe. So is that what it’s like with OCD too?
Pretty much. Not only do you get more anxious, but you also get the thought stuck in your head. In fact, that’s pretty much the entire reason why you want to do the action–to get the annoying, anxiety causing thought out of your head.
As for the OP’s question: My OCD is so well managed that I honestly can’t tell you how it felt. I also have the O-type variety, which means I only act on mental compulsions, not physical ones. Though, honestly, I’ve sometimes wondered if I really had OCPD–especially as a kid–and just had some other anxiety disorder on top of that that made it look like OCD. Google OCPD if you want to know more about it.
I used to have OCD when I was a kid. I have mild compulsions now (like not walking on different colours on the tile floor at work) but I make myself ignore it and just get on with things. As a child I would lay in bed and see something that wasn’t right, like a sleeve hanging the wrong way or a toy not facing the right way and I’d have to get up to fix it.
Also when I would walk to school or a friends house I would have to touch the wood knots in the telephone poles and the license plates of parked cars. Eventually I was crossing the road back and forth and back and forth and it would take me forever to get anywhere.
When I was about 9 it dawned on me that this was going to take over my life if I didn’t stop so I forced myself to not go and touch the things that needed to be touched. I also started sleeping in total darkness so that I wouldn’t be able to see anything in my room.
The thoughts are there still sometimes if I’m feeling anxious but I just don’t give in to them or it gets too easy to give in all the time.
I don’t have OCD. Far from it, in terms of “neatness” or “order.” I’m actually a bit of a slob. Mr. Thief can see my screen as I type and is of the opinion that I am a bit more than “a bit” of a slob. My SO is freaky compulsive about things being in their proper place. If something gets moved in his area, he is grumpy until he gets things “properly arranged” again. He is a little weird about food on his plate – I have watched him cut his pancakes into very neat little squares before eating. When he is done eating, his plate is pretty spotless. He has not been diagnosed or anything, but I do tease him about his OCD tendencies. His coworkers do, too, since he fusses when he has a day off and his work station is even slightly mussed. I am sure living with me is quite a trial. But he is pretty awesome so he tries to deal.
I used to work with a girl who was diagnosed with OCD. One story she told me is that she used to vacuum a room and then her brother would deliberately scuff the lines she had so perfectly arranged on carpet just to watch her do it all over again. No matter how many times he laughed and dragged his foot across her carpet lines, she would feel compelled to re-vacuum the whole room.
I don’t have any neatness tendencies like that. However, I stress about whether I left the coffee pot on, and I have to check. That’s pretty much any time I make coffee and leave the house. I worry about whether I remembered to lock the door, and usually have to go back to check that. I think that may be more indicative of my growing tendency toward agoraphobia than any OCD symptoms. I am subconsciously looking for an excuse not to leave. If I make myself late enough leaving, maybe I just shouldn’t go at all? I also have ADD and I do sometimes get a thought “stuck” in my head. It’s maddening at times. If I don’t go back and check the coffee pot or the door – I do get very anxious.
