# Do you have to say 'thank you' to waiters? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 12, 2010, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-to-say-thank-you-to-waiters/539236 "2010-05-12T23:23:04Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Spud](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spud/32/347_2.png) [@Spud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spud)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 5:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-to-say-thank-you-to-waiters/539236/41 "2010-05-13T05:17:58Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > I always try to be as polite and easy a customer as possible to servers. I say thank you a lot. I’ve never felt like I had to, I do it because I want to, because I know it’s a hard job, and because I actually am grateful. I say it because I _mean_ it. Yup, a quick thanks takes about 3 seconds. In the high end places I’ll admit sometimes I don’t even notice when someone fills a glass etc. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 5:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-to-say-thank-you-to-waiters/539236/42 "2010-05-13T05:21:11Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > I always try to be as polite and easy a customer as possible to servers. I say thank you a lot. I’ve never felt like I had to, I do it because I want to, because I know it’s a hard job, and because I actually am grateful. I say it because I _mean_ it. I’m in the same boat. I won’t hesitate to correct orders or whatever, but I always lather on the thank yous. ---
**Author:** ![Arrendajo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Arrendajo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arrendajo)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 5:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-to-say-thank-you-to-waiters/539236/43 "2010-05-13T05:37:41Z")
> [@LurkMeister](#): > > Not only do I say “thank you” to restaurant servers, but I’ve gotten into the habit of saying it to the driver when I’m getting off the bus after I noticed that other people here do it. I also say “good morning (or afternoon)” when I get on. It is the culture of my city to thank bus drivers when exiting. It funny to see the punks in leather pierced inked and stoned thank the bus driver as they depart, but they unfailingly do so. ---
**Author:** ![Sonnenstrahl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/82dd89/32.png) [@Sonnenstrahl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sonnenstrahl)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 6:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-to-say-thank-you-to-waiters/539236/44 "2010-05-13T06:15:17Z")
> [@Arrendajo](#): > > It is the culture of my city to thank bus drivers when exiting. It funny to see the punks in leather pierced inked and stoned thank the bus driver as they depart, but they unfailingly do so. I was on a bus today with two loud teenage guys. They weren’t really obnoxious, just loud and oblivious as teenagers can be, and it was really cute to hear them interrupt their constant conversational stream of fucks and shits to call out a polite thank you to the driver. We thank the driver even from the back door in this city. I’ve gotten so used to it that I’ve tried to do it from the back door of the extra-long buses in my parents’ town, or even upon exiting a subway car. And yes, I thank restaurant servers. I don’t see a reason not to. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 6:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-to-say-thank-you-to-waiters/539236/45 "2010-05-13T06:22:07Z")
I thank bus drivers too. I also thank cashiers at checkout counters. I even thank customer service reps on the phone. I’m a compulsive thanker. I think it’s because I’ve done enough service industry jobs to know how hard it is, how difficult customers can be and how nice it is to hear somebody express some appreciation for the effort sometimes. ---
**Author:** ![Kolga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e56c9b/32.png) [@Kolga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kolga)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 6:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-to-say-thank-you-to-waiters/539236/46 "2010-05-13T06:27:38Z")
> [@Arrendajo](#): > > I not only thank the wait staff, I chat with them and ask how’s the evening going and make them laugh by being witty and engaging. It is so easy to make someone feel appreciated, and maybe even brighten a humdrum evening. > [@Shark\_Sandwich](#): > > I do the same. Not only do I thank the waitstaff for serving my food, but I do it when they clear my plates, fill our glasses, and bring my bill. If the food was excellent, I tell them. Both of these, in spades. I don’t even pay attention to whether or not this behavior gets me and my fellow diners better service, quite frankly. My thought process is that life is hard enough, waiting tables is a difficult and sometimes humiliating experience (you basically have to take whatever the table dishes out), and a little politeness and pleasantness makes the entire world a better place. It’s the same reason I respond “you, too” to someone who says “have a nice day” at a drive-thru for coffee. Everybody’s day could use a little pleasant, respectful interaction. ---
**Author:** ![Jormungandr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a6a055/32.png) [@Jormungandr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jormungandr)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 10:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-to-say-thank-you-to-waiters/539236/47 "2010-05-13T10:25:20Z")
> [@spark240](#): > > Yes, unless you are in the midst of chewing or talking. > > It has nothing to do with it being a “favor” or a “job.” It has to do with acknowledging the presence and humanity of people around you. If I’m chewing, I’ll either tip/nod my head in acknowledgment or say “Uh-huh” which sounds like “Thank you” with my mouth closes. If I’m talking, I’ll stop and say thank you. ---
**Author:** ![pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a9a28c/32.png) [@pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pseudotriton_ruber_ruber)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 11:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-to-say-thank-you-to-waiters/539236/48 "2010-05-13T11:03:03Z")
It pisses me off, though, that they almost never say “You’re welcome” back. Because if they would, I could then tell them, “Oh, pshaw.” ---
**Author:** ![LurkMeister](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/3da27b/32.png) [@LurkMeister](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LurkMeister)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 11:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-to-say-thank-you-to-waiters/539236/49 "2010-05-13T11:56:18Z")
> [@Sonnenstrahl](#): > > We thank the driver even from the back door in this city. I’ve gotten so used to it that I’ve tried to do it from the back door of the extra-long buses in my parents’ town, or even upon exiting a subway car. I generally exit by the rear door, and don’t even think twice now about the fact that I’m shouting a thank you to someone so far away. They must appreciate it, though, because often I hear them call back “you’re welcome” or “have a nice day”. ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 12:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-to-say-thank-you-to-waiters/539236/50 "2010-05-13T12:17:08Z")
I always figure that being nice to service people is one of the cheapest and easiest good deeds out there. As I see it, we don’t get anywhere enough chances to do good deeds in this world- to have one fall into your lap often like that is a beautiful thing. ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 12:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-to-say-thank-you-to-waiters/539236/51 "2010-05-13T12:47:24Z")
As **Kimstu** and \*\*Rhythmdvl \*\*have said, sometimes it seems out of place in swanky restaurants. It probably marks me as a hick, but I still do it. I can’t not do it. I once had a librarian tell me it would be easier to save the thank-youing until the end of the check-out process, instead of thanking her for every book in the pile. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Perciful](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/b38774/32.png) [@Perciful](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Perciful)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 12:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-to-say-thank-you-to-waiters/539236/52 "2010-05-13T12:48:41Z")
When ever someone waits on me I always say, ‘Thank You’. ---
**Author:** ![Fake\_Tales\_of\_San\_Francisco](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8491ac/32.png) [@Fake\_Tales\_of\_San\_Francisco](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fake_Tales_of_San_Francisco)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 12:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-to-say-thank-you-to-waiters/539236/53 "2010-05-13T12:53:57Z")
> [@SeaDragonTattoo](#): > > Um, sarcasm anyone? > > I thought that was brilliant. I’m really quite shocked it was taken as anything but sarcasm! ---
**Author:** ![Brown\_Eyed\_Girl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/brown_eyed_girl/32/3574_2.png) [@Brown\_Eyed\_Girl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brown_Eyed_Girl)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 1:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-to-say-thank-you-to-waiters/539236/54 "2010-05-13T13:06:11Z")
> [@pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](#): > > It pisses me off, though, that they almost never say “You’re welcome” back. > > Because if they would, I could then tell them, “Oh, pshaw.” It’s kind of funny that you bring this up. I was wondering how it comes across when I say “you’re welcome” to customers who thank me for helping them. It seems rude to just ignore them. I’ve thought about changing my response (which has been instinctual) to “My pleasure!” but that just sounds kind of, well, not sincere (although it would be because I really do like my job). “No problem,” sounds as if I’m assuming the customer thinks it’s a problem to ask for help. But, I can’t think of any other phrase that is as succinct and direct as “You’re welcome.” So, what say you, dopers? How often do service employees respond “you’re welcome” or something equivalent? And what do think of the response? Necessary? Unnecessary? Weird? Pleasant? ---
**Author:** ![Sigmagirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c89c15/32.png) [@Sigmagirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sigmagirl)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 1:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-to-say-thank-you-to-waiters/539236/55 "2010-05-13T13:14:14Z")
> [@Clark\_Cello](#): > > A couple of weeks ago, a member of my team at work stayed until midnight working on a last minute project that had come up. I considered saying “Thank You”, but I then remembered that he was not my friend, there to do me a favor, but was making money by the hour. There was no need for me to thank him for doing his job. It would have really made me feel lame to say “thank you” in such an artificial situation. Ha. I learned a couple of weeks ago that my supervisor now is required to thank me at least once a week for my “service,” and that in my self-evaluation, I will have to report whether she does or not. She never did before, but now of course she is in full compliance, e-mailing me a “Thank you for your good work” once a week." I can visualize her at her desk crossing me off her to-do list. :rolleyes: And I feel so _valued_. ---
**Author:** ![NicePete](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ee7513/32.png) [@NicePete](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NicePete)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 1:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-to-say-thank-you-to-waiters/539236/56 "2010-05-13T13:14:46Z")
Only if you want to be a kind and decent human being. ---
**Author:** ![Gagundathar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a183cd/32.png) [@Gagundathar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gagundathar)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 1:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-to-say-thank-you-to-waiters/539236/57 "2010-05-13T13:21:30Z")
Interesting question. Do you **have** to say ‘thank you’? No, you don’t. Should you? Yes, you should. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 1:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-to-say-thank-you-to-waiters/539236/58 "2010-05-13T13:34:54Z")
> [@The\_Second\_Stone](#): > > Well, Ayn Rand would say that it is a hypocritical courtesy that is not done out of any true desire to be nice, but rather with the expectation of something. Who knows what Hitler would do? Yes, I believe that’s what The Fountainhead was about.😕 [QUOTE=Arrendajo] I not only thank the wait staff, I chat with them and ask how’s the evening going and make them laugh by being witty and engaging. It is so easy to make someone feel appreciated, and maybe even brighten a humdrum evening. [/QUOTE] Being courteous and charming with the waitstaff is fine, but they typically have more than one table. It’s a little annoying to the other diners when their meal is put on hold because some family of jackasses has decided to regale their waitor for 15 minutes with a bunch of stupid annecdotes about their trip to the city and their idiot nephew back wherever. And of course the waitor is not going to cut them off and go serve his other tables because he is working for tips. ---
**Author:** ![Drain\_Bead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e47774/32.png) [@Drain\_Bead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drain_Bead)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-to-say-thank-you-to-waiters/539236/59 "2010-05-13T14:49:34Z")
It’s the polite thing to do. I waited tables, and people who were polite and kind to me always made the day a little better. ---
**Author:** ![scareyfaerie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scareyfaerie/32/3135_2.png) [@scareyfaerie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scareyfaerie)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-to-say-thank-you-to-waiters/539236/60 "2010-05-13T14:57:09Z")
I can’t think of a single reason not to be polite to the waitstaff, there have been enough threads on here in the past telling us what a thankless job it is and how the folks they have to deal with are a bunch of ignorant idiots, you’d think a little politeness from someone during the day is the least they deserve for what they have to put up with. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-to-say-thank-you-to-waiters/539236.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-to-say-thank-you-to-waiters/539236.md?page=4)