# Do You Have To Sit Right Next To Me?: In which I speculate why people often annoy me **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 24, 2006, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-to-sit-right-next-to-me-in-which-i-speculate-why-people-often-annoy-me/353999 "2006-04-24T16:00:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2006, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-to-sit-right-next-to-me-in-which-i-speculate-why-people-often-annoy-me/353999/21 "2006-04-24T20:47:30Z")
So much angst. This thread belongs in the Pit. 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![nevermore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/a587f6/32.png) [@nevermore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nevermore)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2006, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-to-sit-right-next-to-me-in-which-i-speculate-why-people-often-annoy-me/353999/22 "2006-04-24T21:13:45Z")
> [@Jelymag](#): > > I hate when I’m basking in solitude with a book on a train or in a restaurant and some dumbass I’ve never met who can’t stand the thought of silence unfilled by his own voice plops down next to me and says “Whatcha readin?” UGH, that is the absolute pinnacle of irritation for me. believe it or not, this _still_ happens (though with far lower frequency) when I’m listening to my mp3 player! me: _in a complete pink floyd revery_ stranger: **HI!** me: _narrows eyes and takes one headphone out_ what’s that? stranger: oh, I just said hi. me: oh. hi. _goes to put headphone back in_ stranger: whatcha listening to? me: OMG GET AN IMAGINARY FRIEND I HATE YOU STFU AND DIE. :mad: it irritates me too when people choose to invade my personal space when they don’t have to. this happens all the time on the buses I ride to/from/at school. there will be empty seats all over, which would not require sitting next to anyone, and inevitably some vapid bitch yammering into her cell phone will plunk herself and 10 accessories halfway onto my lap. drives me NUTS. ---
**Author:** ![corkboard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e9bcb4/32.png) [@corkboard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/corkboard)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2006, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-to-sit-right-next-to-me-in-which-i-speculate-why-people-often-annoy-me/353999/23 "2006-04-24T21:24:27Z")
> [@acsenray](#): > > So, waitaminit. There is at least one empty seat between you, and you’re _still_ complaining? Why don’t you just read at home? > > And if you’re sitting _at the bar_, there’s an implication that you are open to _complete strangers_ just up and talking to you. Otherwise, you’d sit in a booth. I take it that this is in response to my previous post. In which case: -I don’t just read at home because I was there to eat lunch, during the workday. and since I prefer to read when I’m dining alone rather than watch one of the 50 TV’s in the joint, I had a magazine with me. -If I was open to complete strangers just up and talking to me, I would have sat closer to the fellas at the other end of the bar. However, I sat as far from them as I could, at the bar. If I sat in a booth, it would have taken much longer and I would have been late getting back to work. Carry on… 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![xbuckeye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/9e8a1a/32.png) [@xbuckeye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xbuckeye)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2006, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-to-sit-right-next-to-me-in-which-i-speculate-why-people-often-annoy-me/353999/24 "2006-04-24T21:49:04Z")
Currently, on State Street you will be eating dust from construction. And brace yourself, the cold is coming back. You should go to the dairy store and eat ice cream 9:30 to 5:00. You can get sandwiches too, but I recommend the ice cream. And lots of it. Real live Babcock Hall ice cream. MmmmMMMMmmm creamy ice cream. ---
**Author:** ![myskepticsight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/cc9497/32.png) [@myskepticsight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/myskepticsight)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2006, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-to-sit-right-next-to-me-in-which-i-speculate-why-people-often-annoy-me/353999/25 "2006-04-24T21:58:06Z")
On the flip side, I’ve noticed that at my school, in big audutorium classes, little ol freshman would rather sit on the floor for a lecture or test than go to empty seats in middle of rows and sit next to people they don’t know. This semester I don’t have any big classes with people I know, so I tend to take an aisle seat and set my messenger bag next to me. The rooms are NEVER even 80% full so I don’t feel bad. If I had the choice between an empty seat next to me or someone I don’t know sitting in it, my Puma bag sits next to me. But I hate when I go to a relatively empty movie, sit in the back row slightly off from the middle, and the row in front of mine is completely empty, as well as the row in front of that. But a couple will come in and sit DIRECTLY in front of me, usually causing me to take my feet off their chair. When they had 50 other seats to choose from that would have given them a comparable or exact view. Blah. I know you’re not supposed to put your feet on the chairs, but I have long legs and it’s more comfortable that way - and I only do it when the theater is empty around me. ---
**Author:** ![Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/13edae/32.png) [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stranger_On_A_Train)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2006, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-to-sit-right-next-to-me-in-which-i-speculate-why-people-often-annoy-me/353999/26 "2006-04-24T22:04:36Z")
> [@xbuckeye](#): > > Currently, on State Street you will be eating dust from construction. And brace yourself, the cold is coming back. You should go to the dairy store and eat ice cream 9:30 to 5:00. You can get sandwiches too, but I recommend the ice cream. And lots of it. Real live Babcock Hall ice cream. MmmmMMMMmmm creamy ice cream. I noticed that last night. They’re not going to destroy my fun, though. I missed the sandwich place; maybe tomorrow during the lunch break if the Claire Danes-lookalike doesn’t sit with me again. Stranger ---
**Author:** ![Lissa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/85f322/32.png) [@Lissa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lissa)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2006, 10:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-to-sit-right-next-to-me-in-which-i-speculate-why-people-often-annoy-me/353999/27 "2006-04-24T22:50:52Z")
Hubby and I once had dinner in that resturant in Niagra Falls which revolves on a tower. Everything was going well until the waitress seated another couple with us, _at our table._ Oh, did I mention we were surrounded by empty tables? I didn’t know what to do. It was an incredibly awkward situation. Worst meal I ever had. In day-to-day life, the most annyoing thing about people invading your space are those who sit down beside you while you’re reading and start talking. People in outdoor smoking areas are the worst. A couple of times, people I know casually have come over and said they came to “keep you company.” Because, God knows, no one ever reads except out of sheer, desperate boredom that there’s no one to talk to. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Scarlett67](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scarlett67/32/7387_2.png) [@Scarlett67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scarlett67)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2006, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-to-sit-right-next-to-me-in-which-i-speculate-why-people-often-annoy-me/353999/28 "2006-04-24T23:21:41Z")
> [@Lissa](#): > > Hubby and I once had dinner in that resturant in Niagra Falls which revolves on a tower. Everything was going well until the waitress seated another couple with us, _at our table._ Oh, did I mention we were surrounded by empty tables? > > I didn’t know what to do. It was an incredibly awkward situation. Worst meal I ever had. Wha-huh? How did you NOT go, “Um, what are you doing? This is OUR table! What’s wrong with one of those tables over there? Since when do you force strangers to sit together?” And so on. Must hear more! ---
**Author:** ![Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/13edae/32.png) [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stranger_On_A_Train)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2006, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-to-sit-right-next-to-me-in-which-i-speculate-why-people-often-annoy-me/353999/29 "2006-04-24T23:39:01Z")
> [@moonstarssun](#): > > Depends on what you’re looking for. Tutto Pasta is nice and cozy for a date. Himal Chuli is one of my favorites (Nepali), but the atmosphere isn’t the best for a quiet dinner. Husnu’s is good both in terms of food and atmosphere. Let me know where you’re going and I’ll see if I can get the table right next to you. 😃 I’d e-mail but your address isn’t available. If you and the husband would like to meet for dinner tomorrow or Wednesday, give me a yell and let me know. That is, of course, subject to the extingency of obtaining a dinner date with The Afformentioned Young Lady, a prospect I find not entirely implausible but so far unexercized. 😉 Stranger ---
**Author:** ![Sierra\_Indigo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f0a364/32.png) [@Sierra\_Indigo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sierra_Indigo)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2006, 12:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-to-sit-right-next-to-me-in-which-i-speculate-why-people-often-annoy-me/353999/30 "2006-04-25T00:42:08Z")
> [@acsenray](#): > > So, waitaminit. There is at least one empty seat between you, and you’re _still_ complaining? Why don’t you just read at home? > > **And if you’re sitting _at the bar_, there’s an implication that you are open to _complete strangers_ just up and talking to you. Otherwise, you’d sit in a booth**. Bolding mine - Why? Why should someone have to sit in a booth, away from the bar, just because they don’t want to engage in pointless chitchat with random strangers? ---
**Author:** ![cerberus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/71e660/32.png) [@cerberus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cerberus)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2006, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-to-sit-right-next-to-me-in-which-i-speculate-why-people-often-annoy-me/353999/31 "2006-04-25T00:52:17Z")
Because, in a bar setting, the actual bar is a social zone … one’s presence at the bar is an implicit invitation for interaction. The booths and tables are for privacy. ---
**Author:** ![Scarlett67](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scarlett67/32/7387_2.png) [@Scarlett67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scarlett67)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2006, 12:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-to-sit-right-next-to-me-in-which-i-speculate-why-people-often-annoy-me/353999/32 "2006-04-25T00:56:23Z")
> [@Sierra Indigo](#): > > Bolding mine - Why? > > Why should someone have to sit in a booth, away from the bar, just because they don’t want to engage in pointless chitchat with random strangers? Sorry to interrupt but this reminded me of **Cervaise** ’s classic line, “I have a butthole, too, but that doesn’t imply I want a running jigsaw inserted into it.” Please carry on. ---
**Author:** ![Sierra\_Indigo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f0a364/32.png) [@Sierra\_Indigo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sierra_Indigo)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2006, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-to-sit-right-next-to-me-in-which-i-speculate-why-people-often-annoy-me/353999/33 "2006-04-25T01:04:32Z")
> [@cerberus](#): > > Because, in a bar setting, the actual bar is a social zone … one’s presence at the bar is an implicit invitation for interaction. > > The booths and tables are for privacy. One’s presence at a bar is an implicit invitation for a drink. Looking around, making eye contact and actively trying to join conversations is an implicit invitation for interaction. Body language here is the key indicator, not someone’s proximity to the bar. If you (the barfly) want to be buddymc-chum to someone who’s sitting at the bar, look first to see if they seem to be looking for the same thing. If the body language is closed off, or they’re reading, or whatthefuckever, then nobody has a right to go up and bother them, regardless of whether they’re sitting at the bar or not. ---
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2006, 1:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-to-sit-right-next-to-me-in-which-i-speculate-why-people-often-annoy-me/353999/34 "2006-04-25T01:06:11Z")
> [@](#): > > So I’m at a conference (Condor Week) in Madison, WI this week (in which the weather is astoundingly clearer, cheerier, and warmer than predicted by [wunderground.com](http://wunderground.com) and The Weather Channel), and despite the fact that the auditorium is seriously less than half full I have people who elected to sit on either side of me. I find this not just a little aggrevating, particularly since: > > a. I got here early to get settled and get a good seat, And herein may lie the problem. There’s a range of seats in an auditorium which are premium seats for viewing, about a third to a half way back in the center. If you sit in the “zone” you’re screwed. ---
**Author:** ![Lissa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/85f322/32.png) [@Lissa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lissa)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2006, 2:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-to-sit-right-next-to-me-in-which-i-speculate-why-people-often-annoy-me/353999/35 "2006-04-25T02:30:56Z")
> [@Scarlett67](#): > > Wha-huh? How did you NOT go, “Um, what are you doing? This is OUR table! What’s wrong with one of those tables over there? Since when do you force strangers to sit together?” And so on. > > Must hear more! Honest to God, I was so stunned at having the waitress seat them with us that I couldn’t form a coherent objection. I think my husband was in the same state of utter disbelief. We just sat and looked at each other uncomfortably. The other couple was clearly as uncomfortable as we were, but we all exchanged smiles. (They appeared not to speak much English.) It seemed rude to talk in front of them, so we just ate our food in silence and left. We were both rather upset, as you can imagine. Overpriced, bad food and having to share a table! But, while it was happening, we were both paralyzed by a bizarre situation for which no ettiquette training prepares you. ---
**Author:** ![Missy2U](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3bc359/32.png) [@Missy2U](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Missy2U)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2006, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-to-sit-right-next-to-me-in-which-i-speculate-why-people-often-annoy-me/353999/36 "2006-04-25T14:18:59Z")
> [@cerberus](#): > > Because, in a bar setting, the actual bar is a social zone … one’s presence at the bar is an implicit invitation for interaction. > > The booths and tables are for privacy. And you’ve never been in a bar that doesn’t HAVE booths OR tables? Ours doesn’t. It’s ONLY the bar. ---
**Author:** ![Jelymag](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/d2c977/32.png) [@Jelymag](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jelymag)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2006, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-to-sit-right-next-to-me-in-which-i-speculate-why-people-often-annoy-me/353999/37 "2006-04-25T15:56:33Z")
I don’t get it- I would never walk into a room that had ample open seats and sit down next to someone I didn’t know. If I had been previously acquainted with the person, sure, I MIGHT. The only exception I can think of is if the only point of the function is to actually mingle and get to know people. And then I would be doing it reluctantly. Maybe this is an introvert/extrovert thing? Because introverts tend to focus on inner thoughts and ideas they prefer solitude and thus more personal space? ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2006, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-to-sit-right-next-to-me-in-which-i-speculate-why-people-often-annoy-me/353999/38 "2006-04-25T16:19:48Z")
> [@McNew](#): > > -I don’t just read at home because I was there to eat lunch, during the workday. and since I prefer to read when I’m dining alone rather than watch one of the 50 TV’s in the joint, I had a magazine with me. The bit about reading at home was a crack – I wasn’t expecting a real reply to that. My real point was this – > [@](#): > > Guy comes in, sits at the corner on my right, **so there is one seat between us**. It was a slow day in there so I was enjoying my relative solitude, but he totally broke into my field of alone-ness. The point is that **he didn’t sit next to you**. He left an empty seat between you. If that’s the case, then it seems to me that your personal space sensitivity quotient is unusually high, and one that will cause you recurring problems unless you just stay at home or eat at your desk. ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2006, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-to-sit-right-next-to-me-in-which-i-speculate-why-people-often-annoy-me/353999/39 "2006-04-25T16:39:00Z")
> [@myskepticsight](#): > > But I hate when I go to a relatively empty movie, sit in the back row slightly off from the middle, and the row in front of mine is completely empty, as well as the row in front of that. But a couple will come in and sit DIRECTLY in front of me, usually causing me to take my feet off their chair. When they had 50 other seats to choose from that would have given them a comparable or exact view. Blah. I know you’re not supposed to put your feet on the chairs, but I have long legs and it’s more comfortable that way - and I only do it when the theater is empty around me. This is what I came in to mention. Almost empty theater Friday afternoon, balanced ranges of seats on either side of the aisle, only the other side is completely empty and my side contains me. Did these two ladies have to sit directly behind me. Their making loud obvious comments didn’t help (Goddamn it, you’re not in your living room), but even without that I felt my personal space unnecessarily invaded. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2006, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-to-sit-right-next-to-me-in-which-i-speculate-why-people-often-annoy-me/353999/40 "2006-04-25T17:02:06Z")
> [@Missy2U](#): > > And you’ve never been in a bar that doesn’t HAVE booths OR tables? > > Ours doesn’t. It’s ONLY the bar. And is it the only place to eat where you live? There are no burger joints, taco stands, cafes, restaurants, diners, delis, anything else? You can even get a beer at many of those places. It’s a fact of life that in mainstream society a bar is considered a place where it is acceptable to approach strangers. It seems laughable that people are complaining about sitting down at a bar and having strangers bother them. I don’t like having strangers bother me: If I want a meal or a drink, I know that I’d be better off not sitting at a bar. > [@](#): > > One’s presence at a bar is an implicit invitation for a drink. Looking around, making eye contact and actively trying to join conversations is an implicit invitation for interaction. Is this a rule divined from data or prescription? Because this statement just seems counter-factual to me. Granted, my data is anecdotal, but if people on both sides of this question are offering the same anecdotal evidence, then, where can we say that reality (provisionally) lies? > [@](#): > > Body language here is the key indicator, not someone’s proximity to the bar. If you (the barfly) want to be buddymc-chum to someone who’s sitting at the bar, look first to see if they seem to be looking for the same thing. If the body language is closed off, or they’re reading, or whatthefuckever, then nobody has a right to go up and bother them, regardless of whether they’re sitting at the bar or not. Just whom is this instruction exactly for? Is there anyone in this thread that seems to need this kind of training? I don’t approach strangers in bars, mostly because I rarely go to them, but I have been to enough to observe what the norms for behaviour are. It seems to me that it’s the people who are being frustrated by social norms are the ones who need the instruction: If you don’t want to talk to people, don’t sit at a bar. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-to-sit-right-next-to-me-in-which-i-speculate-why-people-often-annoy-me/353999.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-have-to-sit-right-next-to-me-in-which-i-speculate-why-people-often-annoy-me/353999.md?page=3)