# Do you kiss on your first date? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 7, 2013, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-kiss-on-your-first-date/646407 "2013-01-07T22:39:49Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2013, 8:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-kiss-on-your-first-date/646407/61 "2013-01-09T08:44:00Z")
> [@jackdavinci](#): > > [QUOTE=Cub Mistress] > > Now, another question. I am the only person who asks for ID on a first date that I met through a dating website? one or two have been a bit surprised but complied, others seemed to think it perfetly normal. This seems a little odd to me - what information are you hoping to confirm with an ID? [/QUOTE] Age? ---
**Author:** ![Becky2844](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/91b2a8/32.png) [@Becky2844](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Becky2844)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2013, 8:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-kiss-on-your-first-date/646407/62 "2013-01-09T08:48:27Z")
> [@Inigo\_Montoya](#): > > Dude, if you’re getting so drunk your women need to be…yeah, maybe you should cut back on the beers just a bit. 😃 > My experience is pretty limited, but with a couple of exceptions my first dates have always ended way past kissing. I suppose when it comes to hanging out with Inigo, you either can’t resist his charms or you fail to see any charms whatsoever. I can say that with one exception I’ve always known within 10 minutes if there was gonna be any kissing done. The exception turned out to be a very pleasant surprise. I was thinking all like, “Man she’s so out of my league there’s no way this is going anywh..mmfftppmmtthppfftlmmf…” Ah yeah… > > But to the OP, nothing wrong at all with a first date kiss if it’s coming about naturally. But please spare the consolation peck-on-the-cheek business. I think nobody really knows what to make of those–I’d read it as “Goodbye, thanks for not raping me, I wish we could both have the last 3 hours of our lives back.” This is the funniest, best description of “that awkward moment” I’ve ever read. “Thanks for not raping me but I’m bored,” indeed. I went with the flow. Sometimes no kiss. Sometimes a readjustment of clothing was called for. ---
**Author:** ![Isamu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7c8e57/32.png) [@Isamu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isamu)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2013, 11:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-kiss-on-your-first-date/646407/63 "2013-01-09T11:36:57Z")
> [@Blackberry](#): > > A lot better than I like most of my exes! Really starting to regret our hasty, public breakup. It was a bit hasty, wasn’t it? Five seconds between getting together and breaking up is kind of fast, even for me. Perhaps we should give it a second chance? And by second, I mean 1 second. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2013, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-kiss-on-your-first-date/646407/64 "2013-01-09T16:32:28Z")
If the date went well, I always got big brownie points for asking her if I could kiss her good night. And then it was a light kiss, not a spit-swapper. ---
**Author:** ![scootergirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e99b99/32.png) [@scootergirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scootergirl)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2013, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-kiss-on-your-first-date/646407/65 "2013-01-09T17:51:49Z")
> [@Troppus](#): > > Yep. Life is short, and I don’t want to spend a week or even a couple days mooning over someone I’m not sure I’ll be compatible with. Besides, I’ve never been on a first date with someone I didn’t already feel affection and at least a small amount of lust for, so I see no reason to wait. To the non-masters: don’t you want to know what the guy or girl you’re hoping to see again smells and tastes like? Or is the unknown part of the fun? > > Maybe my answer shouldn’t count because I’ve never been on a blind date or an internet date. I’ve never had any kind of romantic encounter with someone I didn’t already know fairly well. All of the above for me too. I wanted to kiss my guy before we even went on a first date. Our first “dates” were not of the conventional type. They were at the gym working out together and getting to know each other when we got off work. You can tell a lot about what’s to come from the way somebody kisses. And about the: “life is short.” Yep, it sure is. I know that all too well and so does he. My mother died when I was two years old at the young age of 21. She never got to live her life. What I know of her is what I’ve been told. Her death shaped my personality in some ways. I don’t like to waste time. I don’t want to live in the …“I wonder what would have happened if I had…” One can still navigate through life carefully and responsibly while taking chances. I took one roughly three years ago and it landed me where I am today. We kissed by our cars after one of those workouts. It was the kind of kiss that changes everything even if you don’t know it at the time. I like my lover. ---
**Author:** ![Blackberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecd19e/32.png) [@Blackberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackberry)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2013, 2:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-kiss-on-your-first-date/646407/66 "2013-01-10T02:54:55Z")
> [@Isamu](#): > > It was a bit hasty, wasn’t it? Five seconds between getting together and breaking up is kind of fast, even for me. Perhaps we should give it a second chance? > > And by second, I mean 1 second. 🙂 You’re not really making me too excited for the make-up sex. ---
**Author:** ![Sevencl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d9b06d/32.png) [@Sevencl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sevencl)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2013, 3:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-kiss-on-your-first-date/646407/67 "2013-01-10T03:09:02Z")
I wouldn’t date anyone who wasn’t already a really close friend, so I probably wouldn’t mind kissing if he wanted to, though I doubt I’d enjoy it. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2013, 3:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-kiss-on-your-first-date/646407/68 "2013-01-10T03:25:56Z")
This question reminds me of something I personally saw and still laugh about to this day. Just like Westerners will buy stuff containing Chinese or Japanese writing without knowing what it says, so Thais will put on anything with English writing on it without first checking it out. I once stepped onto an elevator in an office high-rise in Bangkok and almost hurt myself trying to keep from laughing myself silly. This was because the sole other passenger in the elevator was a very lovely, attractive young Thai lady, a very delicate-looking flower, whose T-shirt proudly proclaimed: “I FUCK ON THE FIRST DATE.” ---
**Author:** ![drachillix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/48db29/32.png) [@drachillix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drachillix)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2013, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-kiss-on-your-first-date/646407/69 "2013-01-14T16:33:52Z")
> [@DianaG](#): > > Diosa, do you get the impression that your friend doesn’t generally \*want \*to kiss on the first date, or that she’s playing some Rules type game? Rules, heh. IME there is attraction or there isn’t. The woman I have been dating recently we kissed on the first date and that first little kiss went to quote Vir from Babylon 5, “If kisses could kill, that one would have flattened several small towns”. The first night we spent together we were all over each other but ended up not having sex until the next morning after another couple hours of kissing and cuddling. I will usually go for the kiss on the first date if things have been going well. Hug first, if shes squeezing back like she likes it, take the shot. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2013, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-kiss-on-your-first-date/646407/70 "2013-01-14T18:00:59Z")
> [@jackdavinci](#): > > This seems a little odd to me - what information are you hoping to confirm with an ID? > > I did ask to see a date’s ID once, just because we were waiting for our order and I thought it would be fun to see his ID photo. I was just being playful and just looked at the photo, but my date then felt the need to apologize for lying about his age, which I hadn’t even noticed. 🙂 I’ve been asked for ID before the first date, in the shape of a credit card number. :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![SaharaTea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@SaharaTea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SaharaTea)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2013, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-kiss-on-your-first-date/646407/71 "2013-01-14T18:20:18Z")
I don’t have any rules about kissing on the first date other than if I like you, I’ll kiss you, and if I don’t, I won’t. Pretty simple. ---
**Author:** ![Lucas\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lucas_jackson/32/303_2.png) [@Lucas\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lucas_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2013, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-kiss-on-your-first-date/646407/72 "2013-01-14T18:44:54Z")
I enjoy kissing but then I’m a touchy kind of person. I kiss on the first date if it seem appropriate. Especially the OP… Woof! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![FinnAgain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/finnagain/32/12500_2.png) [@FinnAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FinnAgain)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2013, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-kiss-on-your-first-date/646407/73 "2013-01-14T19:56:38Z")
Most of my first dates that go well (meaning mutual) have a kiss somewhere in the night. It isn’t necessarily the end, either, especially if it’s a date that goes on for a few hours and starts with dinner, goes on to drinks, meandering to a desert place… quite often there’s a bit of kissing that leads to making out at some point in the night. And most of the time, making out on someone’s couch while you drink/talk/watch movies/whatever leads to sex later on that night or that morning. So no, I don’t think that there’s anything wrong with kissing on a good first date, and there’s also nothing wrong with waiting a bit too. > [@drachillix](#): > > The first night we spent together we were all over each other but ended up not having sex until the next morning after another couple hours of kissing and cuddling. Oh, and, not saying you used it as one, but this is an excellent tactic. Most women will have some variation on “I won’t sleep with you tonight.” And the proper response is, of course “I didn’t expect you to.” Now… if you’re cuddling all night with little sleep? Well, I’ve never once had a woman hang out at my apartment over night without morning sex the next day. Just sayin’, is all. ---
**Author:** ![Maastricht](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e57/32.png) [@Maastricht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maastricht)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2013, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-kiss-on-your-first-date/646407/74 "2013-01-14T22:42:12Z")
> [@Blackberry](#): > > You’re not really making me too excited for the make-up sex. Get a room, you two. Or an elevator. ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2013, 10:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-kiss-on-your-first-date/646407/75 "2013-01-14T22:54:33Z")
> [@FinnAgain](#): > > Oh, and, not saying you used it as one, but this is an excellent tactic. Most women will have some variation on “I won’t sleep with you tonight.” I have had two first dates where the woman explicitly said that for seemingly no reason. In both cases, we ended up fucking. ---
**Author:** ![FinnAgain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/finnagain/32/12500_2.png) [@FinnAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FinnAgain)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2013, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-kiss-on-your-first-date/646407/76 "2013-01-14T23:09:19Z")
> [@hajario](#): > > I have had two first dates where the woman explicitly said that for seemingly no reason. In both cases, we ended up fucking. The reason, IMO, is that especially in our culture women are trained that it’s wrong to want sex and doubly wrong to engage in it casually. Women who are down to fuck will, still a lot of the time, want to make it clear that it’s not Slut Sex, and they’re a Good Girl. The fig leaf of “we’re not going to fuck tonight” serves well enough. I’ve had far more than just 2 times of that, and each time… ---
**Author:** ![MichaelEmouse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/michaelemouse/32/101_2.png) [@MichaelEmouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MichaelEmouse)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2013, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-kiss-on-your-first-date/646407/77 "2013-01-14T23:23:39Z")
> [@hajario](#): > > I have had two first dates where the woman explicitly said that for seemingly no reason. In both cases, we ended up fucking. This seems like a case of protesting too much. If someone makes it a point to say “I’m over my ex” out of nowhere/when it’s tangentially related, chances are good they’re not. If someone does the same with “I don’t care what other people think”, chances are they do. Sometimes people try to project the diametrical opposite of what they do/are. How did they turn around from “No sex tonight” to having sex that night and did they remark upon that apparent change of mind later? ---
**Author:** ![Blaster\_Master](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/cab0a1/32.png) [@Blaster\_Master](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blaster_Master)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2013, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-kiss-on-your-first-date/646407/78 "2013-01-14T23:27:34Z")
It really depends. In a lot of these sorts of situations, it’s difficult to define exactly what constitutes a first date. Even if one does online dating, sometimes the first time you meet isn’t so much a date. Meeting for a quick coffee isn’t the same thing as going to lunch or dinner. When it comes to someone you know another way, it’s not uncommon to have a kiss before any date. Even in cases where there’s a pretty clear first date, at least for me, it’s still going to be inconsistent. Assuming the date goes well, sometimes kissing or a bit more follows, sometimes it’s just not quite right. But I think I tend to be on the more conservative side on that, as I’ve been told by my friends that, in general, no kiss means it went badly. I would say that kissing on a first date that went well, is generally pretty normal and the idea of “I don’t kiss on a first date” is pretty much gone with most people my age and younger. ---
**Author:** ![PoorMarie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/b5ac83/32.png) [@PoorMarie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PoorMarie)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2013, 1:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-kiss-on-your-first-date/646407/79 "2013-01-15T01:27:50Z")
Kissing is way more intimate than most anything. It’s the first thing to go when you lose your attraction to someone. Boinking goes on long after. ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2013, 4:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-kiss-on-your-first-date/646407/80 "2013-01-15T04:21:46Z")
Depends on the date of course. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-you-kiss-on-your-first-date/646407.md?page=3)